this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Anon is no angle (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 7 months ago by Gullible@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
41 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

>be me
>lifting in the garage
>mom walks in with a plate of tendies with chinese sauce
>always told mom to not to come to the garage while I lifted
>always told mom to never look me in my eyes while I lifted (its where my demons hide)
>she made eye contact
>the plate fell from her hands
>the young man she had been raising had turned into a FUCKED UP beast
>she covers her mouth with both her hands as she lets out a yelp
>turns around and runs away
>put the rusty barbell down
>calmly walk up to the mirror and smash it as I see the beast too
Gosh dang it /fit/, we were gonna go shopping this weekend. What do I do now?

all 42 comments
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[–] InfiniteStruggle@sh.itjust.works 62 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I can't say if this is satire.

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 42 points 7 months ago (3 children)

WTF is "Chinese sauce"?

[–] TxzK@lemmy.zip 73 points 7 months ago (1 children)

A sauce of Chinese origin one would assume

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 54 points 7 months ago (2 children)

As one might get with a succulent Chinese meal? At McDonald's???

[–] Klear@lemmy.world 14 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Localised entirely in your kitchen?!?

[–] EmoDuck@sh.itjust.works 4 points 7 months ago

And my axe!

[–] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Ah yes. I see you know your Judo well.

[–] zip@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 7 months ago

UNHAND MY PENIS!

[–] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 11 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Szechuan sauce. Subtle Rick and Morty reference implying he's a neck beard fanatic.

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Do they even make Szechuan sauce anymore though? Are people on 4Chan just reposting their own stories now or did McDonald's just give him old rancid sauces?

[–] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I always assume it's an old meme being reposted on Lemmy.

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago

The date says 3/1/24

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 3 points 7 months ago

It's one of the McD standard sauces you can get with chicken nuggets : BBQ, curry or Chinese.

[–] Sanctus@lemmy.world 26 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Theres only one option now, Anon. Pick that bar back up.

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 2 points 6 months ago

And put it down. And then pick it up again.

[–] RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world 25 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I am so lost.

[–] OneWomanCreamTeam@sh.itjust.works 28 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Anon is telling a satirical story about how primal and intimidating they are now that they lift weights.

[–] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 5 points 7 months ago

It sounds like a scene from Teen Wolf.

[–] Big_Boss_77@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Is it...actual satire though? Or does homie actually think that way?

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 12 points 7 months ago (3 children)

I take it you don’t lift. It can be difficult for the untapped to understand our mindset. Me btw

[–] Big_Boss_77@lemmynsfw.com 3 points 7 months ago

I bow to your...unquestionable experience lmao

[–] massive_bereavement@kbin.social 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Oh, why did I look! Why!!

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 1 points 7 months ago

I’m pretty sure you’re already aware but there have been issues with kbin lately. I didn’t realize it was “2 days to federate a reply” bad, but that’s how she be.

[–] DAMunzy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 7 months ago

That means you're mostly normal. Shh, bby. It's ok

[–] elbucho@lemmy.world 21 points 7 months ago

He might not be an angle, but he sure is acute!

[–] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 19 points 7 months ago

How can you say he is no angle when he's clearly being obtuse.

[–] pruwybn@discuss.tchncs.de 17 points 7 months ago (2 children)

John, you are the demons

[–] Patches@sh.itjust.works 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

John Demonsoul, That's what we used to call him.

[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 7 months ago

Wow that's a throwback

[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 12 points 7 months ago

How bout you not lift in the nude, anon?

[–] Wetstew@lemmy.world 6 points 7 months ago (1 children)

i can fix him

[–] Shou@lemmy.world 1 points 7 months ago

Please do... how?

[–] The_wild_card@lemmy.ml 5 points 7 months ago

Woah he is strongh enough to cut me through the internet.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 3 points 7 months ago

Relatable