I thought this was going to be a 5 years later we are married and she thinks I like poop story
this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2025
589 points (98.0% liked)
Lemmy Shitpost
31208 readers
3526 users here now
Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.
Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!
Rules:
1. Be Respectful
Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.
Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.
...
2. No Illegal Content
Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.
That means:
-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals
-No CSA content or Revenge Porn
-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)
...
3. No Spam
Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.
-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.
-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.
-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers
-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.
...
4. No Porn/Explicit
Content
-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.
-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.
...
5. No Enciting Harassment,
Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts
-Do not Brigade other Communities
-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.
-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.
-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.
...
6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.
...
If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.
Also check out:
Partnered Communities:
1.Memes
10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)
Reach out to
All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Tell her "sorry, I'm only into girls, and girls don't poop" then block her
Two literal shitposters - and they found each other
She was thinking omg he has the same kink as I do.
Kinky girl with a heart of gold and panties of brown.
Homeboy found the keeper of all keepers, if she'll share poopix, she'll probably do all sorts of stuff, she's just waiting for her moment to shine!
what's a girl gotta do besides being dead nice
Suck a golf ball through a garden hose?
For some straight guys and gay ladies a girl could be mean to them and that'd increase how much they want them.
That's a fairly small subset though.
There are two rules *to dating neurotypicals and they're the same for both genders, and neither one is 'be nice.'
ok then
It's be hot af and easy?
Yes on the first thing, but its more of a mixed bag on the second. There certainly are people that'd prefer easy though.
And that's how I met your mother.
She’s a keeper
Every night in my DMs.
I see poo, I feel poo.
That is how I know you, go poop.
Far across the distance.
And spaces between us.
You have come to show you, go poop.
Near, fart, wherever you are.
I believe that the shart does go on.
Once more you open the back door.
And you're here in my heart and my heart will go poo and poo.
The real ones aren't the ones you think you want
I'm literally shitting right now y'all.
Lemmy is place for every type of character:
Vids or it didn't happen.
You trying to see me paint the bowl? I'd just take my word for it if I was you.
If you're starting to paint it red, you might want to send it to your doctor.
How would you rate your shit?
Bog standard sit down and let 'er rip.
Cool, but please don't send the video.
I wouldn't check your DMs then.
agreed
If in your world "sending a video of pooping" is not synonymous with "hurting someones feelings", then I am not even sure what to say.
It sure is a fucking insane thing to do
ITT: I've found home. Y'all are my peeps.
And suddenly he is feeling it again...
I mean I guess if you do something that fucked up and get the same response you probably found your actual soulmate
or someone who is trying very hard
Don't get too pushy. You might get hemorrhoids
One time, I was on the phone with my ex, and they narrated writing on the side of the toilet bowl with their own poo. It was incredibly vivid, and I was legitimately disgusted. He added emphasis and storytelling. I sat there and protested, completely unaware his mom did colonoscopies, and he was unfazed by the mention of poop.
One quote that always stuck with me is, "shit in a bag feels like play-doh."
To this day, I pray to God that may not answer, that he was joking.
I mean, shit in a bag does feel like play-doh sometimes.
Source: have a dog
Warm play-doh unfortunately
Unless you grab the wrong loaf... chilly surprise!
This makes it sooo mich worse, somehow. 😳
Oh man, i know.
Back in the day, I used to run a shuttle of a dozen dogs to what's it called? Magnuson Park? Something like that in Seattle. And it's simply not possible to keep track of 12 dogs chocolate landmines, so I'd inevitably pick up three or four "cold ones" each trip.
Pants down and you could be donating your own turds to the park. Equilibrium restored.
"....pants?"
Analogies are cursed. They can paint so vivid a picture you wish you were illiterate.
"All those moments will be lost in time, like poo on the side of a toilet."
load more comments
(1 replies)
Ten minutes is the real question mark for me. Was it just kismet that she had one in the holster like that?
load more comments
(3 replies)
view more: next ›