This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-07-04 04:04:07+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/PleasantMango777

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for blowing up at my son's father and grandmother when I found out they trashed my son's formula and pacifiers?

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks and made small edits for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: destruction of property, misogyny, child neglect

Mood Spoilers: infuriating and depressing

---

Original Post: June 25, 2025

So I (20f) live with my boyfriend (28m) and his parents. Despite being on birth control, our son is a oops baby. He came early at 36 weeks, I was scared shitless by the labor and delivery nurses telling me he would need NICU time (he didn’t), he would have feeding or breathing problems (he didn’t), and he was just overall small, and I ended up with a second degree tear due to him being sunny side up and now almost 7 weeks later it still hurts to sit down and move certain ways. I still have back pain from where they placed the epidural. My recovery hasn’t been easy. My stitches are healing well for the most part and I'm going to get an IUD placed to have a more permanent type of birth control because even after being on the birth control pills for 2 years, they aren't 100% pregnancy proof

Since my son was born early the nurses gave him formula at first. I really didn't care? I just wanted my son to be healthy and be able to come home. My son's father/boyfriend and his family have pushed me to breastfeed all through my pregnancy. It wasn't ever something that really crossed my mind my goal was just to have a healthy baby and we both survive. The hospital also gave us a pacifier and my son's grandma said that pacifiers were just a crutch that babies didn't need and I was setting him up to "have teeth problems and need braces later on"

I tried pumping with the hospital grade pump and it hurt. I tried breast feeding my son but it hurt and a lactation consultant at the hospital said I would struggle with breast feeding due to my anatomy and the fact my son has a tongue tie. I just said ok whatever, let's give him formula. My son's father's family (especially his mom) were NOT happy about it. While I'm up changing diapers and bottle feeding my son, she's also up and in my ear telling me how breast is best and "you never know what's exactly in formula!" (spoiler alert she breast fed my son's father and his 3 siblings so I guess it's like some sort of pride thing for her? Idk, she was the same way with my boyfriend's sister when she had her kids) My son's father even said one time it would be "hot" to see me breast feed and to be honest that just gave me the ick so bad

I haven't gone back to work yet (despite me applying to jobs left and right) so whatever my son's father brings in with his paychecks is how I'm surviving right now. It's been tough and I have to pretty much justify how I spend "his" money. "Why did I spend so and so at Walmart?" Our son needed diapers, wipes and formula. A can only lasts so long. "Well why can't you start back breast feeding to save money?" I don't want to! Our son is happy and healthy and thriving on formula. My son's father won't even make him bottles because he thinks it's "unnatural" when I supposedly can just magically make breast milk appear again.

My son had an appointment this morning to check his weight with the pediatrician because while he is gaining weight, it's been slow and he's been spitting up the formula. Ended up being gone for longer than I wanted to because the pediatrician's office was running behind. When I got back to the house, I went to make my son a bottle and found the formula canister empty. My son is crying for his milk and I ask his father what happened to the formula can because it was still half full. He just shrugs and goes "it looked old so I threw it out" I asked him why would he do such a fucking stupid thing and he yelled at me not to "talk to him that way". Then his mom came into the kitchen and yelled at me for "disrespecting" her son. I had to grab the formula can out of the trash can and saw all of the dumped formula powder just sitting there along with my son's pacifiers all mixed in with the garbage. At this point my son's grandma picked him up and was trying to console him because he was getting upset. She started backing up my son's father saying the formula he's on always looks "expired" and old and gross. I ended up yelling "OH MY GOD" and called my son's father selfish and shitty for wasting something so important

It ended up with his mom yelling at me to get out of her house and she refused to give me my son as he was crying. I lost it on her and screamed at her "GIVE ME MY FUCKING BABY" and she threatened to call the police on me for verbally abusing her and physically abusing my son

I ended up leaving with my son to a friend's house and thankfully had a sample can of his formula stashed away in the diaper bag I keep in my car along with the two small sample cans the pediatrician's office gave me today. Both my son's father and grandma have texted me, asking me to come back and saying I shouldn't have been so "dramatic" and that my son's father was just "trying to be careful". He wasted the baby’s food and put my son in a difficult situation, and he doesn’t even get it. Neither does his mom since she's backing him up on this

They're both making me feel so guilty. I'm just trying to keep my son alive. I ended up calling my mom to talk to someone about this whole mess and she agreed with my son's grandma about how I should have breast fed (or at least used donor milk lol) but she also said I'm the mom and can make my own decisions about my son. I asked her if we could stay with her for a couple of days and my mom said she just didn't have room for us (which is fair she has my 4 younger siblings living with her as it is). I feel so mad and frustrated. I'm literally on hold with my son's pediatrician's to see if they can give me any more sample cans before I go back to my son's father's house. AITAH for getting mad over formula being trashed or was my son's father in the right here?

Edit: My friend loaned me enough cash to get my son a can of formula thank god. My son's pediatrician's office never picked up so I left a message for the receptionist and I’m hoping they will get back to me before they close. We can only stay with my friend for maybe a couple of days because I don't have anything beyond what’s in the diaper bag for my son. I'm going to apply for WIC and SNAP benefits and see if a lawyer will help me get sole custody of my son. I'm not married to his father and I really don't want to go back to his mom's house if I don't have to. I should have grabbed some of my own stuff but I was so angry I just wanted to get out of there. Going back to playing phone tag and trying to get help to get us out of this situation. A huge thank you to the redditor who helped me with finding resources in my county and offered to help with stuff like diapers for my son so we don't have to go back to his dad's/grandma's. I have a lot of places to call tomorrow to hopefully get the ball rolling

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA and this is abuse on them. I'm going to guess that they are "religious" too. Got to their pastor and his wife to sort this out. When the Dr and mom(you) agree it's nobody else's business.

OOP: they are very religious. my boyfriend's mom wouldn't even throw me a baby shower because we weren't married and my son is considered a "bastard". I can't wait to be given the ok to go back to work (once a job actually calls me back and I can find a daycare spot for my son) so I can move out. I’m so tired of living with every single one of my choices being under fire/questioned like I just didn't give birth. given the fact my own mother kicked me out, it was either living with my boyfriend and his mom or just being homeless while pregnant

Commenter 2: Do not go back. Go to your parents house..

OOP: I don't have a parents house to go back to, my dad is listed as "unknown" on my birth certificate and my mom kicked me out when I told her I was pregnant because she has my younger siblings to take care of. it was either living with my boyfriend and his mom or just being homeless while pregnant. working on finding a more permanent shelter since we can only stay with my friend for a day or two at most

 

Update: June 27, 2025 (two days later)

hi everyone, I know a lot of people wanted an update. things haven't exactly gotten better but they haven't gotten much worse. so here's an update for those who wanted it

I don't have a parents home to go back to for those telling me to go back to my moms or dads. my dad is listed as "unknown" on my birth certificate and my mom kicked me out when I told her I was pregnant because she has my younger siblings to take care of. it was either living with my boyfriend and his mom or just being homeless while pregnant. I didn't think my son's father and grandmother would screw me over so badly like this though

my son's pediatrician's office did call me back yesterday morning (I couldn't get through to anyone Wednesday afternoon) and I was abl...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lr9cke/aitah_for_blowing_up_at_my_sons_father_and/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-07-04 04:04:03+00:00.

---

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/justneedanameokay

I'm breaking off my engagement because my fiance might get sick in the future

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

Original Post Feb 23, 2022

My fiance and I have been together for five years. He's the love of my life and I literally can't imagine being without him. So the thought of doing this is making my stomach roll.

He was adopted and neither he nor his parents knew much about his medical history. A few weeks ago, he met his biological brother for the first time and found out that his birth father had passed from Huntington's disease.

There's a 50% chance that my fiance also has the genetic defect that causes Huntington's, but he refuses to get tested.

It's not the disease I'm scared of, it's the not knowing. If we know he'll get it, we can prepare financially, practically, and emotionally. He says a positive test result will hold him back from living his life, but I feel like it's the opposite. How can we live with this giant maybe looming over us? How can I make smart decisions on where to live, how to budget, or even whether or not to have biological children with this man if I'm not allowed to have all the facts?

So, I've come to the decision that I have to break it off. I respect his decision, but I can't understand or accept it.

I have literally no one I can talk to about this because it's his fucking secret and not mine to tell.

Edit: I have to go to work now, but I'll try to continue responding throughout the day. Especially to the comments that exactly mirror the dissenting voice in my head. I just want to clarify a few things up here:

1. I would not leave him if he tested positive for the defect. I would not leave him if he got sick. I just want to plan for us to be able to afford the best life and care for him if he does - which means we'd have to start immediately.

2. I don't want or need 'perfect' children. That isn't realistic. But it is possible to avoid them being subjected to a 50/50 chance of having this disease. Of course there are alternative options, but again: they involve preparation and planning. I'm more than willing to take a full genetic panel as well.

3. Yes one or both of us could get cancer, or permanently disabled in an accident, or any other number of things. But I've come to learn that you can't plan for every unpredictable thing life throws at you - this is the rare occasion that we do have the opportunity to prepare.

4. Essentially it comes down to the fact that we're incompatible, regardless of how much we love each other. I'm a planner and he's very laid back. Until now, these traits have complemented each other, but unfortunately they've brought us to an impasse that I don't think we can both move forward from happily.

Second edit: I'm floored at all of these responses, supportive and... otherwise. At the very least, I feel validated that this is a complex issue with no clear and obvious answer.

I've decided to take a few steps back. Those of you who brought up the fact that a few weeks is probably too little time for him to fully process his possible diagnosis have a really valid point. Just because I want to immediately jump into problem solving mode, doesn't mean it's necessarily the right thing to do here.

So, I'm not leaving. Yet at least, and hopefully never. I'm going to find a therapist to help me work through my anxieties and give my fiance some space (not literal) to work through his. And then we'll revisit this conversation, hopefully with more patience on my part and willingness to act on his.

Third edit: I know my title sucks. Sorry, but I can't do anything about it now. It sounded fine at 6AM when I made the post.

Update 1 Sept 16, 2022 (7 months after original post)

Hi! Remember me? I posted earlier this year about my fiance who was refusing to get tested for Huntington's after learning he had a 50/50 chance of having the genetic defect. 

Some of you gave me great advice and support, others the wakeup call I needed, and the rest of you... well, reddit gonna reddit.

I'm not sure if it was obvious, but I was not in a good place when I made that post. When I stress, I don't sleep or eat. For him, it may have "only" been a few weeks to accept the situation, but for me it was a few long weeks of nonstop anxiety where I was lucky to get even an hour of restless sleep a night. I was plain exhausted on top of everything else and only began to consider leaving when I started to hit my breaking point. 

Anyway, we talked about it. At length. We cried, we fought, we researched, I showed him empathy. We consulted with friends, family, and specialists. We pressed pause for days or weeks when we needed a break from the whole damn thing... and in the end he agreed to have the test. 

Guys, to say we dodged an absolute maelstrom of bullets would be putting it mildly. He's negative - both for developing the disease himself as well as the risk of passing it on. No matter what else happens, this is one area where he's assuredly safe.

All of this said, once the euphoria faded we decided it was necessary to put a hold on our engagement and take some time apart. I still love him with all my heart, but this was our first serious disagreement as a couple and it forced us to seriously reflect on ourselves and our relationship. Neither of our positions were wrong, but they were so disparate that there was no realistic compromise.

I've spent the last few months traveling abroad, and other than a few texts we haven't spoken much. But I'm home now, and we have our 'second first date' tonight. Wish me luck!

TLDR: he's safe

Edits!:

1. I mentioned this a million times in my first post, but here goes again. I had no plans to leave if he tested positive. I just needed to know so that we could plan our lives accordingly.

2. we decided together to take a break. It's been an incredibly difficult, emotionally charged roller-coaster of a year. I didn't leave him!

3. we planned from day 1 to keep communication to a minimum. It was difficult. I actually began keeping a journal of all the things I wanted to call or text him about. It's extensive, and I can't wait to share it with him.

4. I didn't give him an ultimatum, but I understand why that's the takeaway. I only told reddit that I was thinking of leaving, and I know that it was rash and irrational.

5. no, I'm not going to kill myself. Sorry if that disappoints you.

6. why does everyone seem to think that traveling means sleeping around!?

7. just gonna leave a little timeline here for those of you who think I've been traveling since my last post:

• he learned that he was at risk of developing HD
• I posted on reddit when I reached my own breaking point and needed to vent about how I was affected
• we spent the next three-ish months discussing next steps, consulting professionals, meeting others in our situation, etc.
• he made his own decision to get tested
• that took a while, since there are a lot of steps you have to go through before they'll even agree to do it
• we learned he's negative!
• we rode the emotional high for a bit, then realized we weren't the same people we were at the beginning of the year, and no longer knew how to be together normally given everything we learned about ourselves and each other during the hardest of situations
• we decided to take a break and meet for dinner on 9/16
• I'm now getting ready to leave for said dinner

8 and I swear this is my final edit) I meant to say this last time too. Thank you to all of you who are sharing your stories about HD, chronic illness, and love. I'm sorry I haven't responded to everyone, but I'm reading all of them and wishing you and your loved ones nothing but health and happiness.

Update 2 Sept 17, 2022 (1 days after 1st update)

This title continues to be embarrassingly bad (and now irrelevant), but I kinda feel like I'm stuck with it now. Sorry.

If you're new here: my fiance found out he was at risk of developing Huntington's Disease. I wanted him to get tested and he did not. Months later, he did and thank god, he was negative. The whole thing put such a strain on us that we decided to take a break. Last night, we went on our second first date.

And I can't believe how many of you want to hear about it! Of course I couldn't leave you hanging, but there are a few things I want to address first so please bear with me for a few more sentences.

It feels like many of you are determined for there to be a 'bad guy' here, but please don't put this label on my fiance. He doesn't deserve it. He's not a jerk, an asshole, or an ostrich. He's a man who was suddenly forced to face his own mortality. He had a very human response, and I didn't make it any easier on him during those first few weeks. 

On that note, it's great that so many of you guys always react perfectly to every tough situation life throws at you. I'm sadly not like that, sometimes I fuck up like I did by not initially giving him enough time to process. But I owned up to that, took several steps back, and he forgave me. I don't know what else you want from me. 

Lastly, there ar...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lr9cib/im_breaking_off_my_engagement_because_my_fiance/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-07-04 04:02:08+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwra_lottery

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for winning a couple of million on the lottery and giving half to my ex BEFORE I met my current girlfriend?

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: infidelity, manipulation

---

Original Post: June 21, 2025

So I’m 35m and was with my ex from school until 5 years ago. We have a child together too that we both coparent really well. We never fall out and with each other but the love and attraction has all gone (she cheated on me but there’s more to the story than that and it’s not all on her).

Two years ago I happened to win around £4m on the lottery. My first thought was my child. I wanted him to grow up with an equal life like he has mine and the less stress his parents have the less stress he has. I decided to split the win with my ex. We have both been sensible with the money. I quit my job as a mechanic, took my sports and football coaching badges and with a friend we started a business going around primary schools doing classes in all sorts of sports and fitness and also helping out local sports clubs and teams with coaching and methods etc. It will never make us rich but we make around 1.5 times the national average wage. I bought a £300k house and a £40k car and that’s about it. My ex opened up a beauty salon that’s doing really well and also bought herself a house.

I met my current girlfriend on a night out around six months ago. Things have been going well. She knows I won the lottery and that’s why I’ve got a nicer house and car than my income will normally provide and why I like to go away on a couple of nice holidays a year. She’s never asked for anything from me materially and kept insisting on covering half the dates despite me offering to pay every time. We are getting more serious but nowhere near moving in or anything like that or her meeting my son yet.

It all came to a head last week when the subject of my ex came up and my girlfriend said how nice her beauty salon is. We were with a couple of my friends and one of them said “it should be nice Sam paid for it” she asked what he was talking about and before I could answer my friend said “he gave her two million quid”. My girlfriend was quiet for the rest of the night and then when we got back to mine she exploded and said I was still in love with her and that’s why I gave her the money, that I wasn’t normal, that no wonder a lottery winner only lives in a house like this and drives a shit car when I gave half away, that I was a gullible simp, how embarrassed she is by me, how “we” could be set for life with that money and never work again, etc etc. it went on for so long I told her to leave as I’m going to bed and not listening to this anymore.

I haven’t seen her since and she hadn’t answered my calls or replied to my messages apart from the odd insult until today when she said the only way she could stay with my is to ask my ex for whatever money she has left to be returned to me so she can save face. I told her no and I’m done with her. She again accused me of trying to buy back my ex and I blocked her.

Is this going to be a problem I have with other women going forward? AITAH for this?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: dude, honestly, your ex is part of your kid’s life and you did the responsible thing. not everyone’s gonna get it, but if your girl can’t respect that, maybe she’s the problem. not everyone’s gonna vibe with your past or choices, and that’s okay. gotta pick people who actually get you.

OOP: That’s what I thought, I thought it was the right thing to do. Seemed unfair to live it up on my own while my ex and son struggle through on minimum wage.

Commenter 2: You dodged a bullet, mate. If she’s reacting like this over money that wasn’t even hers and was given away before she met you, imagine how controlling she'd be if you actually shared finances. Not the AH.

