this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2024
42 points (100.0% liked)

chat

8197 readers
368 users here now

Chat is a text only community for casual conversation, please keep shitposting to the absolute minimum. This is intended to be a separate space from c/chapotraphouse or the daily megathread. Chat does this by being a long-form community where topics will remain from day to day unlike the megathread, and it is distinct from c/chapotraphouse in that we ask you to engage in this community in a genuine way. Please keep shitposting, bits, and irony to a minimum.

As with all communities posts need to abide by the code of conduct, additionally moderators will remove any posts or comments deemed to be inappropriate.

Thank you and happy chatting!

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
 

I'm looking for specific and non obvious answers. Give me something visceral, rid the world of a figure or nation you hate. Preserve a culture you adore. It doesn't have to make sense either, you are basically god here.

What I mean is don't just say you'd get rid of imperialism or colonialism bc no shit

Personally I would make it so that the Americas are never discovered by the old world and every "would be" conquistador (especially cortez and pizarro) explodes.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] HarryLime@hexbear.net 28 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Like 1000-ish years before Columbus, I'd give the native Americans all the Eurasian/African domestic animals and knowledge of metallurgy. When sustained contact happens, it will be on a more equal footing, stopping European colonialism before it can really start.

[–] Lemmygradwontallowme@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I'd give the native Americans all the Eurasian/African domestic animals

If we had that happen... then we shall confirm this:

  1. If they don't die in a droves due to transported Old World disease, due to previous exposure to animals and to an extent, the Old World, they will make their bones as a majority-indigenous continent akin to the former, and at worst, end up more like the historically western-imperialized people of Asia and Africa that later fights back in large numbers rather than the near-genocided condition they are in, today, that make them a minority in most of the Americas.

  2. If despite the previous disease exposure and skills given, they die in similar amounts during the European conquest, we can more certainly conclude it was European imperialists and settlers, such as by their hunger-causing scorched earth tactics, and forced labor plantation overwork, whose policies more purposely seeked to eliminate them in the early 1500s-1600s, and indirectly caused the conditions for viruses and bacteria to kill them

Personally, as much as I want it to be the former, I feel its the latter...

Edited

[–] HarryLime@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago (2 children)

If they don't die in a droves, supposedly due to transported disease from the Old World, they will make their bones as a majority-indigenous continent akin to the former, and at worst, end up more like the western-imperialized people of Asia and Africa that later fights back rather than the near-genocided state they are known as, today...

That's why I'd do it about 1000 years before, to give the American population time to bounce back.

If despite the previous disease exposure and skills given, they die in similar amounts during the European conquest, we can more certainly conclude it was European imperialists and settlers, such as by their scorched earth tactics, and forced labor plantations, whose policies more purposely seeked to eliminate them in the early 1500s-1600s

I figure if they have iron or steel weapons, along with cavalry and other various animals to serve as beasts of burden and food sources, they'd be able to defend themselves from the Europeans pretty adequately no matter what.

[–] Bobson_Dugnutt@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago (4 children)

That's why I'd do it about 1000 years before, to give the American population time to bounce back.

If we're dreaming let's give all the Native Americans vaccines and more diverse immune system genes. Or maybe teach the Europeans germ theory and basic hygiene before 1492.

[–] Hexboare@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago

Or maybe teach the Europeans germ theory and basic hygiene before 1492.

The British were giving out smallpox blankets well before germ theory. I don't think a more precise understanding of the mechanism of contagious disease transmission would have helped.

“Out of our regard to them … we gave them two Blankets and an Handkerchief out of the Small Pox Hospital. I hope it will have the desired effect.” —An eyewitness, quoted in Elizabeth A. Fenn, Pox Americana: The Great Smallpox Epidemic of 1775–81, 2001

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I was thinking more along the lines of two giant walls splitting the pacific and atlantic down the middle. The walls reach the stratosphere and if european touches them they explode.

Your solution is good too but my goal is to see how they would develop in isolation. Its also worth mentioning that the new worlders had a severe disadvantage not just in knowledge but in resources. They did not have large pack animals so much of their labor power was tied up in manual tasks. They also had significantly less time to domesticate their plants making them more nutrient rich. Peas were already domesticated by the time they had even began farming iirc. Although the Inca's and pre Incan societies were very proficient at selective plant breeding. So while a thousand years of metallurgy would help I'm not sure it would be enough

[–] HarryLime@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

I mean, I don't want to take your joke too seriously or anything, but that's kind of anti-Marxist...

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] darkcalling@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'd ensure Spartacus's slave revolt succeeded, resulting in Rome falling to a grand slave revolt, smothering in the cradle the pro-debtor/creditor government and empire. ~~Probably just delay it emerging later down the line but who knows.~~ But best part is this stops a lot of follow-on bad happenings such as Christianity being proclaimed the official religion of Rome, certain unifications don't occur under wartime conditions against Rome. Maybe they even implement a kind of early universal suffrage and it ends up failing but it means that 17th century enlightenment thinkers have more to chew on which means they and the French revolution see certain flaws in liberal thinking and advocate a more radical course of action leading to the US founding fathers being a bunch of, republican, class traitors and hardcore abolitionists which leads to a crumbling of the capitalist world order over time that means the German revolution succeeds and European capital is murdered off in a bloody series of revolutions ending by the year 1980. While simultaneously anti-colonial sentiment creates uprisings across the globe that further weaken capital. Thus global communism by 2040.

(Yes I know there are problems with this but let me dream)

[–] refolde@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

Spartacus's Slave revolt succeeding leading to the Spartacus uprising in Germany succeeding?

I think it makes absolutely perfect sense.

