A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
Remember, reporting that any Palestinians lost their lives during this conflict is not only anti-semitic, it's anti- American. Israelis aren't capable of committing violent war crimes. (BTW I'm being facetious, but only a little).
I take issue with your wording: "crimes" are the things that the OTHER side does, while when WE do it, it is ah... something else. (I am also being facetious, but only a little, unfortunately)
They justifying extreme violence by claiming that they're squashing "terrorism."
Even though the USA, and it's military-industrial complex, has been the single largest terrorizing force the world has ever seen....
That's very true. When the other side does violence, we call it "crimes." When we do it, we call it "justice" or "necessity." Humans are good at justifying whatever they want to believe is true about the "other side."
This unfortunately is human modus operandi. There isn't a single person, alive or dead, that has ever done differently. Though some of us are aware of that tendency and fight like hell against our own biases, in order to be better, when and wherever we can.
Politicians, on the other hand... play by a different set of rules, it seems.:-P On the one hand, it seems easier to just lie to the children then it does to explain whatever needs to be done, especially when they are cranky & dead set against learning (e.g., fluoridating water and iodizing salt = good?), while on the other, corrupt politicians also lie to line their own pockets and achieve their own goals, even if those may be detrimental to those they are supposed to be "serving". In either case, they lie:-|.
ok, but do you condemn Hamas?!
I condemn the Israeli government for slaughtering civilians and committing endless war crimes
whoooosh (that's the sound of a hellfire missile being launched in your direction for antisemitic remarks).
idf want to know your location
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, D.C.
Why you got to dox me like that man? Cornpop! You’re a bad dude!
only if it has garlic in it
The Israeli government sure doesn't. They know 100% that oppression leads to terrorism. They knew their actions would create Hamas, and they know that giving Palestinians equal rights would end the terrorist cause in an instant. When they say they condemn Hamas, they're lying. They love Hamas.
Perhaps POTUS should take a leaf from my government's book. Here in the UK they are struggling to deport enough immigrants, so they want to send them to Rwanda. Since there's a concern that Rwanda isn't safe and this would therefore be a violation of our international obligations to genuine asylum seekers, they are considering legislating that Rwanda is safe - regardless of the truth.
If reality is bothersome - why not simply state that it is not, and make it the law that you can't say that it is!
Wait, are you being a little or a lot facetious? Bc it sounds like a lot. If only a little, you’re saying you mostly do believe those previous statements.
Or mostly believe you'll be called antisemitic/anti-American, not that it would actually be so.
Shoutout to the web dev who made this page so it loads everything except the article content and shows massive white blocks of nothing instead.
The Onion is a satirical site, it’s a joke. There’s no article, the whole joke is the headline. It’s not a real news site.
I think sometimes there's no article, the whole joke is the headline, and the white square is the blocked ad. Or have I been bamboozled by incompetent coders the whole time?
That's what I thought at first but after the first "you may also like" there's a huge void of white that goes for two screens and then there's more links.
The page source is something to behold. I'm not sure if it's the worst thing I've ever seen or if they've reached a god tier level of parody.
I thought it was just me. IDK what they've got going on there.
Is there even an article or is it just the headline? Because I can't see anything but links
There have only been 20 civilian casualties in Gaza when you use Base 1000 math.
I'm not to proud to admit I don't know what base 1000 math is. Can you explain it to me as I'm also to lazy to Google it?
The base means how high you can count using only one digit. In base ten you have 0-9. In base one thousand, 0-999 are all represented as a single digit (you'd need a massive numerical system). Let's say that w is the number for 998, and x is the character for 999. You'd count 0, 1, 2, 3...w, x then the next number (one thousand) would be 10. 11 is one thousand and one and so on all the way to one thousand nine hundred and ninety nine which would be 1x, then two thousand would be 20.
The base is just how high you can count before you need a second digit. In base 2 you can only count 0 and 1 before you need another digit. That's why two is written "10" in base two.
Wow, thank you for taking the time to explain that in a way I am able to understand.
Base X means you can represent up to X with a single digit. “20” in base X is 2 * X. In base 10 what were used to, 20 is 2 * 10. In base 1000, “20” would be 2000
30 actually.
They have [only] killed less than 8! people
Give it enough time and this whole thing might even lead to 13! deaths
weird how we're not using the '9/11s as a proportion of population' anymore! what are we at now, 1,000+ 9/11s?
I went a couple weeks without seeing a Hexbear user and it was fantastic.
I wish I was as lucky as you
Is there no article?
Pretty sure this is what God meant by "thou shalt not kill"
Where's the article? I can only see a headline and a picture
You almost got me