OOP: I agree but it’s surprising as she never asked for anything before. Even when her car broke down and I fixed it she tried to offer me money for it.

Commenter 3: NTA, but kind of not wise for giving her so much. Did you at least save some for your kid, or invest any of it?

OOP: Between what I have left and my life insurance my son will be left seven figures if anything happens to me.

Commenter 4: lol dude your chick is a gold digger in disguise, that money is none of her business and she has no say on what to do with it.

OOP: That’s what I’m feeling but she never asked for a penny before. Even when I repaired her car she tried to pay me.

Commenter 5: Some people will say you did too much, but at the time of your win, you and your ex had only been separated for a couple of years, and if you had won it when you were still together, you would have split it 50/50. I imagine it makes a lot of things easier for you as a co-parent knowing that you split the win with her, since she can never really say that you owe her anything for your child, and your child is well provided for.

OOP: It just felt right because what’s the point in my son having one rich parent and one struggling parent.

Commenter 6: NTA

the now ex is unhinged. You’re doing well for yourself and wanted to share that with your child who primarily lives with your ex which is honorable. Would she have rather the ex taken you to court for child support and monthly you’d have had to pay possibly more over 18 to 21 years? Wouldn’t she be more interested considering if something bad happened she now knows you’d take care of any future children and her?

She sounds materialistic by knocking down your house, car and I’m sure the job would have been next. You dodged a bullet and hopefully your child never met this gold digger because she isn’t worth much

OOP: My son never met her, I won’t introduce to someone until I know they are a life partner.

I was a bit upset with her knocking my house. I like my house. It’s not a big but it’s nice.

 

Update: June 27, 2025 (six days later)

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/V5MeAMXlWU

Just a quick update as I got a lot of nice comments and messages on my original post.

She unblocked me and asked for forgiveness but I said no it’s gone too far and for me it’s over.

She didn’t take it very well and I got bombarded with abusive messages for a day or two but they’ve stopped today as have the phone calls from a withheld number.

A few people asked on the last post why I gave my ex half rather than put it in savings for our kid. Between us we have nearly a million that we have put aside for him that cannot be touched and will earn interest over the years.

As for the cheating which a lot of people mentioned, we were each others first for everything and we talked about it and both admitted a few years we felt a touch of regret. We both agreed to threesomes so over the course of the next year or so we had threesomes with a few men and a few women. Unfortunately she ended up catching feelings for one of the men.

Not the end of the world and no reason for us to fall out.

Relevant Comments

Downvoted Commenter: NTA but I kinda feel the most recent ex was onto something with regards to feelings. You’re either super mature and wise beyond your years or you are hoping to rekindle the relationship in future with the lass you gave the money to. I’m not saying you’re a bad guy, you’re obviously not, but it feels like you’re playing the long game 😂

OOP: She’s asked me back loads of times before the win and I said no so why would I need to pay her to come back?

Commenter 1: You’re a real man. You know that right? Like a real good one. Sacrificing half your wealth for the betterment of your child was a real power move in the realm of maturity in my opinion.

I think your kid is going to have a significantly more stable life because of your decision and receive the myriad of mental health benefits that accompany that. Be proud of yourself and screw the gold digger, someone like that isn’t worth a second thought to a man of your caliber.

OOP: You’re making me blush lol. Thank you.

Commenter 2: You’re definitely NTA but I do think you’re a little nuts for splitting 50/50 with an ex who cheated on you. I agree with many other commenters that it probably would’ve been better off in a trust for the kid, but what’s done is done and you seem at peace with it which is all that really matters. Glad to hear you cut off the gf though because she showed her true colors quickly.

OOP: He has around a million in a trust which will easily be over a million by the time he’s old enough.

I just didn’t see the point in having one parent who’s well off and another who’s scraping by. I wanted him to have an equal life not one extreme to the other.

Commenter 3: You’re a green flag. And in revealing so you’ve weeded out a red flag.

I’d almost suggest keeping your lotto win quiet for the next gf but i...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lr9b7e/aitah_for_winning_a_couple_of_million_on_the/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-07-04 04:02:01+00:00.

---

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/nodinnerinvite

I keep meeting my birth mom but she doesn’t know it’s me

Originally posted to r/offmychest

Editors Note: the original BoRU never had the final update, posting this to have the full saga

BoRU 1 Posted by u/embinksyy

MOOD SPOILER: Extremely positive

Original Post Dec 30, 2021

She had me when she was FOURTEEN. And I (24M) was given up for adoption. My parents told me about her growing up. I still have the letter she wrote me that she asked if they could give it to me if they wanted.

It’s crazy reading it sometimes and knowing it was a literal child who wrote it saying she’s sorry she couldn’t be my mommy but she hopes I’m happy. She was open to having contact but we moved for my dad’s job when I was 11 and then it seemed impossible to find her.

But luckily I did.

She’s working at this small restaurant and I keep going but she doesn’t know it’s me. We talk sometimes. And she seems like a nice lady. Sometime when she says something like “do you want a refill, honey” or uses another term like that I wanna tell her. Idk why it makes me nervous. We talk sometimes and she seems really genuine. If it’s not super busy she’s more open to talking about random stuff. I literally drive 2 hours to come eat at this place just to see her. And it’s like she knows me already because I’m there once or 2 times a week for the past 3 months so she always says hi with a big smile.

But man if only she knew

Update Jan 4, 2022 (5 days later)

Well… I did it I told her. And yeah it was pretty heavy. My heart was even beating fast. i kept trying to think how to tell her. Many of the comments on my last post here mentioned writing her a letter just how she wrote a letter for me. Originally that was the plan but for me it felt like I needed to say it.

Oh, really quick I wanna say thanks to everyone for their love and support. Mostly to all the birth parents out there who shared their stories with me. That’s what really helped push me to have the courage to confront her. It meant so much so thanks.

Everything happened day before yesterday btw.

I did wait for her to be done with her shift and that was when they were closing the restaurant already. And waited in the parking lot. We said hi when she saw me first but then I told her there was something serious that she needed to know. First told her sorry for keeping it from her this long. She didn’t react until I actually pulled out her letter.

And she started bawling from there. Like screaming and crying at the same time, and didn’t even have to finish the whole “I’m your son” speech. She just saw it and knew. It was crazy. Next thing I know she’s hugging me instantly but then she pulled back and asked if it’s okay to hug me. Ofc it is and we’re just there hugging an crying in the parking lot. It hit her hard though. Her legs gave out for a second so I had to actually hold her up while she’s still hugging me for a min.

What really got me was her saying to me look how big you got. also hearing her cry made me cry too. She went back to open the restaurant up (she wouldn’t take no for an answer) we had coffee, ate a slice of their pie inside and talked. Soooo many stuff we talked about. She told me the second time I came to the restaurant she got a feeling but for her it was hard believe it was me. So that feeling she had was pushed way down.

Because she told me for years after I was adopted she saw kids that would be my age and used to think they were me. Then she would be crying in public. It fucked with her mind a lot and made her depressed so she didn’t want to do the same when she saw me, getting her hopes up like that.

She says I look so much like my biological dad when he was younger though. We talked about him too. They stayed in contact with eachother incase I ever reached out to one of them so it would be easier to contact the other. I didn’t have hope about finding my biological dad since he was never mentioned so I’m glad they both planned for this future scenario. She told me about how they wanted to keep me. Especially my biological dad, he didn’t want me to be adopted. But he knew they had to because they were just kids. It took him a long time to get passed it after I was born she told me. That’s why he didn’t leave anything because he didn’t wanna believe he might not see me again.

We talked for hours. Til almost 2 in the morning (they closed at 11). She just wanted to know everything about me but her main thing was “am I happy”. Were my parents good to me. Did I have a happy childhood. And I did. I told her thank you for helping to give me this life. We both cried again. She cried the most. Everything was very emotional for her. Sometimes she would look really happy but then get sad again.

After my 18th birthday she was hoping I would find her that’s why she stayed in the same city. But since I didn’t she always thought maybe I resented her, wasn’t told I’m adopted, or maybe had decided it was better not to have her around. It made me feel bad for not telling her sooner. She told me it’s not my fault and I did right going at my own pace. Honestly she’s so sweet. The way she kept looking at me with the biggest smile, it made me emotional sometimes. Makes you think how can someone who’s been a total stranger ur whole life look at you with so much love. It’s wild. We learned so much about eachother. She asked me if we could have dinner soon to keep talking. And if at some point in the future if I’m interested come over to her house so I can meet her husband. That all sounded really great.

We exchanged numbers. After I left she sent a text telling me thank you for giving her this gift that she didn’t know if it would ever come.

My girlfriend came over and she hugged me while I cried. I wasn’t sad btw these were happy tears. Everything went better than I expected. There was still emotionally heavy stuff but I’m still glad that we got to open up to eachother.

Last update was jever added to the previous BoRU

Met my biological dad for the first time ever and I’m very happy about it (update) Jan 21, 2022 (17 days after 1st update)

Lots of you asked to let you know how it goes meeting my biological dad and to say it was emotional….is an understatement. I’ve been feeling so many things since this all happened. We met a few days ago. Was originally supposed to be almost 2 weeks ago but shit kept coming up. Work and then I got sick (not covid) for days. But we made it happen. Tbh this was more nervous for me because I didn’t know anything about him. With my bio mom it was different because I watched her from far and got to know her a little before it came out. I asked my bio mom if she could be there too just because she knows him better so it was the 2 of us waiting for him at this park.

He was already crying before we even got to him. This guy is strong too so he pulled me in for the biggest bear hug and crying 😅🥲.

He told me he wants me to know that they loved me so much and he loves me. I lost count how many times he’d come back in for one more hug. This definitely got to him. And he kept saying thank you God a few times. Looking at my face. The feelings man, the feelings… We had so many of them. Hearing him tell me how much they love me even back then. It meant so much for me to hear that and ngl that had me holding him tight too.

I’m sure to everyone at the park it was weird seeing 3 crying people lol. My bio dad said he cried so many times just driving over here he didn’t think he had anymore tears until he saw us. When we were all sitting down it hit me that my bio mom was NOT lying when she said we look alike 😂 obviously he’s older but still holy shit the similarities.

He brought gifts too which was a surprise. It was really nice he told me I don’t have to keep them if I don’t want it but he felt weird not coming with anything and he’s wanted to give this to me for a long time.

One was a teddy bear holding a picture frame of him at the hospital holding me (he was 15 years old, it’s still crazy to realize that ). And then the other thing was a journal. The journal thing was stuff he said he started writing to me years after I was adopted. He was in therapy and that that helped him to cope thinking he would give them to me one day. His way of still feeling connected to me. I haven’t read everything yet but some of the pages were his thoughts and like if he’s talking to me. How he felt when they found out she was pregnant, then the adoption, everything going on in his mind when he first got to hold me as a baby. I didn’t even know he was at the hospital too.

It was not what I was expecting.. it really got me. I read some more of what he wrote last night that really got me crying. I’m sad to think how much this affected them emotionally for years. Also think it’s pretty sweet he wanted to write this for me. We talked about his ow...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lr9b4e/i_keep_meeting_my_birth_mom_but_she_doesnt_know/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-07-04 04:00:07+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/No_Pool_7823

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

Previous BoRUs: #1

[New Updates]: My 15yo idiot kid got his GF pregnant on purpose.

NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ----

Trigger Warnings: teenage pregnancy, manipulation, possible mental health struggles

Mood Spoilers: incredibly frustrating

---

RECAP

Original Post: April 26, 2025

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I 30F have a child who is 15M - we'll call him Ollie plus other children aged 2, 6, 9 and 11. As you can tell by my own age I was teen parent, I was lucky and we married at 18, still married, healthy relationship, worked our away out of a very dire situation (graduated, started a trade etc) and we are comfortable, stable in all ways - this information is relevant.

Ollie has been friends with this girl - we'll call her Bree since he was 7 years old. Their family use to live in the same city as us and went to the same school, same friendship group.

We know her parents and are long distance friends ourselves (not close friends but say hello when the kids are on video chat, had drinks together before) Bree's family moved to a very small town 3 states away due to rental affordability (no secret) we all have talked about the rising costs of everyday life, the cost of living in this city has risen forcing many locals out. They moved because of that and for better job opportunities 18 months ago.

Since then, Ollie has been begging for us to follow. Giving us a sales pitch on cheaper housing, better paying jobs (none of which fit either of our professions), the whole works.

We have said no because well - No but even if we wanted too our other children are in school, sports and have friends here. Selling and buying another house, finding work outside of our skill set or having to learn new skills - any normal adult would understand this, he does not.

Well fast forward to Christmas Bree's family come back to our city for a holiday and the kids met up multiple times with each other, it was my understand that they were always with the other kids but obviously not since Bree is pregnant and I am certain it was on purpose. He has access to condoms (I don't care for opinions on that, My access was restricted and I had him), He has had sex ed from me, my husband, school. He knows damn well how babies are made and how not to have one.

Ollie now wants me to move to be with her and the baby (Its confirmed, I've talked to her parents) and I said No, I don't feel I need a reason but he asked.

You're 15. We don't have any proof it your child yet. I'm not moving us away from our lives and you aren't going alone until your 18. We will do a DNA test then we will look at parenting plans and topped it off with a too bad, too sad. You made your bed, now you have to sleep in it.

He took that back to Bree and now all communication between me and her parents has been cut, I'm a terrible person. My comments about the DNA test are disgusting and its fueling my sons hate for me.

He says I am keeping him from the love of his life and future baby using my own successful relationship as proof it will work out.

I actually don't even know if I am right or not. I'm just really upset and feel like my life I worked really hard for has been destroyed.

EDITED FOR UPDATE: To answer some question.

She is due September around the 22nd. So no there is no option for abortion. I dont think that or adoption ever was.

Ollie admitted it was on purpose last night. Apparently, it was Bree's idea first "as a joke" that turned into a plan together. Bree's parents will only pass messages through my son and I have heard this for myself, I stood outside the door and listened to them tell him "Tell you mother "Insert info below" because I know I will just go off on her about that bullshit still". They are talking shit about me with my kid.

They are appalled I would think that way of Bree when I have known her for more than half her life and do not wish to talk to me.

I will not allow him to move out there alone. There are some past issues such has Bree breaking up with him twice in the last 18 months because she found someone that she liked more her new town (around August and October last year, same boy) and when it ended, she came back to Ollie. Bree is a nice girl but her behavior is toxic and has been since a child. Her mother and stepfather are nice but the relationship is unstable, the house is chaos (nine children combined, blended family and 2/3 teens with serious mental health struggles). He would be leaving stability for chaos and no structure.

I want a DNA test, I will not budge on that.

I am close to cutting HIS contact totally at this point because they are only empowering him and reenforcing his behavior towards me and his father.

His father is a man of few words. Which is unhelpful, so far he's backed everything I have said and only really chosen to say "You have the intelligence of a pear"

UPDATE #2 MAY 30TH: Things have gone south even further. At this point Husband and I have been blocked on all social media and numbers blocked but the communication with Ollie has continued.

Ollie gave us Bree's parents email address to send a email too but before using that I asked him to video chat Bree with me there and then I could ask Bree to please get her parents so I can talk to them about this and tell her that if they were going to continue to refuse then I would be blocking all contact to Ollie and communication until this is resolved - I told Ollie this before the call, at first he flipped out about it but it was this or I cut communication completely. I do think he understood that it is not okay that her parents are speaking to me through minors and he said himself he would like us to talk to each other.

Bree joined the call and hung up when she saw I too was there. Ollie called back a few times and she didn't answer. She asked via text why I wanted to talk to her and Ollie told her that I wanted to speak to her mother and if we didn't resolve the communication issue then all contact would be ended until her parents made contact with us and we make a plan for the next few months (including DNA) and then birth arrangements, said that if the baby is his we will travel there for the birth and first few weeks after - he told her that I personally think it probably is his baby but I want to be sure and make sure everything is done right from the start.

Well Bree blocked him with a reply, and he is totally heartbroken not eating, sitting in his room all day and night, NOT mad at me surprisingly - very, very sorry for him and to us, sad about it all and I think regretful. He even asked me if there was a way to "Undo it" for himself, I haven't talked about signing over rights (a "male abortion" his father called it) because I think he's just upset right now.

A mutual friend of Bree and Ollies here in our hometown showed him a few posts she has made in the last 24 hours. Things like "It's you and me against the world baby girl" and memes about Deadbeat dads. She also announced the pregnancy which she hadn't done yet and the post had some single mother facts and quotes.

Ollie's friends knew about the situation, and a few were under the impression he had "dumped her and the baby" going by the posts but when he explained that what had happen, they all rallied for him in the comments (I said not too) and now she's blocked them, and we can't see what she has posted.

This is just a nightmare.

I have of had a plan personally, not set but something I wanted to talk to her parents about, but I don't even want to waste my time at this point.

Ollie gave us Bree's parents email address to send a email too with said plan.

Basically, Bree does DNA blood test. We will pay the full $1500 for it, if it is his baby we can book flights and plan to be there for the first month, I'll stay too with Ollie, maybe even the whole family and then we can also work on a parenting plan and getting into mediation for a judge to sign off on it - Ollie's father and I spilt for the first 7 months of his life so we have done this before and we know the process.

