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I don't know where else to post this.

I'm basically organizing between 4 different groups. 3 are local and one is the PSL. One group is essentially an offshoot of the local crowd from the 50501 protest last week, so basically running the gamut between lib and... radlib. Another group is mostly anarchist with me and 1-2 others that identify as Marxist. This group is very much in motion. The 50501 one is trying to figure out direction and currently want to focus on ICE rapid response. I have some tech experience and offered to help. A few of the others from the anarchist group are also involved. It's sort of a coalition, right?

Well, one member of the 50501 group is onboarding for the PSL chapter I started. Another potential member contacted the cops regarding 50501. I freaked and told PSL to no onboard that person because of the current situation with the FBI as it is. For some reason the person already onboarded decided to tell the rest of the 50501 group that I was collecting data from them and reporting it to the PSL. I do not know why they think I'd even be doing this. Why would the PSL even care or need the data? I woke up yesterday am to find that I was removed from the 50501 group and spend all day yesterday piecing together why. What I realized was that the onboarded person didn't seem to understand that since I was the person onboarding for PSL, I already have a list of potential candidates. I don't know how that got lost in communication but I guess it did. They ran off to tell 50501 group that I was collecting data wen it was literally me just saying I don't want to go forward with onboarding this particular person for security purposes.

Well, now I'm kicked from that group and still don't quite know how I feel about it. I was early in planning to do a reading group with a few of the people there to introduce them to Marxism and try to help radicalize them since a 50501 brunch lib protest isn't gonna do shit but let them wave a few flags and yell a bit. In any case, a friend in the anarchist group and I pieced together the whole story and they plan on talking to the person in charge of the 50501 group tomorrow to try and resolve things. And I'm trying to figure out how to talk with the nark that was onboarded to PSL. They literally did exactly what they accused me of doing and it's leaving a bad taste in my mouth since I considered them a friend.

Above all, I hate how high school drama this whole thing feels.

Thanks for reading my wall of text rant. I need a fucking hug.

I've just realised, I think I'm going through a midlife crisis. Lately I've been rediscovering the EDM music I used to listen to in the 90s, can't stop watching youtube videos of people clubbing in the 90s (the decade I started going clubbing) and watching videos of all the parks and streets I used to hang out on when I was young. Longing to go back. Wanting to change things and gaining new interests.

I've just received the date for my next foot surgery, it's this Friday. I thought I'd be on the waiting list for months but because of my state of health etc, they gave me a much sooner appointment at a much further away hospital. My landlady angrily agreed to drive me if I pay for the petrol and parking costs. So that's the third mutual aid post I've had to make already this month. I'm always worried people are going to get sick of me but I don't know what else to do.

Well my sodding foot infection is back. They aren't even going to bother trying to treat it with antibiotics this time, since my immune system is so weak it can't fight anything off. I'm going straight on the surgery list again. God knows how many months I'll have to wait this time, it'll probably spread even further by then. Why is life like this???

Now I'll have to make another mutual aid post for actual money which I really didn't want to do, other wise I won't be able to pay for the post-surgical supplies. So ridiculous that the NHS doesn't give them for free.

Just got back from my most recent foot surgery. It's spread and the left one was worse, also they were meant to book me a double appointment but had only booked a single, so they couldn't get as much done. They just did part of the left one today. So they've booked me three further appointments, July, August and Sept. July they can clean the worst of it and the next two will be for a final clean and so any hint of it returning can be cleaned before it spreads and hopefully that will finish it for good.

So now I've had to make another mutual aid post for help with that. People are going to get sick of me but I don't know what else to do.

Because of touching it, and touching clothes the infection has touched etc, it has spread to my right hand now too. This isn't the first time and it's never been so bad with the hands. That's just being treated with a topical ointment. But it's disgusting and exhausting though, dealing with this. And going to a different hospital further away wasn't easy, my landlady drove me in exchange for petrol money, thankfully someone came through on that. But the satnav didn't help much with finding it and my landlady was pissed off about how long and difficult it was to find. I will have to book hospital transport for next time as the next appointment is also at the further hospital.

Considering how badly understood patient communication is, I almost want to learn to draw to make one of those "Difference between equality and equity" comics but for the difference between compliance, adherence and concordance* in medicine.

*Latest fad

But then I also realize that a great many doctors do not and have never given a shit about concordance.

You may have stuff you need to do, but have you considered that if we don't make it impossible to cross from one side of the city to the other it'll hurt the bikes feelings.

Anyway I'm opening these fucking barriers and if one of these security dweebs tries stopping me I'm just gonna steal the entire barrier you fucking watch me.

finally got over the "i deserve to have things not fully work" brainworms for long enough to buy a new phone. current one is 5 years old and keeps shutting off randomly so, kinda a long time coming i guess

Went to a social event. Had a short conversation with someone who sat with me. Still hovering around generally, and then leaving after a short time.

