this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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Final Fantasy XI

Final Fantasy XI is the eleventh numbered installment in the… Okay, you know what it is, I’m just going to tell you about one of the storylines!

During the Wings of the Goddess expansion, adventurers will be sent back in time to experience the events of the Crystal War, a cataclysmic event that is the foundation for conflicts of the modern-day timeline. Should an adventurer choose to serve the Kingdom of San d’Oria, they will be immersed in the story of the Young Griffons—a group of children who would see themselves knights, many of whom grow into prominent characters later in life.

Among the Young Griffons, the player will find Bistillot, a shy boy who doesn’t like to be seen. With his penchant for engineering, shy demeanor, and lack of combat potential, Bistillot prefers to spend his time inside of an orcish war machine that he was able to repair to working condition.

He is often seen before he is heard, with his signature phrase, “HAAAALLOOOOOOOOO” being used to hail the adventurer. Through the course of the story, Bistillot finds his way, even contributing to the war effort with his engineering skills.

However, when another member of the Young Griffons is kidnapped and taken to the present day, the adventurer must return to the present day and reunite with the Young Griffons’ present selves! The adventurer’s first contact in the present day is Bistillot. When the adventurer hears the signature “HAAAALLOOOOOOO,” Bistillot approaches the player, but what the player sees is… a woman?? She introduces herself as Bostilette, a “friend of Bistillot.”

After the rescue mission, Bostilette comes clean. She is, of course, the very same Bistillot who was a little boy twenty years earlier. She explains that she was very sick as a baby, so her parents gave her a boy’s name so that she would be stronger and survive the illness. Once she overcame the illness, she was comfortable to reclaim her name and gender. Well, that closes the book on that story, except… I’ve decided that’s bullshit!

I have unilaterally decided that Bostilette is trans, the sickness she had was dysphoria, she stayed in the orcish war machine because she was an egg, and I hope you all agree!

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[–] Lenins_Cat_Reincarnated@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago (5 children)

misery hourBeing bedbound sucks. Being bedbound and lonely sucks even more. doggirl-gloom

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[–] Tommasi@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago (2 children)

coming out stuffI'm planning to visit my family soon, and I've been thinking about what to do regarding my grandparents. They're old, rural Europeans and I doubt they even know what a trans person is. When I saw them this summer it that was the last time I boymoded, and that just made me feel bad, and I can't just wear a sports bra and a sweater to hide things now, like I could then. What I've decided to so far is to just present fem like I normally do, and if they have questions I'll answer honestly, but I won't have a big coming out moment or be particularly insistent that they gender me correctly (at least for now).

Maybe it's a bit cowardly, but I feel like it's a good compromise so far, not actively hiding who I am, but hopefully not overwhelming them either. They probably won't say anything either way, because they're so ingrained in this annoying cultural idea that asking people anything that could in any way feel uncomfortable for you or for them is better left unsaid in every situation.

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[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (4 children)

cw transphobia, struggle seshI was looking at some old struggle sessions Jack linked recently, and I guess because I am a digital self harmer, I went ahead and looked at the Trans Woman Dating "discussion" thread.

I Hate Cisnormativity I Hate Allosexuals I hate Absolutely Everything

While it's fun to see that the bearsite has improved by leaps and bounds, (huge amounts of accts in that thread are permabanned) it's not so nice to watch what had to happen. TC_69...

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[–] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (7 children)

All done moving in.

My dad said a weird thing at the airport before I left: “Be a shepherd not a sheep.” Then he repeated it on a voicemail.
The flight was smooth, except for the beginning, I was brave about it.
Used the men’s restroom at the airport despite someone ma’aming me earlier because I am a coward.
Iron Bru is overrated.

That is all.

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[–] khizuo@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago

c/disabled has been created and is seeking moderators!

Only requirement is that you are disabled and a socialist.

[–] Yor@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago

flight landed. time to go be gay somewhere else now

[–] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (2 children)
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[–] Hestia@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago

About 2 and a half years into HRT and I... am fucking hot. It's such a good feeling being even slightly more comfortable in my body than I was before.

And I'll keep getting hotter and hotter. aubrey-happy

[–] naom3@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (5 children)

bad jokeFeeling really frustrated that I’m constantly searching for and ordering new parts for my project until I realized it’s the estrogen: I be shopping now

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[–] Frogmanfromlake@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I like how all the right-wing attempts to create an alt-right pipeline for women have largely backfired. Classical Abby was laughed out of the room, pearlythings became a punching back, etc.

Then you see guys like Destiny and Asmongold. Cis men are apparently a lot easier to manipulate with a much lower bar of entry. You can look like a malnourished rat amped up on crushed Adderall with awful opinions and they’ll become your devoted cult members.

