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I am not The OOP, OOP posted from 2 accounts: u/throwaway01928351 & u/update4everyone

Divorce on table because husband and I cant agree on baby's name

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: emotional infidelity, emotional abuse

Original Post  Jan 3, 2019

Hello reddit. This title might look funny but its an actual problem between me (23F) and my husband (24M).

We've been dating for a year, been married for 2 years. I got pregnant like 7 months ago so recently we started discussing name for the baby. Ever since we found out its gonna be a girl my husband wants to name it like his exes name. Its not any ex but the one he dated for long period of time and loved the most. In the beginning of our relationship we had may problems because of her but she moved away so the problems went away. He really loved her and he never hid that from me but I thought it was over once she moved away. Now he made it clear that he wants the baby to have that name and I can name the second child. When I asked him why does he want that name so badly he said just because he and his ex didnt work out doesnt mean he doesnt want something to keep reminding him of her. He doesnt understand how much its affecting me and keeps saying its just the hormones. Is he still in love with the ex or its normal that he wants to name OUR child like that. Thank you!

TOP COMMENTS

gcitt

I knew a woman who wanted to name her baby after an ex. She ended up stabbing the current bf. Just putting that out there.

~

Spoonbills

I'm more concerned about his lack of respect for you as his partner, his number one, his wife. You might try relationship counseling but I suspect his disrespect extends beyond the baby naming issue.

~

Shore16

Tell him that you want to name your second child after one of your previous fuck buddies because the sex was so good you just want to be reminded of it even though things didn't work out.

Like seriously what the fuck is he thinking. I don't know your husband's feelings towards his ex but it's not normal.

~

maryjannie

Wow! He just told you, you are second best. He blatantly is saying he settled with you. No way.

Update - rareddit  Jan 18, 2019 (15 days later)

Im sorry for late update but last few weeks have been hell for me. Im gonna write quick update here mostly to thank all those people for opening my eyes about everything. I also apologize for english mistakes because Im from Italy and its not my native language. I followed through most advices in the comments from calling our friends asking for help, asking his mum, talking to him and calling the ex.

This post blew up in 2 days and then I decided to show him comments where everyone said we should not name our child after an ex. He said im listening to "random social media strangers" instead of my husband and called me so many bad names, refuses to talk about it and still wants to name our child like his ex.

Next thing I do is call his mum and mutual friends, his mum called me immature and said its just a name and I should only care about delivering the child healthy and not argue with him over something stupid.

Our friends said they dont wanna get inbetween us and suggested therapy is well. I was really desperate so I did something I never would, I called the ex. She didnt sound surprised at all by it and said she kinda knew he was gonna name the child after her but she explained it fully because he couldnt look me in the eyes and say all that. Two of them had an agreement while they were still in love, to name their children after each other if they dont work out. She left him and obviously grew out of it and said she would never name her child after him because its absurd but she wasnt surprised that he still wants to do that. When I asked her why does she say that, well here comes the shock. MY husband tried getting in contact with her via facebook several times, asked her to meet up etc and she kept refusing because he is a married man. Here you can see that she is not a bad person and btw for anyone who asked her name is Aurora and I wouldnt mind just naming my child Aurora because its a beautiful name and she isnt a bad person but i dont wanna raise someone who will remind my husband of his ex. I thanked her for telling me the truth and asked her to inform me if he tries to contact her again.

I confronted my husband about it and told him I knew the truth. Being an asshole as he is, he admitted and said there is nothing wrong in it, baby is mine, she will look like me and atleast he gets to name it as her like he promised he would. I told him its nonsense and even Aurora said its stupid but he sticked to his decision. We didnt talk much and he spent days and nights out with his SINGLE friends. Pretty soon I get a call from Aurora and she tells me he called her from his friends phone and told her he is single now and asked to meet up and that he would fly up just to see her. After all those years with no contact with her, marriage with me, future daughter.. she is still in his mind and he wants to meet her. Im completely broken. Divorce is the only thing in my mind but it will be so stressful with pregnancy and everything else. I guess I wanted to be blind with him. But thanks to this app I atleast wont spend my life with someone who doesnt even love me.

EDIT: ALSO REDDIT FEEL FREE TO DROP NAMES IN THE COMMENTS. I dont wanna name my child Aurora because it would forever remind me of this incident and I cant think about names so help me out

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Wittyandpithy

SORRY. Sounds like you are still in the shit.

he said there is nothing wrong in it, baby is mine, she will look like me and atleast he gets to name it as her like he promised he would

he called her from his friends phone and told her he is single now and asked to meet up and that he would fly up just to see her

I'm sorry but it sounds like the person you married wishes he married someone else. It is really fucked up. But, I don't think he loves you. He may never have loved you. He may have just settled for you.

BUT there are three wonderful things ahead of you:

• You can be grateful that Aurora has been honest with you. That is really helpful to you.

• You can be grateful you learnt the truth about your ex now, and not in 3 or 5 or 10 years time.

• You can be grateful that now you are able to take back your life and work on creating a happy life in the future.

p.s. his mum sounds just as fucked up as him

Ruval

She should name the baby Borealis just to fuck with her STB Ex.

Nurizeko

Nah, Helia.

Feminine form from the Greek name Helios, Greek god of the sun, I.E. that big shining ball of plasma which is the ultimate source of the aurora borealis.

The ultimate r/MaliciousCompliance

~

Armnl

Well, atleast now you know he is a piece of shit who tries to cheat while his wife is giving birth to his child. You deserve better!

Name her : Elysia

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAsimpin

My [21F] boyfriend [22M] spent $4k on a Master Chief suit, when he doesn’t even have a job

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, verbal abuse, financial exploitation

Original Post - rareddit  June 21, 2020

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year now, and he’s a really nice and sweet person. He always makes sure to give me his all, and genuinely cares about my happiness.

Today I get home from work and automatically I notice a huge shipping box opened by the front door, I am intrigued but since it’s empty, I just keep walking towards the living room.

Then I see him, on the couch, in a full master chief suit.

I’m like “babe is that you?”

He’s like “oh hey babe, how was work?”

And I’m like, “good... what’s up with the master chief suit.”

He’s like, “you like it? I got it online and it was simply to awesome to pass up.”

And I ask, “it’s really nice, how much was it?”

He says, “four thousand.”

And i said , “oh that’s funny, how much was it really?”

And he says, “no really, it was four thousand.”

So at this point I’m livid, I start yelling and asking him how he afforded it, and the whole ordeal was very heated. I find out he put it on a credit card, and I just get so pissed that I leave.

We barely make ends meet now, so it boggles me how he doesn’t even have a job yet decides that 4K on a master chief costume is fine.

What do I do at this point?

TOP COMMENTS

Johnny_Shitbags

You leave him.

He is too incompetent when it comes to money and dealing with the real world.

~

Windbag1980

Run. This dude will be go bankrupt before he figures out how money works. This is not hyperbole: I mean the literal, legal definition of bankruptcy.

I am 40 and I saw it with my peer group.

~

LectricFox

He spent $4,000 on a cosplay outfit...that literally achieved nothing. The only place or time he can wear it is at conventions and Halloween.

The guy could be Jeff bezos' bastard he still wasted $4,000 he put on a (likely) 20% interedt rate credit card.

~

Pdrusz

Sell him on ebay

SweetCallahan

If you sell him dressed in the suit that’s $4001 in your pocket!

(Also, what is a master chief suit???)

salman352

master chief is a the main protagonist from halo

~

incometrader18

A $4K Master Chief suit must be freaking awesome

sauers3

That’s what I’m saying! Someone link me this suit! Lmao

icecreamburgers 29 11h32m

Master Chief Suit

noneofcon

Important: You are not able to wear the suit by yourself without any help from at least one assistant.

Who did he get to help him put on the suit then?

agaminon22

Shit, that actually looks pretty cool lol. On the other hand, it's pretty funny imagining master chief just chilling on a sofs, lol.

Update - rareddit  June 23, 2020 (2 days later)

First of all, I just wanna appreciate all of the comments on the original post, I didn’t expect it to blow up like it did. And thanks for the silver!

So after the post, I decided to confront my BF about the suit and hopefully talk some sense into him.

After a long heated argument, he decided he had enough and stormed out and left my house.

In the argument he defended his action, saying that it was his money to spend and that he doesn’t give me shit when I go out and buy a Louis Vuitton. Anyways, so he wouldn’t budge at all.

He left the house and after several hours of no contact, I was curious where he’d be staying the night as he lives in my house. I go on Life360 expecting to see him at his mothers or friends, but he’s at a house I don’t recognize.

I text him and ask him where’s he’s at, and he responds saying it’s none of my business.

Alright, what the fuck ever.

Next day I wake up to another text, this message being from his phone but not him, the message read

“You’re a selfish bitch, who can’t even respect bf’s wishes to look like his and my favorite video game character, he’s a sexy man both inside the suit and out. So don’t bother texting bf again.”

So yeah.. I guess he’d been cheating on me? I don’t even care at this point, just ready to move on.

I left his shit on my porch and told him he has 48 hours to come get it. Then I canceled his phone line which I pay for on my Verizon account.

Definitely not how I expected this to go.

TOP COMMENTS

lilyofthealley

I have this mental image of some dude in the Master Chief suit with a mean girl clinging to his back and hissing at op. Fukkin yikes

CCalamity-

I shouldn't laugh, but that is one heck of an image!

~

Jujumofu

I really want to know, if the argument and the leaving afterwards all happenend while he was in the master chief suit. Just a dude arguing with his girl, storming outside, jumping into his warthog to teabag another girl. This has some straight up arby n the chief vibes.

~

L1Zs 3860

He probably wrote that text himself to make you jealous

-mihul-

I love this idea, he’s sulking on some dudes couch still in the armour “yeah this will show her what a catch I am that someone else thinks I’m hot wearing this AND out of it, she’ll come running back to me...”

• next day

“Well shit... at least I have this kick ass costume and my phone... oh shit...”

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwra8274648

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

The girl (18F) I like kissed me (19M) when I dropped her off. What do I do?

Original Post: June 6, 2024

We met at work and became friends fast, now we spend a ton of time together. We started playing video games together so if we’re not working together we’re on the mic together.

I took her to get poke and boba after work. She touched my hand when she laughed and I almost died. When I dropped her off at her place she just leaned over and kissed me, thanked me, said she would be waiting for me on the game we play, then got out of the car.

Not going to lie, that was my first kiss, and I am a super virgin. My mind is reeling and I don’t know what to do. I kind of want to ask if she’s my girlfriend but that seems crazy. I don’t want to ask her and make her think I’m clueless (I am) and she laughs or never talks to me again. Also if the kiss was bad and she wants to pretend it never happened I don’t want to humiliate myself. I don’t even know if that was a date or not. Maybe I just move on and see what happens next? But I’d really like to try to make a move if she’s into me. I really don’t know.

Update here!

Sorry, I wasn’t sure if I should add it to this post or make a new one so I just made a new one! Thank you everyone for helping me!

Update #1 (rareddit): June 9, 2024

Hi everyone! Thank you to everyone who responded, I really appreciated all the advice and reassurance. I was fully panicking and didn’t know what to do. I got a bit overwhelmed with comments and did not respond to all of them, but trust me when I say I read and appreciated every single one. I also want to add that I know my post wasn’t very popular but I was not sure how else to update, so I’m making a new one. I’m a bit jittery right now and I’m probably going to include too much detail, but I’m just very, very happy.

So, we went out on a date! The day after I made the post I dropped her off at home after work, I asked if she wanted to go to the mall with me this weekend. She laughed and said okay, then I actually kissed her this time which was awesome. I was very, very nervous the whole time.

The mall was fun, I chose it because it’s casual and there’s a lot of stuff we both like there. We got drinks and she asked for a sip of mine, and drank straight from my straw which did something to me. She hugged me a lot, she let me kiss her a bunch, we held hands, I put my hand on her back, I even played with her hair! It was really, really nice. All in all we just looked at cool stuff and hung out together which was all I wanted anyway. We went to dinner at a noodle place, she fed me something she wanted me to try. I don’t even remember what it tasted like because I was too busy panicking because she was feeding me. She also stole a dumpling off of my plate which was really, really cute. I didn’t even care that I lost a dumpling.

I went in her house for a while and she mostly just showed me her anime figures and PC set up, but it was still surreal the whole time. I told her she was pretty and smelled good and she laughed, and told me I was handsome and smelled good, which made me almost turn into soup. I think we technically made out on her bed for like 15 seconds. I told her she was my first kiss and she laughed and called me cute. I almost turned to dust. When I left she told me to message her when I get home so that she knows I’m safe, and again, I nearly died right then and there.

That was really it! I’m home now and my heart is still practically pounding! I almost asked her if she was my girlfriend again but I learned from the comments that that is a terrible idea, and I’m going to wait a few weeks and a few more really great dates to ask her to be my girlfriend. We’ve been messaging practically constantly since I got home. I’m sorry the update was boring and rambling and stupid, I’m just really, really happy.

Update #2: June 30, 2024

Original post

Update 1

If those were removed, I found a copy of my original post and update here :)

Hi everyone! This is probably really dumb but I wanted to make one last update for my post. I really wanted to express gratitude and appreciation for everyone that responded and tried to help me. The internet isn’t always a nice place, but you guys were nicer to me than almost anyone in my life and I’m very, very thankful.

The last few weeks have been amazing. We’ve been going on dates and doing nothing, which I never knew could be so fun. I’m surprised that I never run out of things to talk about with her. We’ve been friends for well over a year, and I’d think it would have stopped by now, but it’s like we never shut up or stop laughing.

She has told me she was waiting for me to make a move for forever. She admitted she had been dropping hints for months, and I’m painfully oblivious. That’s why she finally just kissed me.

Something that I never understood was feeling so protective over a person. She works at the customer service desk and I’m pretty much a box boy, so sometimes while I’m in the back building box forts she’s getting yelled at, and it makes me really upset. I don’t like seeing people treat her poorly. With that being said she is tough. She says it’s her Latin blood but I think she’s just special.

An unforeseen benefit of this is my self esteem has improved tremendously. She’s very, very pretty in every aspect. I never would have imagined someone like her would be into me. She is helping me realize that I’m not still the tall, scrawny Asian kid in a Pokémon t-shirt with glasses and acne. Now I’m a tall, somewhat muscular Asian man in a Pokémon t-shirt with contacts and a skin care routine. That’s a joke, mostly. In reality I guess I didn’t realize I was likable in any way, shape, or form, and being liked by someone so absolutely amazing has been incredible.

Though it might too much information, I am no longer a super virgin. With that being said, sex is nice but I’m just happy I get to spend time with her. I didn’t realize how happy the little things like hand holding and kissing would make me. Just looking at her sometimes makes me melt.

Finally, I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said yes. :)

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwRAintermittent

My husband is saying another woman’s name in his sleep

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, gaslighting

Original Post  May 13, 2022

My husband and I are both in our 30s, married for about 10 years, with kids.

When my husband is very tired, he talks in his sleep, not a lot but a few words, usually it’s about whatever is on his mind. When our boys were young it was usually about feeding them or giving them a bath, now it happens less than it did back then but it still happens about once a week, usually he says something about work or fishing or his car.

Last night he said another woman’s name in his sleep, actually a few times. First he just said her name and kind of laughed in his sleep. Then he said “(Her name),  let’s go to bed”, and then a few minutes later something about a shower.

This is a woman that lives near us, he knows her but I don’t (I work afternoons, my husband gets out of work around 4 and so does she so they’re both outside with the kids around the same time). I’ve never seen them be anything but friendly, I’ve never seen odd behavior from him. But this has me very paranoid. I don’t want to be one of those people who gets mad at their partner for something that happened in their sleep, am I being ridiculous for bringing this up to him?

Update thank you everyone. I brought it up to my husband in a joking manner. He immediately got defensive, and began saying he “couldn’t fucking believe I was making an issue out of this”. I was pretty taken aback by his immediate defensive reaction, I assured him I wasn’t accusing him of anything, I had just wanted to bring it up since it happened and make a joke out of it so he knew I wasn’t actually upset. He continued to call me ridiculous, dramatic, etc, and if he expected me to stop hanging out with her because of this I was “out of my god damn mind”, then he left. 

RELEVANT COMMENTS

mfpstacey

Put your mind at rest and talk to him. I say and do all sorts of crazy stuff in my sleep, I told my partner he was a danger to me and I was calling the police once lol he really isn’t a danger to me.

OOP

I’m just a little bit alarmed because he’s never spoken about anyone else like this, in this way… It’s always very straightforward, things that he’s thinking about or are happening in real life

Personal_Regular_569

Honey, trust your gut. His reaction is everything you need to know.

That anger he directed at you is masking guilt or shame. He's having inappropriate feelings for the neighbour, whether he's acted on them or not who knows.