Going up to someone feels like a bad idea, introducing myself feels like a violation of their boundaries.

Honestly, I need things on a level playing field. If I'm in a group of any kind and two people are like, clicking, or already know each other, my brain really latches onto that. I'd prefer if we were all strangers, so I don't feel like I have to play catch up. But my instinct is to back off the minute I suspect that they know or like that person better than me.

Like if we were a group of strangers plunged into a scenario or situation together. Holy shit I'm going to go on Survivor so I can make friends

Having massacred my guts via decades of alcohol abuse, I now enjoy having a panic attack every time I'm sick and something weird happens. I do not recommend alcoholism. It's quite unfun.

I've been ill over the weekend and mostly just drinking Gatorade, because I can't keep any food down. Today I had a bowel movement that came out blood red. Had a major meltdown until I remembered that I'd downed a few liters of red Gatorade since Thursday.

YEA SURE LETS SHUT DOWN ALL FUCKING PUBLIC TRANSPORT IN A MAJOR CITY TO PROMOTE BICYCLING. THAT MAKES SENSE. ALSO YOU CANT WALK WE'RE LITERALLY BLOCKING YOUR ABILITY TO WALK ACROSS MAJOR ROUTES TO MAKE ROOM FOR BOTH THE BIKES.

Update on my healing journey: I am more painfree than before, but I also haven't worked out these recent days bc the hot temperatures were making my surgical wounds itch and pulsate. I guess they don't like the heavy blood flow. But it's okay.

Now I just got my period again and the cramps are so much worse than the last few times. I'll be over here, melting into a puddle.

I borrowed a book on how to draw and am going to spend the next two hours practising. I will keep practising for two hours every day until summer break is over.

thinking about cutting my hair short. i llike having longer hair when i dress up, but i never dress up anymore and the executive function means i dont brush it until it gets matted

I achieved something vaguely human shaped. Well... Vaguely vaguely human shaped.

showered for the first time in a month, I can feel my health deteriorating.

It's the summer solstice party at Stonehenge tonight. I want to go, so much it hurts. I've wanted to go for years. But I don't feel well enough at all and anyway the trains are too expensive.

any USian adhd homies have tips for how to more efficiently track down meds when your pharmacy decides to nope out of carrying the shit that lets you function reasonably well? when there was a backlog last time i called a million pharmacies and they all told me they didn't have any, is there a more efficient method than hitting these spots one by one?? i have a week and change to find a new spot which could be worse but im still tweaking about this

BRB gonna try to art

i am physically incapable of not spending too much social energy all at once and now im depressive again

In the past week I have eaten [half bowl of soup] and [less than 200 grams of protein substance] and the occasional leftover bread that's hard, I'm barely sleeping and my memory is getting worse.
I fear for a day that people would be right to not trust me for my decisions, as for the day I lost my trust in myself was years ago.

Hey loves 💙,

Just wanted to check in since my last post kinda got lost in the megathread. Things are still really rough here in Gorom Camp we’re trying so hard to clear hospital bills and find somewhere safe after our shelters got burned down.

I’m gonna keep replying to folks here with love so people know we’re not just here asking, we care too.

We still need about $825 to cover what’s left for safety, food, and medicine. I’ve updated my profile with a bit about what’s happening + my mutual aid link if anyone wants to help or share.

Honestly, every kind word or share right now keeps us going. Thank you so much for seeing us.

My mutual aid link is in my profile if you’re able to support or boost.

Sending so much love and strength to everyone trying to survive another week. Solidarity always. 🙏🏿

i got referred to a psychologist bc the therapy/medicine aint doing shit lmao. i want to be upfront about the things i usually dont mention for fear of being pathologized (like being plural), but gosh am i afraid they're just gonna go and turn me away for some special specialist i cant afford

I was exhausted yesterday and im still feeling exhausted today

I had an anxiety attack on Saturday that essentially wrecked me for the next 2 day. Now I have to go get a few cavities filled and I fucking hate needles so guess who's back? Anxiety! I'm bringing my earbuds and a stim toy with me so hoping I don't turn too much into a 42 year old baby.

The group I've been organizing with started their breakfast program this week. Yesterday not a single kiddo showed up. I'm checking with them now and I guess this morning 4 kids showed up. We reached out to a local community leader and he spread the word a bit. I really wanna see this program take off! It's a first step towards our Food Co-op. We still need to get the website live because people are talking about it.

I'm gonna get my food handler license done probably Friday so I can start helping directly. I want to put as much effort into this as I can because if we start getting enough money from the Co-op, I get to be the first paid employee and that's gonna be substantially more rewarding than driving a delivery van for Amazon.