But at this point I think I will just leave it to settle before sending a email.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Nobody going to point out both children are manipulative? Obviously the girl was on board and it sure seems like they both kept it under wraps until it couldn’t be aborted. Both children are bad actors here.

OOP: This. I think it was planned 100% on both sides and this was CHRISTMAS. She's around 24 weeks I believe and way past abortion. They also never told us until 20 weeks. Her family knew but never contacted me.

Commenter 2: Quite the manipulative teen you got there. But by teen logic, his plan makes perfect sense.

From any point of view, you can't give in to his plan, though. It would ruin you financially, ruin his relationship with his siblings, and yours with him.

I would give him a detailed plan on how you and your partner managed to rise above all the risks of teen pregnancy. Focus on school, plan ahead, make sure 'the village' is on board. And of course, how lucky...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lr99r3/new_updates_my_15yo_idiot_kid_got_his_gf_pregnant/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-07-04 04:00:02+00:00.

---

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwRAkindafreaked

I (24f) think my neighbor (28m) might be stalking me? I’m not sure and I want to ask here before I tell my husband (32M) because I’m afraid he might react strongly

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

Editors Note: the original BoRU was deleted, so reposting to bring back to the sub

BoRU 1 Sept 25, 2021

TRIGGER WARNING: Domestic abuse, physical abuse, fears of stalking

MOOD SPOILER: horrific

Original Post

I (24F) live in a pretty close knit neighborhood. I’m a stay at home mom to a toddler girl and a boy who’s in first grade.

My husband (32M) works away from home and he’s gone most of the day, sometimes overnight. I’ve begun noticing that the neighbor who lives on our left who is 28M around a lot more. I know he works from home. But I feel like I see him whenever I’m outside with my kids. When I go to the grocery store I notice him leaving as well and then he pulls back in at the same time as me.

Whenever I come back from picking my son up from school he’s outside. I have a ring doorbell and have noticed when I go right from the school to my house (~20 minutes) he’s only out for 20 minutes, he’ll go right in after I go in. But if I go somewhere else, or take longer, he’ll be out there until I come home, and then he’ll go back in.

I feel kind of freaked out. I have always had fine interactions with him, he always waves and everything. He works as a programmer from home and he’s never done anything bad it’s just how often I see him.

I don’t want to mention anything to my husband because he has a pretty short fuse and I’m scared he’ll flip out and go and confront him or think I’m having an affair something crazy like that.

Am I just being paranoid or does this seem like something I should mention?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

vortexIV

If you are scared that by mentioning to your husband about a stalking neighbour would result in him going off on one and accusing you of an affair then your marriage doesn't sound good at all.

You shouldn't be afraid of your husband.

Though it sounds like it's another classic case of older guy in his 20s going after a teenage girl and marrying and having kids with her and she's afraid of him

OOP

I’m no afraid of him lol but I am afraid of him flying off the handle if I’m just being paranoid

~

ezagreb

This is really not a lot to go on. Perhaps you should spend a week or two changing up your pattern and doing your best to avoid/ignore this guy. See if any more patterns become apparent.

OOP

I have that’s what I’m saying. I switched times, how long I’m out, etc. he’s still only out when I’m out

ezagreb

Does he try to talk to you ? Have you ever seen him out at the grocery or cleaners/restaurants. If you feel up to it you might comment to him that it's weird that you see him regularly. Understand that nothing could be done about this short of a restraining order so it's best to try to discourage him yourself. Do a couple of other things - Keep a logbook of when and where you see him. Tell a friend and family member what you are doing and why.

OOP

We’ve talked in a friendly manner before…yes I’ve seen him at the store

Update - rareddit Nov 1, 2021 (36 days later)

Hello. I’m posting an update on something I posted a little over a month ago. I was concerned that my (24f) neighbor (28m) was stalking me. I was debating whether or not to tell my husband (32m) for fear of him overreacting.

I decided to tell my husband about it. I just said “hey, have you noticed Trevor outside a lot?” And he said no and asked me why and I said oh no reason I’ve just noticed him outside whenever I’m out there. And I wish I hadn’t said anything. My husband immediately was like what do you mean noticing him? Why are you noticing him? And I tried to drop it but he kept pushing. So I eventually just told him basically what I wrote in my post and he exploded. And immediately went next door even though I begged him not to. And he went to our neighbors door and started pounding on it. And yelling. Our neighbor came to the door and knew my husband was looking for a fight because he was immediately like you need to leave now. Obviously my husband didn’t leave and it began a pretty serious verbal altercation, and eventually physical. The police came and broke it up, telling my husband to go back home and stay away from the neighbor. As you can imagine the entire thing was horrible. All of the neighbors were outside (we live in a pretty affluent, quiet neighborhood so the police don’t usually get called).

When we got back into the house my husband began yelling at me. He asked me if I was sleeping with the neighbor, why I had been asking about him, why the neighbor got so defensive, etc. He was so angry I didn’t recognize him. He began hitting the walls and throwing things. When I tried to reason with him and tell him the situation he began to get physical with me as well. After a while I was able to call the police. They arrested him and I had to stay at the hospital for a bit. Right now my kids and I have a order of protection against my husband. I have not seen or talked to him since this happened.

After I came home I went over to my neighbors house to apologize for what happened. He told me that he had known my husband was abusive, and he could hear him yelling at me and the kids. He said that the reason he was often outside when the kids and I were is because he said he felt unsure about if he was abusive or not and wasn’t sure if he should say something. He said that he used the times to say hi to us to see if there were any bruises or signs of physical injury, and to see if the kids seemed alright.

I don’t want to reconcile with my husband. My oldest son (6) keeps asking me why his father used his hands instead of his words. My 2 year old keeps playing with her dolls and saying “daddy, don’t hit! Don’t hit!” It makes me want to cry. They’re seeing therapists to help process all of this.

FINAL COMMENTS

Spaceship828

Divorce him before it gets worse

OOP

Like I said in the post. I don’t have any plans on reconciling with him. Divorce is very expensive so I’m not sure when I will officially begin the process-there are a lot of things I need to get in order first-but I have no intention of not divorcing him.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-07-03 04:04:02+00:00.

---

I am not The OOP, OOP's are: u/2fly2hide & u/FutureNoise

Nevermind, this is not a Downer. I don't want to Drain You; take back your Heart Shaped Box. [1 redditor is reunited with their old autographed Nirvana CD]

Originally posted to r/Autographs

Could this be real? June 13, 2024

A signed copy of Nirvana - In Utero

This came into my shop and I took a chance on it. Any chance that it could be legit? Charity auctions and events aren't especially relyable, but from a radio station in southern cal?

Would love some other opinions.

IN THE COMMENTS

The original owner is in the comments

This is real.

This was mine.

I gave it to a dear friend.... I'm saddened she parted with it.

DM me and I can confirm the name and address on the envelope (Oceanside, Ca)

I stayed up all night to win that in a phone auction.

I was in college back then and that was a lot of money for me. I had to request the letter because they never gave me a receipt. There should be a sticker from the station in there too I believe unless it was lost.

HMU for full backstory.

You have a piece of my heart.

***UPDATE: 6/15/25 Chatted with OP u/2fly2hide who confirmed where and how item was sold. u/2fly2hide could not be a nicer or more genuine Redditor. OP stated many of you reached out in their DM's offering to help me recover this... I can not begin to explain what this means to me and wanted to thank everyone for their offers and kindness. My initial goal was just to help confirm the origin for OP, but u/2fly2hide is helping me become the original owner again and it means the world to me. TY again. Reddit is wild and amazing.

*** UPDATE 6/17/25 OP is amazing and is going to send it to me and wont let me pay even though I offered a million times. I'm going to do a follow up post when all is said and done to let everyone know how cool this community can be. TY u/2fly2hide and everyone for your kind words. I'll be paying this forward forever. Cheers.

Update June 26, 2025

The returned CD & the original letter from the auction OOP won in 1993

Two weeks ago I saw a post on r/Autographs asking if a signed Nirvana CD case cover could be authentic.

I recognized the item as something I had bought and loved for over 20 years. A decade ago, I gave it to a dear friend, and I was shocked to suddenly see it in my Reddit feed.

The original intent behind my response to OP’s post was simply to help the new owner authenticate the provenance of the item and share the backstory.

Chatting with OP, I learned that the item had been pawned at their pawn shop. As we talked, I asked for first consideration if they were planning to sell it. That’s when I started to realize their intent to return it to me—32 years after I’d won it, after treasuring it for over 20 years, and a decade after gifting it to a dear friend.

What I didn’t expect was for OP to be such a kind-hearted individual. They recognized my deep feelings about the piece, and the fact that they were willing to reunite me with it was amazing in itself. However, when OP REFUSED ANY KIND OF PAYMENT—not even for postage to mail it to me, or to cover their original cost—I was absolutely blown away.

As of today, June 26th, 2025, the item has made it across the country and is now back with me. Words cannot express my gratitude, and there may, or may not, have been tears shed.

My main goal with this update is simply to highlight how awesome OP is, to promote their kindness however I can, and to show just how amazing the Reddit community can be—especially when you least expect it.

I will be paying this forward for the rest of my life.

COMMON QUESTIONS:

HOW DID YOU GET IT ORIGINALLY?

A charity phone auction in 1993 through the San Diego, California radio station 91X.

I was in college, and it was the week of my 21st birthday, so I happened to be up all night with some friends.

Even back then, most of the auction items were going for hundreds, so I hadn’t been able to bid. But since this was at around 4 a.m., it was only at $60 when I phoned in my $65 bid. The last thing I remembered was hearing my name being called out as the winner before passing out with a Zima in my hand.

When I first got the piece, Kurt was still very much alive. The CD means quite a bit to me personally, as I am a huge fan.

WHY DID YOU GIVE IT AWAY?

After having it myself for over 20 years, I went through an incredibly tough time. I have a friend who was always there for me—always. She was a self-described “rocker chick” and loved music.

Around 2015, we would have known each other for about a decade, and my life was changing. I was moving away and wanted to find a way to thank her and show her how much I appreciated her friendship. This was my prized possession, and it was what my heart thought she would cherish forever.

Though I’ve seen her a few times throughout the past decade, it never came up. I just assumed she squirreled it away to keep forever—until I saw it in my feed last night.

I haven’t spoken to her in a few years now, but since OP confirmed it was sold, I’m just gonna leave her be. I may change my mind about that, but it seems like the right thing to do.

I’m just very grateful to have a chance to have it back in my life again. OP is a great person and very kind.

YOU SAID IT WAS PAWNED... MAYBE IT WAS TAKEN OR STOLEN?

Chatting with OP, I learned the item had been pawned at their pawn shop.

OP is a professional, but after comparing cities, dates, and general descriptions, I felt reassured that it was indeed my friend who pawned it—meaning it hadn’t been taken from her, which was a main concern of mine that was put to ease.

WERE YOU UPSET IT WAS PAWNED?

No, not at all.

Though we’re still friends, we haven’t spoken for years and she lives states away now.

Because it was sold to a pawn shop , then she needed the money, and I wouldn’t want to embarrass her.

It was a heartfelt gift and hers to do with as she wanted, but not really worth THAT much (to anyone besides me), so if she had moved on and had more pressing needs, I’m glad she had it to pawn and help her through.

HOW DID YOU HAPPEN TO SEE THE POST SO QUICKLY? THAT’S WILD!

I agree. It’s kinda bananas I saw it, and it really tripped me out a bit.

I was looking at baseball posts, and it was in my feed.

If you look at my post history, it’s a little collectibles-heavy and I think that’s why it popped into my feed.

I’ve helped many other Reddit posters find sources, autos, and timelines and love a good treasure hunt, but this was eerie for me.

Reddit is a trip, and I’m grateful.

WHATS NEXT?

Besides making a friend for life (TY Dave!) I will be back in OP's city later this year and you can bet one of my first stops will be to their store (OP disclosed store info in their original post) to thank them personally... with all the beer and pizza I can hold =) CHEERS REDDIT!!!

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-07-03 04:52:17+00:00.

---

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is halfnhalfout. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/TwoHotTakes

Do NOT Comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Mood Spoiler: happy ending

Original Post: June 25, 2025

I (late 20s, F) have been struggling at my job lately. My boss has been yelling at me, specifically when I ask questions. These are questions I have to ask because someone recently quit and I inherited her responsibilities — many of which I’ve never done or even seen before.

I went to HR and was basically told “that’s just her personality,” so I’ve been sticking it out to avoid looking like a job hopper on my resume.

While venting to my friend (we’ll call her Haley), she told me that “yelling is common practice in the workplace these days.” That rubbed me the wrong way, especially since I feel like I’m doing my best under difficult circumstances. I pushed back and said I don’t think yelling is common or acceptable — and added that she wouldn’t really know because she hasn’t worked under a boss in over 10 years.

To clarify: Haley is a stay-at-home mom (which I respect) and is also on her father’s payroll for tax reasons, but hasn’t had a traditional boss or worked in a conventional office setting since college.

She got quiet and has been distant since. I didn’t mean to be rude — I just felt invalidated and frustrated.

AITA for snapping back like that?

Some of OOP's Comments

Commenter: No, yelling is not 'common practice in the workplace these days'. That said, you could have pushed back without highlighting her SAHM status. That *was* a bit petty and vindictive. OTOH, I'd probably have said "Did you come to this conclusion because your husband comes home and yells at you about the house being a mess and dinner not being ready? Because, then, I could see how you might think that."

OOP: Oh I’m not even upset about her SAHM status. Her daughter is 6 months old and she hasn’t had a job since college ten years ago. She’s been on her father’s payroll since. She’s been a housewife for 5 years (still a full time job) I guess I was just looking for an ear and to hear someone who hasn’t been in the workforce with a traditional boss in a decade say “it’s common practice” just floored me.

Commenter: NTA, yelling isn't okay, and your boss sounds wildly unfit to manage anyone. I mean, I'm not sure what your delivery was like, but you're right that Haley doesn't have a clue what she's talking about and I'd feel the same if I were in your situation.

Also, what does "on her father's payroll for tax reasons" mean? He pays her for not actually working? He's trying to avoid paying some sort of business tax?

OOP: I didn’t yell or raise my voice. It was a concerned stern tone.

As for the tax thing her father owns a business, she “works” there. Thats all I can say without it being too identifiable

Commenter: INFO: is it possible Haley wasn’t trying to invalidate your experience? 

While I agree that calling it common practice sounds dismissive (“you should toughen up because this is how things are”) I could alternatively read it as a more commiserative comment (“it sucks that this is how things are”).

OOP: She said it nonchalant. Like accept it and move on she even said “you’re not going to find a boss that’s not going to yell these days”

OOP is voted NTA

Update (Same Post): June 26, 2025 (Next Day)

Update: I did end up apologizing to Haley if I struck a nerve, and she was actually really understanding. She admitted she hadn’t realized how long she’d been out of the workforce and that her expectations were based on how her dad ran his business — which put things in perspective for both of us.

As for my boss: I had a follow-up meeting with HR and used the magic phrase “hostile work environment.” I filed a formal complaint and was told that action had been taken. (I used to work in HR myself, so I know that likely means she received a write-up.) I was also told she got a talking-to from her boss.

I’m currently job hunting, but since the complaint, she’s been surprisingly pleasant. That said, I’m keeping my head down and covering my bases — just in case she tries to build a case against me. Eyes wide open now.

Editor's Note: Marked as concluded as OOP's initial AITA question was answered.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-07-03 04:02:11+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA_InfectedMars

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

I (38M) found out my wife (36F) cheated in the beginning of our relationship

Trigger Warnings: infidelity

---

Original Post: June 24, 2025

My wife and I have been together since 2010, married in 2016.

We both work full time and don't have kids, we've been trying for a while without success, though recent events left me wondering if I really want this with her.

We met when we both got in the University (me in 2007 and she in 2008), we were friends before we got together. In the end of 2009/start of 2010, she was going though a bad time in her relationship at the time, and I ended up supporting her with a mutual friend of ours. She broke up with her ex, and a few months later, one thing let to another and we ended up kissing, which led to me inviting her on a date, and the rest just happened... we were officially together in 2010, and I couldn't be happier.

Our marriage and relationship in general were always pretty good, we've always communicated well, and I never had a reason to suspect my wife was cheating.

Last Saturday, there was a barbecue in her brother's house, I got inside to get some stuff in the kitchen. While I was looking inside the fridge, I overheard my wife talking to her sister in the other room. I wasn't trying to snoop on them at first (I really don't do this kind of thing), but then I heard something like "[my name] can NEVER know about this", well... OF COURSE that was my cue to actually snoop.

I hid and listened to their talking. Apparently her sister almost cheated on her boyfriend and was feeling guilty, and my wife told her about the time she slept with a guy who was a lab assistent with her at the University, AFTER we started dating (we were exclusive, see EDIT 2) in 2010. In her own words, she said "I wasn't sure things with [my name] would work out at the time and I just allowed myself to do it... I felt guilty once I saw how much he loved me and treated me well, and I could see a future with him".

Then her sister asked if something else happened later in the relationship, and my wife said "no, it was just that one time and I wish I could forget about it"

I haven't talked to her about this yet. I'm not even sure how to approach her. I feel incredibly hurt, and I know confronting her right now may just worsen things.

Again, I never had reasons to suspect she cheated, but she hid this from me all these years, and now that I just found out... it feels like she JUST cheated on me. I'm really broken.

