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in my experience the best way to get over a crush is to have a dysfunctional relationship of ten years end and then eight years later be unable to get over that instead

A crush is a kind of fantasy (in that you idealise someone, imagine how your life could be with them, etc). You destroy the fantasy by exposing it to reality/action, in this case expressing your feelings honestly to the person. If it works out then great, if it doesn’t then it’ll be easier to reorient yourself and you’ll find someone new to crush on.

One word: limerance. You're enjoying a fantasy as a form of emotional self-regulation. Once you realize it was a fantasy that you built up around your crush that in all likelihood you don't know all that well, it's pretty easy to get over it.

something that helps me is focusing on the reason why i have the crush: the person i have feelings for is a good person. i want them to be happy. if that isn’t with me, and i’m not going to disclose my feelings, then i try to remind myself i want what’s best for them even if it doesn’t involve being closer with me. it helps those feelings change.

Don't build someone up in your mind. They're never what you want. Go off of the material things they've done that you like and also focus on the things you don't like

Also, friendly reminder to temper expectations. Women are often friendly with a lot of people because society demands it of them. Women also tend to be much more cuddly.

I think of it, and largely as a framework for most things, as a cosmic & super fucked up roller coaster. Which is to say your resistance is futile and the feelings and whether or not they work out are secondary to your gratitude for being in the amusement park in the first place. Like if you get blown the fuck out it's like puking after going on the roller coaster - you can still go "wooooh!" and laugh with your friends while your stomach is turned inside out and your hair is all messed up. Even if you're the subject of the picture and you look ridiculous you can still put a funny caption on the picture before posting it.

I hope to love recklessly and passionately until I find someone who actually wants to hold onto it. I want to get the most out of my time at the park. Seldom do people on their death beds reach up to the light and go "I gave too many compliments!" before shitting themselves and dying. Which is to say tell them how you feel yesterday and puke if the fast half of the coaster is too much.

Distance and time

She gives you the cold shoulder?

I had a crush who was doing this to me, and when I talked to my sister about it she said "gee, she sounds like a peach 🙄" and honestly having someone point out shitty behavior to you is so helpful.

Don't put your life into someone who makes you feel like that.

Time to embark on a grand quest to prove your love

Slay an evil dragon, recover the ancient bonesaber of Zuma-Kalis, make peace with the elves

Seriously though, if this is a friend or someone you're seeing on a casual basis, it's probably best to talk to them about it. Just try your best to be clear and honest.

If it's someone from your job, then it's a little stickier, but still best to be honest.

Pour yourself into hobbies, friendship, quiet alone time in nature, and if you have access to it, therapy. Do things that feel good which won't hurt you in the long run

find a new crush

Ugh I feel this man.

I confessed to them right as they were starting a burgeoning relationship with someone else.

"If I had known sooner maybe I'd feel different"

Which maybe they just were trying to be nice but goddamn did that feel like a stab in the gut. Especially since it acknowledged the fact that we had/have really good chemistry.

Anyway, I've gotten over it now (mostly) and we still talk and hang out. Pursueing other romantic interests so your thoughts don't dwell on them can good for you I think.

I struggled for about a 2 weeks after really bad.

Wait wait wait, is this the same woman that stood you up on a recent date and left you waiting for an hour at a restaurant by yourself?

Even if you confess to her, and she says yes, I feel like you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

Most crushes do fade eventually. How long has it been?

when you say she gives you what you perceive as the cold shoulder, what are these interactions like? as far as getting over her goes, time and someone else are the only things.

Eat them

I know it's not for everyone but I went to therapy.

Think about all the ways it wouldn't work out and hyperfocus on any negative interactions. It helps to interact with the crush much as possible so you can tear it down and know its just idle dreams, reality is never so easy and maybe 1/5th as nice.