this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2024
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chapotraphouse

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Yeah I know dating apps bad etc

I paid 17 dollars for the week pass allowing me unlimited likes 💀 of course because I’m desperate and they force you into that choice because using it for free you only get 5 free likes a day lmao. The problem is NOBODY fucking responds back to my messages, I’ve had 2 conversations out of 20 matches, one of the convos died after I asked them out, the other convo just ended abruptly for no apparent reason. It’s really demoralizing to say the least but I just don’t understand, if they don’t like me and accidentally sent a like they should just unmatch right away but they don’t.

The future is grim. How does anyone meet anyone anymore?

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[–] da_gay_pussy_eatah@hexbear.net 13 points 8 months ago

Dating apps make money by creating feelings of loneliness and desperation, and then selling you a promise of connection. But if they actually delivered, then you wouldn't be a repeat customer, would you? That's why dating apps are a pit of despair, I wouldn't recommend them.

[–] FourteenEyes@hexbear.net 10 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I met my gf on Bumble after trying all the different apps. Dating sucks. It sucked before dating apps too. It just sucks different ways and in different intensities now. Don't take it personally. It's just the nature of it. Keep trying (not to the point of causing yourself pain) and you'll find cool people.

For what it's worth Bumble is what worked best for me. Actually got the most dates out of it.

[–] Jenniferrr@hexbear.net 4 points 8 months ago

I met my ex on bumble and it was a very strong solid relationship for a long time. We had to break up due to like, irreconcilable differences but that was unfortunate

[–] Edamamebean@hexbear.net 7 points 8 months ago

Going to events, hobby meetups, clubs, etc, is always going to be 100x more effective at meeting people than the accursed apps. They have a financial incentive for you to be unsatisfied and keep swiping. Obviously don't be that person who shows up just to try to pick up people, but seriously you gotta go outside. I understand if maybe you live in a remote area and there aren't many things going on, but in almost every situation going outside is more effective and less demoralizing than the apps. Especially if you can find something that's regular and you can attend weekly or monthly or whatever. That's how connections form naturally, by being in the same place as other people and slowly getting to know them. This thing where we look at some photos of people and then immediately try to talk intimately with them is extremely unnatural, it's no wonder it doesn't work very well.

[–] Jenniferrr@hexbear.net 6 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (2 children)

Idk I get lots of likes and everything but guys literally just won't ask me on a date? I'll say something like "Oh I wanna meet first haha just to know you're not a crazy person and stuff" and they're like "haha yeah ok'" and then never actually plan a fucking date. Like come on.

On the other hand I have met multiple friends on dating apps lol. But that's way less pressure. I did meet a very long term partner on an app too I've had luck with them, I'm just honestly frustrated with how the men are, and how they basically want to fuck and don't want to put any basic legwork in.

[–] GaveUp@hexbear.net 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Wait I thought you were bi, why not the women if you are :(

[–] Jenniferrr@hexbear.net 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Well I'm always interested in women but I've always dated women. Would like to try dating men. Who all seem very interested until they have to do literally any kind of thinking or work... Thing though is I don't accept this as expecting too much, I've done this stuff many times in my life when I was a guy. And it wasn't hard.

That being said I think I exist in a weird spot right now. I think some guys see me really as like a fem boy or something and are acting out some kind of chaser or gay fantasies, and as a result don't want to be seen with me in public. Or my vibe is a bit too masc for them... it's like I can talk to lots of people but nothing ever happens unless I make it happen. No one else is making it happen at all...

Ofc it's very easy to meet other trans women. It's now more difficult with cis women though, something I've noticed. I don't really get that but whatever lol

[–] GaveUp@hexbear.net 1 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (9 children)

It's now more difficult with cis women though, something I've noticed

Same, though I'd imagine a lot of that is just there is way more cishet women than sapphic women. I've had way more interest with bi/lesbian enbies though, I feel like they typically only date other queer people

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[–] FunkYankkkees@hexbear.net 6 points 8 months ago

How does anyone meet anyone anymore?

