"Surely they can't kill me if I help them win"
Between this and the balloon thing, the US seems to have a broadcast malfunction where the audio channel is CNN and the video channel is Looney Tunes
We should be critically supportive of the TSA, given that it helps accelerate the downfall of the empire by wasting 9.7 billion dollars per year on unfounded paranoia
I like to imagine that A. Meateater composed this sentence after he went to China and witnessed his first vegetable
I'd not even buy this for 3 actual figs, and I have a fig tree
I love it when the people calling us insane and cowardly for not wanting ethnic cleansing in Gaza suddenly come forward with their phobia of Free Parking signs, jellyfish plushies, watermelons, and triangles
Zelensky on the Time cover is the perfect illustration of what having a bad migraine feels like
All roads are dark before the sunrise
Look, the problem here isn't even that you insulted your Jewish grandparents by taking pictures with an SS volunteer. The problem is that you were part of a crowd that would strip naked and take a shit in the Chamber if everyone else did it. The problem is your boundless conformity to the crowd, your inability to stop and ponder, and your tendency to impulsively react to any stimulus whatsoever as if you were a squirrel on speed. Fascism doesn't succeed because of some sexist truckers from the Yukon. It succeeds because of people like you.
I can explain that! Podoliak is tormented by a neural affliction that is very common in the Western world, known to medical professionals as Redditis ugabuga, or in more common usage, "the Digital Disease".
This illness has both extraordinary rates and means of transmission, since it appears to spread via the visual centre of the brain perceiving digital signals from a screen. The disease vectors, so-called Nazions - vulgo Hitler particles - originate on websites, typically 4chan or Parler, and gather in the frontal lobe where they execute an SQL injection disabling the parts of the brain responsible for logic, critical thinking, and general conduct. They may also attempt to install a payload insisting that the patient's own nationality, ethnicity, ideology, religion, or language would be particularly close to Anglo-Saxon culture and therefore superior.
Symptoms involve frequent lapses in communication (both oral and written), poor judgement of oneself and others, social media addiction, putrid exudations, slouching posture, proneness to scams, and a diminishing social life. In advanced stages this may lead to a solitary life entirely devoid of meaning, pleasure, and joy.
As the disease becomes terminal, the spine of the patient increases its curvature to such a degree that their upper body folds forward by 180° (although some patients may insist it is 360°) such that the head then enters the rectum. At this point, anything that is fed to the patient has already gone through several rounds of premastication and digestion. In terms more apprehensible to the understanding of the anatomic layman, Podoliak "has their head up their ass", and "is full of their own shit".
Now hold your horses, Ukraine isn't completely isolated in the world just yet. I am sure he will come out next week with a well-pondered, nuanced, and diplomatic statement about Africans
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