She noticed I am not myself these past days, and I dismissed it by saying it's just stress, but she knows me, and she will keep trying to get an answer....

I don't know what to do... Should just try and forget what I heard? I don't know if I should talk to her right now, or process it in therapy first...

TL;DR: I found out my wife cheated in the beginning of our relationship because she was not sure if things with me were going to work out with me. I overheard her saying this to her sister. Said she regretted it, after seeing a future with me, and nothing of the kind happened again. Should just try and forget what I heard?

EDIT: I decided I will talk to her, but not right now. I'm still very upset and I don't want this to turn into a shouting match. I want it to be a conversation, not a fight.

I have a therapy session today and I will speak with my therapist about it. Hopefully it will help me start this conversation with my wife.

Had I known she cheated at the time, I would have broken up with her. I understand everyone saying "just leave" but this is the person I built my life with. The person who supported me in so many ways, and helped me grow as a person and as a professional.

Before I make any harsh decisions, I want to hear what she has to say about this. Then I will decide for myself what will be the way forward.

No, I don't believe she cheated on me other than this time, she never gave me any reasons to think she did. I've always had access to her phone, she was never secretive of anything, and we spend most of our free time together. But how she will answer when I talk to her about it will surely either confirm this, or change it completely.

EDIT 2: I talked to my therapist. It helped me a lot, my head is in a much better place now, and I will talk to my wife tonight. My decision on what will be my next steps will be based on the way she reacts and responds to me.

Also, people are assuming we weren't exclusive when the cheating happened. We were. Words were lost in translation as "after we started dating" literally means "depois que começamos a namorar" in my mother tongue*,* and this is something we say in my country only when couples are exclusive. Which was our case.

We did have a phase of friends with benefits when we were both seeing other people, but we knew about it.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Also one thought, until you get your head and your heart sorted on this you may want to hold off on trying for a child. If this proves to ultimately be a deal-breaker, that is only going to highly complicate everything.

OOP:

you may want to hold off on trying for a child.

no worries... no way I am even getting hard with all of this going on

OOP responds to a longer comment on the relationship before OOP found out

OOP:

Take inventory. How is your relationship BEFORE this bomb. How does she treat you? Do you feel loved, cared for and respected? Do you feel the same about her?

Before this, it was awesome. She treats me well, we respect each other, love each other... really, we have our ups and downs but I was genuinely happy sharing my life with her.

It appears you guys started fairly soon after this break-up - perhaps too soon... maybe.. perhaps she didn't have time to heal, find herself again, we sometimes lose ourselves in relationships, then it can take time to redefine ourselves afterwards.

We did, but not in an "official" way. After she broke up with her ex, we had a "friends with benefits" phase, when we would just hang out as friends and have fun when we felt like it. At this time, we were also seeing other people, and we both knew about it, so it wasn't cheating (again, we weren't exclusive)

Her cheating on me, however, happened after I asked her to be my girlfriend, officially. She said yes, we were a couple, changed Facebook status, etc. Apparently this "slip" happened a few weeks after, in a party they threw to say goodbye to one of her friends who was leaving the country. She kissed the guy (the lab assistant) and ended up sleeping with him, and later regretting it.

Rationally, I know the context and know what was going on in her mind at the time... but still, it happened, and if I knew it back then, we would have broken up for sure.

I will talk to her about it, and depending how this conversation will go... then I have some thinking to do. That's why I don't want to do it right now when my head is hot.

Was OOP exclusive at the time of the incident?

OOP: We were.

I think this was lost in translation, as in our main language, we use "namorar" (which translates to "to date") when a couple is official/exclusive.

We did have a "friends with benefits" phase when we were both seeing other people, but we knew about it. The cheating happened after I asked her to be my girlfriend, which in our language would be when we became "namorados" or "boyfriend/girlfriend". That was the confusion I guess.

OOP clarifies on him dating but not official

OOP: Why is language so damn hard lmao

"We are dating" means "nós estamos namorando" in my mother tongue (Portuguese)

And in my country, we only say that (namorar) when a couple is exclusive/official. To the non-official stage we use other words (ficar/pegar/"se conhecer")

So yes - we were exclusive/official when it happened.

Commenter 2: Damn, this sucks.

Just out of curiosity, have either of you gotten fertility testing? You say you’ve been trying for a while. If you found out you couldn’t have kids with her, or that it’d be a huge physical and monetary investment for egg retrieval and whatever else, would you be more likely to leave?

It’s an incredibly hard decision whether you are ready to blow up your life for this. Everyone feels differently about infidelity, some people stay and some people simply cannot. IMO though infidelity + fertility issues might just be the combo dealbreaker. Might want to think about getting your swimmers checked, there’s home tests so you don’t necessarily have to wait for a dr’s appointment.

OOP: Yes we both got tested and we're both fertile.

But honestly, we're not super crazy if it never happens either.

 

Update: **June 26, 2025 (two days later)...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lqg2jq/i_38m_found_out_my_wife_36f_cheated_in_the/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-07-03 04:02:03+00:00.

---

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/cottoncandydragons

OOP Has since deleted their profile

AITA for telling my BIL that someone is going to punch his girlfriend one day?

Originally posted to r/AITAH

TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual harassment

Original Post June 23, 2025

Tl;dr at end.

My older sister recently got married to her long-time fiance. They are polyamorous and both have a separate partner each. I have met my sisters boyfriend a few times at holiday events and he was really nice.

My brother-in-law's girlfriend (we'll call her Sally) I've met once before at their engagement party and she seemed nice but she also seemed like the type of person who wants to be the center of attention. She talked over everyone, insisted on helping my sister open any gifts they received and she even told people that "she's the reason" my sister and my BIL were getting married because she's officiating the wedding. It all rubbed me the wrong way, but as long as my sister and BIL were cool with it, who was I to say anything?

Things did get a little weird towards the end of the party, however, because Sally got pretty drunk and started very loudly proclaiming how monogamy was ruining relationships and was disgusting. That the only reason people aren't open with their love is because they are scared, insecure, jealous, and controlling. This made most of the people left at the party visably uncomfortable and most left soon after because she wouldn't stop (even after my BIL took her aside and told her to calm down).

I was helping my sister clean up from the party when Sally started questioning me about my stance (my boyfriend had to work so he wasnt at the party). My sister tried to squash the discussion but Sally ignored her and asked again. I very calmy explained that I tried polyamory once and quickly realized it wasn't for me and that I was now in a very happy monogamous relationship but totally support non-monogamous relationships. Sally started to say something but my sister very firmly told her that she was drunk and to go lay down. She rolled her eyes but did stomp back to the bedroom. My sister then explained how Sally was usually very nice but did make being poly her whole personality, which had caused problems before.

Flash forward a few weeks later to the wedding itself: everything went great! It was beautiful and everyone seemed happy. During the reception my boyfriend and I were talking to my mom and Sally approached us to say hi (shes met my mom quite a few times and my mom is the type to love everyone). My mom reintroduced me and also introduced my boyfriend. Nothing seemed off, we all said our pleasantries and that was it.

A little later, my boyfriend went to get some drinks for us while I danced with my sister. It was taking him longer than I expected, so I went to go looking for him. To my suprise, he was being cornered by Sally near the drink table. His back was literally to the wall and everytime he took a step away from her, she would step closer. She was also rubbing his arm in a flirty way. I couldn't hear what she was saying to him, but the relief on his face when he saw me told me everything I needed to know. The only thing I did hear was her whining, "oh, come on."

I walked up and grabbed my drink from his hand, which finally made her take a few steps back. I asked what they were talking about and she very bluntly and flirtatiously replied, "I was just telling him how much I love gingers." (My boyfriend, obviously, is a ginger). I simply told her, as calmly as I could, to stop being a fucking cunt and there were plenty of single people at the wedding she could hit on. She said something back but I was already pulling my boyfriend away and didn't hear nor care.

The rest of the night was uneventful other than normal wedding fun.

A few days later, my BIL texted me to say I needed to apologize to Sally because flirting with people is part of her personality, and she didn't do anything wrong. I told him that one day she's going to come across someone less nice than me and she's going to get her shit rocked. My BIL thinks I'm being petty and an asshole, my sister and mom think I was justified and that Sally was being disrespectful.

Tl;dr: Brother-in-laws girlfriend hit on my boyfriend and I called her a cunt. BIL thinks I should apologize but I refused and told him one day she's going to get punched by someone less nice than me. AITA?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

2cents0fucks

"Flirting with people is part of her personality." That's not a personality trait, that's a choice. Flirting with non single, monogamous people who don't want it is sexual harassment.

NTA. I am less nice than you, but my husband (who is freaking gorgeous and gets hit on a lot) is even less nice than me! He scared off my ex-best friend so badly after she propositioned him, that she hasn't popped her head back up in twenty years. And he did it all by using his words. It was glorious!

Edited to add: Yes, flirting with anyone who does not want it is harassment. I figured that was obvious and added the details to fit this particular case in what I would have said to Sally.

OOP

My poor boyfriend is so socially anxious, he just kept telling her "no thank you" even when she wasn't asking a yes or no question. I told him that he doesnt owe anyome kindness, especially if they are making him uncomfortable, but he just wanted to get away from her and I get that.

OOP on why she thinks Sally did it

It definitely felt like she was targeting me specifically and my boyfriend became a casualty and victim. Part of me feels like she secretly wanted me to cause a scene and potentially ruin the wedding, but that could also just be me overthinking.

This whole thing has also just made me look at my BIL in a whole different light.

UPDATE 1: Talked to my sister and BIL. We are going to get together tonight along with my boyfriend and have a sit down conversation about this. According to my sister (who read the text exchange between BIL and Sally about the situation), "shit isn't adding up." BIL wanted to invite Sally so she could defend herself and I absolutely vetoed that. I was not going to have my boyfriends harasser in the same room as him. I will update once I know more!

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Add_Thyme

NTA and I can't wait till this becomes a BORU post, nice to see an OP challenge bullshit in the moment rather than being walked all over then feeling their boundaries being stomped come to AITA to question if their feeling was right and that if they stood up for themselves they wouldn't have been wrong.

Sorry that this predator cornered your partner, no idea what BIL sees in this nutcase. Best of luck OP, thanks for sharing too.

OOP

Thank you. I really hate letting things linger when it comes to conflict. I told my sister about the incident the day after the wedding and thought that was that. My concerns were known and my boundaries set. But now knowing Sally's story magically doesn't match mine nor my boyfriends, I want to get to the bottom of it.

Update 2 posted Next Day June 24, 2025/Same Post

Update 2: Sorry about not posting last night, I needed some time to collect my thoughts. (Also sorry for the length. I tried to stick to the most important details but alas, I failed a bit)

So, the day after the wedding I told my sister about what happened. She waited until they came back from their honeymoon to tell BIL. BIL texted Sally about her side of things, and I now understand why he was so mad.

Sally told him that all she did was tell my boyfriend he was cute and I overheard (lie #1) and "went berserk" and, yes called her a c*unt, but also said a lot of terrible poly-phobic things (lie #2).

I was shocked that my BIL, who has known me for 10+ years, would honestly think I would say something like that. Keep in mind that he's only known Sally for 6-ish months, and he admits she has lied to him before.

We got Sally on the phone to hear her side first hand. Insintly my sister clocked that the story she wrote in text was different from what she said on the phone. I said certain things, then I didn't say those things, then I said other things or did other things (at one point she said I pushed her but then it became I just reached for her). The whole thing was a mess.

And before the reddit police come for me saying this was an interigation and we were putting pressure on her and she was "scared" and thats why her story kept changing, my boyfriend and I literally didn't talk unless asked a direct question. My BIL had a baby voice the whole time and called her 'sweetie' and 'baby'. My sister was polite but direct to all of us (which I'm not surprised because she hates drama and just wanted to get this over with lol).

Anyway, after the back and forth, Sally admitted that she did only remember me calling her a c*nt that night, but that "if I said that, I must have said other things and she just couldn't remember clearly." Honestly and truly, what the fuck?

She also still insisted she only called my boyfriend cute, but missy Ma'am, you just sat there for 4...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lqg2gk/aita_for_telling_my_bil_that_someone_is_going_to/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-07-03 04:00:11+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Level_Leading9609

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for ruining my best friend’s wedding and likely our decades long friendship?

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: sexual assault, predatory behavior, manipulation

Mood Spoilers: horrifying, but positive at the end

---

Editor's note: body texts for both original and update posts were saved before they were deleted

---

Original Post: June 24, 2025

Throwaway account here, this is a long one but it’s as condensed as I can get it.

So this happened just a few days ago and I’m still feeling guilty over what happened. This weekend was my best friend Christian’s (30m) wedding, and I (30m) had the honor of being the best man. Christian and I have been best friends for almost 20 years - he was the best man at my own wedding, our wives are close too, all that good stuff.

The night of the rehearsal dinner arrives, everyone’s ready to have a great time. Then, about 10 minutes into the event, I look over and notice that my wife (Jasmine, 30f) is shaking and talking in a panic about something to one of the other bridesmaids. I walk over to see what’s up, and the bridesmaid tells me she just witnessed Christian’s dad Robert (50s m) walk up to my wife and rub her ass multiple times. Then he says to Jasmine (loud enough for the other bridesmaid and her 10 year old daughter to hear, mind you), essentially, “I get to touch you now because it’s my son’s wedding.” I’m 20 feet away, Robert’s wife is 20 feet away, Christian is 20 feet away - didn’t seem to stop Robert though.

I immediately see red, but my wife begs me not to do anything. Let me tell you that in over a decade together with Jasmine, I’ve never once allowed something like this to just slide, and frankly, there’s been hardly anyone who had the balls to disrespect my wife at all while I’m around.

I’m trying my best not to walk up and deck the guy as hard as I can. If he weren’t my best friend’s dad and it wasn’t a wedding, I’d 100% have ended up in jail for doing something violent.

Mind you, I’ve known Robert about as long as I’ve known Christian - always thought he was cool before this, maybe this old dude thought that meant we were cool enough that he could assault my wife whenever he wants.

Finally I lose my cool and walk up to Robert who’s nearby kind of by himself. I put my arm around him and say, “hey Robert - no more of that shit.”

He plays dumb at first, acting like he doesn’t know what I mean. So I repeat myself - “you know what I’m talking about. No more of that shit.” Finally he seems to get it, stutters some kind of “okay,” and we go our separate ways.

Imo it should have stopped there. Unfortunately, it seems some of Robert’s family may have overheard what happened. All of a sudden, rumors are flying all across the wedding - people know something happened. People are giving my wife dirty looks as Robert and his wife disappear for hours (presumably to fight).

Whatever, we get through rehearsal night. Then, the next morning, as people are getting ready, Robert approaches me alone and tries to give me a little “we cool?” fist bump. It’s been less than 12 hours since it happened at this point - so I tell him flat out, no, we’re not cool. Still, he doesn’t get the picture.

Hour later while the bridesmaids are getting ready, he approaches me again and asks “Where’s Jasmine? She getting dressed right now?”

I see red again immediately and say “don’t fucking talk about her.” He gets all offended and walks away. Luckily this was my last direct interaction with him for the weekend.

Of course though, Robert then decides it’s time to go find my wife (again while I’m not there) and “try to apologize.” Jasmine just says “get away from me.” FINALLY Robert gets it - we don’t want apologies, we want to be left alone.

Still, the vibe is off the rest of the time. Robert is sulking, his wife is giving Jasmine dirty looks, and Christian’s entire family are whispering every time we’re around.

It eventually apparently got back to Christian - he never talked to me about what happened, never checked in to see if my wife was okay (for reference I would defend HIS new wife to the grave if anyone ever tried the same shit with her). The kicker was at the end of the weekend, he said goodbyes to everyone but Jasmine and I. Seems pretty clear to me he’s chosen sides, and we haven’t spoken since. Should I have just let it slide? 5% of me says yes for the sake of peace and my friendship with Christian, but 95% of me also says I stopped something worse from happening (reminder that the guy couldn’t keep his hands to himself for more than 10 minutes into the rehearsal).

TLDR; confronted my best friend’s Dad after he openly assaulted my wife at a wedding, it ruined the whole vibe of the wedding, and I seem to have lost my best friend

AITAH?

edit: Appreciate you all so much, this is making me realize the position my friend is in is likely extremely awkward and that we need to have a conversation. At the wedding itself I really wanted nothing to get back to him/ ruin the wedding which is why we haven't talked about it (we all just got home last night).

Jasmine and Christian's wife are meeting up for usual drinks tomorrow night, and Jasmine has resolved to tell her everything (they are very close, so I am sure Christian's wife will believe my wife - that being said, I'm not sure where things will ultimately fall). In the meantime / coming days, I do have to come up with a way to reach out to Christian - I want to keep the friendship if I can for sure, we've been through honestly everything together

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Your wife's safety and well being come first, always. His actions were unacceptable sexual assault, and anyone excusing it, including your friend, is wrong

OOP: Thank you - I needed to hear this honestly

Commenter 2: Nta you didn’t ruin anything, creepy old man did. I understand your friend is in an odd position. Maybe talk it out when some time has passed, or move on. You are fine either way. Honestly based on his behavior he would’ve 100% escalated things with your wife had you not intervened.