Update  May 15, 2022 (2 days later)

After my husbands very defensive response after I bought it up in a really lighthearted way, I began to get a little concerned, especially how he said “if you expect me to stop hanging out with her over this you’re out of your god damn mind”. Of course I never would have asked him to stop talking to her over a dream, but his response really was over the top.

So yesterday I took a half day and got home from work at 4:15, the time they’re usually hanging out. My kids and my husband were NOT at home, despite my husband telling me he had gotten them off the bus and his life360 saying he was home, plus his car being in the garage. I called his phone and it went off in the bedroom, but no him.

So I walked by the woman’s house. She has a pool in her backyard and from the street I could hear the two of them, clearly, in the backyard in the pool, talking and laughing.

I literally didn’t even go onto her yard. I just yelled out my husbands name and said “Where are the kids?”  He was silent for so long. He started to say something but I cut him off (I think I just told him to shut the fk up) and told him just tell me where my kids were. He said they were over his mothers. I told him he had until I went to get them and get back to get his stuff out of the house. He tried to keep talking, at this point he had come out to the street but I honestly didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. I told him I wasn’t messing around, if he was still there when I came home I was going to lose it. He got the point, he was gone but I did let him tell me “his side of the story” on the phone later that night. He said they were “just friends”, that he didn’t tell me “how” close they were because he thought I would get upset (a lie, I don’t care if he has female friends or not as long as he’s respectful of boundaries, which he wasn’t).

I don’t believe anything he said, he lied about where our kids were to innocently hang out with a friend? Obviously this is all new, but I have no intentions of reconciling with him, I’ll be a coparent and nothing else.

It feels surreal to me how all of this started, I still can’t really believe it’s happening

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OOP responding to a downvoted commenter

I don’t understand what you’re confused about. He lied about where my children were. He lied about where he was to hang out with her. You have to be a moron to not see he’s cheating.

~

DifferentManagement1

I absolutely knew something was up from your first post. I’m so sorry. Do you think they’ve been having sex?

Is he trying to save your marriage or no? Is she married? What scum.

OOP

Yes, he is

DifferentManagement1

What exactly is his excuse for sending your kids to his moms so they could have a date? I can’t even imagine

OOP

One of our sons had just been sick 2 days before so he said “he didn’t think he would be up for swimming.”

~

Foggydaysandnights

Did you ask his mother for what she was told?  Why she was asked to watch the kids? Does she know what her son has been doing? I'm so happy you are taking care of this NOW.

OOP

She told him he had to do work on the house and didn’t want them around while he did it

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/NoSilver6855

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for not wanting to leave a chair free in honor of my late wife at my wedding?

Thanks to u/queenlegolas + u/soayherder + u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: harassment

Original Post: June 26, 2024

My first wife passed away 12 ago and I was really young at that time, I did my best to get over the loss and move on. I loved her in the past but it's my past now and I need to live the present for myself, I found another love.

I met my girlfriend seven years ago, I love her and she has always respected that I am a widower. I don't really name my first wife except on occasions when I tell an anecdote where she is there and I don't have pictures or anything of her in my home, I want to give my girlfriend the place she deserves. I've had many bad experiences in a grief help group and learned what NOT to do in a new relationship.

I'm going to get married in November, at first I didn't know whether to invite my first wife's family because I didn't know if they would want to attend so I never said anything to them or invited them to the wedding, I don't talk with them except for a text every few months but her mother was the one who texted me to tell me that she would be very happy to go so I ended up inviting her and her husband, they kinda invited themselves and I have problems with saying 'no', much more in that kind of situation.

On the weekend we were putting some things together and my mother told me that it would be good to put an extra chair in honor of my first wife, that was an idea of my late wife's mother but she didn't talked about that with me first but with my mother.

We pay per seat, each chair we put up is charged as if it were a person (They would even charge me for drink AND FOOD, as if someone was really present and honestly I am quite tight financially on the wedding) so I think it would be a waste of money in something symbolic because If I do that for her I also have to do that for ALL the members of my family who died because they would complain about it, my father and brother also died so that would be even more money. I'm not a spiritual person neither so I don't believe in those things and I don't like any kind of ritual or symbolic thing, I also don't want to have a moment to talk about deceased people and kill the atmosphere, I just want a nice and joyful wedding for my girlfriend.

Just to make my mother shut up I said that if someone offers to pay the money I will do ask for more chairs (There would be seven relatives, too many, I knew that nobody was going to pay for that) because I can't spend money in more things but no one talked and I tought that she would forget that but my mother said that then I should include photos of me with my first wife when they show the typical video of the bride and groom as they grow up.

I just... Don't want to do that, I even find disrespectful for my girlfriend to put pictures of my first wife when I'm getting married again, let alone make a whole video about those times, it's just weird to me but I KNOW that there are widowers who have done so it leaves me confused.

My first wife appears in some of the photos I chose to go through in the video (not the one my mother wants me to do), in photos where I'm traveling with friends or family, it's not that I'm hiding her identity or anything like that but I just want that moment to be my wife and mine, I already healed.

My mother has been doing everything to make me feel guilty and honestly it's hard not to feel guilty when the words come from a person who went through the same thing as me. I know my girlfriend would agree because she's really kind and she has already said that she is not really interested in what others think because she is the one who will be my wife. I'm the one who feels uncomfortable, AITAH?

I want that moment to be my girlfriend and mine, I already had that moment with my first wife years ago, now I want to have this moment with her, is it a bad thing?

EDIT: Please stop recommending me to make a table with photos of the dead, make a speech, put centerpieces, etc, I don't want to do any of that.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

OOP on if his fiancee knew about his mother’s idea of the tributes for the wedding

OOP: She doesn't know my mother said that. When my mother told me to do that "tribute" I instantly told her no but she has been filling my head with the fact that I am being a bad person and that I'm dirtying the memory of a dead person, I'm not a religious person but it's hard not to feel guilty when the words come from someone who also lost a loved one.

My girlfriend knows that I'm really over the whole past and she really wouldn't care what they do but I'm the one who doesn't want to do that

OOP provides the background of how weddings are charged in his area, noting he is not from US

OOP: I'm not from US, Reddit is used by people all over the world.

At least in the place where I will have the wedding they charge me for a table and chair, so if some of the guests miss the wedding, I will have to pay that money anyway. The managers calculate the chairs per portion of food, it's a shit but that's how it is here, that way they handle what they are in charge since their logic is one chair per head.

Here many people charge the guests for the seat and food but my wife and I did not want to do that. I thought that everywhere the drinks was charged since it is a separated service

alisonchains2023: No way on the chair. I’ll go a step further and say your first wife should not be in the SLIGHTEST bit included in the video you plan to show, even if she is just “with family”. This wedding is ALL about your new bride, and you two are the stars of the show. Period. The End.

NTA.

OOP: We both put pictures of us with our families and it is inevitable that my late wife appears in some of them and I think it would be strange to edit her out of them. My girlfriend put a photo of her graduation with friends where her ex-boyfriend appears on one side and I don't see any problem with it. The main focus of all the photos is still just us

OOP on the terms on calling his girlfriend/bride, not fiancée in his country

OOP: In my country we don't really use that word, we just call our gf "Novia" which means girlfriend and ALSO bride in English. It's rare to hear someone say 'my fiancée' at least where I live

In my country we don't use the word "fiancé", it's weird to use it and if you say it, people look at you funny for trying to sound too polite. We refer to our partners as "girlfriend/wife", we don't all have the same culture and language. Luckily my girlfriend wouldn't break off the engagement over a word.

Update: June 30, 2024

[First of all I want to clarify that in Spanish "Novia" means girlfriend AND bride, The word "fiancée" is not really used in my country because it sounds too respectful, .]

I talked to my girlfriend about the exact situation, until now she had always said that she doesn't care and supports me in whatever i decide, but when I told her that it makes me uncomfortable and what my mother said, she just got angry and told me "let's talk to your mother". She has the balls I don't have tbh.

When my Ex-MIL found out about my engagement she sent me a message saying "I'm really happy for you, me and (her husband's name) would love to attend" I really didn't know how to reject such a direct self-invitation and my wife told me to invite them if I felt comfortable with that, at that moment I had no problem since they had always been respectful people, that was a big mistake.

I talked to my mother and she showed me that my Ex-MIL started to send her random messages after I posted about getting married with my girl, my Ex-MIL sent her messages like "today I really miss my daughter, it's a shame that your son is forgetting her since it would be a good idea to visit her grave but he doesn't want to" or "My daughter really would have loved to attend the wedding." everyday, They had contact from time to time so my mother didn't find that too weird. My mother felt pressured and under her own beliefs she also pressured me, she apologized to me and my wife and said she was out of line.

Honestly, that triggered me. My mother lost a son AND A HUSBAND, I grew up seeing how people expected the same thing they expected of me from her. I got angry and talked to my Ex-MIL, It really bothered me that they tried to manipulate my mother knowing what she suffered and how sensitive she is about that topic.

EX-FIL apologized and his wife did not, She said she finds it disrespectful that I don't do anything in honor of her daughter and that I even stopped wearing my wedding ring when she died. I'm not going to take that personally, I know that the death of a child is really hard but I'm not an extension of her daughter, I am my own person.

I ...

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I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/CuriousStepdad1234. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old due to the rules of the sub.

Mood Spoiler: Happy ending

Original Post: June 27, 2024

I 38M have a son and a stepson who are both similarly aged, my son Mark 15M and Stepson Luke 14M. Mark was defiantly a mommas boy, and unfortunately his mum/my wife died when he was 8. It's been a huge struggle raising him, especially since he has completely different interests to me which is completely fine, but makes things difficult. Someone who has been a great figure in his life is my sister/his aunt May, as she is really into the same interests as Mark and they have a great time whenever she babysits.

A few years ago I met my girlfriend Laura 37F, who was a single mum since Luke's dad was never in the picture. Me and Luke actually really hit it off since Laura introduced me to him. He never really had any male role models, since Laura only had sisters, and her dad died when she was a teenager. He's also into a lot of the same stuff I'm into which is where the conflict started to arise.

I've tried a couple of times to take Mark to football matches, but he just doesn't have any interest in it, so May looked after Mark when I'd go to football games a couple of times a year. However Luke was incredibly excited to go to games with me, as he's never been before but is a big fan.

Recently, May spoke to me in private and said that Mark was incredibly jealous of Luke spending time with me alone, and asked that I not go to a Formula 1 event with him next weekend (I asked Mark if he wanted to go, but had no interest in it). They both are really good friends, but Mark felt like I loved Luke more than him which admittedly broke my heart. Even though he doesn't go to football with me, I still make sure to take him to things that he'd enjoy such as West End shows, and concerts of his favourite singers.

I said to May that although I understand and try to speak to Mark, it would be incredibly unfair to Luke to stop taking him out and to not take him out next week when he's been excited for it for so long. May said that I needed to put my own son first and that I was damaging my relationship with him.

Those words have kind of cut deep and I was wondering AITA?

Relevant Comments:

OOP clarifies:

Just to clarify I didn't mean "mommas boy" in a bad way at all. It was a term my wife used to use for him considering how close they were, and also to highlight that it was a huge blow for him when she died. When he was younger he was kind of shameless about his mum being the favourite parent in a really cute way

Commenter: INFO: Do you offer to take him to West End shows etc. , or does he have to ask?

Do you show enthusiasm for his interests or are you just going along?

OOP: Both if that makes sense. I'll often ask if he wants to go do something on a weekend/bank holiday, and he picks a show he'd like, and if there's something new or that he really wants to go to, he'll ask me.

I try to show enthusiasm as much as I can, but I can't match his energy. For example, the last thing we went to together was a Taylor Swift show, and I don't think I could even nearly match the enthusiasm of Mark, May and the rest of the crowd. I do like seeing how happy it makes him though

OOP is voted YTA

Update Post: June 30, 2024 (3 days later)

First of all I want to thank everyone who gave comments. I felt some of the comments and messages I received were judgemental and hurtful, but accepted that most people seemed to think I was the Asshole in the situation, so rather than defend myself my priority was to make things right with my son Mark.

I spoke to him and opened up by telling him how much I loved him and how I wouldn't change anything about him, and that he inherited all of the qualities I loved so much about his mother. He seemed pretty confused when I said that and said he really appreciated it but asked where it was coming from.

I told him that I heard that he was getting jealous about the time I was spending with Luke 1 on 1, and that I'd hate for him to think or feel that I was abandoning him by spending time with Luke. He then had a bit of an embarrassed look on his face and reassured me that he didn't feel abandoned or jealous of Luke. I then mentioned how May said otherwise, and he then visibly cringe.

He then told me that he was jealous, but of me rather than Luke. That he thought Luke was incredibly nice to him when they first met and was really excited to have a friend like him since most of his friends through his school and clubs are girls. That he'd like to spend more time hanging out just the two of them, but he's much interested in hanging out with me rather than him.

I instantly felt relief about the situation, and asked if he's spoke to Luke about hanging out more, and he said that he hasn't as he didn't know what to ask to do or to come across as weird. I asked what they both had in common, and he said they liked similar video games, music and films/tv, so I offered to buy them both tickets to any upcoming film they'd both want to see and that if there are any upcoming concerts or gigs that they'd want to go to, that I'd buy them tickets if that's something they'd like.

Mark was really happy at that suggestion, as well as Luke and Laura. Especially Laura because Luke doesn't really have many friends and she was really worried about how he would get on if there was any blending of families. So turns out they were both wanting to be better friends with eachother but neither one wanted to express it out of fear of rejection from the other.

OOP's Comment:

Have to admit that when I saw the comments and messages in the original that I was really scared I fucked up big time, but over the moon that everything worked out

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-07-07 04:00:03+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOPis u/throwRAsadevilwife

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for causing the miscarriage of my husband’s affair partner?

Trigger Warnings: abuse, emotional affair, physical assault

Original Post: June 8, 2024

Throwaway for obvious reasons

I don’t know where to begin or where to end this story. I can’t discuss this with anyone I know because I feel like an asshole while also feeling justified at the same tome. This story will also sound made up, but it’s really not and I’m just hurting and want some place to type it all out too.

I (F36) have been with my husband (M39) for over a decade. Early on, I had to have a hysterectomy due to health complications and told him if he wanted kids, we should go our separate ways. He insisted he was strictly childfree and didn't want kids. In every other way, we were perfect for each other.

A few years into our marriage, we even had the chance to adopt a little girl from a family member’s unplanned pregnancy. I was thrilled, but he still didn't want kids, so she was adopted elsewhere. Not being a mom hurt, but I accepted it.

Sometime back, my husband started acting weird. You know how you just know when someone you love changes? He came home late, avoided sex, and was cold. He denied anything was wrong, but I could tell he was lying. Whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he’d tell me I’m being “psycho” and controlling.

So, I snooped through his phone and found evidence of a very long affair. I’m not proud of it, but I did it. I needed that peace of mind.

His mistress (F26 or 27?), whom he'd introduced to me as his cousin, was around less than 2 months pregnant. They were discussing marriage after he divorced me.

He admitted he didn’t want to divorce me yet because he would lose our house, which I funded entirely. He'd also been using our joint account, which I contribute significantly more to (I earn considerably more than him), to pay for her rent and hospital expenses.

When I confronted him, he admitted to the affair and her pregnancy. She came over, and things got heated. I tried to blame him, not her, but after a lot of tears and fighting, I lost control and told them that I hoped they lost the child. I'm not proud of it, but I said it.

He moved out of my house the next day, not sure where they live now.

A few weeks later, she had a miscarriage. They blame me and believe I caused it. She came to our house, slapped me, banged my head against the wall, and kicked me. I was not significantly injured. He didn't hurt me physically but he didn’t stop her either. Yes, I was foolish to let them in but I am in a weird mental state too and didn’t expect her to hit me. Maybe I deserved it. I may have felt the same if someone said something like that about my unborn child and lost it.

I I won’t file charges because it's not an option in my country, and maybe I deserved the beating for what I said. I just want to know if I'm the asshole and if yes, how big of an asshole I am.

Thanks.

Edit: What I said was so unforgivable in my religion. Wishing something bad on an unborn baby is like unforgivable. It’s not some small thing that’s why I feel like an asshole. A child is considered god’s blessing.

I said all that and cursed them and maybe my anger and envy created nazar. That’s why I think im the asshole. Logically I know I didn’t cause it to actually happen but the bad thing happened because I thought bad and because I was hurt, my bad thoughts had effect.

Relevant Comments

OOP on the discussion she had with her husband about having children despite her health complications

OOP: Because I was never sure whether he was childfree because I couldn’t have kids, or if he really was childfree because he wanted to be. So when we had the opportunity to adopt a child, I wanted to pursue it to have a chance at being parents, if he wanted it too.