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Give Hannibal Barca a bunch of assault rifles and molotovs. Fuck Rome. I want to see a Carthaginian win to the Second Punic war

[–] Wertheimer@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Just give him the support of his own country's oligarchs and some siege equipment. He wouldn't have had to sit in Capua for more than a decade.

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

yeah but a complete one sided stomp would be more fun to watch antelope-popcorn

[–] Wertheimer@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

Stampy the Elephant, the last surviving Alps-marcher

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 month ago

Fuck yeah that goes hard

[–] Edamamebean@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"Don't just say you'd get rid of imperialism or colonialism"

Proceeds to get rid of at least half of colonialism

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Ok yes but I was more creative about it. I was curious to hear about how y'all would change things more than about what y'all would change.

[–] doom_and_gloom@lemmy.ml 17 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

At the advent of agriculture and the transition away from pastoralism and nomadism, I wish that all tribes had enforced a collectivist mentality regarding possessions instead of allowing chains of inequality that have lashed out for millennia.

I think inequality is one of those things that is really difficult to erase once it has already been normalized. It allows for accumulation of power, and then uses that power to fight against the fragmented opposition to itself. I think there would have been so much less suffering if that issue had been nipped in the bud back at the start of "civilization."

[–] HumanAnarchist@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I highly recommend The Dawn of Everything by David Graeber and David Wengrow. It presents a new anthropological survey of humanity starting at the question “What is the origin of inequality.”

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] context@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago

if we're dreaming, how about preserve and spread the apparently egalitarian urban culture of the bronze age indus valley civilization or any similar culture as a hopefully proto-socialist mode of production that dominates until industrialization allows for proper communism, perhaps largely bypassing slave-based, feudal and capitalist stages if a ruling class based on ownership of people and private property fails to really take hold.

[–] ComradeMonotreme@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Chinese not abandoning their large ships probably leads to their technology not stagnating and their trade with and/or settlement in Western North America. Really crazy change to history.

[–] Vampire@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Explain the history here to me

[–] ComradeMonotreme@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

There's a good We're Not So Different about it. The Chinese Emperor built giant ships to show off their wealth and got across to Ethiopia on Africa.

They almost certainly could have made to the West Coast of North America either open water or hugging coastlines.

They ended up scrapping them to focus internally.

Had they kept it up it could have spread their technology to Africa, Oceania and the America's. And in turn kept up with advances in the middle East and Europe.

Like it's really different timeline.

[–] Vampire@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

Interesting. Thanks.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] HumanAnarchist@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] ComradeMonotreme@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago

See below post

[–] MaoTheLawn@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

Marx gets a gundam

[–] MalarchoBidenism@hexbear.net 13 points 1 month ago

I would stop the meteor that killed the dinosaurs. Primates are locked since y'all couldn't behave.

[–] FunkyStuff@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Agüeybana gets a Dongfeng ICBM.

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

That's too quick a death for the spanish. Give the Taíno people assault rifles and napalm

[–] someone@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago

Flip those positive and negative charge symbols around, Benjamin Franklin.

[–] HelltakerHomosexual@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago

give the native americans horses far earlier by way of the viking settlements in canada

Having access to horse domestication would have done a lot to advance the development and size of native american civilizations. Beasts of burden in particular to help with nomadic migration and agricultural exploitation.

they also did so well as horse riders in our timeline they made rifles obsolete and made the empires invent the revolver just to combat them. and thats with only a century of horse domestication. Give it to them far before european settlement and theyll be able to put up even more of a fight.

[–] gramxi@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I think it would be a funny prank to destroy a merchant's reputation by swapping his ingot inventory with shitty low-grade copper

[–] Speaker@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

Going back in time to PRANK Ea-nāṣir (GONE SEXUAL?)

[–] Alaskaball@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I'd want to see how radically different history would be if Constantin 1, the Christian one, was assassinated before he could proclaim Christianity as the religion of the empire.

Alternatively I'd want to see how wild shit would get if Qin Shi Huang didn't poison himself to death via alchemy bullshit.

Third one: horses in the Americas for as long as they've been in the old world.

[–] Bobson_Dugnutt@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Third one: horses in the Americas for as long as they've been in the old world.

I think you'd see something like the Mongol Empire emerge in the Great Plains.

[–] Alaskaball@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

See, very interesting possibilities

[–] buckykat@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Either China doesn't give up on exploration after Zheng He's voyages or England has a faction who isn't the absolute fucking worst be the ones to kill king Charles I.

[–] GoodGuyWithACat@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Agree that Zheng He would be the biggest individual to cause a butterfly effect. I don't know how you get China to commit to that development since they seem to always be an internally focused culture.

[–] buckykat@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I dunno how it happens but imagine the treasure fleet sailing the largest wooden ships of all time into European ports in the early 1400s

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Homer_Simpson@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

Going back in time to prevent my ancestors from leaving Europe just so I can have affordable healthcare.

[–] Bobson_Dugnutt@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Fossil fuels never existed

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] iridaniotter@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

OK we're keeping Paleolake Megachad and seeing what happens

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Why this specifically? I don't know the historical context this lake other than it being big

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Speaker@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago

Every European has an ass where their face should be and vice versa.

[–] TomosCalientes@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago

Matriarchy from the dawn of civilization

[–] TheDoctor@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago

Extend the life of Kublai Khan and expand the Mongol Empire into Western Europe

I'm showing everyone how to make penicillin and publishing germ theory in the Torah. Kosher practices did wonders for public health, and including modern knowledge of public health will save billions of lives.

[–] RION@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago

Vitruvius'/Hero of Alexandria's aeolipile gets recognized for its true potential. Steampunk antiquity time!!! isaac-pog

load more comments
view more: next ›