them mistaking that i'm interested in them romantically
this post was submitted on 31 Aug 2023
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This was an issue for me when I was watching my then toddler son a lot as a father.
We would meet other parent-child combinations regularly at the places where you go with children. Most of the time it would be mothers.
But even though the settings were obviously non romantic and child focused, it often was difficult to get into a friendly relationship. I always had the impression the mothers were careful to not do anything I might interpret as flirting, including talking. So the interactions were limited to the now and then on the playground. No getting-to-know conversations.
Remarkably that was much simpler with the same women when the fathers were around also, I.e. on weekends.
In short it was a long series of strange encounters and isolation. It’s much simpler to interact with women without their children around, regardless if romantically motivated or just as factual interaction.
During the whole parenting time of 3 years I had with that child I made one(!) contact that I could message things like “wanna meet up in this or that interaction?” My wife has 15 or so.
Absolutely this!
As a dad, I was always extremely cautious when I was out with my kids talking to moms out with their kids. I also talk about the now, because I'm not trying to confuse anybody.
One of the more uncomfortable moments: my kid was playing and interacting with a child & parent. I said hello. She immediately took her kid and left the play area.
Another time: I must have been talking to a single mom because she kept asking me to be her 3 yo's male role model multiple times.
I gave up trying to make friends with other parents at playground areas since then.
I wouldn't know what to do with one if I got it, unless its work related. I barely even call my family without a good reason.
It used to be fear of rejection. Nowadays I don't care if I get rejected. That's life.
Because I don't want to give away mine, and in this case it's kinda expected.
Lack of self confidence
I don't like share my phone number because it means be vulnerable, give away something that can be used against you. That person can use it for spam calls and easily become a stalker without too much effort
Do relationships never reach a point where you might say this is a sane person that’s not going to abuse every vulnerability I open up?
I guess, probably because I am an easy target.
I’m sorry that you feel that way. But the vast majority of people are not predators.
I’m sorry that you feel that way. But the vast majority of people are not predators.
I am used to people not being interested so it never really occurs to me to ask AND it is 2023. There are so many other ways to communicate.
If you're having trouble building these networks, find a reason to have further contact. Follow up events, sharing a photographs, notification for the next event, follow-on event next weekend, have a discussion with somebody and say you'll send them more information, many good reasons
Forgot to 😹
Negative responses. The last time I asked someone I thought I was becoming friends with she reacted almost offended and tried to find excuses why she wasn't able to accept my email address (because I thought asking for her number would be a bit direct). We knew each other for almost two years back then and spent a lot of time walking our dogs together when we met by chance, laughed, exchanged issues we had with our lives etc. I really thought we could just casually meet for our dogs to play, but that reaction was... I don't know, it did hurt quite a bit. Since then I've become even more reserved and try to avoid situations like these.
That's unfortunate...It really can be hard to read when someone's open to exchanging contact info of any kind sometimes. Some folks, easy as can be, others you think it may be and then you've tripped their brick walls without expecting it.
Whenever I near such thoughts I lock up mentally especially because my awkward ass probably didn't have much interesting to say in the first place.
Because most of those people are fucking BORING lol
Non-romantic?
I ask for something more low-key like a method to contact them in the future. Typically LinkedIn or originally Twitter. That would lead to email info.
I don't ever bother with phone numbers. Because personally, I don't want to be texted/called on the phone myself.
Fwiw I sometimes do the same, but as mentioned in another comment, I haven't settled on a good way to phrase asking that doesn't sound clunky af, or end up going down a process of elimination of which sites/services you're both on & down for using.
There's no real need if I already have them on socials and can chat them that way otherwise if they're close enough friends and I feel like having their number would be more convenient, I usually give them my number first and they usually text me straight away or give me their number.
Edit - Sorry just noticed the "or other contact info" part.
I'm assuming you kinda want advice on the approach?
It's sort of the other way around, rather than the approach, I was curious about what might make someone hesitant to ask another's contact info. Should have phrased it differently, looking at the majority of the replies, but I thought the added body text might help clarify where I was coming from.
Like I completely get not wanting to read as romantically interested/flirting, or general anxiety, but I was wondering what some other situations might be.
Ohhhh right I get you now!
I can't think of many reasons that might stop someone outside of anxiety or not wanting to give the other person the wrong idea.
There's so many ways of communicating nowadays. Phone number is so last century.
That's fair, which is why I had this in the OP:
Phone number or other contact info.
I only wrote number as a shortform way of saying contact info, which is clunkier. Is there a better short way of writing, "asking someone's [contact info]?"
Phone number is the contact point for messengers..
Not all of them.
The fact I ask for their Discord handle instead of their number, and possibly invite them to my server.
Nothing? I ask people's number all the time, or give them mine. I had little cards made up that I can just hand people, that have all my contact info on them.
Supposing that something has on occasion, anyway.
This is directed to those that have had...~something~ keep them. Does your card have a fun design alongside the info? Or is it pretty utilitarian, just the data?
It's got a picture of my cats!
Nice! You're literally handing out cat pics!
it's what the people want
Leaving the other person with the expectation that I'll actually do something with that number. I'll WANT to call, but it probably isn't going to happen.
Seems awfully specific, buddy.
Yeah, why haven't you asked for my contact info yet??
I'm married
It's 2023: if we get along as long as I know their name or have any common friend, I just look them up and add them.
That doesn't come across as a little odd? Maybe it's age/living under a rock, but I'd been of the thinking that you might prefer to ask first, even if on good terms or having a mutual friend.
I don't think so, in a world where strangers add you all the time, possibly to harass you, a familiar face adding you is a very welcomed occurrence, as far as I know. Personally I never got any "rejection" on that front, but I'm sure it may change wildly from one demographic to the next.