this post was submitted on 17 Feb 2024
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A follow up from my older asklemmy post, saying goodbye to a teacher who helped me a lot through my stuff, was thinking maybe chocolate, but one of the dudes said that it’s not a very good idea, I was thinking maybe a perfume/cologne? What do you guys suggest? She is in probably in her early 20s if it helps, and I am in senior high, damn this is getting weirder and weirder, I just want to run away lol

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[–] actionjbone@sh.itjust.works 134 points 8 months ago (3 children)

A greeting card with a note about how she helped you.

Material gifts will get used up and thrown out over time. But she'll collect notes and letters from her students over the years, and they will help remind her why she's teaching.

[–] Lemjukes@lemm.ee 21 points 8 months ago (1 children)

This, and if you really really wanna put a monetary gift in there, get them a gift card for coffee(go local fuck Starbucks) or honestly somewhere like target that sells school supplies. It’s a bit orphan crushing machine but they may really appreciate the extra cash for supplies.

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[–] mom@nom.mom 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Concur. I have every card, note, poster, or coloring page I've ever gotten from a student. (I volunteered with kids younger than OP)

Misspelled words don't matter (I guess maybe if it's your language arts/spelling/writing teacher it would matter a little) because they thought of me and put time, thought, and energy into a gift for me instead of making a tiktok or whatever.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 6 points 8 months ago

I got fired from my job, and while I was cleaning out my locker I found a folder in the back of my locker.

It had a note from an old lady I helped once. She wrote a whole note about how nice it was to work with me.

The other thing was a hand-drawn card from a coworker’s daughter, proclaiming me as her friend forever.

I also had a big stack of gift cards the company had given me to show their appreciation, and I just took them so I’d have food. I don’t feel the slightest bit of meaning from those gift cards.

Honestly an email from my boss saying “Hey good job on X” would have gone so much further than those gift cards.

[–] z00s@lemmy.world 6 points 8 months ago

This. I'm a teacher, and I have about a thousand gift mugs stuck in a closet, but I will hang on to that raggedy half torn post it note that says, "Thank you Mr. [Name] for helping me :)" literally until the day I die.

In my desk, I have a special folder full of notes from students that I look at when I have a bad day.

We don't do it for the money, we do it to help you have a better life. So when students tell us we helped, the feeling is incredible.

If you want to make sure it doesn't get mistaken for romantic feelings, just think, "Would I feel weird saying this to my Aunt/Uncle?" while writing it.

Some potential sentence starters:

What I appreciated most about being in your class was...

One time you really helped me was when...

Something you really helped me understand was...

The one thing you should never stop doing in class is...

Whatever you write, your teacher will love it :)

[–] jdadam@lemm.ee 98 points 8 months ago (2 children)

As a teacher, just a letter or card saying how they impacted you is enough.

[–] Pea666@feddit.nl 6 points 8 months ago

Not a teacher (but I work with people that sometimes want to give me gifts when we say goodbye) and I agree, card or a letter is great!

Either that or something I can share with my colleagues (chocolate, assorted sweets).

[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 6 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Fellow teacher here, I concur. I've never gotten a physical gift from a student, and I don't think I'd be comfortable with it.

A card would be weird too, but better by several powers of magnitude than an actual gift. And perfume? WTF my dude?

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 5 points 8 months ago

“There’s no way perfume could be construed as romantic!”

[–] livus@kbin.social 65 points 8 months ago

@fastandcurious don't give anyone perfume/cologne unless you know them well enough to know what they wear.

  • A card that has something meaningful about their teaching written in it.

  • Since she's early career, give written feedback to the school about what a great teacher she is.

[–] sexual_tomato@lemmy.dbzer0.com 65 points 8 months ago (2 children)

A heartfelt, handwritten thank-you letter telling them they're a great teacher and how they positively impacted your life.

[–] BleatingZombie@lemmy.world 6 points 8 months ago (1 children)
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[–] Azzu@lemm.ee 56 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

I don't think you have to worry too much. A classic gift of a vibrator should probably get your point across and not get misinterpreted.

(Sorry, I had to, I know I'm dumb)

[–] morgunkorn@discuss.tchncs.de 46 points 8 months ago (1 children)

A fountain pen or a nice moleskin notebook with a note saying how her lessons will help you in your future life.

I think a perfume is too personal and might come out as a romantic gesture (and difficult to choose if you don't know what she likes anyway).

[–] fastandcurious@lemmy.world 15 points 8 months ago (3 children)

A nice fountain pen seems like a good idea, Thanks!

[–] Akuchimoya@startrek.website 14 points 8 months ago (1 children)

As a fountain pen user, I would suggest against that unless you know it suits her personality. Fountains pens require maintenance, and certainly it's easy maintenance, but it's definitely more work than a ballpoint. They are a hobby, and if it's is not her thing, she'll never use it.

I would instead recommend a nice ballpoint pen set where the ink can be replaced when empty. Something she can use without having to think about or maintaining it.

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[–] adespoton@lemmy.ca 36 points 8 months ago (1 children)

One thing I haven’t seen yet: if you can, loop your parent(s) in on this. They know the situation better than the Internet does, and if someone tries to turn the situation into something weird, they should have your back. And they’ve got some life experience to help you with your note.

[–] flambonkscious@sh.itjust.works 8 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Damn, that's good advice.

However the sarcastic side of me is looking forward to the next post in a months time when they ignored this, etc...

"How do I propose to my old teacher?" And so on

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[–] WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com 35 points 8 months ago

Lmao at the perfume and chocolates. You somehow beelined to the most Valentines related gifts possible.

The suggestion for a letter or card saying how much they helped you is the best idea. If you don’t feel up to writing, then think about a professional gift, like a fancy pen or something to sit on their desk. Don’t spend a lot of money, that makes it weird. Less than $30.