[–] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The tradwife tiktoks are probably the closest to alt right pipeline for women anyway.

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[–] Josephine_Spiro@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Waow these tucking pantys do be tucking well

[–] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (4 children)

The flight attendants are soo British doggirl-smug

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[–] Tommasi@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Still into this guy I hooked up with a few weeks ago and we talk most days. HOWEVER, a girl I'm friends with recently said some things to me that made me go hyperflush and my bi brain is in a state

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[–] Wmill@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (4 children)
[–] buh@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago

This is how “LGB without the T” started…

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[–] Yor@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

had the urologist appointment (phallo related)Not too much to say. He was willing to work with me despite the potential difficulties and had ideas for how best to go about it. He even mentioned ideas for scrotoplasty stuff, which would be pretty much fantastic if that worked out. More than anything, he said that he and the main surgeon are quite stubborn when it comes to finding a way to get a patient what they want. It may end up not working out when the time comes, but I'm relieved they're both willing to modify and try different things to figure this out. They get to be some of the very few to say they did it, so they'll get something out of it too

I was once again assumed to be detransitioning. I am not a masculine person, yet I have struggled to feel even qualified for feminity ever since this thing forced onto my body. I hate that I've had to clarify this for two different people now. Disco Elysium -1 morale each time. I already feel unworthy of it, i don't need people calling it into question even if it's just the default assumed cis error.

anyway, good news is back on the menu

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[–] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (3 children)
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[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (7 children)

lonely, yearning, confusion, sex

Feeling very frustrated by my sexuality right now. On the one hand, i need to have trust and a close emotional connection to someone in order to even experience sexual attraction to them in the first place. On the other hand, part of me is screaming for the strap.

Idk, im just tired and really aroused and lonely i guess. I dont want a dildo, i want a person to hold and be held by; i want to be partnered with someone(s), and have some kind of loving relationship(s), and have meaningful emotional connection and physical touch. But im also somehow both too much and too little for anyone, and need to fix myself before any of that can happen without it all ending in tears.

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[–] Thallo@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Wife bought me flowers 🥰

spoiler

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[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago (10 children)

oh hey, new mega.

you know what that means??? lets-fucking-go

DOWN WITH CIS

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[–] Eco@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago (8 children)

people get weirded out when they see i have my mouse on the left of my keyboard, but are unprepared entirely for the fucked up controls i use in video games

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[–] Luna@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Well, I'm burnt out and breaking down. Time to start breaking her out:

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[–] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

My cypro has been lower for like maybe a week and I can already feel the T horny coming baaaaack

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[–] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] Babs@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So a coworker is being hugely transphobic online. He doesn't say anything explicit at work, though he notably does leave the room whenever I or my trans coworkers enter the office. We are a culturally-specific organization that works with a lot of trans individuals. Leadership is saying that because he's just saying this stuff outside of work on social media, it's fine.

How do you work with someone knowing they hate you in their personal life?

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[–] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I’ve been feeling more confident about myself lately, but for some reason in the last week or so my self-esteem has went back down and now doubting and second guessing. doggirl-gloom

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[–] WalrusDragonOnABike 17 points 1 month ago

Hung out with my parents (whom I'm still delaying on coming out to) just wearing a tshirt and suspected it was kinda obvious my chest has changed a bit. Afterwards, I decided to ask my brother for extenal confirmation, and he confirmed. So that's cool.

[–] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago (3 children)

spoilerI was SUCH a shitty boyfriend, a slightly better girlfriend but still not all that good. Wish I could've done better

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[–] kristina@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago (4 children)
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[–] MusicOwl@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Hope all of my transgender comrades have a nice day. The veil is thin between worlds, make it thinner between genders. anarchist-occult

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[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago

successfully channeled my trans girl powers into fixing my computer today

[–] thirtymilliondeadfish@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago (4 children)

therapist stopped practicing lol lmao

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[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago (2 children)
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[–] khizuo@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago

hello new mega! i walked to class today. 0/10 do not recommend.

[–] Ocommie63@lemmygrad.ml 16 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (5 children)

nsfwMay have broken my vocel oath last night ;)

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[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (6 children)

Sometimes you read a Whipping Girl quote and it's like

I think this is best captured by the psychological term "cognitive dissonance," which describes the mental tension and stress that occur in a person's mind when they find themselves holding two contradictory thoughts or views simultaneously - in this case, subconsciously seeing myself as female while consciously dealing with the fact that I was male.

and I understand what she's actually talking about, I can see through the bullshit fog, but fr this cisnormative bullshit is wearing on my mind.