Take up social hobbies, anything from rock climbing to tabletop rpgs will push people together
Meeting people this way also ensures you definitely have something in common

[–] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 5 points 8 months ago

I've argued many times over with smug "nothing every happens, everything is exactly as good and bad as it always has been" smuglord types and one such topic that gets that treatment is dating, particularly online dating.

YES, online dating was less terrible before the bigger companies swallowed up the smaller ones and made a business of making successful dating less likely as a deliberate business strategy for further engagement.

For example, OKCupid used to actually be... OK.

[–] blame@hexbear.net 5 points 8 months ago

Hinge is a weird name for a dating app, sounds like the kind of place I'd go to to find a racist uncle to date.

[–] macerated_baby_presidents@hexbear.net 4 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Met my gf on Hinge. 5 free likes a day was plenty, I "liked" only people I legitimately was interested in going on a date with and sent them a message with the like. If they liked me back they'd usually send their own message (70%? more often than not) and I'd pitch a casual coffee date within a few messages. If they just "liked" me without responding I wouldn't double-text. If people aren't responding to you, I think there's probably something wrong with your messages. E.g. if you are sending like "hi", "what's up?", etc, people aren't gonna respond. If you message first (especially if you are masc) you gotta be prepared to carry the conversation and also show that you've looked at their profile. There may also be something wrong with your profile. Maybe you have a disqualifying quality, like being a communist, that people only notice after matching with you. If so I would suggest to make possible deal-breakers and red flags more obvious in your profile. Cuts down on the useless matches and makes your profile more interesting to the ones you're interested in.

You've probably already noticed this but in my experience Hinge skewed conservative. Pity since it's the best dating app tech-wise.

[–] Jenniferrr@hexbear.net 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Yeah like I'll say I've done dating on both sides now, and I'm realizing that the competition if you're masc kinda sucks. Like, I was getting a lot of luck by just... Proposing a date, with a location etc, something casual pretty quickly? I picked up the tab etc all the things that are "expected" from a masc presenting person. And it usually went well.

In my experience most men out there basically want me to just come over and suck them off or something. They put in absolutely no effort and a good portion can't even control themselves not to be weird as hell and be overly horny with me. A good half of the messages I get are some version of "I want to fuck you now" which, tbh, is fucking weird!! Like I don't even know you sir!!

gross. honestly I've had a couple first dates that ended in sex and at least for straight men it's just not good bc of power dynamics. My armchair psychoanalysis is that these men either (a) are just legitimately fucked in the head and could still get their rocks off with a partner who is still background worried for her physical safety (b) don't actually want what they want, and that's why they're half-assing the whole dating app thing. So they can say they put themselves out there but they don't have to be actually vulnerable - self-destructive behavior except they're doing it by being actively shitty to women

[–] ObamaSama@hexbear.net 4 points 8 months ago

I’ve met some really good people through dating apps but it really is a numbers game. I’d say that on average out of 100 matches I only have 4-5 conversations that last longer than a few days before one of loses interest and stops replying. It can be pretty disheartening to churn through so many people but from my experience it pays to be picky. I’ve only ever been on 5 dates through dating apps but they all turned into relationships because I didn’t waste my time with anyone I didn’t feel a mutual connection with.

Stick with it and eventually you’ll find someone, just gotta be patient. Also it depends on where you are but I’ve found bumble to be the best as the girls on there are usually much more serious

[–] merthyr1831@lemmy.ml 4 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Dating apps are literally luck based. At some point you'll see someone you like and they'll like you back, sure, but in reality that person might not be looking right now, or might be on a date with someone else and ignore their other matches until it falls through, or they might have given up altogether.

The hardest thing, but the best thing imo, is to try and back off a bit: do a few swipes on a break at work or whatever and then ignore it for the day. Maybe a few messages then ignore it for the day.


As for meeting people (albeit platonically in my experience), there are loads of activities that people like to do and meet people. Stuff like board games cafés often host mixers. My partner does gymnastics at an adults class where she's met friends. I know others who do climbing, running clubs, all sorts. You can probably find something you like by searching up a hobby you enjoy and "mixer" or "social".