Dreamt I was on the moon and I really needed to piss but didn't 😩

Massive headache today and I've still got a handful of chores to run

Having to take language classes for my degree might actually break the my horrible procrastination on learning Spanish. Then again, I've always been bad at learning languages and especially speaking them, so it could also just be a way to tank my GPA.

I am become waomboymoder, eater of garlic

I've finally started to recover. Still have a cough, throat still feels weird, but my energy is coming back.

Dyed my hair red. It was pretty red, but then I washed it, and it came out a bit more purple-red. Thought this was because I had dyed purple a but ago (it was really faded), but then I realized that the color-preserving conditioner that came with the purple dye might actually have purple dye in it. Color looks really cool though, almost exactly what I had originally expected.

it's so strange that americans just did that to their cities. complete unforced error

Got a metallic blue nail polish that by itself looks pretty great but I'm no longer content with just one polish so I added another glitter polish on top of it. Thing with glitter polish I feel is that it should really be labeled as more a top coat than anything, imagining just applying the glitter polish on my nails would be pretty underwhelming.

Was looking for a PCP now that I am off the student health plan and working as a post-doc, and I got lucky. The one PCP that's accepting clients at the closest (good) in-network clinic notes an interest/specialty in LGBTQ+ primary care. I don't know if I need to switch my GAC from Planned Parenthood, but it does make me hopeful that they won't be in the dark or bigoted about trans health care.

EDIT: Well, that PCP isn't available until June, and in fact it doesn't seem like any PCP is available in the clinic system to establish care until April, when I will probably be moving out of town. So fuck me I guess. Looks like I will be relying on urgent care for health issues then, or at least I have to find someplace that's farther away.

EDIT2: Well, nowhere else within 25 miles or so seems to have a physician available as a PCP until June or July, so I just scheduled an appointment that I will likely not be around for in hopes that someone else cancels. Even if you have insurance I guess healthcare is a lottery in this fucking country.

Read the children of time this year and really loved it. Anyone has similar recommendations for generation ship sci fi?

I love the Children of trilogy, it's the closest that I've ever seen hard sf get to that Star Trek IDIC ethos.

I still love the smell of cigarettes, including on people, not so much when making out it gets a lil gross lol. But the smell is nice

Blahaj (bootleg) acquired.

Already asked this in the other mega and got a response (thanks @Eco@hexbear.net!) but I wanted to see if I could get some more recs.

If I wanted to get into reading yuri, what would I start with?

Musicals have been associated with queer culture for a long time, but I don't feel that they really hold that much space in trans communities? I've seen people here talk about musicals but no more or less than non-queer folks.

Is this right? Like, I feel like our cultural touchstones are pretty different.

New year (and more specifically I returned home from visiting fam) and... I guess I gotta live again, and by that I mean do productive things (not that visiting fam was bad- it was wonderful, helped my mom cook a lot and just connected with siblings idk) and get my life on track as well as to a point where I could actually have some sort of notion of self worth.

I guess tomorrow and onwards will be the turning point (or it won't, but it has to be). I guess today wasn't so bad either in terms of doing some things for myself. Ought to leverage my siblings (sis could also use help really) for assistance in keeping up motivation (or having any) I guess.

Today I had a weird dream, I basically almost never dream (or at least don't remember them) but in this dream let's just say I looked somewhat different in the mirror and wasn't dysphoric and was going even in the dream. Sucks to have to wake up from that tbh, optimistic ish but don't trust myself to see it through properly. I guess I also just have severe issues of self-doubt and self-sabotage historically, been thinking of that lately (well always)

I.. I dunno, compared to previous times I'm more defeated, not running on fumes and hot air as much as before and more.. wise(?) I guess, while trying to pick myself up. But I know myself and tbh the honest truth is I just kinda have a really messed up (limbic system, lack of self worth and motivation, learned helplessness etc). How am I supposed to trust that?

IDK why but I always feel really weepy after laser sessions. I think it's physically unpleasant, but it also makes me immanently aware of my facial hair in a way I rarely am. But the results are sooo worth it! My family is distantly from the Mediterranean and I have had a full beard since 18. I wish I would have finished during my first run at laser, but I am committed to staying the course this time.

everybody's beepin!

there's something primal about tinkering with electronics that keeps me working in embedded software even though I've grown to dislike low level programming