this post was submitted on 26 Apr 2025
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It seems like the only logical option. If someone paid me to come up with a solution to having poopy butt I couldn't come up with a better one than a hose or a bidet. You know what I wouldn't do? I WOULDN'T INVENT PAPER YOU COULD RUB ON YOUR BUTT.

Like every person that has tried a bidet on the internet describes their experience as being reborn. Anyone that tries it instantly becomes a shill for big bidet. I have not seen a single negative review for a bidet aside from maybe water shooting up your back which is more of a skill issue with aiming.

There is some debate to be had between using a bidet versus using a hose. With bidet there's no hand contact but you can't control where the water goes. Im personally more in favor of hose since you still gotta flush and handle the bathroom door so there's gonna be contact either way, but using water is CLEARLY superior to toilet paper.

Water is cheaper and guess what? IT USES LESS CLEAN WATER THAN MAKING TOILET PAPER. That's right making a single tissue of TP uses more water than just simply washing your butt. You can also shower less frequently because you don't constantly smell like shit. We are deforesting jungles just to turn them into butt napkins that do not even clean us properly, they just smear the shit all over the crack and make us smell like poop.

Also without TP there's no longer an issue with assholes flushing their used TP down the toilet and clogging the pipes, houses will no longer get TP'ed, the pandemic scalping situation wouldn't have happened etc etc. So why are people still hellbent on using this inferior method?

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[–] mayo_cider@hexbear.net 5 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

After I learned to wash my ass I realised it didn't itch almost ever and then had the horrifying realization

[–] IHateCabbage420@hexbear.net 1 points 12 minutes ago

Yep no poopy butt = no itching.

[–] ProfessorOwl_PhD@hexbear.net 6 points 9 hours ago

france-cool

Enjoy your arse hose, francophile.

[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 5 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

I've had extreme culture shock when I went to Indonesia. Both the unsanitary conditions of their squat holes and the hoses or cups they use sitting in pools of stagnant water in a country notorius for malaria and mosquitoes used to both wash shit and shower with. The whole "wet room" concept when part of my job is to grow pathogens like Ecoli. Just saw everyone's shit germs everywhere and had a few days of mild panic attacks. Not to mention trying to keep my clothes dry in thise things and seperate shoes and lea-breakdown

Then how do people do that without getting their clothes all soaking wet?

Fast Forward after the shock john-agony wears off, I'll shower bidet and still theres shit that sticks and then is now in the shower in a drain that isn't a power flush. Which grows germs and doesn't go down properly.

My hybrid solution is to wet some TP to clean the area and then follow up with some lotion or mineral oil wipes until it's clean. Paper just doesn't do a full job. Then get your shit germ sprayer thing (bidet arm) that gets shit on and aprayed with shit crossed my mind, but our water is COLD and how do you keep it clean?

Every description online is like very vauge and overly modest in using a bidet and I just need something explict step by step.

[–] peeonyou@hexbear.net 9 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Generally hygiene is taught by your mom/dad or primary caretaker and somewhat by your primary school. So if no one ever mentions that to you, you're probably not going to think about it, and even hearing about it is going to seem somewhat alien.

[–] IHateCabbage420@hexbear.net 1 points 13 minutes ago

Generally hygiene is taught by your mom/dad or primary caretaker

It reminds me of the poop knife. Now I wonder what poop knife habits I have that no one else does.

"They don't want to be great people" - Shah Jahan

[–] daniyeg@hexbear.net 27 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

lmao we have an insult for europeans which translates to "butt unwasher" (or کون نشور). y'all have the permission to use it.

[–] EllenKelly@hexbear.net 11 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

This is going on some protest signs for sure, thank you comrade

[–] daniyeg@hexbear.net 5 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

if it gets a quarter popular as cracker then that would be excellent.

[–] allthetimesivedied@hexbear.net 9 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Is that Persian or Arabic? And can you transliterate please LMFAO. I love this.

[–] daniyeg@hexbear.net 8 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago) (1 children)

it's Persian. technically it transliterates to butt unwasher the translation would be "someone that doesn't wash their butt".

EDIT: sry i misunderstood it's koon nashoor or kun nashur.

[–] Xavienth@lemmygrad.ml 7 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Unlike translate, transliterate means to convert from one writing system to another. The user is asking you how you write that in latin letters, probably so they can have some idea at all about how to pronounce it.

[–] daniyeg@hexbear.net 6 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

oh right i thought it meant translating word by word as opposed to translating to the target language. it's koon nashoor or kun nashur.

[–] Xavienth@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 2 hours ago

That would be to calque!

A calque is when a term is translated word by word into a new language. And a loan word is when a word or words are directly taken as-is. In fact, this means that loanword (from German lehnwort) is a calque, while calque (from French) is a loanword :D

[–] Firstnamebunchofnumbers@hexbear.net 9 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

I personally just shit into my hand and cram it into my eurethra

[–] ratboy@hexbear.net 2 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)
[–] allthetimesivedied@hexbear.net 8 points 19 hours ago

Not my comrade.

[–] stupid_asshole69@hexbear.net 18 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

Gatorade is more refreshing and hydrating.

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[–] Parsani@hexbear.net 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] IHateCabbage420@hexbear.net 16 points 1 day ago

It never left.

[–] The_Walkening@hexbear.net 39 points 1 day ago

frothingfash Clean my ass with water?!? Absolutely not. Fish fuck in water.

[–] WashedAnus@hexbear.net 17 points 1 day ago
[–] Euergetes@hexbear.net 25 points 1 day ago

the canadian toilet paper lobby has controlled every major political and media figure since 1900 in the west, to ensure the steady consumption of their product. where do these massive profits go? nobody knows, but some suspect the canadians are building a weapon underground in north sasketchewan

[–] Guamer@hexbear.net 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Better question: Why don't we wash water with asshole?

[–] IHateCabbage420@hexbear.net 15 points 1 day ago

They do actually all sewage treatment plants have filters that contain millions of tiny assholes.

[–] this_dude_eating_beans@hexbear.net 39 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Currently reading this with the bidet on and water blasting up my ass as I rock back and forth to get every nook and cranny of my butt

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[–] lapis@hexbear.net 21 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (7 children)

I just gotta say I’m really confused by the “you don’t need TP” angle of bidet shilling, like I am a bidet user and a bidet shill but I still have to use several pieces of multi-ply TP to dry off down there, and sometimes need to wipe extra to get what the bidet missed despite my 30 seconds of ass-wriggling.

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