OOP: That was my worry, and if not my wife, then someone else. There were plenty of young women at the wedding, some of them still basically kids. I shudder to think what else may have happened. You are right though, I am hoping Christian is just trying to figure things out and hasn’t totally abandoned our friendship, but we’ll see

Does Christian know the real story?

OOP: Honestly I don’t know what he knows right now - my wife and his wife are meeting up tomorrow for drinks so I have to think it will come up. I didn’t even mention that Christian’s wife has a long history of her own problems with Robert and Robert’s wife, so it’s not like she’ll be coming to defend them lol

Has Robert done something like this in the past?

OOP: Tbh - yes, one time two years ago Jasmine thought she might have felt him tap her on the ass at a gathering. My dumb ass tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because even she wasn’t sure, but now I’m 1000% sure it happened

 

Update: June 26, 2025 (two days later)

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ljrmot/aitah_for_ruining_my_best_friends_wedding_and/

Alright guys, thank you again to everyone who gave me advice - you're all strangers and yet you couldn't have been kinder to me in a trying time.

For your sake I wish I could say this one has a more interesting ending, but most of you were right. Christian is disgusted by his dad and is fully on Jasmine and I's side. We're still bros, and he apologized profusely to my wife when she stopped over to meet up with his wife.

We've spoken since and all is good now, who knows how Christian's relationship with Robert will go from here on out, but all things considered I'm fine with where things landed. Sorry for anyone expecting more drama, but I'm just glad to have my brother back.

TLDR; my buddy is a good guy, and we're all good.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Great news! Out of curiosity though, as Christian hadn’t even said goodbye to you and your wife as well as his mum giving Jasmine dirty looks, what was the actual rumour being spread around because it sounds like something framing Jasmine as the bad guy went around!

OOP: He was embarrassed and sad from what I understand, that’s all. Tbh he’s like a little brother to me, I get it would have been hard to confront me

Commenter 2: I am glad he understands the full story and stands by you and your wife.

Commenter 3: communication is key! I am happy for all of you, congrats on buddy's wedding, and FUCK ROBERT!

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-07-03 04:04:11+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Legitimate_Coat1002

Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting

AIO my coworker harasses me about my masculinity and DM’d my wife

Trigger Warnings: harassment, hostile workplace

Mood Spoilers: positive at the end

---

Original Post: June 24, 2025

I’m currently dealing with a work situation that I (28M) need advice on

Before work I go to the gym about every other day. I’m hardly shredded but I’ve gone enough that you can see my muscles when I come into work in short sleeves. I wouldn’t describe myself as a gym bro or a gym rat, I really just go for my overall health. Anyways, I work in an office with maybe 25-30 people that work there. We mainly do business to business sales and supply (not really relevant to the story).

Anyway, I get to work one day wearing a polo and a couple of girls and guys in the office were asking me if I had been working out recently and I told them that I had. It wasn’t flirtatious or anything like that I think they were just giving me a friendly compliment, plus I’m married but as we’re discussing me working out, my coworker Gary (40sM) walks in. Gary is… a lot. He's one of those guys who constantly talks about how much he benches, his "gains," and generally just tries to project this super intense, alpha male image. Which is annoying but none of my business really.

This is where the problem starts. Someone asked me what my max bench was. I told them honestly, and Gary, who was lurking nearby, scoffed. Loudly. He then proceeded to tell me, in front of like five other coworkers, that my number (170) was "pathetic" and that I clearly wasn't a "real man" or an "alpha." He then went on a tirade about how men need to be strong and dominate, etc., etc. It was super uncomfortable.I tried to just laugh it off and change the subject, but it didn't work. Since then, it's gotten worse. Every single day, Gary makes some kind of comment. If I'm getting coffee, he'll ask if I'm "strong enough to lift the pot." If I'm walking to my desk, he'll flex and ask if I'm "inspired yet to hit the weights like a real man.”

I've tried ignoring him, giving him short answers, even politely telling him to knock it off. Nothing works. He just laughs and says I need to "grow a thicker skin."

Then, this is where I start to lose my shit a little. My wife (27F) texted me a screenshot yesterday. It was a DM from GARY. It was a picture of him flexing in the mirror with some ridiculous caption about being a "true alpha" and how "real women" know what's up. (Summarizing but you get the sentiment). He'd somehow found her on social media and sent her this unsolicited picture and message. I was beyond furious. I wanted to march over to his desk and punch him, but I knew that would only make things worse.

I'm starting to dread coming to work. It's constant, it's demeaning, it's making me feel genuinely small and uncomfortable, and now he's involving my wife. Am I overreacting to this? Is this just typical "guy banter" that I'm not getting? Should I just suck it up and ignore him, or is this actually something worth addressing with HR? I feel like if I tell HR it might just add fuel to the fire. But if I come down to his level and respond violently, I’ll lose my job.

Update: I’m going to take this to HR tomorrow, thank you guys for letting me know the severity of this.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: HR should’ve been involved a long time ago. Be advised he will pursue the wife angle more aggressively than ever

OOP: That’s my concern is that it’ll just make him want to escalate things further

Commenter 2: That’s a reasonable fear, but once you report it to HR (explain everything to them as you did here), you can continue to report any retaliation or additional incidents. He is harassing you and creating hostile work environment.

HR’s job is to protect the company from being sued by you by intervening in your coworker’s behavior. Just keep documenting everything because if HR doesn’t effectively do it’s job, you will have a case for a lawsuit.

Obviously the hope is that it won’t come to that. Good luck!

OOP: I think you’re right. I think I’ve just let his whole thing about calling me weak get to my head. I’m just not into violence and I feel like that’s what he’s trying to provoke

Downvoted Commenter: This guy is a deeply wounded narcissistic weirdo. Take this with a huge pinch of salt too, but he can't stand you because of pure envy. Strategically I'd subtly suggest to downplay your style, gym game, and become subconsciously less threatening, and be as BORING as possible. Relish in the fact that he's wounded by you, but it's clear you've got a target on your back. I don't think HR is a good idea. Quietly submit but not because of fear, feign admiration, stroke his ego, ask him for advice but not in a begging way, play the beta male archetype (you're clearly not, I reckon you project a quiet confidence that is bothersome to him). Don't however cower, or beg him to stop, or even give him short answers. It's just fuel to the fire as he'll get a rise of successfully getting under your skin because he's so disempowered and weak under the bravado.

OOP: I feel like maybe he had a crush on one of my female coworkers that was complimenting me and now is trying to embarrass me to impress them or something. That might not be a bad idea but I think some people have convinced me to go to HR now

Commenter 3: What does Gary bench??

OOP: He claims 235

OOP provides a picture of the screenshot in a comment

https://imgur.com/a/VlPkLpN

 

Update: June 26, 2025 (two days later)

Here is the link to my first post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/TLYIlrWDGC

Just wanted to update everybody after my last post. I ended up going to HR. I honestly didn’t think HR would do much because Gary is a good employee in terms of performance but surprisingly they took my complaint very seriously and were in disbelief when I showed them the screen shot of the DM he sent to my wife.

The next day, Gary was not at the office so I wasn’t sure if they had fired him or if he was just on a suspension at first but our boss told us to let his clients know that he was out for the day if they call the office. So I assumed that meant he got suspended.

He was back this morning. Usually he greets me with some kind of smart remark but today he was really quiet and seemed to be avoiding eye contact with me. When I went to grab some coffee out of the break room a little after that he came in there and asked if we could talk for a second. He proceeded to tell me that HR laid into him big time and they told him that if he pulled anything like that again, it would result in termination. He then proceeded to apologize to me for everything and said that as pathetic as it sounds he was just upset that nobody ever compliments him on going to the gym despite how much time he spends in the gym in his free time. He said it hurt that people acknowledged me when going to the gym wasn’t as big of a deal for me as it was for him. He then asked for my forgiveness. I honestly felt kind of bad for him in that moment, it was really kinda pathetic but he did seem sorry so I told him I accepted his apology but if he ever messages my wife on anything again, he’ll have a lot more to worry about than an HR complaint. He again apologized.

I don’t know if this situation is fully resolved given it’s only been a half day but Gary has been quiet and not at all like himself. We’ll see if this lasts but his apology felt genuine so hopefully this is the last update I’ll have to give on this situation. Thank you to everybody that encouraged me to go to HR. There was a lot of people that pointed out that Gary must be dealing with a lot of insecurities and I think they were right.

There’s a few things I want to address that were questions in my last post:

How did Gary have my wife’s info? He found her instagram, a lot of people thought he somehow got her number which wasn’t the case.

Is this a made up story? No, if you look at my comment history you will see a screenshot of the Instagram DM’s commented on my last post. It’s so cartoonish that it sounds like fiction but believe me, this is what people who buy into the red pill bull shit are like, you’ll probably encounter your own Gary at some point if you haven’t already

Do I really only bench 170? When I said I benched 170, I meant that bench four sets of 12 at 170. I’ve never done a single rep max.

Does Gary have a wife? No, from my understanding, Gary is divorced and has been single for a while.

Revelant / Top Comments

What was OOP's wife's reaction to the DM and aftermath?

OOP: She didn’t respond to the dm, just sent the screen shot to me. She thinks Gary is a weirdo and doesn’t think he’ll be getting any woman anytime soon, let alone somebody else’s wife

Will OOP still be friends with Gary?

OOP: I don’t think I can ever be friends after he hit up my wife but I can defin...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lqg3ti/aio_my_coworker_harasses_me_about_my_masculinity/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/peach_tea_drinker on 2025-07-02 16:06:04+00:00.

---

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/NectarineNeither7912 in r/TrueOffMyChest and her own profile.

BORU 1

BORU 2

BORU 3

BORU 4

BORU 5

BORU 6

BORU 7

NOTE: This post is very long so I'm including a summary for earlier posts. Read the earlier BORUs for the full text of the posts.

trigger warnings: teen pregnancy, coercion, drunk driving, severe bodily injury

mood spoiler: from complicated to ever more complicated

My parents are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - May 17, 2024

OOP is 16 and pregnant by her 18 yr old FWB. She's been pregnant for 15 weeks and it's too late for an abortion where she lives. Her parents don't believe in abortion and tell her that her punishment for getting pregnant is that she'll have to go through with it and give the baby up for adoption. They don't want her to ruin her life and refuse to help raise the baby in any way. OOP didn't get an abortion earlier as she was scared, and she doesn't want to give up her baby for adoption but feels cornered. Her FWB knows and thinks adoption is the best option.

My parents are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - update - June 24, 2024

OOP is reluctantly looking at families for adoption. Her FWB is is heading off to military school. OOP thinks of getting married to him since the military would pay for medical care and a residence. OOP can't decide on a family as none of them seem good enough to her for her baby.  

My parenting are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - update having a boy - July 2, 2024

OOP has an ultrasound and finds the baby is a boy. OOP wishes she knew she could get abortion pills mailed to her earlier but has decided to keep her baby. Her parents criticise her and call her a slut. OOP is unsure if her FWB would stay with her if she kept the baby.

My parents are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - I’m getting married and moving in with strangers - July 25, 2024

OOP is 24 weeks pregnant now and has just turned 17. Her parents are still trying to force an adoption, and tell her she is on her own if she decides to keep the baby. Her FWB's parents are willing to support her if she keeps the baby. Her parents are refusing to keep her till she turns 18, and say that once she's married, she's not their problem. OOP can't understand how her parents can approve of her being married at 17, but not support her in finishing her GED. She could still get back in their good graces if she went along with the adoption but knows things would never be the same between them.

OOP updated after the earlier BORU post was made. - Aug 5, 2024

OOP makes it clear that she is not interested in adoption. Instead she asks for information from any military spouses on what to expect. She also asks for people to help out with career suggestions after school that pay well. She and her FWB are getting married and her parents keep telling her her plan is dumb. She also clarifies it wasn't statutory rape and that they both simply messed up.

My parents are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - another update - Aug 23, 2024

OOP is feeling sad about her parents abandoning her and feels like an outcast at school as a pregnant student. She isn't sure whether to finish school or drop out and get a GED. Her future in-laws have setup a room for her and painted it her favourite color.

My parents are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - update, I’m married now - Sep 16, 2024

OOP is 32 weeks pregnant and due in 8 weeks. She and her FWB finally got married at the courthouse. As her family didn't show up, she requested that his family not be present when they got married. His mother got them cake and gave her jewelry, but OOP was freaking out and feeling uncomfortable. After that, OOP and his parents returned home while her hubby headed to military tech school.

From here, OOP started updating on her own profile.

Another update to my post about my parents trying to make me give my baby up for adoption - the baby is almost here - Oct 22, 2024

OOP is living with her in-laws and around a month out from her due date. She is changing her last name as she doesn't want to be linked to her parents any more. Her parents haven't spoken to her. She feels bad about not wanting her in-laws at her wedding and apologised to them. She still feels like a guest living at their place. Her husband is off at the military and will be tied up at least for a year, with short breaks for Thanksgiving and Christmas. She is continuing at her school instead of switching to remote schooling.

OOP updated after the earlier BORU was posted - Oct 31, 2024

OOP is close to her due date. Everything is ready for her baby, though she still has a hard time thinking about it. She talks to her hubby a few times a week.

My baby is here - Nov 10, 2024

OOP's baby is born on Nov 3rd. Her mom was there for the birth which was awkward. Her mom was critical of everything and disliked the name OOP picked for her child. OOP is confused on why her parents are trying to pretend like everything is ok after having kicked her out. Her hubby came home for a few days to meet his child.

OOP then posted to r/inlaws

How do you deal with a MIL that’s TOO nice? - Nov 23, 2024

OOP talks about how her MIL goes out of her way to make her feel comfortable, but ironically, this makes OOP feel somewhat uncomfortable since her own mother was never this affectionate. She understands MIL is only trying to be helpful but still feels awkward about all the help.

OOP updated after this BORU was posted - Dec 27, 2024

OOP finished her semester from home. She finds being a mom very hard, though she doesn't regret her decision. She got a few gifts from her parents on Christmas but they didn't come by. OOP spent Christmas with her ILs. Her hubby is home for the holidays. He's suggested moving out to where he's stationed but OOP isn't ready for that yet. They had sex in the shower. She clarifies that she is not considering adoption. She is looking into trades to see if anything interests her. Her parents felt that she should go to college, not get into a trade, and told her that if she went into a trade, she was on her own. OOP realises that her parents only "support" her if she does exactly what they tell her to do. She decides not to raise her son that way.

I’m so sad - Jan 2, 2025

I’m so sad and I don’t know what to do about it. I miss my family. I’m hurt by my parents and I seem to realize more each day the different things my parents did that good parents wouldn’t do, but I still miss them. I can’t believe they didn’t even ask about seeing me on Christmas. They just dropped gifts off for me here, didn’t even give them to me in person. I talked to my mom on the phone twice on Christmas. She said she was going to call me today, but never did. My dad only texts me, pretty short texts. He said happy new year and then when I tried to initiate a conversation, nothing.

My “husband” went back to the base where he’s at for his training. Sorry, I still can’t say husband with a straight face. How am I 17 years old with a h...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lpzsol/my_parents_are_forcing_me_to_give_my_baby_up_for/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-07-02 13:27:23+00:00.

---

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is Ok-Jelly-6298. She posted in r/AmIOverreacting, r/relationship_advice and her own page.

Previous BORU's here and here. **New Update marked with ******* Thanks to u/ItsAmihan for letting me know about the update.

Trigger Warning: possible mental breakdown; withholding a child as leverage toward the other parent

Mood Spoiler: things have gotten better in some ways and worse in others

Original Post: April 11, 2025

Hi Reddit. I’m F25 and I’m honestly at my breaking point with this one. I need outside perspective because my entire family is acting like I’m Hitler for standing my ground.

So, I (25F) am a student software developer and a pretty serious PC gamer in my free time. I live alone in a one-bedroom apartment that I’ve spent years making cozy and functional. I saved up for a long time to build my dream PC setup … triple monitors, custom mechanical keyboard, ergonomic chair, the works. Altogether, my rig is worth a bit over $2,000, and I take care of it like it’s a damn child.

Last weekend, my older sister (30F) asked if she could crash at my place for one night because her apartment was being fumigated, and her husband was out of town. She has a 3-year-old son, Max, who’s… let’s say “spirited.” I love him, but he’s a little chaos goblin. I hesitated, but she swore she’d keep an eye on him and that it’d just be for one night.

They show up Saturday afternoon, and immediately it’s clear she wasn’t kidding about Max being a handful. Within ten minutes of arriving, he’d pulled four books off my shelf, thrown my houseplants on the floor, and spilled juice on my area rug. I tried to stay chill, he’s three, I get it … but I asked my sister politely to please keep him out of my office, where my PC setup is.

She rolls her eyes and goes, “He’s just exploring, he’s curious, it’s normal.” But she closes the office door anyway.

Cut to Sunday morning. I wake up to screaming. Max had apparently woken up before his mom, managed to open the office door, and decided my setup was his new jungle gym.

He pulled down one of my monitors, cracking the screen. He stuck crackers into the PC tower’s ventilation slots (I’m not kidding), yanked out my keyboard’s keycaps, and had colored on my chair with permanent marker. The cherry on top? He poured apple juice INTO the tower. INTO IT.