Assault isn’t okay in my country either but we have a poor judicial system and no one is likely to take me seriously for some minor temporary injuries. I’d also rather not drag this out any further.

OOP on the divorce laws in her country

OOP: Divorce laws in my country somewhat favour the woman and the house title is on my name.

For a criminal case, I’ll have to go to the police (who are very corrupt), convince them to file a case and then all on this will become entirely public which I want to avoid. I don’t want to interact with the police here, which is one more reason I don’t want to press charges.

AmethystSapper: I have several questions How is nazar different than karma? How is it more real than karma?

Isn't having sex with a married man wishing bad things on another woman?

Now you have made many hints at the type of country you live in, most of them tend to have women more in the home than the work place... I am very impressed if a little confused as to you making more money, and buying the house, etc.

OOP: Yes, it is not common but my husband and his family gave me permission to work. I do not go to an office but have a business so I am allowed to continue doing it. In my religion it is not prohibited for women to hold property and you can even ask for it during your marriage. I did not want to mention which country because people may judge me.

Nazar is real because it is true and I have faced it. Yet again after this incident I believe that nazar is real.

Karma is just magical concept. You cannot be born again and again so it is fake.

Update: June 30, 2024

I've been meaning to post an update for a while now but was just so occupied with everything going on.

After everything that happened, my in-laws found out that my husband and I are staying separately (because he also stopped sending them money for their upkeep). They called me, and I told them everything honestly, including what I said.

My in-laws completely took my side. They threatened to cut their son out of their lives for his infidelity and were also angry about the embarrassment he has caused them. They've told him that the only way he can make it up to them is by obtaining my forgiveness and making it up to ME. I'm thankful for them.

They also informed my parents and reassured them that they'll be supporting me no matter what. I've been living with my in-laws since.

Many of you were right: she was never pregnant and never had a miscarriage. She couldn’t provide any evidence of pregnancy or a miscarriage. According to my mother-in-law, I think my husband realized she’d been lying about her pregnancy only after leaving me.

It also turns out that she really IS my husband’s distant cousin. So he wasn’t lying about that at least. She apparently begged my in-laws not to tell her own parents, but they went ahead and told them anyway.

Word spread, and she is now in shame for premarital sex, that too with a married man. I don't know specific details about her, but I think she’s pretty much been put under house arrest by her parents other than for absolutely essential trips.

My parents are too old to have much of an opinion. They are reassured that my in-laws are on my side and are happy with anything I do.

My husband and I are still not on good terms, but I still love him very much. I need time to heal from this and a proper apology, which I’m yet to receive. But once I do, I’m inclined to take him back.

I think he currently resents me because of the backlash he got (I think he was fully expecting me to be on the receiving end of it, as I was) and is upset that his parents took my side. But eventually, I think he will realize the error of his ways.

I don't know if this update is happy or not, but my heart feels lighter.

I wanted to update because so many people reached out to me offering words of comfort and support both on the post and in DMs. I read all of it, even if I couldn’t reply to everyone personally. Thank you to everyone.

Edit: Im not Indian, not that I have any problems with India or Indians. I’m 36 years old and it’ll be hard for me to find anyone else after this. Im not being a doormat, I’m being practical so I won’t be lonely later.

Comments

Popular_Document1399: OP, I am truly sorry about this. However, you will be making a very big mistake to take this man back. He cheated on you with his distant cousin, and supported his AP's lies that she was pregnant. He does not deserve you, nor does he respect you. You should completely divorce him and get him out of your life. Just think about this OP, you deserve to be happy.

Beck2010: I’m sorry, OP, but you need to grow up and grow a spine. Harsh words incoming; you need to read them. Let’s see:

He cheated on you

He stole from you

He allowed his AP to physically assault you

He lied to you multiple times

And after all of this, you’d take him back if he apologizes??? C’mon. Have a little self respect.

You have a great job. You own the home. File for divorce, get some therapy, and learn that you are worth so much more than how you’ve been treated.

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I am NOT OP. Original post by u/g_d_f in r/TwoXChromosomes

trigger warnings: sexual assault, coercion

My Doctor tried to kiss me - June 13th, 2024

This happened yesterday and I’m still processing what happened. I’ll keep this short, excuse any formatting errors since I’m on mobile.

I (26F) finally was able to get a new family doctor after having moved to a new city. It had been a long time since I had a visit and was desperate to get some help for various problems that had been making life difficult.

At the beginning the doctor was more than helpful, his expertise and knowledge made me feel relaxed and, maybe this was my first mistake.

As I got more comfortable, so did he, as he started making more and more sexual remarks, saying how i seemed so passionate, even going so far as to tell me “I’m sure you like to command in most situations”, … Then it all went downhill.

He told me to take off my shirt since he wanted to inspect my chest. (I had assumed this made sense due to some hormonal issues I had, but looking back on this, I’m not so sure). He proceeded to make me more uncomfortable commenting on how “if i’m anxious without a shirt, next time he’ll take off my underwear”

He proceeded to, and god if this is hard to write, pinch my nipples (to see if there was any secretion? but alas I am not pregnant), and even if this was true, he did this for an odd amount of time. He repeated the fact that I liked to command from earlier, adding this time “I’m in command now”, pausing for me to confirm this statement, all whilst I was shirtless.

The story does not stop here, after having seen my tattoos he was adamant in showing me his own. He took off his shirt and made me touch his biceps, insisting on talking about his tattoos.

As I was dressing, he told me “This situation made you wet didn’t it?” As I didn’t respond he kept on looking at me laughing to confirm it as I pathetically tried to clothe myself.

In the end he looks at me with his arms wide open “I’ll give you this medicine for free now if you give me a kiss,”

I look at him confused and he comes towards me, trying to hug me and I have to physically push him off telling him I have a partner so he just replies that next time I’ll feel more relaxed and it’ll be our little secret.

I’ve left out some details, mainly because admitting this to myself is already hard enough, posting it online to public scrutiny is more than I usually am used to.

However, I need to tell someone, because I cannot stand this mental image any longer.

If you’re still reading this, and wondering why I didn’t run away, let me tell you … I was so fearful and confused I didn’t know what else to do… Some may understand but, never have I hated myself more for not reacting… I wish I would have at least yelled, done something. I am sorry. After this whole ordeal I feel dirty, used, pathetic.

The only thing I can assume as to why I didn’t react earlier is kind of like a frog in slow boiling water. I guess I was too naive….

Top Comment by u/virtual_star:

If you can manage, strongly consider at least filing a complaint with the medical board. It will at least go on his record.

You may have a legal case, you could talk to an attorney.

OOP response:

I am afraid nothing will be done, in my country legal cases against medical professionals are so hard to win… I’m afraid of putting myself against a monolith… The one thing I thought i could do was talk about it so it won’t happen to anyone else.

UPDATE (SAME POST)

UPDATE: After your words of support I have contacted some anti violence centers and am going through the process of finding a lawyer to bring this matter to the police. If I have any other news, I will share if possible.

Notable comment by u/cielo_mist

Doctor here, please report this guy. Inappropriate is the understatement of the year, this guy is taking advantage of his patients trust and molested you. As a patient you have a vulnerable position because of the difference in knowledge. He took advantage of that. I highly doubt there was a medical reason to touch your nipples in that way. This guy deserves to lose his license. I hope that where you are you have access to another doctor worthy of trust, and that you have people or if necessary therapy to process this situation. I'm sorry this happened to you. It's not your fault.

SECOND UPDATE - (SAME POST)

UPDATE 2: Thank you to everyone, reading all of your comments helped make me feel less hateful towards myself and gave me a different perspective on the whole ordeal. Your stories hurt my soul to know so many have been through similar things. I’ve successfully filed a lawsuit and now all I can do is await the trial, hope to have a good court appointed lawyer and wish for the best. I have contacted support groups and have a wonderful group of people around me. Take care of each other, and thank you all for listening.

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/cowtogirl

I (25f) discovered my bf (28m) of 3 years is cheating. Tonight is the biggest night of his life. Help me.

Original Post  June 8, 2015

I won't go into all the gory details of our relationship. We were in love, and well, I still love him. But I found out, clearly he does not.

I discovered proof that he has been cheating on me for a while, in the form of small home movies of them. I don't know the girl, and from the looks of their conversations (yep, went ahead and post-discovery snooped), she has no idea I exist.

Tonight is the biggest night of my BF's life. He's receiving a state award at a big dinner with a few hundred people attending, from his Mom & Dad to councilmen and all of that. In fact, the only reason I discovered this transgression is because I have been putting together a little video for him to enjoy of some of the key moments of his life. You know, typical sappy shit.

I'm burdened with a lot of power right now, and I don't know if I have it in me to do the right thing. Or if I even know the right thing. I'm blinded with tears of rage and sadness and betrayal -- but at the same time, I love him, have loved him, and do I really want to do this?

The relationship is over, no doubt about it. I am not a woman who will take her man cheating on her, certainly not. That's not the issue.

The issue is... there are cutesy selfies of the two of them. A lot of them, only shared between the two of them. Nothing lewd (there's plenty of that on camera, though).

Do I sneak one in the snap reel as a way of letting him know that I know?

Or do I simply confront him after his moment in the sun passes?

I'm not going to pick up everything and leave without cutting contact. That's not my style and it wouldn't make me feel good, just very sad.

Do I do the bitchy thing for once in my life? To anyone looking at the snap reel, it would just look like a picture of him and a friend. But to him, and to me, it would be a private message, an outing.

Help me, Reddit. I don't know what to do this time.

tl;dr: Found out BF was cheating on me, and have the power to let him know via slipping a photo of the two of them into the snap reel showing tonight. Should I do it, or gracefully exit his life?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

bibabeep

nah, you know what? if there's really nothing that anyone would pick up on other than the two of you, you slip that photo into the slideshow. make eye contact with him when the photo appears on screen. then, when it's over, you stand up and walk out.

it ain't the high road, but nobody needs to walk the high road all the time.

OOP

I chuckled. I think the only reason I would do this is to make eye contact with him so that he knows I know. But I'm not sure I have the guts to do that. I'm not exactly Olivia Pope.

Update  July 22, 2015 (6 weeks later)

Original Post:

Original TLDR: Found out BF was cheating on me, and have the power to let him know via slipping a photo of the two of them into the snap reel showing tonight. Should I do it, or gracefully exit his life?

Well, it's been a month and a half since this all went down. I have gotten so many requests for an update and I never intended to actually give one, honestly, because I was afraid of the fallout depending on what I ended up doing.

So what did I do? I did the immature, vengeful thing. And I don't regret it. I took a few photos of the two of them -- tasteful photos that gave off no indication other than she might be a childhood friend. I slipped them into the snap reel. And I spoke kindly of him at the podium, then after my turn was finished, I walked out.

I drove home feeling calm and in control. Twenty minutes later, the texts started. Where did I go? What did I know? Where did I find the photos? Was there more in store for him?

I texted him, "I know you've been fucking her. But there are no more photos." There weren't any, and of course I left it at that.

He didn't come home that night.

Or the next.

The next day, he called me to ask me if we could meet and talk at a public location. I agreed to meet him at Starbucks. I arrived early, waited for him. He showed up a few minutes late and took the seat across from me.

He started right off with the excuses, how it "just happened" and he regrets it fully, she doesn't mean anything to him, and that she looked like a girl he had a crush on in high school and he was powerless against his teenaged self.

I didn't interrupt him, just let him have his time. When he was done and looking at me for a sign of what might happen next, all I could say was, "So where did you stay the past few nights?"

"Her house."

"And what did you do?"

He wouldn't answer. There hadn't been any doubt in my mind. Really. I knew I was leaving him. He talked over himself, apologizing, begging for forgiveness, saying he'd change.

I told him that I didn't want him to have to change himself. That if who he was, naturally, was someone who cheated on his girlfriend, then that's not someone I wanted to be with.

He said that he was thinking of proposing to me, and all I could say after that was "Good thing I found out before."

Fast forward to a few weeks later. He's moved out, and I am doing well. We have cut off contact. People ask me about him all the time, and I just let them know, "He left me for a girl who looked like his high school crush."

So that's the end. We are broken up. We are never, ever, ever getting back together. I don't feel any regret for how I handled it. Like one commenter said, there's no need to take the high road all the time.

tl;dr: I added the photos to the snap reel. He saw them. We broke up, and are never getting back together. I don't regret my choice, only that I wasted three years with an overgrown child.

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I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/AnonXIII. They posted in r/mildlyinfuriating

Short, light post!

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7.

Mood Spoiler: Happy ending

Original Post: April 18, 2024

My friend bought tickets (a month ago) to a concert for my wife, my son, me, and herself. We're all STOKED to say the least. The computer system at work has been down, so I haven't been able to submit my PTO request electronically, it has remained verbal.

Well, a coworker who just got back from a month and a half vacation apparently put in PTO for the same time, when the computer system came back up today, so they denied both, citing it as "only fair".

"Only fair"? I had to bust my ass for a month and a half to fill her workload, but it's only fair that I don't get a break because she wants another one? Am I wrong to be a bit upset about this?

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: Yes unless you are making a shit ton of money go to your concert.

OOP: I'm def going to the show. At this point it's just a matter of whether they approve the PTO or not.

Commenter: I gotta know what the group is.

OOP: AJR

More on OOP's job:

I'm on the bottom rung of a corporate ladder, in an isolated station where we don't get to communicate with higher-ups.

Commenter: You guys seem to get a whole lot of PTO. 6 weeks and she still has PTO left to use?

OOP: We work short shifts, and don't take time off often. It accumulates quickly at our pay rate.

Commenter: Can you take a sick day without penalty? Sometimes work can just take a loss for a day.

OOP: It's a three day trip. I told my boss I'm going, I've been telling them about it since before the coworker came back from vacation. The tickets are bought, the AirBnB is paid, I'm not missing this.

Update 1 (Same Post): Same Day

Edit for update: just talked to my boss again, I asked her to appeal it to her boss. I guess we'll find out.

Update 2 (Same Post): Between April 19-25

Edit 2: I'm still waiting to hear back from the boss on my appeal for my PTO. I'm going to the show, period. It remains to be seen whether I'll be paid for it or not. I'm pausing the app for the night, I'll update when I know more.

Update 3 (Same Post): Sometime before April 25 (in the next week from OG post)

Final edit: I went to work today, and received no update. I take this to mean that my appeal did not go through as I'd hoped. When asked why I wasn't talking much today, I said "I don't have anything nice to say".

I'm going to the concert. I will not be at work those three days. I will take the write-up, and I will regret nothing. I may not get paid for it, but I will definitely remember this experience with my son forever.

Thanks for all the comments reassuring me that I was not being emotional about this, that it's actually mildly infuriating. I'll be turning off notifications on this post now, but feel free to continue commenting and discussing the ins and outs of this per your own circumstances. Cheers!

April 25 (Comments)

How was the concert?

It was so cool!!!

Update 4 (Same Post): May 4, 2024 (just over 2 weeks from OG post)

2nd Final edit that I hoped I wouldn't have to make: They wrote me up. I'm putting in an application with our local competition and I'll be submitting a two week notice if I get hired.

Update 5 (Comments): June 29, 2024 (Almost 2 months later)

(I commented on the OG post, so I've listed OOP and myself as such)

Lucy: Just saw your newest edit- did you end up getting that new job??? Hope things are going ok for you

OOP: Thank you. Things are good, I did get the transfer, I'm leaving this little town behind.

Lucy: YAYYYY congrats to you!!! I hope your new job is wonderful AND that you have colleagues who are actually respectful of your PTO

OOP: I realize I should clarify - I didn't get the job with the competitor, I took a transfer with the current company which will result in a raise and increase in hours.

I wish OOP the best with his transfer and am glad he got to go to the concert!

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-07-06 04:01:03+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/CatzTheMusical

Originally posted to r/tifu

TIFU by calling my cat pretty.

Original Post: June 28, 2024

I (26M) have a cat, Susan (7F). She is the absolute love of my life. I’ve had her for five years, we had an immediate bond, she’s been with me through thick and thin. I may be biased but she’s also a very pretty cat. She’s a brown and orange calico with a white belly and legs, and she has a very pretty face. I compliment her all the time because I love her so much and I want her to know how much I love her even if she can’t understand English.

My girlfriend (25F), who I will call Liz, and I have been together for about two months now. She’s not the biggest cat person, and Susan is very shy so it’s taken Susan a bit of time to warm up to Liz. She’s not aggressive to Liz or anything. She just hides when Liz comes over, and occasionally she’d peak her head out to see if Liz was gone yet. Lately, Susan’s been coming out more when Liz is over, and she’s even started going to Liz for pets.

Now, whenever Susan comes out when Liz is around, I do turn my attention to Susan so that she has a positive association with Liz. I’ll stop and pet her if she’s close enough, or I just say “Hi, pretty girl!” when she peaks her head out.