I’m so glad we had this talk at this stage of your life before you gave your first boss a fine bottle of perfume and then had a bewildering conversation with HR, lol.

[–] Donebrach@lemmy.world 34 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Unless you’re living in a horny anime I don’t think you have much to worry about with what they think. However, don’t give your teacher perfume—that’s insane and inappropriate for anyone outside of a romantic partner / close friend.

Write them a thank-you note and get them a Starbucks gift card.

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[–] Devi@kbin.social 33 points 8 months ago

As a former teacher, I'd never consider something a student bought me as a romantic gift, that's just not a thing. Chocolates are nice, but echoing what someone else said, a nice card with a message is really special. I still have every thank you card my students ever gave me, and I once printed out an email a student sent me when they got their first job to keep. It just gives you fuzzy feelings to think you may have been helpful.

[–] BrerChicken@lemmy.world 33 points 8 months ago (1 children)

As a teacher, I treasure all of the heart-felt notes and letters students have left me over the years. If you want to give something that shows them how important they are to you, write them a letter.

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[–] Tarkcanis@lemmy.world 29 points 8 months ago (1 children)

A thank you card and a gift certificate for food. Everybody needs food.

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[–] FinishingDutch@lemmy.world 25 points 8 months ago (3 children)

As another poster suggested: muffins and a nice card go a long way. Especially since few students show appreciation anyway. She’ll definitely appreciate the card and gesture more than any particular gift that you might include.

And definitely don’t do perfume. It’s difficult enough to shop for yourself, much less for others. Just don’t.

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[–] Spaghetti_Hitchens@kbin.social 19 points 8 months ago (1 children)
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[–] set_secret@lemmy.world 18 points 8 months ago (3 children)

a pineapple. Can never be seen as romantic.

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[–] GBU_28@lemm.ee 16 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 6 points 8 months ago

“I’d totally chew these right off your pelvis if you weren’t my teacher. Now that I’m graduating, I want you to know you had a great impact on me. I often think about you at night. No homo”

[–] Bwaz@lemmy.world 15 points 8 months ago

Gift certificate. That's something that can NEVER be mistaken for romance.

[–] Lemvi@lemmy.sdf.org 11 points 8 months ago (3 children)

Maybe find another student and gift something together.

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[–] pugsnroses77@sh.itjust.works 11 points 8 months ago

a genuine card and a gift card to a nice restaurant. or maybe a wine voucher

[–] nutbutter@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 8 months ago

We had a wonderful English teacher in our college. And on the last day many students gave her some gifts. If I remember correctly, we gave a small bamboo plant that sits on a table, some squishy smiley balls aka stress balls, a custom printed tshirt, a book, and maybe a mug too.

[–] cloudless@feddit.uk 11 points 8 months ago (2 children)

A card with a well-written note would be the best. Take time thinking about the tiny things she did that meant a lot to you.

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[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 10 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

so chocolates wouldn't necessarily be romantic unless they were... you know... romantic. Like. valentines heart boxes would be a no go. But something like a box of See's Assortment or Lindt's truffles, etc, are pretty impersonal.

A note and some trinket or candy or baked goods is probably the way to go. It doesn't have to be academic-related, for, he record. if you got to know her really well, and maybe she liked... I dunno... legos... a lego minifig key chain, as an example.

I'd just stay away from apples. Kinda cliche. And the perfume. Stay away from the perfume! that would be worse than the chocolates (not least because it's usually ridiculously expensive. Also incredibly hard to guess what kind of perfume some one might like.)

I'd also suggest that flowers are too easily misinterpreted, as well.

[–] Deceptichum@kbin.social 9 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

I teach younger ages but my favourite things are cards or artwork that the kids have made. I find the intention and effort behind them most rewarding.

Other than that I don’t mind a good gift card.

Hate chocolate and mugs, I have so much uneaten chocolate and so many mugs I don’t use. But I’m not a big chocolate person anyway, so my preference there may not match others.

If she’s still young like you said, she probably hasn’t gotten that many notes of appreciation so for sure add one along with whatever you give as the emotional support they provide gets you through shit days knowing that your sacrifice is valued.

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[–] tkk13909@sopuli.xyz 9 points 8 months ago (7 children)

Eh, muffins and a card would probably work lol.

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[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 8 points 8 months ago (4 children)

Fart in a jar, decorate it all pretty and shit.

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[–] AgentGrimstone@lemmy.world 7 points 8 months ago

How about just an email. Keep it profesh.

[–] RHOPKINS13@kbin.social 6 points 8 months ago (1 children)

If you know something she's interested in, try giving her a related gift. For instance, one of my professors really loved Chess, and ran a chess club at my college. I got him a Arimaa board, which is a different game based off of chess.

[–] Mr_Blott@lemmy.world 16 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I'd argue that there's not much worse than someone buying you something to do with your hobbies.

In my experience it's always something you don't want, or already have

[–] CrownedProphet@futurology.today 4 points 8 months ago (3 children)

There are certainly worse things than a thoughtful, potentially redundant gift related to something you care about.

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[–] vodkasolution@feddit.it 5 points 8 months ago

As a teacher, I'd say a card as someone already suggested, or a book with a thank you inscription

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 4 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (6 children)

Why not go with the classic: An apple.

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[–] rufus@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

In my culture It'd be the other way around. Perfume could be romantic or mean 'you smell'. Chocolade, self-made cake of muffins would be alright. Or something individual, a drawing if you can do it, a nice 3d print or whatever creative hobbies you have. Yeah and somebody said a book. Lots of teachers like to read, and you know what stuff they're interested in... It's probably what they chose to teach. Or just say thank you, you helped me a lot and influenced my life for the better.... You could also instead write it down on a nice card.

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