When I tell you I went silent… I mean dead silent. My sister comes in, sees the damage, and just says, “Oh nooo,” in this incredibly flat tone, like someone knocked over a cup of coffee. I start freaking out, and she has the AUDACITY to say, “You should’ve baby-proofed the room if it was that important to you.”

I lost it. I told her that 1) she KNEW he wasn’t supposed to be in there, 2) this is my space, not a damn daycare, and 3) baby-proofing a $2,000 gaming setup is not a standard requirement for adults living alone.

She told me to “calm down” and said that “he’s just a kid, and stuff is replaceable.” I told her she could replace it then. She said she didn’t have the money right now, but maybe in a few months she could give me a few hundred. I told her that wasn’t acceptable and that she needed to take full responsibility.

She left in a huff and now my whole family is blowing up my phone. My mom says I’m being “materialistic” and should understand that my nephew didn’t mean it. My dad said I should’ve “locked the door” if it was that important. My brother actually said, “Why do you even need three monitors anyway? That’s kind of overkill.”

I’ve filed a claim with my insurance but there’s no guarantee it’ll be covered since it was technically “guest damage.” I also told her that if she does not pay up, I'll take her to court for what happened.

Now I’m getting texts from my sister demanding an apology for “blaming her kid for being curious.” I told her I’d drop it if she covered the cost of repairs and replacements … or at least met me halfway … and she BLOCKED me.

So… Am I overreacting if I take my sister to court over this?

UPDATE: Wow. Just wow. Four hours later, I wake up from my nap to this. Thank you guys, it'll take a bit for me to read all of this.

My sister still has not unblocked me, but her husband reached out to find out what happened. I'm sorry I don't have more to tell yet, but I'll update again when I do. Seriously, thanks for the insights everyone. My head is a lot clearer now ❤️

Update 2 (Same Post): Another 4 hours later

UPDATE2: Hey all. My sister’s husband reached out as mentioned earlier, and we’re working out a solution if possible. He’s been really understanding as have all of you.

Also, to clarify the office situation: my one-bedroom apartment is on the smaller side (33m2/355sq ft?), so the landlord converted an old ex-clothes cabinet into a makeshift ’office.’ It’s weird, but the building is from the 40s, and ig they had to get creative with the space with an old tenant or something. So its living room (sister and her kid slept there) + kitchen (i slept there) + the ’office.’

Thanks for all the support. And the award. I really don't have the words for how nice people have been in both DMs and the comments. ❤️‍🩹

Some of OOP's Comments:

OOP responds to one of the top comments:

OOP: I really appreciate your comment, I feel as if you nailed exactly how I’ve been feeling but couldn’t articulate in the moment.

It’s comforting to know I’m not totally off-base here. I will need to see what I’m willing to do with this situation, I don’t want to lose my family, but I don’t want to start begging to be heard either.

Thank you. ❤️

Going no contact:

Yeah, I’m not ready to go full no contact right now, but I really appreciate your perspective.

It’s definitely something I’ll keep in mind if things keep escalating and no one starts showing even a little respect for my boundaries.

I just want accountability, not drama. But if they keep pushing, I won’t hesitate to step back. I don't think I want to know my family if they can’t appreciate the work I put into my hobbies.

Thanks for the insight. ❤️

Commenter (downvoted): Questions -

1. does your office door lock, if so why wasn't it locked?
2. how was this unattended 3 year old able to get his hands on crackers & apple juice in an apartment that he is presumably not familiar with? Why were these items so easy for him to get to?
3. if you knew in advance that he & your sister were coming, why wouldn't you make any effort to either secure delicate/important items or move them somewhere he can't reach?

OOP: 1. The “office” is a converted clothes closet. The apartment’s from the 40s and has a weird layout. There’s no lock on the door, the door is just a heavy old one.

Tbh I’ve been wondering if my sister might have opened it for him. I just don't get why???

2. The crackers and juice weren’t mine, sister brought them. I had no idea he had access to them during the night until after the fact.

3. I didn’t get much notice. I saw her message around 10AM Saturday, and they arrived around 2PM. My place was a mess, so I spent most of that time cleaning before they came by.

In hindsight, yeah, I should’ve been more cautious with my setup, but it didn’t even cross my mind that anything like this would happen as I thought the office area was inaccessible to him. What he did pull off of the shelves was moved higher up and out of reach and in an area where he could be kept an eye on.

Update Post: April 16, 2025 (5 days later)

Hey again.

Just wanted to post a quick update since it’s been a little under a week and a few people asked what happened next. Things are better, pretty fucking weird, and still ongoing, but here’s where we're at.

Last Saturday, my brother-in-law (BIL) came over to check out the damage himself. He actually brought Max (toddler) with him, which I was almost livid about at first, but he had a reason. He asked Max to try opening the office/closet door. The kid couldn’t do it. The door was too heavy for him.

You probably can guess where this is going. :=)

BIL offered to take my PC to the store that originally built it for me, just to see what was fixable. I agreed, but asked for something in writing just so I had some peace of mind. We put together a little agreement that he’d be responsible for it while it was with him. Yeah, yeah, it was just a formality and would not hold much merit anywhere, but it helped me feel a bit more in control.

On Monday, he dropped it off at the shop and gave them my number so they could keep me updated. He also told me he confronted my sister about how things played out. I se...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lpvulr/new_update_aio_for_threatening_to_take_my_sister/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-07-02 13:26:31+00:00.

---

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is ThrowRAboundryornot. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole

Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec!

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Mood Spoiler: things are moving in a positive direction

Original Post: June 25, 2025

Husband (we will call Brad), and I have been together 2.5 years. Had our son in January. Things have been pretty great, but this had me feeling kind of...annoyed?

Brad is diagnosed with autism and ADHD, which can make communication between us challenging at times, but we do our best.

We live in Europe, NOT US.

Since Brad has AuDHD, he only works at 50%, the other half is covered by a health insurance here on a temporary basis, and every few months he has to keep applying for more. It is stressful, as we wait for him to hopefully get on a permanent coverage. Since this is so up in the air, instead of me taking a full year of mat leave, he took a majority of the days in case his temp health insurance is denied for some reason, then he can keep his work schedule at 50% and still get paid on the days he has off.

Which means I went back to work part time. I WFH as a private teacher. I choose my hours, since my students USUALLY live in different countries, I chose some in the afternoon when Brad is home with our son, and at nights, when my students would be awake and Brad is also home. I only have one student in the evening, 23:00 - 23:30 twice a week.

[editor's note: to clarify, OOP said she teaches ESL to students in Asia so that is why the time is the way it is. Fun fact, I actually do the same thing]

This is to help with some income, and we discussed this before I event went back to work. He had asked no students past midnight. So if Baby is having issues sleeping, he can take care of him and hopefully get him to sleep.

Well, Brad got back on a schedule where he wants to go to bed at 23:00...every night. We try to, but with a baby, sometimes...it just does not happen. Baby sometimes will stay asleep when I put him to bed (I nurse him to sleep), and sometimes he wakes up screaming.

Well, last night I told Brad I had my student at 23:00, and I would try to have Baby sleeping by then. He asked me, "What is your plan if Baby wakes up? My bedtime is 23:00, so hopefully you have thought of something."

I said, "Well, hopefully he stays asleep. If not, you will just have to take care of him, or put him on his play mat and entertain him."

He resolutely said, "Bedtime is 23:00, and I will go to bed."

Come 23:00, Baby is in bed, and Brad is just getting out of the shower. I guess he woke up moments after I started with my student, as when I came out of the office, he was walking around with Baby. I took him, nursed him back to sleep and went to bed also shortly after 23:30.

This morning, he was a bit annoyed with me. When I tried to hug him good-bye as he was leaving to work, he did not hug me back. We always do this before he leaves, so I said, "Are you upset with me still?"

He replied, "Yes, you crossed my boundry. My bedtime is 23:00. We disucssed this. I go to bed, and anything past that is your problem to solve if Baby wakes up."

He left for work...and I was just thinking...what??

I feel I need to have some discussion with Brad about this, but WIBTAH if I told him he has no more boundries with his sleep and he is being ridiculous?

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: ESH for not sorting this out before there was a baby.

OOP: We did. No students past midnight, and only when he is home. It was only recently he decided he wanted to go to bed at 23:00, and he knew my potential work schedule weeks before I even went back to work. Previously, bedtime for us was between 23:30 - midnight.

He also does get his 8+ hours of sleep almost every night.

Commentrer: NTA

Your husband is being ridiculous. He is a father, he should act like it. Babies wake up in the night, it's not fair to expect you to take care of it all by yourself, while he peacefully sleeps every night. He is a parent, he needs to parent his child.

OOP: What my mother said. If it means he has to walk around with Baby to calm him...he just has to. My schedule is not a surprise either. It was something we discussed weeks before I even went back.

Commenter: Not to mention the fact that you're having to return to work early after pregnancy because of the financial issues caused by him only working part time.

OOP: Well, the thing is in our country in Europe, he is technically employed full time, but due to his diasbilities, he only works 50% and the other 50% is covered by a health insurance here. Yes, his work knows. All of it is legal. I am not from Europe originally so I might be xplaining this badly. But if he loses the income from the health insurance, he only gets paid 50% from work.

Editor's note: OOP said in another comment they live in Sweden

To the top voted Commenter:

OOP: (downvoted) Thing is, he is a great dad. Just this incident is ruffling my feathers a bit because...he normally is not like this? And he almost always gets his 8+ hours of uniteruppted sleep. If Baby was waking him up, I could see it, but...that is not the case.

Commenter: Is he a great dad if he uses emotional blackmail against the mother of his child? Is he a great dad if he refuses to care for the child he helped create?

I don't think so.

I think maybe getting yourself to a counselor, solo, for perspectives from a professional may be useful, too?

OOP: I think you are right on me needing to see a professional on dealing with some of this. Ofc he did not let Baby cry, he DID take him, but he was annoyed with me that he even had to be awake to walk around with Baby...

I love my son, and I need to know if I cannot be there, someone who loves him is there with him. My family is far away. So, I only have my husband.

Commenter: NTA. If you decide to have a child, you have to take all the "punches" that are involved - and a perfect sleep schedule is something you lose. And why is this always men?? I mean, I know why, but yet.... WHY!?!?!

He's a father. Baby and the baby's needs come first.

OOP: After I had Baby, we were in hospital for 5 days. Baby soiled the few clothes he had, and Brad left to go home for the night (hospital room not large enough for him to stay), and as e was getting home to bed, I called, told him Baby had nothing clean anymore, and he drove at 3 AM to bring him clean clothes...so this is an issue...but the one in the hospital was not?

Commenter: Did he want the baby too? Did he understand what having a child means to his “boundaries” and lifestyle??

OOP: Yup. Before we had Baby, my parents had a LONG talk about it with him. He said he did, and he would make the "logical" decision.

We talked about it. How sleep, routine, free-time, work etc., goes out the window. We try our best. And even then, how babies are day to day changes. I never know how Baby will be any given day, so...you just do what you can.

I thought he understood, but then he reacted like this and I was just ??????

Commenter: NTA. Being autistic and having ADHD are not license to be a dick. He is a father now, and the baby's needs come first. Moreover, the reason that you can't help is because you have already bent over backwards and made every single accommodation possible for him. He should be grateful. Instead, he is weaponizing therapy language to make you seem like the bad guy. You are not.

OOP: Comment limit prevented a lot of extra, but I keep the house clean, look after our cat, have baby when he works, when he WFH I keep Baby happy and content as I can so he can work, let him have his weekly game session with his best friend, we hang out with our friends I often have Baby so they can play games (I am just happy to socialize, not a huge boardgame person), make sure we have our alone time when Baby is happy playing in his play area, feed him and keep him quiet at night so Brad can sleep...and so on.

What does HE do?

He cooks, does all of that (lunch, dinner). He will help me with the cleaning, the cat at times. Takes Baby so I can nap if tired. Since Baby is only breast-fed, I am with him all night, Thankfully he sleeps most of the night now, but I am still up at like, 6:30 - 7 am with him.

Commenter: Husband should not have had a child. What will he do if you are hit by a bus?

OOP: (downvoted) ...Well, probably then my parents would have to fly over from where they live and likely take custody of our son. Husband's parents are too old and in poor health. Mine are not.

OOP explains:

If I died, or was hospitalized, I know he would try his best with Baby, but in the long term? It would be a disaster. He would probably move near his sisters and parents with Baby. Or my parents would step up. A lot. ...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lpvtvt/wibtah_if_i_f28_told_my_husband_m28_his_sleep/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-07-02 04:02:01+00:00.

---

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwaway2329842

AITA for being concerned about the damage my son did to my car?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

Thanks to u/advocatesparten u/aaronupright & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: Car accident

Original Post June 20, 2025

I am a mother of two; Vanessa (25) and Brandon (22). I am not married to their father, but they both have a relationship with him. They went to visit him this past weekend for Father’s day and were set to get to my house on Monday. 

Brandon drove the two of them there and was supposed to drive back. The car he drives was mine originally. I paid it off and did not ask him to buy it from me on the condition that he is responsible with it; he was only paying for gas and maintenance. This was the first car I have ever been able to pay for upfront without taking out a loan, which carries sentimental value, so it is my car as far as I’m concerned.

 A few minutes after they left their dad’s, I got a call from Vanessa saying that they had gotten into an accident. I asked if the car was damaged, and she told me it was totaled. I was immediately furious because Brandon knew how hard I worked for that car and I was very clear that I expected him to care for it. I asked Vanessa to please put her brother on the phone. Instead, their father came on and explained that they were in the emergency room and that our son was receiving treatment.

My ex then started to berate me for being more concerned about the property than about the kids and for getting angry at our son without knowing the situation, but in my defense, I hadn’t realized that he was injured. To be clear, Brandon will be fine and the other driver was completely unharmed, but they are all still furious with me. I had assumed that if his injuries were serious that it would have been the first thing they told me, but that isn’t a good enough explanation for them. Its been a few days now and both kids are still with their father and won't come stay with me. AITA?

VERDICT: ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

KatzAKat

YTA. One can be as careful as possible and still be in an accident. You just assumed it was Brandon's fault.

Why was the younger sibling to drive, or even have the car period, as I would presume that the older one would be more responsible and diligent?

If you want something important to you to remain as is, keep it as others won't share your sentimentality.

OOP

Vanessa does not have a car; she is 25 and fully employed and can buy one herself. I bought her one at 16 and sold it when she graduated. Brandon has one more year left in school and the plan was to do the same for him, but if he wants a car now he can work and buy one himself.

~

Decent_Front4647

Who was responsible for the accident? You don’t even say.

OOP

It appears the other driver was at fault, but I did not know that at the time.

imamage_fightme

You knew that when making this post though and it still comes across so angry at your son about your car! You're still blaming him in this post, about how he was meant to be responsible blah blah blah, and he didn't even cause this accident!!! Literally every time a person gets behind the wheel, there is always a chance someone else will hit us - that is the risk we all take. The only way to 100% guarantee that your car was going to be safe is to keep it in the garage - maybe do that next time since it means so much to you. YTA.

OOP

Of course I'm not angry at my son now, that was just meant to explain why I was at the time. It was a stressful situation all around and I got caught up in the heat of the moment.

~

FormalType5124

INFO: Why was your first instinct to "We were in an accident?" was to assume that it was Brandon's fault?

If a family member or friend would've called me and told me that they were in a accident, my first questions would've been "Is everyone okay?" and "What happened?"

OOP

Well, he's 22 and has been driving for less than a decade. Younger drivers are prone to accidents. Regardless, yes, "are you ok" should have been my first question. I believed that since his sister was well enough to call me that she was fine (and there wasn't a scratch on her, in case anyone was wondering) and in the panic of the moment it slipped my mind to ask about him. That was my fault.

OOP Updated the post the Next Day June 21, 2025

UPDATE: First of all, to be very clear, I do not care about the car more than I care about my children. It was a moment of heightened emotion and I spoke before thinking. I can concede that it was insensitive. To be clear again, my son has a concussion and a few broken ribs but will be fine. The car is unsalvageable, and yes, it is insured, but that will not replace the sentimental value, but it's fine. Now, I called my children to apologize and explain that I would not have asked about the car first had I known that they were in an ER. Vanessa admitted that she should have told me that first but that she was very stressed at the time. I was not able to get far into the conversation when their father came in with some choice words for me, and the call ended shortly after. I believe he may be manipulating the kids into not wanting to talk to me or come over, but they are adults and that is their prerogative. My plan is to let it play out.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-07-02 04:00:01+00:00.

---

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/mydaddied2019

WIBTA if I went to a funeral I'm not invited to

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

TRIGGER WARNING: Death of a parent, religious abuse

Original Post Sept 18, 2019

I don't really know where to start, but my dad died. He, my mom, and 3 out of 4 of my siblings stopped talking to me about 7 years ago because I decided to leave the Mormon church. That's literally all I did, I wasn't vocal about my disbelief, I didn't try to get them to see my way, I just had my name removed from the church records and they decided not to talk to me besides to send me talks from their prophet about how I'm not going to be in heaven with them. I still love my family very deeply and would be lying if I said I didn't miss them every day and would probably have just pretended I still believed and stayed in the church if I knew I would be disowned by them.