That’s not to say I don’t give Liz ample attention when we’re together. I’m seldom on my phone around Liz. I give her lots of physical affection and compliments when appropriate.

Yesterday I had Liz over and we were watching Family Guy together. We were cuddling and just zoned out on the couch together when Susan came out and climbed in my lap. I started petting her and telling her how much I love her, as I usually do.

Here’s where I fucked up: As I was petting Susan and talking to her, I told her she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Liz got up and went to the bathroom, and I didn’t think much of it, even when she was in there for a while. When she came out, she was clearly upset. I asked her what was wrong, and she accused me of being a weirdo who loves his cat more than the “actual human woman” sitting next to him. I was honestly kinda dumbfounded because 1. We haven’t gotten to the “I love you” stage yet and 2. It’s my cat? And I honestly do love Susan more than Liz. Which is something I knew I shouldn’t say in that moment. But also I wasn’t about to lie, or be pressured into saying something I’m not ready to say yet. So I sat there, just staring at Liz for a moment until she huffed, grabbed her keys, and left.

After about an hour, I went to text her to see if she made it home alive, only to find she had blocked me. I was upset, but Susan is incredibly empathetic to me and came running to sit with me.

As of now, Liz still hasn’t unblocked me so I guess I’m single again? Good riddance I guess.

Tl;dr: my girlfriend accused me of loving my cat more than her and probably broke up with me.

Relevant Comments

N3rdScool: Do you tell Liz she is beautiful?

OOP: Literally all the time. I’ve never told her she’s the most beautiful person in the world but I’m a very affectionate person to everyone. And especially her because she is/was my girlfriend.

OOP responds on his healthy relationship with his cat, Susan

OOP: How is it “too far”? Susan’s been there with me through college, moving, break-ups, hospital stays, the death of my father, ETC. Anytime I feel sad, she senses it and comes running to comfort me. I would give anything to this cat.

I do love my cat more than I love a human I’ve known for four months and dated for two 🤷‍♂️

OOP on naming his cat, Susan

OOP: I named her that because shortly after adopting her and much debate over the name, “Susan” cane to mind, followed immediately by “That’s a terrible name for a cat!” And thus, Susan became Susan.

My pretty girl!: June 28, 2024

Editor’s Note: OOP provided a picture of his cat!

Cat tax!!! Susan

TIFUpdate June 29, 2024

So this was a very interesting way to have spent my Friday night haha.

As a recap, I called my cat, Susan, the most beautiful girl in the world in front of my girlfriend, Liz. Liz got upset and left, and blocked me on everything. For those interested, there’s a picture of Susan on my page.

First, I’d like to say thank you for the comments—I had been kind of beating myself up over the whole incident but yeah, an adult woman being jealous of a cat is not the kind of energy I need in my life. Also I just gotta say I did get a good laugh out of some of the comments but I can assure you all I have a perfectly healthy human-cat relationship with Susan.

I spent the day just kinda going about my life. Around 10, I got a text from none other than Liz herself. She asked if she could come over and talk to me.

For a tiny bit of additional backstory/context: I am bisexual and polyamorous. These are both things about myself that I am VERY up front about, especially with people I’m romantically interested in. When Liz and I met, we bonded over our appreciation of shitty cartoons. She expressed interest first, and I told her my deal. I knew she was bi since we met, and when we sat down to have the conversation that started our relationship, she told me she was in an open relationship with her last partner and was down to do it again. Which, in retrospect, I feel I should’ve been more cautious about, but what can I say, when you see someone through rose-colored glasses, the red flags just look like flags.

Back to tonight, though.

I was torn on having Liz over, because a big part of me is just done, but on the other hand, she is someone I care about. So I gave her the okay to come by for a talk. When she came in, I could tell she was really upset, so I had her sit down and I got her some water.

I don’t want to share too much of what she told me, but there was more to her jealousy of my cat than I originally thought. She opened up about her ex. He was the one who initiated being open, he found another girl to date, he started spending more time with this other girl, and whenever he was around Liz, he’d either be texting her or talking about how great she was. He ended up leaving Liz for this other girl. Liz also said she wants to keep dating me, but she doesn’t want to be polyamorous.

I will say, I did feel a bit of guilt hearing this, because had I known, I would’ve dialed back the verbal love of Susan in front of Liz a little bit. Although I do love Susan more, Susan is indeed a cat. Cats don’t understand language the way humans do, so I’m sure words of affirmation are low on her list of love languages. Meanwhile, Liz is a human who can understand language, and words of affirmation mean a lot to her.

But, the situation with Susan and the conversation with Liz opened my eyes to the fact that we’re not compatible. I’ve tried monogamous relationships a few times, and a majority of them (meaning 2 out of 3) ended because I’m just not wired for that. I have not and will never cheat on anyone I’m dating, I want to make that perfectly clear.

So, I told Liz that, although I care about her and wish her nothing but the best, I can’t be what she needs. She cried, but said she understood.

We had popsicles—I know from experience that having something cold and sweet can be extremely helpful when having big emotions. I did end up telling her about my original post on here, and I let her read it. I was scared to do that, because I know it didn’t paint her in the best light. But she actually laughed and confessed that she felt a little unhinged at being jealous of a cat. I also asked her if I could make an update, and she said it was okay. Our conversation was a lot more in-depth than what I shared (seriously, if there’s a villain in this story, it’s her ex-boyfriend), and she asked that I not share a good majority of it. She gathered a few random things she had at my place, and then she left.

As for Susan, she spent the entire night nestled between us. Liz was petting her a lot, too.

I feel this is probably the best way this situation could’ve ended. I don’t know if Liz is going to remain a part of my life in any significant capacity, but I truly hope she does well and is able to heal. I’m going to text her best friend tomorrow and ask them to check in on her.

TL;DR: My (now officially ex) and I had a good conversation, we both got some closure, and I wish her well.

Relevant Comments

heyitsvonage: I sure wish my ex had been mature enough to admit to herself that she wasn’t cut out for monogamy

I had to find out the hard way

Good luck with everything, give susan pets from all of us

OOP: It is, unfortunately, something I had to learn the hard way. But good thing is now that I know it can save me, and others, a lot of heartache.

Another pic of the prettiest girl in the world!: June 29, 2024

Picture of Susan

You think YOUR cat is the prettiest girl/handsomest boy in the world? PROVE IT (and share your cat pics)

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-07-06 04:00:34+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Puzzleheaded-Buy-770. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/TrueOffMyChest.

Thanks to u/back-in-my-day and u/WeWereAngels for the rec!

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. The latest update is 7 days old due to the rules of this sub. It has not been posted on this sub before.

Trigger Warning: abuse; attempted murder; drug addiction

Mood Spoiler: happy ending

Original Post: July 2, 2020

TL;DR at the bottom.

I can't use my main account for obvious reasons.

My husband is out of work. He does odd jobs around town to bring in a few hundred dollars a month. I am employed, but the job doesn't pay well. Saving money is hard.

A few months ago we had a bc failure and now we are expecting. Saving money became an even bigger priority for me. My husband seemed to want to spend more because he said my pregnancy was causing him stress and activating his anxiety and depression and partying helped. He says all of that will be over when the baby comes.

Husband received a really generous job offer recently. He decided to use the money I had been saving. He figured he could replace it with the first several paychecks. He never contributed a penny to that savings fund. Husband claims that since we're married it was "our money" and he had every right to it.

The job offer fell through. Husband then admitted he took my money. It took me months to scrape that together and he blew threw it in two weeks. His friends have been telling me that I'm not allowed to be upset because we're married so that money was "marital property". I have also been told that husband needed the money more than I did because it helped him cope and I should just be glad he partied instead of worse. Husband said that he will not touch any future savings for the sake of the baby.

It all came to a head last weekend when husband ran out of cigs. I ended up scrounging together change to buy his packs so he could make it until I got paid. Husband did not believe that I was broke. While I was at work on Monday he went through our apartment to look for any money I may have hidden. He found 20 dollars in a winter coat I had in storage that I had forgotten about. He also logged into my online banking and saw that I had money in my account. But that money was earmarked for a bill. He called my work twice to yell at me and then chewed me out when I got home. He told me that I am a liar and that I withheld something that he needed. I tried to explain that I had no clue that there was any money in my winter clothing and that the money in my bank account was for a bill. He didn't care. At least two of his friends have told me that I could have paid the bill a few days late if it meant supporting my husband while he's going through so much. This morning husband told me that since I am a liar and willing to hide things from him that he doesn't feel like he needs to pay back the money that he took until I stop being such an asshole to him. I really wasn't lying. As far as I am concerned bill money is non negotiable. AITA for not telling him about the bill money?

TL;DR version: Husband wanted something to help him cope with all of the things he's going through. I told him that we were broke. I did have some money but it was to pay a bill. Husband says omitting that money makes me a liar and the asshole. AITA?

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: Info: is your husband literally 8 years old?

OOP: Thirties. He thinks I was punishing him because he had an affair when he first found out I was pregnant. I have been told by friends and family that a lot of guys stray when they first find out. I'm not happy but that's not why I wouldn't let him have the money. I was just taught by my grandma that bills come before anything else.

Commenter: NTA obviously. What the fuck is wrong with your husband? If money is SO tight, how can he possibly justify even buying smokes? His friends are making this situation much worse and he's probably blowing up his side of the story to them to make you seem like you're not giving him any money.

Make him get a job, and make him pay for his own shit.

OOP: I have been told that one of his friends is spreading the idea that the baby is not his and I don't know if this guy came up with it on his own. The same guy is telling people that I am financially abusive towards my husband. It's not helping things.

More info on husband/their relationship:

He's from a southern background and his family is very "boys will be boys." My family is fundamentalist and thinks divorce is a sin. He is constantly telling our mutual friends that he would be lost without me and he doesn't know how he got so lucky to have someone who takes such good care of him. He told someone just yesterday that he would have died years ago without me. That it's proof of what a wonderful mom I'll make.

The only person in my circle who has been actively telling me to leave him is my best friend. She likes to point out how he's talking out of both sides of his mouth. He says she's just trying to start shit. She wanted to start a gofundme for me to replace the money he took so I can leave. I told hare it's his responsibility, not hers.

The bank account:

We share a phone so he has access to my banking app. The account is in my name only. I chanhed the password once but he said that was proof that I was lying and hiding things.

Commenter: Wtf. Why are you still with him. Are you seriously bringing a child into this mess. ESH. Him for obvious reasons and you for allowing his behavior by being a doormat. Please let my harsh words be reality check you need to see that this relationship is not right. It's borderline toxic.

OOP: Well, according to my mother no one will ever love me but my family...and that's because they have to. I'm lucky I found anyone who can stand me at all.

Abortion?

That was considered, but I live in a state where that option is very hard to access.

Comment July 3, 2020 (Next Day)

Is one of you a witch? Is there an AITA curse/blessing that I was previously unaware of? My husband partied a little too hard and got himself arrested this morning. Due to previous behaviour he's going to have to sit in jail for a few weeks while they sort things out. You've all given me things to think about and the universe gave me time to mull them over.

Update Post: June 29, 2024 (4 years later)

I made a post on this account four years ago when things were really bad in my life. Unbeknownst to me, my husband was addicted to drugs. His friends who were all on his side were also doing drugs with him.

Here's my update to that situation: My (now ex) husband was contemplating getting rid of us both. Him getting arrested that weekend in 2020 saved my life. I've gone low contact with my family. My best friend helped me get a new job. I met some people who helped me get a better place. My ex is still wallowing down in the gutter, but at least he didn't take us with him. My daughter was born safe, happy, and loved.

Life isn't perfect, but it's so much better than it used to be.

Comment:

Commenter: A few questions

1. Why did he get arrested?
2. When you say he was planning to get rid of you? You mean as in leaving you, right,?

OOP: 1. I didn't want to admit this four years ago, but I'm okay to talk about it now; he came home high and drunk and beat the daylights out of me. I'm lucky to be alive. I suffered a permanent injury and he still only got a six month sentence. 

1. No. He wasn't planning on leaving me. He was planning on shuffling us off of the mortal coil. Again, only six months for all of this. His probation officer called him one of the scariest people that she has ever had to deal with.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/swtogirl on 2024-07-06 03:16:05+00:00.

I am not OOP. OOP is u/LaReinalicious and she posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7-day waiting period so the latest update is at least 7 days old.

Trigger Warning: Voluntary euthanasia

Mood Spoiler: Sad, but very sweet and wholesome

I don't have anyone to tell this story to June 13, 2024

I made a friend named Judy (NOT REAL NAME) at a Writing group. She is 95. I am 62. I visited her at her apartment a few times and helped her with her computer and we really hit it off.

She told me that some medication she was taking was making her feel sick, I asked her what it was for. She said she is just riddled with bone cancer.

She published a book of poetry, I went to her book launch party at the beginning of May. She had a friend there named Mike (NOT REAL NAME) who is about my age.

I thought he was a very very attractive man and intelligent.

I went up to Judy and asked her if he was single and she said he was.

(Judy had told me about Mike quite a few times and what a wonderful person he was and what a great friend to her. He is also a writer)

I tried to flirt with him and ask him out but he was chatting with some other woman about publishing. I felt embarrassed so I left.

I received an email yesterday from someone in the Writing Group that we were both in that Judy has made the decision to end her life as she had had a stroke about two weeks ago and has not been well at all in the last month.

(Medical assistance in dying) -completely legal in Canada-

I was shocked to hear this as she was seemingly so well and in great spirits the last time I saw her.

I decided to call her to say goodbye. I phoned her yesterday and we had a lovely chat and she told me that she was very happy with her decision to end her life this Saturday afternoon and that she had family coming to be with her.

We had a good conversation and I told her how much I appreciate her friendship, and I told her I thought that her husband who already passed away would be there to welcome her to the other side. I was sad to think that I will never see my friend Judy again.

I thought that chapter with me and Judy was now closed.

-Just about five minutes ago I received a phone call from Judy. She wanted to give me Mike's phone number and asked me to call him. Apparently he thought I was also a very nice person and wanted to know more about me! I explained that I had liked him very much I thought he was very attractive and that I had embarrassed myself so I left. Judy thought this was really funny and cute. Apparently I made some kind of impression on him because he mentioned me to Judy several times. She gave me his phone number and asked me to call him and thought that we would be good for each other!

I said I would call him in a week or so.

What a lovely gesture playing matchmaker for two of her friends before she leaves this world.

I have been quite lonely lately and really wanting to have a partner in my life.

Relevant Comments:

spicybunnymeat:

Omg. Call him. So you can give her a final update before passing. What a sweet story!

OOP:

I said I would wait to call him and she agreed that it would be best to wait about a week -

But what if I did call him and things didn't go well and then I would have to tell her that before she passed -

spicybunnymeat:

Girl. He asked about you... If things don't go well for some reason( I can't think of any) you can at least tell your friend you've been in contact. I'm sorry for your coming loss, your friend will no doubt be watching over you , whatever happens. Good luck!

I have to go show my daughter this cute story now...you've got to update me if things go well 😊

OOP (also posted in a separate post on June 14, 2024, the morning after OP):

UPDATE she called me again this morning and asked me to come to her apartment to pick up an envelope to bring to him and ask him out for lunch and to call him later today.

She said she wants to know what happens!

spicybunnymeat:

I'm sooo excited for you! Try to calm your nerves- just be your lovely self that your friend admires so much...this sounds like the universe has plans for you!

Hello_pet_my_kitty:

Omg I am loving this! Go get that man, girl! And so good on you for supporting your friend during this time. I think it is actually pretty amazing that we are getting to the point of being able to have dignity in the end, and choosing when we are ready to be done. [95] years is a long life and I hope it was just as beautiful as it sounds like Judy is 🖤

2nd Update to Judy the almost heavenly matchmaker June 14, 2024 (1 day after OP, 3 hours after the mini-update in the comments)

Update!! I have the envelope in hand and have arranged to meet him for coffee in one hour. Judy gave me an envelope and wants us to read it together. I am at the coffee shop waiting for him right now. She wants me to report back to her this afternoon!

Relevant Comments:

throwaway4201969:

I JUST saw your first post, and 1# Judy sounds like such a wonderful person ❤️ I think we all need a Judy in our lives! 2# I am waiting with bated breath and on the tips of my toes!!!

This internet stranger has nothing but the best of wants and wishes for you, dear friend!!! I hope you and Mike are just beginning a beautiful love story 💜💜💜💜

DeannaC-FL:

This is the beginning of something so good!

whyfruitflies:

I'm so invested! Tell us how it went.

3rd Update to Judy the almost heavenly matchmaker June 14, 2024 (4 hours later)

I nervously waited for Mike to arrive he was about five minutes late.

When he arrived I explained to him that this was not MY idea and that Judy had asked me to meet him and had called me again and had asked me to bring him the envelope, and open it together.