This gender dissonance can manifest itself in a number of ways. Sometimes it felt like stress or anxiousness, which led to marathon battles with insomnia. Other times, it surfaced as jealousy or anger at other people who seemed to enjoy taking their gender for granted.

Indeed, how dare they... their genders...

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[–] Eco@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

starting my new career as the person who plays mobile games for ads. please everyone be nice about my ability thank you :)

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[–] Seryph@lemmygrad.ml 16 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I've now been on HRT for exactly 1 year!

Honestly it still feels like it's very new, and everything this year has been and is going to continue to be hard, but I'm still very happy about this. Unfortunately I can't celebrate it at all today since I'm quite busy, but I put on one of my favourite outfits to at the very least feel very cute.

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[–] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago (6 children)

some thoughts on emotional repression, CW long post, childhood shit, some unkind things I've been called, references to homophobia, being misunderstoodbeen a while since I posted a proper thing here, been busy figuring some stuff out, tbh.

Anyway, so I was in a therapy appointment this past week and Cool Therapist noticed that when I talk about people or even when she says the names of my friends that I have extremely complicated feelings. Happiness - but then conflict, suppression, trying to stay neutral.

I've been mulling this over for a few days now, and I think I finally know what's going on here. I've always felt strong emotions about any person I am in contact with. I'm prone to mimicking and effusiveness, which since I was very young has been both considered "pathetic" or "clingy" and/or misinterpreted as romantic intent and I was bullied quite a bit for it.

But this morning I think I finally understand - I feel lonely because this is a form of masking that I've internalized. I got kinda fed up with myself this week and just decided that I'm sick of apologizing (to myself/to others) for the depth and kinds of feelings that I feel for people, and I did some reading on a-spec. I am grateful to the friends who heard me out on all of this stuff as I was trying to find language etc. even if it was quite intense and even upsetting for me at times due to the baggage I carry.

I discovered the Split Attraction Model. I discovered several different categories of attraction. I discovered the phrase "action is not attraction." Following is a snippet from my notes about different types of attraction in case anyone is curious (I took these from a couple of Youtube videos that I really liked, I can link his videos if anyone is interested in exploring deeper):

  • sexual: feeling compelled to engage in sexual activity
  • romantic: feeling compelled to date or be in a romantic relationship with someone (ed: this is a whole spicy thing really that I can go into, again, if there's interest)
  • sensual: feeling compelled towards physical but not sexual (like when you really wanna hug someone)
  • aesthetic: admiring someone's appearance and being compelled to look at them or draw them (I have mistaken this for other forms of attraction SO MUCH)
  • platonic: feeling compelled to be friends with someone and spend time with someone in a non-sexual non-romantic capacity
  • alterous: having a strong sense of admiration or desire towards someone, or feeling compelled to spend time with them, in a way that's hard to define as platonic or romantic
  • gender envy: i wish i had that person's body, features, life (difficult to detangle with a crush) (YES this video maker included gender envy in his list, genius!!)

Anyway, I guess what I'm getting at is that now I'm aware that I've been hiding strong feelings from some people in my life, especially a friend that I've known for over a decade. So, last night, I told her that I was really grateful to be spending time with her. It was a small gesture, but suddenly I feel like for once in a long time, the intensity and pressure that is always building up inside me was finally expressed in the right way. meow-melt And the relationship cop in my head telling me that I'm feeling too much and that's wrong (the one that really likes terms like "outsized emotions" and "fixation"), well ... it is quiet (for now, at least, I am certain that this will not be my last battle with it).

This probably seems really silly and minor to a reader, but the hard part that I've struggled with has been being able to express these emotions without them being misconstrued or having people be grossed out. The pressure builds up inside me because I internalized so much of other people's insecurities from a young age (whether it's being called gay (in a derogatory fashion), or accused of having a crush, or being called "creepy/clingy/pathetic," fuck heteronormativity etc.) that it creates so much conflict in me even just trying to have social connections that I felt trapped and lonely even by my deepest relationships because I simply cannot express myself honestly. In addition, because the feelings build up, they end up becoming stronger and stronger as well.

Today, I want to be free from all of that, and let myself actually be seen by not just my partner, not just my closest friends, but by everyone I trust. I am still working on being able to express upset/anger/etc. emotions to people, but expressing positive seemed like the easier of the two so I started there lol.

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[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago

AH FUCK I WAS SPENDING SO MUCH TIME TODAY BEING A SAD BITCH I NEARLY FORGOT TO DO ME E SHOTS

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago (3 children)

hello trans mega today i am full of lesbian thoughts again :)

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