I got a text, a freaking text, this morning from my sister saying that my dad died last saturday and was doing me a courtesy by telling me "in person" so I wouldn't find out through Facebook. I asked when the funeral was and got a call from my uncle that went like this

"You aren't invited to the funeral, don't show up and embarrass you're family and cause your mother any more grief."

"That's not fair, he was--"

End of call

And now I'm being texts from my other siblings saying that I can always see dad again one day, if I come back to church and I just don't know what to do.

I'm just kind of...heart broken. I know I wasn't his favorite person when he had died, but goodness sakes I'm still his daughter. He was my dad, he taught me to ride a bike, and to cook, and how to shoot a gun. He was their through my first break up and when I graduated and when I moved into my first apartment. I still love him. I had hopes of reconciliation and had dreamed of him walking me down the aisle one day. But now I can't even say goodbye to them because I decided I don't believe in their God?

The funeral is Friday and I really want to be there. I'm grieving too. WIBTA if I went?

Edit: First, I want to thank you all for the advice and kind words. It really did help. I called my brother before his flight yesterday and he encouraged me to go to my grandparents house and talk to them. There's a lot of stuff surrounding my dad's death that I didn't know about and it plays a big role in why my mom and family hate me even more now and don't want me at the funeral.

My dad had been diagnosed with thyroid cancer in June. He talked to my grandma and grandpa about me and what had happened. I guess he had been against cutting me off but did it because my mom ultimately said it was her or me. He talked to them about wanting to reconnect with me because he didn't want to die on bad terms.

This caused a fight with my parents and they argued about it up until last week. My dad decided he didn't care if my mom left him and started staying at my grandparents house. He was on his way to my place when he was hit by a drunk driver and killed. So my mom and family ultimately blame me for his death.

Last night was a hard night for me and I'll admit that I partly blame myself too. My dad's sister is letting me stay with her and ride with her and my grandparents to the funeral. My dad's family has been very kind to me this past 24 hours and I'm glad I'll have them to lean on during the funeral.

I don't think my mom will make a scene at the funeral if I'm with my aunt, she is scared of her, but my brothers and sisters might.

My big brother's flight comes in soon and he and I already talked about going together to the wake my dad's side is hosting. I'm hoping since its at a bar none of my Mormon family will be there and I can be surrounded by people who I love and remember my dad.

Honestly I was still torn about going because I do feel a little guilty about his death, but he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me in it. So I'll definitely be at his funeral.

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

[deleted]

INFO- how does you extended family (his family) feel about it? Was it your brother's dad that said you shouldn't go? Or your mom's?

OOP

It was my mother's brother. Her side of the family cut me off. I'm still in touch with my father's side since they're not Mormon and don't care if I am or not, and regularly see my cousins. I haven't talked to my grandparents yet about this because I don't want to burden them with this yet. I haven't told them my dad stopped talking to me and I don't think he told them either.

~

Mirianda666

NTA. I'm so sorry. I'm assuming that the funeral will be held at the temple, which could mean unpleasantness for you if someone takes exception to your presence. You have to decide what you're willing to risk by attending, because it's likely that someone would make a scene or be otherwise unpleasant, which could turn an already difficult day into a real trauma for you. My sincere condolences on your loss.

OOP

The service will be held at his ward chapel and the burial will be at the local cemetery. I'm almost certain if I go one of my older siblings will have something to say to me. That's why I'm not sure if I should go.

bpines

Years down the line what would you regret the most - having an argument with family who cut you off who you already have no relationship with, or missing the last moment to say goodbye to your father?

Update Jan 27, 2020 (4 months later)

Recap: I was disowned by my family a few years back. I found out through text my dad had died and was told I wasn't wanted at the funeral.

First I want to say thanks, because even though this isn't an advice sub I received good advice on my original post and it really helped me reach out to my Dad's side of the family.

I did end up going to my dad's service and funeral, my aunt took me along with my grandparents. Thanks to all the ex-mormons who told me what I should expect at the funeral, if I hadn't known what was going to happen I would've probably been even more of a mess than I already was. My mom and her family were not happy to see me, she didn't even talk to me during the funeral which I guess is a lot better than her yelling at me. My older brother sat with me and my dad's side of the family during the funeral and was my support through the whole thing. He and my grandparents even encouraged me to get up and share stories about my dad when the time came for people to give final words.

The wake was nice, I guess my dad would sneak out and get a drink with my uncle every now and then so they had the wake at their favorite bar. My brother supporting me through everything and realizing he would have my back even when it came to our mom means the world to me.

I'm still trying to process his death, especially since he died on his way to see me. I've started seeing a therapist at my brother and aunt's suggestion, I was in a really bad place for a few weeks after the funeral, and it's really been a lot of help. Yesterday was my dad's birthday and my aunt and I drove up to visit his grave. It was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be, but hard nonetheless.

Thanks for all the help and advice!

FINAL COMMENTS

CowGirl2084

I’m sorry for your loss. It’s not easy to lose a patent. I do have a question, though. What do you mean when you say you would have been a mess if people hadn’t told you what to expect from a Mormon funeral? From what I know, they are like most other funerals. The service is held in a church, followed by graveside services, and then food at the church, or some other location. I’m confused by your statement.

OOP

well this is the only Mormon funeral I've been to, but there was a large portion dedictated to the plan of salvation and how this is all apart of God's plan. My old bishop gave an impromptu talk about my dad because the spirit compelled him to, i felt like it was mostly directed at me. It talked about him being sad in his lasts days because of a torn family then encouraged all of us to come unto christ. Then my younger siblings talked about being apart of his eternal familu and seeing him in the next life, which won't include me since I'm not a me member anymore.

~

Philosopher_1

Your dad was a Mormon but had a favorite bar?

OOP

Yeah I guess he would go with my uncle without telling anyone. It was their secret until he died.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-07-02 04:04:07+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/DryInstruction3284

Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting

Am I overreacting to my girlfriend going to her ex’s birthday party without telling me?

Trigger Warnings: possible gaslighting, mininizing

---

Original Post: June 15, 2025

Hey Reddit. I’m 29M and I’ve been dating my girlfriend “Lena” (27F) for about 10 months. Things have been great overall—she’s funny, smart, independent, and we’ve talked about maybe moving in together next year. No major issues until this weekend.

So here’s what happened:

On Saturday, Lena told me she was going out with a few friends from college. Cool, no problem I had plans to watch the game with my brother anyway.

But the next day, I saw a photo on one of her friend’s Instagram stories. The caption said: “Happy birthday, Jason!”

I recognized Jason. He’s her ex. The one she dated for about three years and broke up with about a year before we met. They were pretty serious from what I’ve gathered. I never made a big deal about it because she told me they’re on decent terms but “not really close.”

So naturally, I asked her later that night, “Hey, were you at Jason’s birthday thing?” She looked a little surprised and said yeah, but quickly followed up with “It wasn’t a big deal, it was a group thing, and I didn’t think it mattered.”

I didn’t raise my voice or accuse her of anything, I just said I wished she’d mentioned it beforehand. She got kind of defensive and said I was “making something out of nothing” and that it’s not like she was hiding it.

But… she kind of did hide it? I mean, I don’t want to be controlling, and I know people stay friends with their exes, but the fact that she didn’t even mention she was going to his birthday rubs me the wrong way. It just feels off.

I’m not accusing her of cheating or anything, but I can’t shake the feeling that she intentionally kept it vague so I wouldn’t ask questions. She said she didn’t think I’d care, but the whole thing just makes me feel kind of... sidelined.

So am I overreacting?

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Was Lena, her friends and Jason all part of the same friend group? Because it's weird how her friends are attending their friend's ex bf's birthday party if they aren't all in the same friend group.

Not saying that she's cheating on you. But I do understand why you are uncomfortable about the whole situation. Especially as she got all defensive instead of reassuring you.

OOP: They were part of the same friend group in college. But I honestly didn't know that they were still close. Let alone close enough to go to a birthday.

Commenter 2: I wouldn’t be bothered if she was upfront. Generally it’s reasonable to ask permission of your partner, if that’s okay with your relationship dynamic to hang out with exes.

Some people have great relationships with exes that don’t have to be romantic, but it can be weird for their partners if they don’t talk about it like a responsible partner would.

And if after asking it isn’t cool, great, now two people know they have different ideas of how relationships work, and that’s helpful to know. If it isn’t cool, great, y’all are compatible.

It’s still something someone should ask, not hide, and that’s what I’m emphasizing here. Not asking or not even mentioning it, makes something that is otherwise not suspicious, very suspicious.

Orange-reddish flag. I don’t know her well enough to outright call it a red flag, she could just be stupid. (Sorry for bluntness)

OOP: The thing is I didn't know they were still in contact. This is how I found out they in fact still are

Commenter 3: Do they have kids together? If not no reason to interact with an ex. Ghost her and move on.

OOP: They don't have kids together

Commenter 4: There’s no point in asking her this question now but, given what you know about your gf would she be cool if the shoe was on the other foot? If you ask her now ofc she’ll say she’d be totally fine with it but, that’s gaslighting 100%

OOP: I know for a fact she definitely wouldn't be okay with it was it the other way around.

 

Update #1: June 15, 2025 (same day, eight hours later)

Thanks again to everyone who responded. I didn’t expect the post to blow up the way it did, and honestly, I’ve spent the last few hours sitting with it all. A few comments really stuck with me especially the ones that pointed out it’s not necessarily about where she went, but how she handled it.

I ended up bringing it up when she came over this evening. Nothing dramatic. I just said I’d been thinking about it and that it bothered me not even the party itself, but the fact that she didn’t mention it. She didn’t seem surprised that I brought it up. There was a bit of an eye-roll at first, but she didn’t push back much. Mostly quiet. The energy in the room shifted right away.

She said something vague about not wanting it to be a thing. Not much of an apology, more like trying to smooth it over and move on quickly. And maybe that’s what I’m doing too, in my own way.

Afterward, we kind of just… moved around each other for the rest of the evening. She left very quickly after that. And right now I'm reading comments on my original post.

I’m not sure where I land on all of this. Nothing exploded. But it also didn’t feel resolved. She didn’t seem interested in understanding why it bothered me just in making sure it didn’t mess with the vibe.

It’s not a breakup-level thing. Not yet. But it does feel like something shifted in our relationship.

That’s all for now. Just figured I’d follow up.

Thanks again.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Idk how that's not break up worthy. She didn't tell you because she didn't want it to be a thing means that she knew it was going to be an issue for you. That it might cross a boundary so she didn't give you a heads up. It was 1000% thought out, methodical, intentional....

She is gaslighting and manipulating you. She's using what you said when confronting her to try to justify why she hid it. "See this is why I couldn't tell you" type of shit. She sees nothing wrong with this which is why you don't feel it's resolved - because it isn't resolved.

She wanted to go, didn't care that you wouldn't be okay with it and now wants to move on with no consequences. She will also just hide it better next time if you do let it go. She got away with it if that's the case after all. She's proven she only cares about herself. She doesn't care about your feeelings because she clearly considered you would be upset and did it anyway! If the roles were reversed she would likely break up with you. Yet she will repeat in the future again to please herself. She has shown you exactly who she is. This type of lesson is only learned when you face consequences. It sounds like there have been and likely will be zero (because you sound ready to stay). Prepare yourself for the repeat behaviour and further gaslighting.

Commenter 2: Nope, her unwillingness to address this and acknowledge what she did wrong tells you everything you need to know. If she respected you she would want to know why it upset you and would try to make it right. When she eye rolls you over her screw up……

Time to move on OP.

I wouldn’t even give her the respect of doing it in person. Just text her and end it.

Commenter 3: Just like how her going wasn’t the issue, it was her hiding it, the issue now is her reaction. A normal and healthy reaction to bf over this would be along the lines of I’m so sorry. I should have told you. Instead she’s turning it around on you and admitting she hid it because she thought your reaction would be poor. This leads you to wonder if she has done that before- hiding things she knows would bother you.

It all leads to trust and communication. There is a level of trust she broke in this situation. Can you fully trust her anymore? Or will you always doubt she is giving you full truth? With communication, it sounds like you have two versions of what you believe is healthy communication not just in giving information, but also in resolving conflict. That is a break up worthy thing if both of your values on this conflict to the point you can’t compromise. Only you can decide where you fall in this and whether you want to keep trying in this relationship. If she is willing to put work into fixing your relationship and you can work through the trust/communication issues, there is no harm in continuing in the relationship. On the flip side, if she isn’t willing to fix this or if you can’t get past the broken trust and/or communicate well together, you are well on your rights to walk away knowing that you just have different values. You can like a person, even love them, but the relationship doesn’t have long term potential if your values conflict so much that yours (or hers) need to be compromised to be together.

 

Final update: June 25, 2025 (10 days later)

original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1lbxvbh/am_i_overreacting_to_my_girlfriend_going_to_her/

update: <https://www.reddit.co/...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lpmb0i/am_i_overreacting_to_my_girlfriend_going_to_her/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-07-02 04:00:07+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAQuiteaMammle

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

My brother (45M) cut ties with my parents (75M, 70F) and my family, everyone but me, and I don't know what to do. How can I convey the situation to my mom?

Trigger Warnings: gaslighting, golden child syndrome, favoritism, emotional manipulation, health issues

Mood Spoilers: frustrating

---

Editor’s note: both the original and update posts’ body texts were saved before they were removed

---

Original Post: January 8, 2025

TL;DR: My brother had enough of my mother favouratism to another brother, and decided to cut contact. Yet my mother refuses to accept the situation. Help/

sorry for long post

I come from a middle Eastern country. So sorry for bad English.

My parents have 3 sons and one daughter. While I am the youngest (32M).

My eldest brother (John 50M) is BY FAR the favourite child by my mother. My father doesn't express opinions often. When John was born, he had many health problems, so my mom practically lived with him in the hospital for the first year.

Every time we talk about something, the topic changes to John- I can tell them that I have problems at work "Oh, John just solved his problems with his boss. Take an advice from him" when talking to him - nothing of the sort happened. My mom expeditated a meeting he had with his boss. It might be in my head but I even have the feeling that she sometimes addresses my Gf Joanna as Johna.

John can treat out parents however he wants - yet they magically forget it after 2 days. When I was in collage, my mom called me crying, with enough urgency to ask me to leave class to take her call. apparently, John was very mean to her. The day after - my mom gaslit me saying it was nothing. Needless to say- there is never an apology from John.

Except for my sister (Mary, 40F) who holds a government position, and my parents who are too old. All the siblings moved to different countries. John to Europe, James to Canada, and me to Australia.

My parents visit John in Europe about 3 times a year, for 2-3 weeks a time at his country. They spend more time with Johns family than with my sister's. They visited me or the 2nd eldest James once. (James moved to Canada about 6 years ago).

My mother had a lot of problems with James and Mary. Ended up in couples therapy with both. Both times my mom claimed that their respective spouse is "Taking her child away from her" and "whispering mean things to them about her". Etc. etc. While Mary had more emotional problems (Mom doesn’t love her as much as John. Mom doesn’t care about her children. Mom keeps on alienating her spouse) James’s problems were very monetary. He claimed that the parents gave him less money than to James. As well as babysit his kids less.

As the last one to leave the nest, I had some more knowledge about my parents’ finances. And I can say that except for one incident, which I will address later, my parents gave about 250K dollars to John, about 300K to James. About 100K to Mary. And about 50K for me (I went back to grad school and did not get married yet, so I did not need much).

In about 2010, my parents received a plot of land near their house. And told all the children that if they wish to have it, they can - if they agree to the following rules:

A. The building of the plot will be led and mainly financed by the child.

B. The child will live in said plot and help take care of the parents, who are growing old and in increasing need of aid.

Mary who held a government position on the other side of the country, and me who only finished high school were out of the picture.

And James and John could not decide.

James insisted that due to the high value of the land it needs to be sold and split between the siblings. While my parents said that its a no go.

After 2 years of debating, John picked up the glove and build the house. Later living in it for about 4 years. Before leaving the country due to work relocation (not by choice. But this is another story.)

James felt, and still feel robbed.

The main incident happened half a year ago. My parents, who are still in need of aid, decided to buy a house in Europe, next to John. Claiming "this is an investment for the future, when we will pass on, this house will be passed to you OP"... While I live and plan on settling in Australia, which is, in fact, very far from Europe...

When James heard about it, he blocked my parents. And a month ago, after he calmed down, he told me that he decided to cut ties with my parents. That he felt 2nd best at most, that he couldn’t shake the feeling that this animosity towards his wife continued for so long, and he is afraid to have the same treatment to his kids. He is also in therapy.

My mother on the other hand is crying non-stop. About reaching out to him, about trying to go back in touch, about seeing her grandkids. She asks about him every day, and I don't know how to break it to her.

The worst thing - she does not accept blame or guilt. She constantly gaslight things about everything being his fault etc. and now I'm stuck in the middle of this charade. And she acts as if “trying to change her in her old age” is some sort of a crime.

How can I tell her “Look, his life are better now without you. It is your fault and he cut you off knowingly. If you ever will be given a second chance you will need to earn it."?