He said that sounded just like her!

He predicted what was going to be in the envelope.

He told me that he had known her for about 10 years whereas I had only known her for about 8 months.

We talked about our lives and what we had done, jobs, careers, marriage, divorce, kids. Etc

He is a very intelligent, funny attractive man, we seem to be compatible.

He told me that he had said to Judy (when I met him that one time at the book party, )that he had after wards commented to her that I was very forthright and he found that attractive.

At that book launch party I wanted to talk to him more and another woman was capitalizing his attention, talking about some kind of publishing. He apologized for talking to the other lady instead of me, and he said he couldn't stand her and tried to get away from her to chat with me some more and when he had turned around I was gone.

I told him that I was embarrassed that I had put my foot in it by asking him out and that I just left because I was so embarrassed.

Anyhow we had a great time at the restaurant chatting about pretty much everything in life.

He asked me if I wanted to go to dinner at a pretty nice fancy waterfront restaurant. He asked me if I had been there before and I said I had not. I had to leave because I had to be back at work.

I asked him if he wanted to meet another time to open the envelope and he said "No, I want to open it right now I want to see what she is up to"

So I sat beside him and we opened the envelope together. ...

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dwg1wq/judy_the_heavenly_matchmaker/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-07-06 04:02:03+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Asleep-Ad-8496

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

Should I tell my friend we have a kid together?

Thanks to u/soayherder + u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Editor’s Note: changed letters to names and added paragraph breaks for readability

Trigger Warnings: teenage pregnancy, mentions of addiction and abortion

Original Post: June 26, 2024

I slept with my best friend while we were in high school. We always joked about how we were friends with benefits and it was strictly just friends having fun. He didn’t know at the time that I was desperately and madly in love with him. The last time we had sex, I did end up getting pregnant. I had our baby and put him up for adoption as we were both young and I didn’t want to obligate him to me or make him take a different path in life. These are things that he had freaked out about previously when his girlfriend had a scare.

Many years later (about 6) he confessed to me that he had always loved me and that he thought he had no chance because I always said we were just fwb. Anyway I’ve been in contact with our son and he wants to know more of his dad, our son knows that his dad doesn’t know about him. I guess my question is should I tell my best friend after all these years? I’m afraid to tell him since he has a wife and 2 kids now.

Update #1: I just got off of the phone with my friend. I told him everything. Apparently he knew that I was pregnant, my friend had let it slip one time. He thought it was his since he knew that I was only sleeping with him. He didn’t know that I had the baby but said he was happy that there’s a part of us together out in the world. He said he’d love to have a relationship with his son and wants me to make arrangements for all of us to meet. Thank you for all of your perspectives and advice. This went way better than I was expecting 💗

Update #2: I’m flying out this weekend to speak with both my best friend and his wife, in particular his wife wanted to speak with me and I thought it would be best if we did it in person. This is our first time meeting. I’ll keep you updated!

Update #3: I met with both of them and posted update in a separate post with same title.

Additional Information from OOP on her background with her friend

OOP: I want to hopefully provide some clarity to the whole situation.

I was a senior at 16 (skipped grades) and my best friend let’s call him Bobby was a Junior, he was 17. I have known him since I was 8. My parents were not around a lot and when they were gone I’d stay at Bobby’s house. That’s why his mom and I are so close. She has been both of my parents at times. Cutting her off and limiting communication just isn’t in the cards for me personally, as she is someone I consider family.

After I graduated I moved to a different country to “go to college” which eventually I did after having our son. Some of the factors that played into the adoption route was fear, not having anything to provide for our son, and addiction. I still have a tendency to try to protect him when I can, and left out the addiction part. Bobby was heavily using by the time I graduated and was stealing from his mom and on the streets for weeks at a time. I understand that I did take his choice away from him, I get that.

Please see it from my side as well though. I was 16 and all of these things were happening. I knew that no matter what, I needed to get away from the environment to make a sound choice and I did leave as soon as I was able to. He heard from my friend talking to someone else something like “did you hear she was pregnant?” He had assumed it was his and that I terminated the pregnancy which is why he never talked to me about it. He confessed 6 years ago while he was single and I was in a relationship that he had always loved me. I took it as he was in love with me back then when we were teenagers.

We are both married to other people and are both happy in our own marriages and lives that we have built separately. He has one child from before his marriage and one child with his wife. Plus of course our son. He has been married for 1 year and I have been married for 5 years. Bobby has been sober for 3 years now, the longest he has been sober.

Relevant Comments

OOP responds to multiple questions on if her friend knew she was pregnant

OOP: I moved out of the country so he never knew that I was pregnant. + No, I was about 3 months pregnant when I graduated from high school and moved out of the country. So he never knew that I was pregnant or had a kid. + I did not see him for 2 years after but we’ve always stayed in touch through phone calls, messages, Skype, FaceTime, snail mail.

OOP clarifies the details regarding her friend telling his feelings about her

OOP: 6 years after high school he admitted to loving me. It was important to me because I was protecting a friendship and I think if I had known that he loved me then, I would have told him when I was pregnant. 12 years after having our child he is now married with kids, I’m married too. I do know that his wife doesn’t like when we are in contact with each other and I try to respect that boundary.

OOP on if she has a relationship with her son who she gave up for adoption

OOP: His parents and I have a really good relationship. They know everything and wanted me to have a relationship with my son. I run everything by them first to make sure they’re comfortable with it. They couldn’t have kids of their own and I cannot have kids now after my birth to him. I am very blessed that they chose my son and that I have such amazing people in my life. They’re a dream come true given all the circumstances. They choose to let me have a relationship with my son, and I know it’s because of their choice that I’ve had every opportunity in my life to be a mom, to have a career, to be able to provide for my son. I don’t ever lose sight of the power their choice has

OOP on if she still had feelings for her friend or not

OOP: I feel like we’ve been through a lot together and I’m thankful to have him as a friend but I don’t still have the feelings I once had for him. The feelings have evolved and changed into just always hoping for the best for him and continued sobriety. Our conversations now consist of us telling each other miss you, hope everything is well, how is the family, etc. I feel like people blew the dynamics of our friendship now way out of proportion. Again as I’ve said many times in this thread, I have moved on and have had many years to do so. I’m happily married and have been for 5 years. I don’t take my commitment to my husband lightly nor would I ever do anything to jeopardize the life we have built together.

Update: June 29, 2024

Should I tell my friend we have a kid together?

Okay y’all here’s the UPDATE:

My talk with my best friend’s wife (Wendy) was very enlightening. I did not know so much had not been shared with Wendy from my best friend (Bobby). Wendy and I talked for hours both about mine and Bobby’s past as well as the current situation.

Things Wendy was unaware of:

1. I’ve been married for 5 years.
2. I’ve known Bobby and his mom since I was 8.
3. That I practically had lived with Bobby and his mom for 8 years.
4. My parents are not in the picture and his mom is the closest thing that I have to a mom
5. That I’m NOT his other son’s biological mom like she had been led to believe.

The last one literally had ME in a spiral and there is so much to unpack there. I’m not sure why she was led to believe that but when I asked questions about it she said that’s just what she’s been told by other people and the family.

After our private talk, our husbands joined us and I shared all of the whys and reasoning behind the decision that was made.

Bobby said that if I had came to him back then and told him he most likely would have asked me to terminate or opt out of being involved given the severity of his addiction and his mental state. He said he was happy that he’s now in a place to be able to have a stable relationship with our son if our son wants to have that relationship with him. He also said that he understands why I made the decisions I made because he was not in a good place, we were not in a place where we could have raised a child, and that it wasn’t an environment to be in for both a child or myself. Again I’m just so thankful that despite all the years and things we have been through that he is able to understand the choice that was made and I’m so thankful that now he is sober and in a healthy mindset!

We all set some boundaries and have discussed keeping communication via text so we can all see what is being said. Wendy and I both felt that it was NOT necessary for Bobby and I to meet together with our son unless he has asked for that specifically, like if he has questions for both of us. In my opinion, Wendy was very understanding especially after everything she learned from our conversation ...

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/whatanasssss

I [32F] just discovered my husband [34] of six years is a Reddit troll, and I'm pregnant.

Thanks to u/belowaverageforprez for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: cyberbullying, harassment

Original Post - rareddit  July 29, 2014

He left the browser open on our laptop after he went to work this morning. I go to work after, so I usually hop on and do my own things on my real account.

Today, however, I was disgusted at what I found. My husband is a troll. A really fucking nasty troll. He leaves horribly mean comments to all kinds of people. They're filled with racist slurs, awful insults, he tears into fat people, ugly people, etc. He loves to troll around places like /r/progresspics to discourage people, etc. He's sent PMs to people to call them names, calls women who post on /r/gonewild sluts and whores and cunts, etc.

I was horrified. Completely horrified. My husband is a nice, gentle man who is supportive and kind. In our 9-year relationship, we've fought three times total. I never thought this is a behavior he would take part in.

But this is something else. It made me wonder what else he did on the internet, so I looked at the browser history to find him also harassing teenagers on tumblr. Telling them to kill themselves, calling cute girls ugly and fat and stupid, etc. It horrified me to think this was the man who could be raising our daughter with me in a few months.

I understand trolling can be fun, we've all laughed at Ken M once or twice. But this goes far beyond what I ever imagined. I don't know how to look at him. I've lost respect for the man I looked up to and admired.

Good men don't tear each other down. People people don't do that in general.

I don't know what to do. I want to bring it up to him, but I don't know how to do it without him automatically getting defensive and spouting off the same lines you hear from people (get a thicker skin, the world isn't kisses and rainbows, etc, of course it isn't but why contribute to it?).

tl;dr: discovered my husband is a very nasty, negative, mean-spirited Reddit troll.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

ledeux

You never suspected this kind of behavior based on how he interacts with you and others? That's extremely horrifying. He seems like he has a lot of pent up anger or resentment and he is taking out on people over the internet. I think the best thing to do is to talk to him about it. You're having a child with him and you can't just walk away from that, as horrifying of a discovery as this may be.

But you need to be careful when you approach him. You weren't snooping, he left it open. He can't get mad at you for that though I'm sure he will be extremely defensive.

Update us and let us know you're okay.

OOP

I don't intend on just walking away, but I am stunned and horrified at the kind of person he's showing himself to be, you know?

~

Commenter

How would you know this when moderators in these subreddits delete those type of comments and subsequently ban the username? He's trolling on some heavily moderated places so he can't be making frequent comments under one name. Do you have access to all of his troll accounts?

OOP

There were comments up that he'd just left that morning, that's how I know.

OOP replying to a deleted comment

Calling strangers awful names, harassing them, and doing things just to hurt their feelings does mean that he's not as good a person as I originally thought. Playing COD is one thing. Telling a teenaged girl to end her life is something else.

Update 1  Aug 6, 2014 (8 days later)

I confronted him about the issue very tamely, over breakfast. I asked him, flat out, if he was harassing and bullying people online. He said yes, and immediately withdrew. After telling him that I needed to know why -- really why, not just "I don't know", he said he needed time to think about it.

When he finally gave me his answer, I was disappointed. He said he trolled/bullied people because it was an outlet for him to relieve stress. He said he didn't view the people as real, or what he was doing as anything other than a joke, and if it hurt feelings, "those people have bigger problems and it's not my fault."

I told him that it wasn't an acceptable behavior of an adult, and that he needed to stop it and find another way to express his frustrations that didn't involve hurting strangers. He said he would think about it.

Unfortunately, he's still doing it. I saw it happening a few mornings back, and after he left, looked again to see more comments and posts. I was disappointed. This was not the man I married. Or so I thought. But I guess it is.

I told him that we need to either go to counseling for this, or start the separation process. I told him that I couldn't trust him to help raise a child if he speaks to strangers, children included, the way he does online. I let him know that I thought it was cowardly, pathetic, and that I have lost a lot of respect for him. I knew this would be abrasive and hurtful and I don't like that I had to tell him that, but I cannot look at him the same way. We haven't had sex, have barely touched.

I cannot see my husband as a loving, gentle man. I'm not afraid of him, but I am disgusted with his behavior. This is the sort of thing children do. I made an appointment for counseling for myself over this.

Unfortunately, he told me that he wouldn't be going to counseling, because there's nothing wrong with what he's doing, and he deserved to have his "me time" and release his emotions.

And because I want to protect my child, myself, I have asked him to leave the house. He's staying with some friends, but I don't think this will lead to a reconciliation.

I'd hoped this story would have gone another way.

tl;dr: Confronted him, he decided it was more important to troll people than to be a good husband and father.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OOP replying to a deleted comment

I never said anything about custody in my comments at all. Other people are bringing that up. I would not restrict his visitation or custody at all, so long as he proves that he's a reasonably fit parent.

"but adults should be able to talk to adults whatever way they like"

I am not restricting his freedom to talk to people in any way he wants. I am, however, telling him that his choice to do such is unacceptable behavior for a grown man. 

He was given the option to see a therapist. He was given the option to stop. He was not willing to do either. If he changes his mind, he knows he's got wiggle room. This is the first step.

OOP repying to another deleted comment

It is not a funny quirk to tell a child to commit suicide. It is not harmless, it is not acceptable behavior for a good person.

Good people do not tear other people down.

I am not a fan of breakups, but you are painting this as a different situation. I gave him options on how we can fix this. I gave him a chance. He declined it and clung to acting like a horrible child.

He showed himself to be someone other than who I married. I did not marry someone who would ever tell a child to commit suicide. I married someone I thought was good and kind. He is not that person, and was not willing to end that behavior. He would rather harass children and be mean to people than have his family.

Update 2  Feb 16, 2015 (6 months later)

So as you can see, it has been six months since this all started unfolding. Since then, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. She is the light of my life, and she is one of the easiest babies I've ever been around.

After one month of being apart, he contact me and asked me if I would still be willing to enter into counseling regarding our situation. Of course after being together for so long, and us having a child, and my belief that marriage is not something to be taken lightly, I jumped at this.

In counseling, it was revealed that he was doing a lot more than what I knew about. He was involved, heavily, in bullying people all over the internet. And he said that this was his stress relief, that if people can't "take it" then it's their problem, and not his. He admitted to being involved in taking pictures of fat women and posting them on Reddit, taking them from tumblr, etc. In general, it was all worse than I had originally known.

He moved to also doing individual therapy -- while still not living at home, and us not meeting elsewhere. He started to put his efforts elsewhere -- he picked up a few new hobbies to release his tension to. He then decided that he would stop, and we slowly merged our family together again. I was feeling happy, ecstatic really, that my daughter would have the lif...

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Time-Wedding-4180

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for wanting a bit of space from my daughter after I discovered she isn't mine biologically?

Trigger Warnings: infidelity, attempted suicide

Original Post: June 22, 2024

I'm 40, she is 16 and I've been divorced from her mother since she was about a year old. We've always had a good relationship and never had any reason to doubt she's mine.

Her mother recently let it slip she might not be mine and we did a DNA test and she's right - no biological relationship whatsoever. After confronting my ex, she broke down and confessed that when we were dating, she went on a night out with her colleagues and ended up in bed with a guy she worked with. She is trying to say she was probably drugged or something as she was a lot more drunk than she should have been and woke up in bed with him with no memory of sleeping with him - she panicked and feared what I'd say, she just tried to ignore it and hoped she was mine as she always felt like she looked like me. Apparently the biological father is some french guy who's married and has kids and I vaguely remember him from when we were together (I didn't like him, he seemed sleazy but put it down to him just being French anyway).

It's fucked me up good and proper and it also has fucked my daughter up. It's giving me some seriously dark thoughts and I just want to take a bit of time to myself and go no contact for a short while. Not to punish her in any way or be horrible, but I just need to clear my head and get some help before I see her again. I know she isn't to blame and don't want to hurt her at all but I feel I can't be a dad to her while I'm struggling like this.

She didn't take that well at all and I guess has told people and so many people are trying to get in touch, tell me what an arsehole I am and shouldn't do anything I will regret. I'm just muting everyone including her so I can think. I'm thinking of quitting my job and selling my house to go travelling for a bit and just see the world before I come back and face it all. Could even take a trip to France if you know what I mean.

AITAH for taking the space and not having contact with her in the meantime?

AITAH has no consensus bot, but OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs

Relevant Comments

OOP on the future relationship with his daughter after finding out

OOP: Yes I know she's my daughter and I love her to bits but I can't be a dad to her while I'm going through what I'm going through and just ignore it. It's not going to be forever, just until I sort my head out.

OOP on getting therapy for himself and his daughter in order to help grasp on what happened and not sharing with the families and friends yet

OOP: Oh yeah therapy/counselling will be a must.

