this post was submitted on 05 Nov 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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all 40 comments
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[–] UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee 41 points 1 year ago (5 children)

A reminder for the uncivilized savages from a very civilized gentleman with a sweet smelling asshole: WASH YOUR ASS WITH WATER. USE A BIDET OR A BUM GUN.

Why are Americans okay with shooting up schools but not ok with shooting up their own assholes?! Bum guns also don't require reloading! You can fire as much as you want! Use Bum guns πŸ‘.

[–] dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I’m a heavy shitter, I shit alot and I shit so much my ass crack looks like caramelized fondu. When I go outside flys swarm around my ass and get stuck on my sticky ass crack. Everyone would avoid me in the local Walmart when I shop for gaming supplies (Doritos and Dr Pepper mostly). I have difficultly wiping because I can’t physically reach under there and I can’t stand up in the shower. One day my mom told me to lose weight (yeah thanks for bullying me again mom πŸ˜’) and I know I’m a little heavy at the moment because I have to use cooking oil to greese up the doorframes so I can squeeze through but that’s only because of capitalism shrinking all the rental apartments and cramming as many people in as possible. Anyway I was playing Amongus and one of my femboy friends told me about bidgets. At first I was like β€œhuh?” and he explained that because he plays Genshin he cannot physically leave the house or bathe and he has a special toilet that cleans his butthole for him. So I ordered one off Amazon and my god it is the best thing ever, now this device shoots water up my asshole and poof! No more shit streaked stretch pants woohoo!

[–] HappycamperNZ@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

What a terrible day to be literate in this masterful world you have created.

[–] UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

That's amazing! Btw, what's ur femboy friend's snap?

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'm afraid to Google this. What is a bum gun. I already have a bidet.

[–] UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] Smokeydope@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Oh I think my sink has one of those will have to try it out

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring!

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Oh. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense.

[–] bingbong@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 year ago

Super soaker with a 1200 psi stream focusing attachment

[–] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

I love bums

[–] 601error@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If paper is good enough for wiping the shit from my hands, it’s good enough for wiping the shit from my ass.

[–] sneezycat@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 year ago

And this is why I don't like handshakes.

[–] 257m@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

As a child I was to taught to use a Lota and I have never used anything else. Is that grosser than toilet paper or better?

[–] UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

A less elegant solution, sure. But much better than using paper for god's sake!

[–] comador@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

I love that they took the time to replace the bottle with a TP roll and add the package of TP in the background, but couldn't be bothered to modify the sign or product description.

[–] idunnololz@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago

Here I fixed it

[–] takeda@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm confused. In the description I see Snuggle and the toilet paper is Snuggle. I can't read the more detailed description due to poor resolution.

Yeah, Lemmy is a weird place sometimes, and people can be brainless with upvoting.

[–] mrfriki@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago

Literal shit post.

[–] metaStatic@kbin.social 12 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I'd bet on it not being USD though based on the Caribbean lager behind her.

[–] takeda@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Maybe it was during covid? ;)

BTW: I love how TP is answer to but cataclysm. This year they're was extremely rare hurricane coming to Southern California and again saw a lot of carts on Costco with one or two packs of TP day before it hit.

[–] Lev_Astov@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Well, TP is the answer to butt cataclysms.

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Spread your checks and lift your sack

[–] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 year ago

𝅘𝅥𝅮 send your asshole into shock 𝅘𝅥𝅮

[–] uranibaba@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

That's a shit job.

"Honey muffle and crunches You can really taste the 3ply

[–] jaschen@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

WHY IS IT 90 FUCKING DOLLARS FOR TOILET PAPER!??!?!?!

[–] Kiddkao@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Because life happens outside USA too

[–] jaschen@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

Oh whew. It's rupees.

[–] Jon_Servo@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Remember when TP companies lied to us and said that bigger tubes made it easier to unwind the paper, and had nothing to do at all with being able to charge the same amount for less TP?

Anyway yeah, this tube is ridiculous.

[–] jcg@halubilo.social 1 points 1 year ago

I buy TP without tubes

I am a monster

[–] uis@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

This is real shitpost

[–] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 year ago

Mr Whipple is gonna be pissed

[–] terry_tibbs@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 year ago

Let me know when I can trial a bidet.

[–] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 year ago

you know the answer to both of those questions