I need to get out my job anyway, I've been there for years and people know me so much and keep in asking questions about me, my family etc (as colleagues do) and it's hurting me to just talk about it.

arseflo: It’s a shit situation and I’m sorry you’re going through it, but you’re her dad, you’ve helped raise her. This doesn’t change that. You don’t get time off from being a parent. You have to work through this on your own time. You can’t abandon her. She will need you more than ever right now. You have to think about her before yourself

Update: June 29, 2024 (one week later)

ORIGINAL

So basically I tried to kill myself after the last post - took an OD. So stupid me didn't have enough painkillers and made the mistake of sending my mum a text about where my keys are and where she'd find me and it was the one day she was actually looking at her phone as she received the text so panicked and rang 999 quickly. I was rushed to hospital, had my stomach pumped and sent home with antidepressants after a couple of days (I haven't taken them though). My GP has called me and referred me for NHS Talking therapies so I have a hefty wait just to be seen.

I'm staying with my parents for now so they can keep their eyes on me - I dare say they're not very happy with me. Especially my dad as it was his brother's funeral on Monday and he missed that due to me being in hospital. They know all about the situation with my daughter and don't care, especially my mum. She said she's her granddaughter no matter what and keeps talking about how her brother/my late uncle took on his partners son and he's her nephew in her eyes, in fact she said he's always been one of her favourite ones. And my cousin adopted his wife's son while she was pregnant and she said he's her nephew too in the ways that matter. Although they were aware of it from the start.

As regards to my daughter - it's baby steps. She came to see me in hospital and we had a moment together. She's staying at my house now looking after it until I come home. No doubt we'll have a chat soon in greater detail. Her mum/my ex has family healthcare and my daughter is covered by it so she's getting her into private therapy. I think it's the least she can do for her.

I still don't 100% believe my ex about being drugged or anything. She's a hell of a liar. But not just billy bullshitter stuff, we're talking politician level bending the truth and making you look like a fool for believing her (in fact, when we split up I told her she should be a politician and she thought I was being harsh). Plus, I always remember this stupid argument we once had where she said sometimes women are pushed to cheat and the husband is as responsible as they are for pushing them to it. I remember at the time being fucking stumped - in my eyes now, that was like some sort of foreshadowing. I was too stupid to see it though.

My head is still in a mess though. As much as I love my daughter, I'm having some fucked up emotions and feelings. The main one that breaks my heart is that had I found out saying when she was a baby, toddler etc I might have walked away. But I couldn't now as I love her too much. And it makes me feel guilty that I'd have walked out and left her as a baby and miss out on all the amazing stuff we've been through. The therapy can't come soon enough.

Relevant Comments

kitkatniss2414: your feelings are allowed to be complicated and in some ways unfair.

OOP: I will say to be fair to myself when I wrote that I was still in shock and very vulnerable (and very drunk too) and wasn't in a place to receive any sort of advice or criticism. I won't say I'm not any of those still but I've had the previous week and all the events to help me process now so am thinking clearer.

That's not to say people weren't awful though even though they were offering "advice". For all the people there trying to be reasonable and getting me to understand, there were 3-4 others being absolutely brutal and would not let up heaping their shit on me and then mocking me even when I was suicidal.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Possible-Gur3336

AITAH for leaving home after my fiancé said I’m not his son’s real mom?

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Editor's Note: Changed initials to names for easier reading

TRIGGER WARNING: abandonment, parental alienation

Original Post  Sept 15, 2023

Sorry about any mistakes English is not my first language and I’m emotional.

I (29f) met my fiancé Kevin(32m) six years ago when Joe was 2. I wasn’t planning on dating a single parent as I felt I was too young to be a parent in any capacity, but I fell in love with Kevin and when I eventually got to meet Joe, I fell in love with him too.

Joe’s bio mom was not in the picture from at the time. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with Joe. When I met them she hadn’t seen Joe for a year and a half. For the past six years she hasn’t been in touch with Joe or Kevin at all.

I’ve helped raised Joe all these years. I see him as my own, I love him as my own. He calls me mom. In every way except for biologically, he’s my son and I’m his mom. In February this year we even made it legally official with adoption. It was honestly the best moment of my life.

In the beginning of summer Joe’s bio mom contacted Kevin and asked if she could see Joe. We discussed it and decided that we would give her a chance. Maybe she had needed some time to grow up.

Kevin and Joe met her and it was fine. All was good at first, I even met her and she was perfectly nice and lovely. But the last few weeks something has changed. Joe and Kevin has spent more and more time with her at Kevin’s insistence. I have not been there. Joe had started acting out more than he ever has before and I’ve been suspecting it’s because of bio moms influence. I feel like this was confirmed on Tuesday when Joe said he didn’t have to listen to me because I’m not his real mom. It hurt a lot but he’s a child so I can’t be too angry with him.

I talked to my fiancé about it later and that I felt like maybe they should cut down a little on the time spent with bio mom and have me be there in the future. We got into an argument and when I repeated what Joe had said he responded with “Well technically you aren’t his real mom”.

It felt like a punch. I couldn’t believe and still can’t believe he said that. I was so hurt that I just left to stay at my parents place and have been here ever since. I’ve tried talking to Kevin and he’s apologised over and over again but I just can’t get over that he sees me like that? I have talked to Joe and said that I just need some time away but that I love him very much. He’s so sad and there’s nothing I want more than hold him but every time I think about going home and seeing Kevin, knowing what he said it makes me sob.

Am I awful for needing some space? I feel like a terrible mother but I don’t know what to do?

Update  ,June 29, 2024 (9 months later)

Old post:

Hello, it’s been a while but I have been thinking more about the post I made recently, I never really stopped thinking about it to be honest but I wanted to focus on real life and not what to write to strangers online. I really want to thank everyone that commented and shared their opinions. Even the more outlandish ones.

I won’t bore you with all the details of the past year and try to keep this short but I wanted to give an update because so many have reached out and asked how I’m doing which is so nice.

The night I made the post I went back home to Kevin and Joe. It was emotional but I needed to do it. Joe was already asleep but Kevin was up. He was so apologetic and cried a lot. I told him we needed to talk, but not that night because we were both exhausted. We were gonna have a few “normal days” for Joe’s sake and then send him on a sleepover at his grandparents so we could talk. I also told him I needed a mother-son date with Joe.

The next day me and Joe went to the zoo together and spent the day having a blast. I did explain to him(in a kid friendly way) that his comment had hurt me a lot. He was very sorry and confirmed what I thought which was that his bio mom had made comments like that. We talked for a long time(you know, for a eight year old lol) and I asked him if he wanted to keep seeing his bio mom and he gave a shrug and said she had been fun at first but he didn’t like when she told him off/yelled. Didn’t love that she was doing that.

I won’t try to explain the whole conversation here but I think it was a good one. He’s such a sweet sensitive little guy and nothing makes me prouder than being his mom.

Me and Kevin did have a long, emotional conversation the night we Joe went to my parents. Joe’s bio mom was (and is) very manipulative. I’m not equipped to diagnose her but narcissistic isn’t far off. He was not sleeping with her as many of you thought. Kevin and her relationship was not good, abusive I want to say, and the way it ended, with her giving up all custody/parental rights of Joe, was difficult for Kevin and he struggled a lot as a single father. He admitted he never quite healed properly from her but didn’t really notice it until she came back. She manipulated him again and it all brought back so much baggage he thought he left behind him. He said he knew there was no excuse for what he said and he wishes he never said it but everything was too much and confusing. I said I wasn’t ready to forgive him but I wanted to work with him. I know this will disappoint some of you who wanted me to leave him but I cannot give up on this man who has been so wonderful for years over this. I felt like we deserved a chance at fighting through this together.

The next day Kevin contacted Joe’s bio mom and said we needed some boundaries with her. He said he felt she had manipulated him and his emotions and he couldn’t allow her in Joe’s life with the way she was acting. We decided that going non contact with her for the time being was best for us and Joe. (We talked to Joe about this first). Thing is, she disappeared without an answer to this. Literally nothing, changed her number and everything. I’m not sure what happened but we do have a plan if she ever decides to come back again. We’re a team through and through.

We contacted a couples counsellor/family therapist and working with her has been great. We have done it just me and Kevin as well as with Joe. Kevin has apologised profusely more times than I can count. Kevin has also been to individual therapy which he says has been good for him. It’s been a pretty intense couple of months with a lot of personal growth from both of us but I believe we’re on the other side now. I have forgiven Kevin and we are moving on, together and better.

Also, the reason I decided to update today is I just found out I’m pregnant!!!!! I literally have told no one because I want to tell Kevin and Joe first (well, second now) in a cute way but haven’t figured it out yet. I’ll think of something, but life is pretty damn good right now so I hope you all have a wonderful day/night/morning :)

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

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I am not OOP. OOP is u/WittyValue9464 and they posted on r/TrueOffMyChest, their profile and r/legaladvice

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7-day waiting period so the latest update is at least 7 days old.

Trigger Warning: domestic violence, descriptions of physical violence, pet theft

I (23M) punched my wife and will be going to jail tonight March 31, 2024

Throwaway

My wife (31F) is mentally unstable. Her personality flipped when we got married. She can be very violent. Tonight we got in an argument. She started throwing things at me, then she started hitting me, so I punched her in the face. She told me she’s going to call the police and locked herself in our guest room. I don’t know if she actually called the police, but I’m sitting here waiting. I’m definitely going to be the one that goes to jail. I’ve never hit a woman before. I’ve never felt so low.

Edit: wow I wasn’t expecting a lot of responses on this. Just got out of jail and will update later

Relevant Comments:

Fenix_Glo:

You're in a bad place. If cops come request a lawyer immediately and keep your mouth shut. If cops don't come in 4 hours or so then leave the premises and don't return without witnesses or a constable.

officialredditperson:

She’s 31 and you’re 23? Wow, I’m curious how long y’all have been married, and even together before that. Sounds suspect.

dbethel5:

Delete this post. Consult a legal team. Please don’t use Reddit for this advice. I’d hate to see anything bite you later.

In a thread where one redditor suggested calling the police on her first, an interesting discussion on F-to-M domestic violence occurred:

Livecrazyjoe:

That's not going to work. He punched her and it will probably show. Even if she did those things it will be in favor of her.

My ex wife slapped me for no reason. I called the cops and they did nothing.  When she was asked she even admitted it. They even laughed at me. Fuck me for calling them instead of violence.

AlternativePrior9559:

Jeezus i’m so sorry. M-F or F-M it’s all assault and abuse. Men often keep quiet about it and i’m not surprised as the system is skewed against them

MajorasKitten:

The worst part is- it’s MEN doing the skewing of the system! Men laugh at men who are victims!

I have seen how women support eachother and help others leave abusive situations- but men are completely alone in this. If a man tells his friends about abuse, he’ll probably be laughed at or mocked instead of taken seriously and offered help- which is fucked up. Men are taught to go at it alone since they’re kids- and now we’re in a world surrounded by non-empathetic men who ignore a brother in need.

Absolutely heartbreaking and infuriating.

tack50:

Tbh I don't think it comes to men or women supporting each other but rather legislation (which is made by politicians, of both genders).

To use a good example, in my country there's a 24/7 phone line for victims of domestic abuse to get help. Sounds great right? Except if they hear a male voice at the other end they'll hang up on you (lesbians also get hung up if they slip up and talk about "girlfriend"; it's only for straight women)

Similarly abused straight women get all sorts of perks when/if they report their abuse, like for example free college or extra welfare. Men (whether straight or gay) and lesbians get nothing.

Finally, even in the cases where it goes to court and the abuser gets found guilty; the sentences are much harsher for men abusing a woman than for LGBT relations or women abusing a man, even when the actions are the same.

All of this is legislation, not culture.

First Update April 3, 2024

Go to my profile for the original story.

I know a lot of people commented wanting to know what I ended up doing after hitting my wife, I wish I could’ve responded but I didn’t have my phone. Honestly I’m surprised at how many people saw my post and commented.

To answer some questions, because people believe I was groomed as my wife is older

• We met when I was 19 and she was 27
• She was the nicest and most amazing woman I had ever met. I fell for her immediately
• She really had her shit together. She had a master’s degree and was very successful in her field of work as an independent small business owner
• She was married and divorced once before meeting me (red flag In hindsight)
• We eloped 4 months ago
• The house is leased, only my name is on the lease as my wife moved out of her apartment when we got married.

After we got married is when she started lashing out and hitting me occasionally. And no I didn’t just punch her in the face because I was mad. She threw a glass at me, it hit me in the head (it didn’t shatter on my head), I fell to the ground and she got on top of me. I was trying to block her hits and reacted by punching her. Then she acted like the victim by crying and saying she was calling the police and she wasn’t safe around me, then locked herself in the guest room. However, now I’ll tell you what happened after the post.

Yes, I ended up going to jail Saturday night. Unfortunate that I got arrested the night before Easter Sunday, because I couldn’t see a judge until Monday. I was charged with Domestic Assault & Battery. It is a misdemeanor because it’s my first offense, but I could still face a year in jail.

My wife didn’t call the police immediately. She locked herself in the guest room after it happened. About 20 minutes after the incident is when i posted on Reddit. I honestly thought she was bluffing about calling the police, but about 10 minutes after that there were 2 cops knocking and yelling at my front door. My wife came out of the guest room with a black eye. I immediately knew I was screwed. I was wearing a white t-shirt that had some blood stains on it because my wife had busted my lip. Unfortunately, regardless of me saying I was defending myself against my violent wife, they saw her black eye and the blood on my shirt and I was arrested.

As of right now I’m not allowed to be around my wife. I have a public defender as I can’t afford my own lawyer. She has left our house so luckily I can stay there. I have no idea where she went. She took MY dog though (she didn’t even want the fucking thing). I am calling a divorce lawyer and will be filing as soon as possible. I’m going to try and get the charge dropped as well, my attorney is pretty confident that it will go no where as I have a clean record and my wife has domestic charges on her record (I knew about this, but I was stupid and believed her when she said her husband hit her all the time, now look at me 😒) and I’m claiming self defense.

I was also fired from my job too because I was in jail on Monday. And as of right now I probably won’t be getting another because there’s no way I can pass a background check with an ongoing legal problem.

I am going to be setting cameras up all around my house incase my wife decides to show up. I still have her number in my phone, unblocked, but will not be reaching out or responding if she reaches out to me.

Essentially, my life is ruined. My wife is a horrible human being. And I could face jail time or homelessness. I don’t speak to my family as they don’t like my wife, and this is something that I don’t think I can tell them about because they warned me that she was trouble.

Edit: Thank you for the advice guys. I called my parents and told them I’m coming over tonight. They don’t know what happened yet but I’m gonna talk to them.

Edit 2: I spoke to my parents tonight. I hadn’t spoken to them since I got married to my wife which was 4 months ago. They were not at all supportive of ...

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Serious-Procedure100

AITA for leaving my friends bachelorette party?

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: alcoholism,  possible infidelity, sabotaging ones sobriety

Original Post  June 24, 2024

I have been sober for 1 year, after abusing drugs and alcohol for 6 years. Getting sober has truly changed my life. I Rarely talk about my sobriety to others since I don't want to be annoying and because it is no ones business. The only time I talk about it is when it is relevant.

My friends is getting married in September, and I'm a bridesmaid. This weekend she had her bachelorette party (it was a bachelorette party weekend). She had gotten an airbnb for us. I was also the only one with a drivers licence and car (relevant). She knew me while I was a drunk, she saw me recover and has (or I thought) never judged me, only supported me. I don't mind if people around me drink or do drugs, it is their life their choice. I didn't know anyone at her party, but I still had fun on the first day. While everyone was getting drunk on Friday, I was just drinking my coca cola. We were dancing, listening to music and playing a drinking game. It was while we were playing the game, that people tried to give me shots and asking why I wasn't drinking. I just told them that I didn't feel like drinking tonight, and blamed it on that I had a long traveling day.

The next day, during brunch people were drinking mimosas. I was just drinking orange juice and again I was asked why I am not drinking. I knew I would get asked this, and I had talked to my friend before this weekend. I decided this would be the perfect time to mention that I am sober and I don't drink. Some people asked me why, I didn't want to go into the details of it (since I didn't want to ruin the mood) so I said it is because of health reasons.

Later that evening, I was drinking some soda and went to go to the bathroom. When I came back, I took a sip of my drink and they had put vodka in my soda. I spit it back out, and asked who put vodka in my drink. I was upset about this, but I wasn't crying or causing a scene. I just thought maybe someone didn't know that this was my drink. One of my friends friend said that she did and it was an accident. I didn't get mad because accidents happen. However, there was a little voice in my head telling me it was intentional. I shortly went outside to smoke a cigarette and to call my bf. I had walked behind the house, and my friend and two others came outside to also smoke. I guess they didn't see me, since they talked about what had happened. My friend said she thought it was lame that I came, and that she misses the old drunk me. That she hoped this spike would make me relapse. I was listening in shock, I thought I knew this girl. For fuck sake I am one of her bridesmaids, I have known her for 8 years.

I walked to the front of the house, looked at them and went inside. They all looked shocked since they didn't know I was listening. I packed my things and drove off, I didn't say a single thing to them before I left but they saw me leave. I decided not to block her on social media so that she can have a chance to explain herself and say sorry. Instead I got a long message saying how selfish I was, making the whole weekend about me and that I am an asshole for abandoning them, since I was the one that drove everyone there.

So am I the asshole for leaving my friends bachelorette party?

  EDIT:

Thank you all for the responses. I am obviously not going to be friends with someone like her or participate in her wedding. She has been talking shit about me to our friends, and I have been receiving a lot of shitty messages from them. She told people that I didn't like them drinking and was trying to ruin the night and that I just abandoned them. Keep in mind, they could very easily get from that place with public transport or taxi. Me driving them was me being nice to them.

I have debated about messaging her fiancé and tell him some stuff about her. He is also sober himself (not due to substance abuse but due to health), I don't think he would like what she did to me. Also they had agreed on not having any strippers, which she did have. And when we were out, she was flirting with other people. I think that is one of the reasons why I think she did it, since I said something about it. Maybe I shouldn't have interfered but in my eyes she seemed drunk, and I didn't want her to do something that she would regret.

Still wondering why she misses the old drunk me? I was a shit person when I was drunk. Also the only reason why I told people I don't drink was because people typically don't accept it when you say that you don't like alcohol etc.

The reason why I haven't blocked her yet is because in my experience, it gets under peoples skin more to not be blocked. She has messaged me more since I left, but I can't be asked to read her bullshit. Also I will be making a post on my social media if she doesn't stop spreading lies about me.

Getting sober saved my life. I am forever grateful and happy that I chose sobriety. I have also upped my therapy sessions just in case this makes me spiral.

Update  June 28, 2024

I made a post 4 days ago about how I left my "friends" bachelorette party after they put alcohol in my drink even though I am sober. I thought I would update anyone who is curious on what happened, lets say it was a very eventful 24 hours.

I needed to take a few more days to digest and reflect on everything that happened, I also wanted to talk to my therapist first to see what she thought I should do. We decided on that I should message the fiancé, since if I was him I would want to know same as I would either way have told him about the cheating. I do not condone cheating, and turns out it wasn't the first time she did that.

Here is what I wrote:

"Hi Paul (fake name), I know this might be weird since I'm sure by now you know that I left last weekend but I wanted to talk to you about it. As you know I have been sober for over 1 year now, and while we were at the bachelorette party Olga (fake name) put vodka in my drink. I didn't realise it until I took a sip of it. I had asked them who did it and Fiona (fake name) said she did it on accident. However, when I went outside to smoke I overheard them saying it wasn't an accident and that they did it on purpose, my boyfriend heard the whole thing you can ask him if you don't believe me. I also wanted to let you know that there they did get strippers (and I attached photos of it) and that she was very friendly to some men we met at the club (again attaching photos of her touching the arm of a man at the club). I wanted you to know because I don't find behaviour like that okay and I do not support it. I also wanted you to know that I will not be attending your wedding. I wish you the best."

He saw the message and blocked me a few hours later.

I also decided on confronting her. I am the kind of person who prefers to do things face to face, me messaging her ex was something I did because I felt like it would be weird if I showed up to his place. However, I know where and when she works. I waited outside of her work (which I know is creepy but I know she would not want to do this conversation face to face). I asked her if we could talk and she said yes. This was a 1 hour long conversation so I will summarise it. I told her how much it hurt me that she spiked my drink on purpose and that I could go to the police with this. I said it was childish of her going to our mutuals spreading lies about me. I told her that she is a coward for not admitting to what she did. And lastly, I told her I did not have any interest being her friend anymore and I will not be attending her wedding. She was very quiet during the conversation, she listened to everything I had to say. She said she was sorry, she felt like ever since I got sober I was boring because all I talk about it sobriety (which I don't do). That me telling her friends I am sober took the attention away from her. That I shouldn't have done that ( I told her before we went that I would tell people that I am sober for health reasons if it were to come up).

I told her that she has every right to feel this way, but it doesn't justify what she did to me. I ended the conversation with that I wish her the best, and I hope she gets the help that she needs. And I left. After this I sent the message to her ex.

I found out that her fiancé did end the relationship and that this isn't the first time she has done something like this. Turns out that she has several times poured alcohol into her fiancé’s drinks (always saying it was an accident) and that she has cheated before. She did bombard me with messages saying how horrible I am, how selfish I am, that I would end my life blah blah blah. I blocked her and she is out of my lif...

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Few_Relative4595

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for ghosting my girlfriend after she nearly killed both of us?

Editor’s note: added paragraph breaks and spaces for readability

Trigger Warnings: past childhood trauma, car accident, reckless endangerment

Original Post: June 27, 2024

So, my girlfriend (20f) and I (22m) have been together for a little over 10 months now. We haven't had any heated arguments or fights, except for the fact that she keeps tickling me randomly despite the fact that I've repeatedly told her to never do it again because I can act strangely to it (something from my childhood which I won't delve into).

Now to get to the current situation: this week I've had my car returned from a paint job and some major look changes and I was really satisfied with the results, so I took a day off from work and took my girlfriend on a short trip outside the city. We drove to a lake, ate some food and relaxed for a couple of hours until it got pretty dark and we decided to head back home to get some sleep as I had to go to work the next day and she had an exam.

On the way home, I started talking about how happy I felt with how the paint job turned out and out of nowhere, she starts tickling me. I pushed her hand away and told her to stop, then she reached for my ribs with both hands and got me swerving off the road.

Thankfully, nobody was hurt (although my car got some deep scratches but that doesn't even matter anymore), as I already slowed down after her first attempt to tickle me.

I'll admit that I told her "what the fuck is wrong with you" as soon as we stepped out of the car and she started crying, but I couldn't care less as I felt as if my veins were about to pop.

When we got home, I told her to pack her things and go to her best friend, but she threw a tantrum and begged me to forgive her for "a little mistake".

I didn't say a word, I simply stared in disgust and pointed to her luggage. After her friend picked her up, I tried to go to sleep but my mind was racing, so i barely got any rest.

This happened on tuesday, and she's been blowing up my phone ever since, but I haven't answered any calls or texts and just blocked her.

This led to her friend coming to my house and telling me to at least hear my girlfriend out, but I've told her to fuck off and leave me alone, which made her tell me that I'm more in love with a car than with my girlfriend.

So, AITAH in this situation? Should I talk to my girlfriend? I already feel like I can't trust her after what happened and that our relationship can't be fixed.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

OOP clears up the fact of what happened while he was driving

OOP: I feel I should clarify this: the car is already in the process of getting fixed, it was never about that. What led me to blow up was the fact that she did such a stupid thing while I was driving at night and didn't stop after her first attempt. I wouldn't have had such a reaction it she tickled me in a safe environment. In any case, I really appreciate any opinion as I feel I have to take a decision about what will happen pretty soon.

xanif: I would say you're more in love with being alive than being with your GF. NTA. It's 10 months, not 10 years.

peakpenguins: NTA, she's a fucking idiot. It wasn't just "a little mistake", you don't mess with someone while they're driving. Period. You've also told her time and time again not to tickle you and she refuses to respect that boundary, to the point of putting you and everyone on the road around you in danger. She can fuck right off IMO.

Update: June 28, 2024

Original post:

So the past couple of hours have been insane, honestly.

Before the actual update, I just wanted to sort some things out:

• I've seen people talking about this post being rage bait or fake. Honestly, I wish it was, but I actually needed to hear some opinions on what happened.
• Some people talked about me having anger issues: this is not true at all, I never snapped at her like this for tickling me (let along hitting her or anything like this), but in the rage of the moment, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I might consider myself to be a calm person, but that doesn't mean I will laugh and giggle through stupid stuff.
• The actual crash happened at a speed that could've killed us if I swerved in the wrong direction (I was driving on a country road, and could've frontally hit a car coming from the other direction, as the speed at which the crash happened was around 40mph/65kmph)
• The tickling part and childhood trauma: I've mentioned that to my (now) ex-girlfriend around 3 months into our relationship, but as many pointed the obvious, I wasn't dating the sharpest tool in the shed and it took me a while to realize it, so I guess I might be a bit dumb as well lol.
• I think I might've misused the term "Ghosting". In my head, telling her to get out of my house was already a clear sign of our relationship status.

Now, to the actual update:

After reading nearly all the comments, I took the decision to send my ex a message where I told her we should meet face-to-face.

Some people suggested that I should file for a lawsuit, but my ex is still in uni and her parents can barely afford helping her. She obviously has done an insanely dumb stunt, but I don't want to punish her parents for it. The car is in the process of getting fixed and I can afford it without major financial issues.

Still, I took screenshots of her messages in order for me to have some proof in case the situation escalates.

So, we met earlier at a coffee shop. She looked as if she's been crying for a long time, but it didn't change my mind at all. What shocked me was the fact that she leaned in for a kiss when she saw me, as if nothing happened. I stopped her and told her that we need to have a serious conversation.

I explained that what happened wasn't because of the car itself, but because of her disrespecting my boundaries and not thinking for a second about what might happen if she did that thing. Besides that, I also felt disrespected by the fact that her best friend came knocking at my door to demand things, despite not having any rights to do so, which led me to ask my ex if she told her best friend the truth or if she lied about the situation.

She said that she only told her friend that we had a small car crash and I'm pissed at her. Hearing that made me feel disappointed as hell, but I did my best to remain calm.

I told her to tell the real story to her friends and family, and she raised her voice and told me that I'm accusing her of being a liar, something that led to a 15 minutes discussion about how the crash was solely her fault and how she put our lives at risk.

I asked her if everything's clear to her about our situation and her response was "Yep, 100%, can we go home now?". That honestly shocked me. I told her that there's no way we can be back together and I suggested she should be more careful and considerate with her future partner.

Her reaction was all tears, shaking, begging me to reconsider my decision, but I just can't look at her the same. I explained again that for me it wasn't a small mistake she made, it was a full-on stupid decision that shouldn't be done by an adult, as it could've resulted in something deadly.

She just thinks I'm exaggerating and this back and forth argument led to her asking if there's someone else in my life and I'm just using the accident as an excuse. I denied and told her that she's too selfish to even realise that she broke my trust and disrespects me by saying this crap.

I left the coffee shop feeling like I've been talking to a wall, but at least I can't say that I didn't try to have a conversation.

An hour ago her mom texted me asking what happened and I told her everything. I said that I don't want any money from them, but the only thing I'm asking is for my ex to keep her distance from me.

She apologized for what her daughter did and wished me all the best.

As for her friend, from my understanding she just came to my house without talking with my ex on wether she should do it or not, so I guess she just tried to be the main character in this whole story.

Right now I'm preparing for work, but my chest isn't heavy anymore. In case anything will happen in the future, I'll keep everyone updated, but I hope it won't be the case lol.

Thank you for helping me navigate this weird situation and thanks for all the kind messages. Hope everyone stays safe!

Edit: Sorry if this wasn't the drama-filled update some people might've expected, but I came here with the desire to get some perspective on my situation and be as transparent as possible, I never intended to post this story for votes or anything like that.

Additional Information from OOP: a timeline regarding the car crash

OOP: Every detail of the story happened during the last 4 days, but to give an exact order of how things happened:

1. Car crash
2. Broke up
3. Friend came over
4. Sent car to shop (~6 hours...

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/midnightanglewing

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for not sharing my reception with my older sister

Thanks to u/soayherder + u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Editor’s note: added paragraph breaks for readability

Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, entitlement

Original Post: June 6, 2024

Dyslexic & on mobile

Me & my partner are doing a renewing our vows is a few weeks. My older sister got married in court a week ago only telling 3 people then dropping it on Facebook. Everyone asked where her reception will be & she said she send out invitations soon.

Yesterday I visited my mom with her sence I can't drive due to medical reasons. On the drive there she bring up her wedding & say she can't afford a reception. She drag on about the entire 45 minute drive there about it. I just stayed quiet as I knew what was doing. We had a good visit with my mom & left.

On the way back she starts talk about me renewing my vows & how lucky I am to afford it. About 15 minutes into the drive she comes up with idea of doing a double reception so she can celibate her marriage with everyone at the same time. I told her no as she wouldn't be able to contribute to it & I wasn't going to front the cost for her. She acted like I didn't say anything & just started talking about changes I need to make to "fit both of us" & a fair split guest list. I just said I will not be sharing my reception with you.

By the time she dropped me off she had a plan to entirely change the reception to her liking. I just told her I will not even invite her if she continues to push for this. She just says ok & speeds off. Today I woke up to an invite to "her" reception same time & place as mine on facebook. She even post about how kind I was to give her the chance to celebrate her marriage with everyone. I replied to the post saying that I never agree to that & she wouldn't even be allowed there anymore. Some people are now calling me AH for not just sharing the reception hall. It's a splite between my family on if I'm an AH or if my sister is over stepping.

TLDR: My sister want to take over my reception & I refuse to share an even I'm paying for. I have several people saying I'm the AH as it's not my wedding only renewing vows & she can't afford a reception after her court wedding. Am I the AH for not sharing the reception with her.

Edit: I have security already & have a in person meeting today (day after post) with them to discuss the guest list & the possible ability of the uninvited one. Security was already part of the plan even before this incident due to other unkind family members who are not invited so what's adding one more.

The only reason I still talk to my sister is for my mother's sake & I will continue to be low contact with her unfortunately. Thank you for your kind worlds. I was starting to to think I might just be AH but then realize most people who are saying are people who wouldn't have been invited in the first place. I will update after the reception as there several people requesting it.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

give-me-awards: NTA. Your sister is out of line trying to hijack your special day for her own benefit. It's your vow renewal, not a joint celebration. She needs to learn boundaries and respect your decisions. Stand your ground.

gastropodia42: NTA

A lot of people just have reception at home or a potluck in a park. She can have her own reception, she just wants to steal yours.

Update: June 28, 2024

Update the vow renewal ceremony went long so we where behind showing up to receptions.

The shuddle showed up just in time to see security stopping my sister (without her husband) & other uninvited guest getting ID. I ask my party to stay back a minute as I didn't want to over whelm the security. Granted to say it turn into a bit of entertainment.

She had a couple hundred dollar dress & was trying overwhelmed the security with just the amount of people. The guard had quite a voice & yell loudly that anyone who is here for dig sister reception is in the wrong place & will not allowed in unless they where on the guest list. A large group of her party just walked away.

My big sister starts demanding to speak to the manager & how dare he scare people off. The manager show up alongside more security. My sister puts on her best crying act ever but the manager just say she & her guest has 5 mintues to leave the property or the police will be involved.

She storms off screaming about how it was unfair & how much money she wasted on a dress for this night.

The rest of the night was uneventful & was really chill. The staff & security got a very good tip & any left over alchohol or food they wanted.

I hope that was the end of that but this morning I get a money request for $400 USD from my sister saying if I don't pay she will sue me. I have a lawyer so this is of no concern to me because she wouldn't have grounds to stand on. I swear she getting worse with time & need some mental help. I'm am limiting contact with her to email & only in regard to my mom's care.

Relevant Comments

Critical-Wear5802: ..just out of nosiness... How many uninvited guests of sister's showed up? Trying to figure out the size of her entitlement!

OOP: She had 6 family members that I didn't invite & 7 of her friends. So 13 in total that showed up. The reception hall was only rated for 25 people.

Mysterious-Nee67: Too bad you can't get a restraining order against her. The entitlement and harassment are off the charts with your sister!

OOP: If it wasn't for needing to stay in contact for my mother's care then I probably would have one.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Crazy-Dog-Society

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

Original BoRU by u/bluebear185493

TRIGGER WARNING: Robbery, Destruction of property

Original Post July 2, 2022

Me(21F) boyfriend(23M) let’s call him Charlie. Around a month ago my mom mentioned a family vacation while in a call with me. Charlie and I have been together for about 1 year.

He has still not met my mom’s side of the family, only my dad’s. My mom(42F) lives in my home country together with my step dad(50M) and my step brother(24M) lives there too but not in our home town. Bc of this he hasn’t had the chance to meet them yet.

Yesterday I mentioned it to my best friend(21F) with who I have been friends with for 17 years now. I was on the phone with her. She is still in the city we grew up in and goes to university there bc of that she often sees my parents. My mom invited her like any other vacation and this time she has decided to come. The trip is fully paid by my step dad and my mom. My step brother will be bringing his fiancé(21F) too.

Charlie was in the room while I was on the call and asked me what he should pack. I looked at him confused and asked if he is going somewhere. He said that he needs to know what to pack for the trip. I laughed and thought he was joking since I never said he was coming. When I realised he was serious, I sat him down and told him that he isn’t gonna be able to come and there was no reservation for him plus it will be very inappropriate to invite him over, knowing that this is a family trip and it will make bad impression like he is trying to come just bc it’s gonna be free. They have never met him and there isn’t any rooms left , he doesn’t have a passport and other reasons that I tried explaining.

He flipped out on me telling me that I’m a bitch and that I’m probably cheating on him and that’s why he is not invited. I tried explaining but he left the apartment.He hasn’t returned since yesterday and at 4AM I have to leave for the airport. I’m worried sick. I called many times and texted but he isn’t responding.

So AITA?

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

Edit:I apologise for any typos and mistakes English is not my first or second language

Update July 7, 2022 (5 days later)

Hello everyone!I hope your having a nice day! After my original post I figured I could make an update.

When I was leaving from the apartment 4 days ago I left a key to my neighbor/friend. Yesterday she called me to inform me that my bf’s stuff are missing and my writing studio and my manga collection are destroyed. Some of my savings are stolen and yesterday he has tried to empty my bank account but failed miserably. 5K are apparently missing from the drawer of my night stand and bf is nowhere to be find. Lucky me my stepbrother’s fiancé’s mother is a lawyer.

Mom’s side of the family (step brother, his fiancé, mom, stepdad,grandmas and grandpas ext.) are trying to calm me down and get me away from the situation as much as possible. I thought this was a minor problem in the beginning but here we are. Dad’s side of the family is telling me to drop the charges and that I’m overreacting. Yes. I did place charges. I will have to deal with it further when I get back but police are already on the hunt for him.

Some people said I was the asshole bc “this would be the perfect time to meet my family” but in this case it just seemed like a direct “I want a free trip” to me

Somebody pointed out we have communication problems-Yes we do. I didn’t really want to mention this but I’m on the autism spectrum so it’s pretty normal in a way

He knew 2 and a half weeks before I went to the trip and I made it clear he won’t be coming

Edit:Hello everyone! In the future I will update but on my profile

NEW UPDATE

Update 2 July 11, 2022 (4 days after last update)

Hello everyone I am updating here since I can’t do more than one update

To the 5 people who told me I’m sick and not right in the head-Massage me again that I’m in the wrong when you have to fix over 25k damage and I dare you to not press charges

Today I got back in my apartment and the damages are much more serious than they were described to me. The moment I opened the door I stepped on crushed up glass. The mirror next to the door was broken and crushed. My shoe pairs were ripped APART. The shoe rack was in the living room and a cupboard door was out of the wind(yes literally). The windows were shattered,the cupboards were broken,the sink was broken and running(I barely turned it off),the TV was Brocken on the ground and there were what looked like holes in the wall that were, I think made by the coat hanger that was barely together next to the,fallen on the ground,TV. The bathroom sink was cracked, and the bathtub curtain was on the ground and the medal bar it was attached to was detached on one side. My closet was trashed and the clothes in it, and shoes were ripped and torn. Charges are proceeding faster, not that I’m back.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

TogarSucks

I’m so sorry this happened. Has your ex been apprehended yet?

OOP

Yes, before I got back to my apartment I went to the police station and he was there and they told me to get the cameras in my apartment. Right now I am in a taxi with the cards from the cameras.

~

RLuna911

Update please… what’s going on with this? Was your ex charged?

OOP

Yes he was and this is being taken to court

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LevyMevy on 2024-07-04 19:21:57+00:00.

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/veera28 in r/AmITheAsshole

trigger warnings: death, funeral

mood spoilers: final update has an ominous tone

AITA for going to a pre-planned vacation with my family rather than my boyfriend's mom's funeral? - 5 years ago

I'm a teacher so I get about 2 months off every summer but my mom, sister, aunt, and cousin all work regular 9-5 jobs with 2-3 weeks off a year, so it's really difficult to organize time for trips where we can all go. We managed to schedule a girls trip to Cabo from June 1st to 9th. Made payments (almost $3K a person) several weeks prior to the trip and were all very excited to go to Mexico and bond -- I'm best friends with my sister & cousin, and my mom and aunt are identical twins so we're all a very close group.

My boyfriend & I have been together for 2 years. His family lives across the country so I only see them twice a year and it's usually pretty quick. No real one-on-one bonding with anyone in his family but we're all definitely friendly with one another. We like each other's posts on FB/IG, send happy birthday wishes, stuff like that.

A few days before we left, my boyfriend's mom passed away unexpectedly. I spent days attached to his hip, supporting him, wrote the email to his work explaining what happened, cleaning the apartment, making sure he ate, called his dad & siblings and expressed my condolences, booked his flight, helped him pack, etc. He asked me to go to the funeral with him. I felt so, so, so bad telling him no. I hardly knew his mom and feel like I already committed myself to the trip with my family. He was heartbroken and begged me to go with him for support but I told him that his whole family is there and if anything it's a special time for them all to recount memories of their mother/wife/sister/daughter.

He asked if he gave me $1500 "could you go on the trip sometime later? you have two more months off. I know you won't get some deposits back, so I'll give you this money" and I honestly felt so bad but the thing isn't the money (although obviously as a teacher, I'm not swimming in money) but it's about how this is the one time a year that the women I'm closest to can go together.

My mom & aunt told me "we want you to come with us, but it's ultimately up to you" whereas my cousin & sister were like "you should definitely come with us, it'll ruin the trip for us if you're not there, just come, etc."

My boyfriend was upset and left mad at me, I called/texted a bunch but he didn't respond until days later, anyways I went to Mexico and came back on the 9th and things have been weird with us. Sometimes he's really close with me like usual other times I can tell he's mad I didn't go with him. He said he's not furious at me but just disappointed and sad that I chose to go party instead of be there with him. Says he would've dropped anything for me, keeps emphasizing that I have 2 months of vacation, but he doesn't get that no one else in the group has that kind of vacation time, I really couldn't reschedule.

TL;DR: I feel really bad because I didn't go with my boyfriend to his mom's funeral because I already had a trip planned with my family. Did I fuck up?

Update: AITA for going to a pre-planned vacation with my family rather than my boyfriend's mom's funeral? - 11 months ago

It's been over two years since my previous post which can be found in my post history. A lot has changed.

I've taken the time to really think about what happened. What I came down to is that ya'll were right that someone's mother dying is huge and I should've given more support. I sat down and spoke to Jamie about my feelings. This conversation happened about 3 months after the funeral. He said he was upset with what happened but wanted to move on from the argument because our relationship means a lot to him. I told him I'd been thinking about it & what it all came down to is that my feelings for him weren't as strong as they should be. If we've been together for 2 and a half years and my feelings are starting to fade, then we should take a break. He was upset and crying a lot but I told him that this would be better for both of us. This way we can think about what really matters and how much of the past to hold onto as well as the love we have for each other.

I ended up calling him about a month after that conversation and breaking things off. He's a great guy and I should've been better to him. Things took a very sad turn for him and I'll miss him always. I think I could have and should have handled things better than I did. Thank you all.

Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-07-04 04:00:02+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/kelsieelizabeth

AITA for getting my roommate to hook up with my ex to get my favourite coffee mug back?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

Original Post  June 8, 2019

I collect coffee mugs shaped as cool things. Anyways, I dated a guy for a year that brought me back this mug from the states shaped as a shark, handle was a fin (semi-expensive mug, I looked into buying another one). I LOVE sharks more than anything, so this was the perfect gift. This mug was so perfect that I would never use it for coffee because coffee wasn’t worthy of this mug.

When we broke up, despite my love for the shark mug, I put it in the “box of stuff” you give back to your ex, thinking it would bring back too many memories. Now, a year later I’m happily with someone else and these memories are no longer. I basically just want my favourite mug back.

My roommate who is newly single is on tinder happened to match with my ex, I explained the mug story and now we’ve made it a mission for her to go over there, hookup with him, and take the mug in the morning. To be fair, he’s only looking for the hook up as he has stated in his profile, so no emotional sabotage.

Edit: to be fair, she was already planning on hooking up with him anyways, I just told her to comment on the mug if she saw it to be funny, she said she would just get it back.

VERDICT: ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

extrabagel

YTA but this is so funny that I don’t care.

SelfANew

Mission Impossible Theme plays in the background

Mystery_Substance

Jaws theme plays after that.

~

upyourbumchum

YTA but who cares! Hilarious and keep on keeping on. This is like a Seinfeld episode.

~

OrangeDoormat

YTA. So you're pimping your friend for a mug? Nice.

~

Lelra

YTA But have her check his cabinets for other cool mugs as well. If you're going to steal one, might as well keep going.

OOP

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Could you imagine.

Itsalrightmeow

"Man I slept with this girl last night and when she left, half my mugs were gone!"

~

[deleted]

YTA, but do it anyway because you’re a pimp, and if a pimp wants it, a pimp gets it.

Pls Update

OOP Updated the same post

Update: I know you all desperately want this edit. He’s invited her over to check out his new place when he’s done moving (with a wink at the end of course). So progress, unpack kitchen essentials and chill anyone?

EMERGENCY UPDATE: the ex and my roommate are still talking, but now my ex’s roommate has also matched with her on tinder and is asking her to come over (same house). This plot twist is fucking unreal.

[update]—- operation shark rescue it currently a go! Wish ya luck reddit!

AITA for pimping out my friend to get my shark mug back- the sequel  Jan 17, 2020 (6 months later)

hello again Reddit, and thank you for coming with me on operation shark mug. I am please to update you all on this fine Thursday; this is what has happened:

The roommate did in fact sleep with the ex, the roommate did in fact see the mug and she also DID NOT take it back. The sex was inevitable. I thought all was lost in operation shark mug, my dreams crushed to say the least. Game over.

BUT THEN

I recently was in a wedding which the ex attended as a close friend. Him and I made conversation about the roommate, about the mug, and eventually I came clean about the plan (yeah, that’s right, I’m not a total dickhead after all) he told me that it was a hilarious plan, but that he had to be honest with me. The shark mug, you see, was too important to use as well. So..... the fate of the shark mug is.... his fucking toothbrush holder.  He sent me picture evidence later that evening, and I told him I deserved it for the plan I hatched. End of the day, it was a good laugh for all.

The end.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-07-05 04:00:03+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Worth_Tip_4877

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for telling my aunt her child is a "spoiled brat" and it's entirely her fault?

Thanks to u/soayherder + u/queenlegolas + u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: manipulation, verbal abuse

Original Post: June 6, 2024

My (23F) aunt (41F) that I will call Karen has been married to my uncle (43M) for a little over a year. She had a daughter (12F) that I will call Emily, from a previous relationship and my uncle always treated her like his own daughter, even though he only came into her life when she was 9, because she never really had a father figure growing up.

When their relationship got serious, my uncle introduced both of them to our family, and ever since they have been present at most gatherings and family holidays. I never liked Karen, because she was always very demanding and would always force people around her to do what she wanted. She never had any respect for anyone, but that's another story. Just to give some examples: she would always show up late to events or just not come at all, and when I say late I mean like 45 minutes to an hour late, even when people told her it was important to be on time, and never apologized for it, she always asked other people to do things for her, like go get something, go to the shop, or just anything that she didn't want to do, and never took no for an answer, and that's just some of it. She has said multiple times that she expects to be "treated like a princess".

My family always found her impolite and disrespectful, but we didn't really say anything because my uncle seemed happy with her, so good for him. The real problem however, was her daughter. I can't begin to explain all the disrespectful and entitled things that she has done, but I will try and list some of them.

When she was first introduced to us, I was 20, and would normally sit at the adults' table. She however decided that it was unfair that I got to sit with the adults and she didn't, so she demanded that either she could sit with the adults or I came back to the children's table. Just to remind you: she was 10 at the time. Instead of explaining to her that I was an adult and she was a child and therefore we did not sit at the same table, my aunt told me to go with the children. When I said that I didn't want to, especially because children were between 7 and 14 and I was much older, she said that if I was so immature that I didn't want to switch tables, I didn't deserve to be at the adults' table. Ever since then, she made sure that I was seated with children.

Her daughter would always ask me to go play with her, even when I was doing something else or working, and when I said no she would throw tantrums. Her mother always yelled at me for "making a child cry" and "not being a good cousin" and forced me to go play with her. But when I went to "play" with her, Emily would only ask me do to things for her, like go make her a snack, or dress her dolls for her, and would throw a tantrum if I didn't.

She would always steal my stuff, especially my makeup and clothes. When I told her not to, because 1. she didn't ask for permission, and 2. she was too young to use makeup, she once again threw fits and her mother forced me to "be generous". She ruined a lot of my stuff and when I got mad my aunt just said that she was "just a child".

For some reason, she was always very jealous of me. Everything I had and she wanted she demanded I gave it to her. When I got my bachelor's degree, my family threw a party to congratulate me, but she got angry that she didn't have all the attention, and a party for her, so my aunt threw the exact same party, at the same place, the next day. Every present I had she would ask her mom for, and eventually get. She would make every event about her, even my birthdays. I tried to let it slide and be patient with her, and I try to tell myself that she was "just a child", but her behavior didn't seem to change as she grew up. If anything, she was becoming even more entitled.

My last straw was two days ago. We were celebrating my birthday. I was born at the beginning of May, but we waited until June to celebrate to make sure that we would have good weather, as we had planned to have a birthday party in my grandparents' garden. As soon as she arrived - which was approximately 1 hour late - Emily starting complaining that we were celebrating my birthday 1 month after the real one. She claimed that if we were doing that, we could celebrate her birthday too, since she didn't really have one because it's close to Christmas.

To clarify, her birthday is November 29th, which is still a month before Christmas, and her mother always made a point to throw her a real party and not just group it together with Christmas. Karen would always make a very big deal of it and we always bought her very nice gifts. But she conveniently forgot about that and complained for about 10 minutes before her mother gave in and asked my grandmother to go buy another cake and candles for Emily, as we would also be celebrating her birthday.

Emily then complained that it wouldn't be a real birthday because she had no gifts, but Karen said that people had time to go buy her something, and that if there weren't any gifts for her we could just share mine, as I had plenty. I was furious. I went into my grandmother's house and asked if she had any cardboard boxes that I could use. I took one and pretended to wrap it as a gift. Inside I only put one thing: a note saying "Congratulations on being such a spoiled brat! But don't worry, it's not your fault, your entitled mother raised you that way! Hope you enjoy your present!!". Yes it is immature, but I just had enough. She had ruined all of the most important moments of my life for the past 3 years and I was so tired of it.

When people sang happy birthday to me, Emily and Karen made sure to sing "Happy Birthday dear Emily" instead of my name, loudly enough to cover all of the other people there. I was so angry, but I thought she wasn't going to be smiling that way for long. I was right. As soon as she opened my present she started screaming and throwing a tantrum. When she saw what I had written, her mother started yelling at me, but I was just smiling at her the whole time. She called me many names and immediately left with Emily. My family members did not really react as no one really liked Karen or Emily. However, I have received plenty of texts from my aunt and uncle, and even some from other members of my family saying that I was a huge a-hole for ruining "a little girl's birthday". I did not yet reply, because I don't really regret what I did, but I keep thinking that maybe I went too far. AITAH?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTA

Relevant Comments

OOP on needing to tell her parents and uncle about his wife’s behaviors

OOP: I agree, but the thing is, my uncle for some reason really loves Karen, and every time that someone in our family has made a comment about her being rude or disrespectful she got mad at him which just makes all of us very sad for him. The reason why my parents and I don't say anything, or at least in front of Karen is to avoid creating problems for my uncle. Also, most of the things I said happened while my parents weren't there to hear it and I didn't necessarily tell them everything that Karen and Emily did or say because I did not want to create more drama in the family. + Yeah I agree, but he is very much a non confrontational person and she is his wife so he just doesn't say anything. I don't really blame him because, according to my dad, she has threatened him multiple time to leave and since he earns more than her and she takes care of their house well let's just say that a divorce wouldn't be in his favor... So yeah I somehow feel bad for him, because he really loves her and I think he would do anything to stop her from leaving. + Yeah the reason why my parents aren't mentioned is because most of the time when things like that happened they weren't there and I didn't always tell them because I didn't want to create any drama. While I am technically an adult, in the family I am still a child if that makes sense. Karen is the generation above me so in a way she has that authority. But the main reason why I complied most of the time is because otherwise she would start fights with my uncle about how his family treated her and her child and I didn't want him to have problems as he is normally very sweet and already has to endure enough living with the both of them.

OOP on stopping inviting her uncle, his wife, and her daughter to the family events

OOP: Well my uncle and my dad are very close and they are both very close to their parents. If we stopped inviting them my grandparents would be really sad because no matter how annoying his wife is, he is still their son. Plus he is normally a very nice and sweet guy. She didn't really force people to obey because she wouldn't dare to do that with some people. For example ...

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