How can I convey the situation to my mom? Do you have any advice regarding solving this? Thank you in advance.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: "he blocked you because you never treated him the same and treat his wife badly."

over and over whenever she asks until she stops

Commenter 2: “How can I convey the situation to my mom?” Short answer, you can’t. Enough people have already tried. I know you’re hoping for a magical phrase that will suddenly open her eyes to her faults but it doesn’t exist. You cannot change this. Your best bet is to step back. Make sympathetic noises when she goes off but don’t engage. Read about the grey rock method. Be the rock. No info goes out or in. Your mother will not change. Don’t waste your energy in some futile effort to encourage her to be someone different. This is not your responsibility.

Commenter 3: Wow, it's really a hard situation. You shouldn't be forced to be their intermediate person. They are all adults and they should resolve their own problems. It sucks to have these kind of problems within the family but if the interested parties are not trying to communicate properly and try to resolve the problem, there's not much you can do...

 

Update: June 25, 2025 (5.5 months later)

previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1hwf20p/my_brother45m_cut_ties_with_my_parents75m_70f_and/

Update 26/06

Thank you for your input and comments, though I did not reply I did read them all.

Cutting ties with my parents is not an option for me, nor is it something I intend on doing.

I wanted to give a little update:

I have decided not to take any drastic measures, and simply dismiss any time my parents try to probe with the “next time maybe”, “I don’t know”, “we’ll see” etc.

Recently, as you might be surprised, the middle east kept trying to off each other. And I felt like this was the first time James tried to probe about the family – they are all safe thankfully.

My mom keeps “writing letters” to James. And sending it via email. In these she tries to guilt trip him into sending her information, such as pictures of his kids etc. with “wishes for him to soften his stone heart” and every time I hear about this, I am pissed time and time again. She keeps them all about herself, and there is so little if any care for him, how he is doing, and what happened between them.

After the last time she sent me one I was pissed out loud and told her off, saying that if she keeps sending it to him – he will block her Email as well (something his friend slipped out – he does read them, at least until 6 months ago). And she asked me “well, what letter would actually help? Can you show me?”. I immediately thought – this might be a golden opportunity to let her see herself from the outside, and might be the only one in sight. So I agreed with ONE condition – that she would never send it. If Id she decides that she likes it – she would have to write something herself –in her own words, and her own interpretation.

She was pissed – how dare I claim she might do such a thing?! Such blatant plagiarism etc etc (she might have said more but I could care less lol) and ITS NOT AS IF SHE WOULD DO SUCH THING WOULD SHE.

So after working with a Friend, who is married to a Skyrim character (love you Shargakh, may you have a lovely bunch of orcish humanoids in your future) we wrote the letter:

“James

I wanted to apologise, for everything. The image of our conversations hurting you for all these years is so painful, in addition to the idea that you feel the need to protect yourself from us – your own parents. I cannot undo what has been done upto now, but I can apologise, try to change, and maybe, slowly, we might be able to heal what is broken – yet I cannot do it wi...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1lpm86r/my_brother_45m_cut_ties_with_my_parents_75m_70f/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-07-02 04:02:08+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Next-Ad5948

Originally posted to r/offmychest

Friend asked if I could babysit their newborn

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: car accident, possible entitlement

---

Original Post: June 21, 2025

My friend (23) and his girlfriend (21) are having a child. He is like a brother to me and they have made me the godmother. The baby is not even here yet and he asked if I could babysit his child for July 4th weekend as he is going out of town with his girlfriend and family. The girlfriend is due soon (expected due date June 25th). I told him I’ll let him know if I can next week. But I think it’s quite strange to go on a trip after just having a baby. I feel like they should take time to establish a routine and bond with their newborn. It’s really weird why anyone in his family would even support going on a trip knowing he will have a baby fresh out of the womb.

I am not one to speak on someone’s parenting but from the moment he told me he was having a child he didn’t take it very seriously and tend to have unrealistic expectations. I am not doing anything on July 4th weekend as I was just in a car accident a month ago and still mentally healing but this shouldn’t affect my ability of taking care of the newborn. It’s more so that newborns need to eat every 2-3 hours and need extra care during this time. If I say no I feel like this would deem me as not dependable to babysit in the future.

His girlfriend definitely knows. It’s shocking that a new mother would be willing to leave her newborn after giving birth but I don’t think she’s thinking clearly either. She seems naive and goes with whatever he wants to do in order to satisfy him. I would not be comfortable with doing this if I was her. They both weren’t ready from what I have observed. He got her pregnant after only 3 months of knowing her. He constantly vented to me about their relationship problems and after a while I started to ignore it because he kept pursing her. The relationship seems toxic and they don’t understand how much a child affects their daily lives and won’t know until the child is here.

He also says he lives paycheck to paycheck and the girlfriend doesn’t work but yet he constantly want to go on trips. It is upsetting when people have babies and they are not emotionally or financially prepared. It affects the child the most in the end. I will be reaching out to my friend to discuss my concerns. I think he is still having a hard time processing that he is going to be a father and I have told him on multiple occasions that when you’re a parent you no longer come first. He has yet to understand this. I can only hope that he starts being more mature once the child arrives.

Editor's note: OOP also made the same original post in another sub, I am adding relevant comments from that sub for more context

Relevent Comments

Commenter 1: You're NTA

Although I am the Godmom I wasn’t expecting to babysit so soon

Godmother does not mean on demand babysitter.

Is it typical for people to do this after having a baby

No, it isn't. Mother will still be healing and a weekend away from her brand new baby is probably the last thing she wants. She probably doesn't plan to still go on this trip doesn't even know you were asked to do that.

I am not one to speak on someone’s parenting

I'll do it. He sucks and is in for a huge reality check.

OOP: It was definitely his idea because this is not the only trip that he planned for this year. He has also planned other trips with our friend group but I turned them down as 1) he should be focusing on being a dad and 2) I’d rather save money. I think that once she gives birth she will probably change her mind about going on the trip but she seems to just go with whatever he says.

Commenter 2: NTA I think they're in for a rude awakening about the responsibility of being a parent. The idea that they'll be fine to travel a week after she delivers is wild, I would certainly say no, but I would also ask them if they've talked to their doctor about traveling separate from a one week old child

OOP: I will be expressing to him my concerns about this because his girlfriend does not need to be on a trip right after birth. He never took the pregnancy serious and now that she is about to give birth I think he is still having a hard time with accepting that being a father comes first.

Has OOP been able to communicate with the girlfriend about her feelings on the trip?

OOP: Sad part is I don’t even communicate with his girlfriend. We never established a friendship. They barely knew each other when she got pregnant.

His girlfriend and I do speak when we see each other but it’s nothing more than a hello. I have tried having conversations with her when I see her but it’s mostly small talk which is why I concluded that we don’t communicate. When my friend and I hang out it’s also just me, him and our friend group so we don’t see his girlfriend as much. I was just as shocked when he asked me to be the godmother because wouldn’t she have someone else in mind like a sister or a best friend to be the godmother? Then my friend told me that she knows he wants me to be the god mom and that she is okay with it. I also discovered that sometimes the mom and father each choose their own set of godparents.

 

Update: June 25, 2025 (four days later)

I recently posted about my friend (23M) and his girlfriend (21F) asking me to babysit their newborn who would have been less than a week old while they go out of town for July 4th weekend.

I am not sure if many of you recall this as I have deleted the post in fear that he may see the post but I thought I would provide you all with an update.

He and his girlfriend was in a carwreck on 6/21/2025. This is also the same day I talked to him about my concerns with babysitting the new born. I did tell him that women need to heal after giving birth and what if the baby comes earlier or later than the expected due date of 6/25/2025. He told me his girlfriend said she will be good and they didn’t think it will be an issue going on the trip.

Shortly after that phone call they got into a wreck. My friend lost control of the vehicle while driving on the highway and hit into the barrier. No other vehicles were involved. Thankfully they are okay and the girlfriend had an early labor. She gave birth to a healthy baby girl on 6/23/2025 born two days early. When I said the baby could come earlier I did not mean it in this way but thank goodness they are all okay.

It’s safe to say they will not be going on the trip anymore. My friend was driving his brother’s car and the brother did not have car insurance so my friend has to pay out of pocket to pay for repairs. Although this may cause a financial strain and may be very stressful since they also have to deal with a newborn it could have been way worse. It’s crazy how life could change in a matter of seconds.

Relevant / Top Comments

Is OOP's friend likely to have a substance abuse problem that could have affected his decisions or actions?

OOP: No. At least not that I know of. He’s just one of those people that don’t think about the long term effects of his actions. He is a good guy but just needs to make better decisions and I try to encourage him to do better but there’s so much I can do.

Commenter 1: Wow. What idiots think it is okay or even possible to leave a newborn with a babysitter in the first weeks? Thats insane, and it shows they have not been reading up very well about newborn care. I hope they will do a bit more research and learning about caring for a newborn. This also should have been a hard no from you OP. Good to hear they are okay, and hope they will grow as parents in the future

Commenter 2: Tell me you’re a pregnant first time parent without telling me you’re a pregnant first time parent. “A week postpartum? Yeah I will be fine going on a vacation, baby will come exactly on time, please watch my newborn” OOF.

Commenter 3: Please keep an eye out for this baby and potential neglect/mistreatment. These people sound like absolutely idiots. Clearly too young and immature to go through with parenthood.

Commenter 4: All I can say is that if anyone had left their newborn kid with me so they could go on getaway, I would have called Child Protective Services the second they were gone. I don’t care if the friendship is lost over it. I would continue to foster that baby if allowed by no way would I ever let such selfish people near that baby!

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-07-01 04:04:08+00:00.

---

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Additional_Whereas_6

AITA for booking to go away the same weekend as my boyfriend leaving him to look after our daughter

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole r/relationship_advice and OOP's own page

BoRU 1 Posted by u/Sailor_Chibi

TRIGGER WARNING: Neglect, infidelity, emotional abuse

Original Apr 17, 2021

My boyfriend and I have a 3-year old daughter together. He used to go away very occasionally by himself before we had her and this has increased quite a lot since she was born. Not for long periods, just a night or two. He also visits his daughter from a previous relationship - which is fine but I am mentioning as relevent later.

He is notoriously bad for informing me when he is going away. He always claims he told me and I forgot. There have been times where he he has arranged to see his daughter on weekends when plans have already been made (these were all pre covid). Once I had arranged for my mum to babysit for our anniversary and for us to go out. Another time I was meant to be attending a baby shower and needed him to watch our daughter. Another time I had arranged to go to the theatre with a friend. His daughter lives quite far away so he wouldn't have made it back in time to watch our daughter. He was fully aware of all these plans and claim he forgot when arranging to see his daughter. I didn't ask him to cancel as it is not fair on her so I had to make other arrangements in each case.

Obviously he has been going away less because of restrictions. As soon as they eased he has been going away. I have never had a night away for our daughter. I had made a couple of plans but each time a lock down happened so obviously they got cancelled. He says he encourages me to go away and he is not stopping me, I have tried to explain that his going away so much does stop me as someone needs to look after our child. Not comfortable for either of my parents to watch her yet just incase of any risk.

In the summer once restrictions are lifted I have arranged to see my friend for a couple of days. I told him about it and he said I couldn't do it on that date because he was going on a cycle holiday. I told him he hasn't told me anything about this and yet again he claims he did and I forgot. He asked me to cancel it saying I could go to my friends anytime. I could rearrange it but feel I shouldn't have to, he could also rearrange camping. So I have been refusing he is now in a sulk. Am I the asshole for not rearranging my plans?

Edit: I had got a family calendar when's the issues of him double booking seeing is daughter arose. Problem is he will only write in it if I nag him to do so. Or he will say he will do it later and not to treat him like a child.

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

in response to an info request about what the BF is like as a father:

He loves our daughter to pieces. But is very much for the fun stuff. He has started helping a bit more. For the last year also he has been helping with part-time and bedtime. Before that it was just me doing those things. She wakes up regularly in the night it is always me tending to her he says it's not his fault he is heavier sleeper. I have had to wake him before when she has been up from 1 a.m. and not settling back down and I have work in the morning so I can get a couple of hours sleep before work.

Update Aug 20, 2021 (4 months later)

Not sure if anyone really wanted an update but the situation came to a head so I just wanted to vent. Thank you for everyone who commented.

So I had a word with him about the family calender and people's suggestions about if it's not on the calendar it doesn't exist. Making sure my time away was on there. He seemed to go along with it and said he would reschedule his cycle trip - great I thought!

Until it came to the morning of the trip. My bf often gets up super early and I roll over and go back to sleep so thought nothing of it when he was up early. Heard the door go but just presumed he was taking out the bins or something. When I woke up, couldn't find him and the car had gone. Tried to phone him - no answer. Some of his stuff had gone. Asked my neighbor to check his garage for my bfs bike (where he keeps it). It had gone. Confused and quietly seething at this point try his phone a couple more times. Nothing. Phone my friend at this point saying I can find him and will probably miss my train.

About midday I get a phone call. He had gone on his trip. Tells my to check the calendar. He has tipexed out my writing and written in his trip. I say a few choice words to him. He basically says it's my fault as I should have got up earlier. So I told him that he won and he is now free to go on as many cycle trips as he wants now.

Friend suggested taking the kids to the seaside (her son is a similar age). We spent the next day at the beach and had a nice time.

Told bf not to come back. He says I'm over reacting but I am done.

UPDATE

He came back on Sunday. Unfortunately can't change locks due to renting. Came back like nothing had really happened. I calmly asked him to leave as our daughter was about. He said he wasn't going anywhere and he will watch her next week so I could go away. I said I couldn't believe he has completely missed the point of what he had done. Called my brother and asked him to pick us up. We have been staying there until I can sort out the practical parts of the split. Ex has called non stop and turned up at my brother's house where brother turned him away. He has finally apologized. I said I am still done, I just don't have the energy or the will anymore.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

in response to an info request about who owns their residence:

We rent, both names on the lease. I'm hoping he will do the sensible thing and stay with his friend. Unfortunately the reality is I can't kick him out and change locks. He is due back on the Sunday.

little updates in the comments from OOP

Comment 1

I'm back at the flat now with my daughter. Ex is staying with a friend who has a spare room. Ex is helping out with the rent a bit until I can find somewhere more affordable. Last 2-weeks he has had on a Saturday and he has turned up. He is giving me child support at the moment which we are just doing directly between us.

He seems to think he is just giving me space despite the fact that I have told him I am done. My priority for the moment is making sure my daughter is as settled as possible, it has been very difficult for her not having him about as much as she used to.

Comment 2

Still at the flat until the lease is up, Ex is is still at a friend's as far as I know, he has started seeing someone else and visits with our daughter have become a little bit sporadic, but it's only been a month and he only sees her once a week anyway so so I will give it a little bit longer and if it keeps messing around I think I may have to go to court I don't want to stop her seeing her dad but also don't want him constantly letting her down.

NEW UPDATES

*

I feel broken. Reconciled with my ex and he blew our holiday fund in a strip club May 8, 2022 (1 year since OG post)

I (33f) broke up with my boyfriend (35m) of 8 years about 9 months ago. We have a 4 year old daughter together.

He was always leaving on bike rides and overiding any plans I might have had. Last straw was him leaving early in the morning to go on a cycle holiday when I had explicitly said I was going away for the weekend and he needed to care for our daughter. So I left him.

We co-parented together well for a while then he started seeing someone and became disinterested in our daughter.

Fast forward to three months ago he started to show interest again in seeing our daughter- he was single again.

I tried to keep it purely about her but I gave in. I let myself be sucked in with his crappy promises. I agreed to start dating him again. I will be honest my heart had broken the last 6 months for my daughter and if I had a chance to make it work I felt I owed it to her.

We said we would go on holiday together so we started putting some money in a jar kept in my flat. This weekend he said he would take it to book a holiday and put the rest in himself (was about £300).

Didn't see him after he left the flat (still living separately so I didn't think anything of it). One of his friends girlfriends text me this morning and told me they had all been on a stag do. Her boyfriend had mentioned and my ex was dropping a lot of money in there. I confronted him and he admitted using the holiday money.

I just don't know what to do. We are done. Forever done. But I just don't know how I will move past this.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

GalaxianWarrior

I can't believe you actually got back with him. You'...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1los6ay/aita_for_booking_to_go_away_the_same_weekend_as/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-07-01 04:04:07+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Alternative_Site1468

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Previous BoRUs: #1, #2

[Final Update]: AITAH for how I reacted when my niece announced she was engaged?

Thanks to u/queenlegolas + u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: grooming

Mood Spoilers: very positive

---

RECAP

Original Post: November 8, 2024

I (33m) have a pretty big age difference with my brother (44m). He had a child at 25, which means that I became an uncle at 14. Because we were pretty close in age, I formed a special bond with my niece, Ella (now 18f).

When she was 16, my brother and his family moved away so I've been seeing them less recently, but we keep in touch and catch up at family events.

Last year, at Christmas, my niece told me that she had a boyfriend and told me a bit about him, but I didn't know the guy. He was invited for Easter and a couple of other events, but was never able to make it. When we were planning our mother's birthday, my brother decided to invite Ella's boyfriend so that we could all meet him.

Yesterday was the birthday. I was looking forward to meeting Mark (Ella's boyfriend), but was very confused when I saw her walk in with a man that looked double her age (spoiler alert: he is). She introduced him to me, and I politely smiled but was deep down very concerned. I went to my brother to ask how old Mark was and he told me that Mark is 36, so literally double Ella's age. She had told me that he was "a bit older" but I assumed like early to mid twenties, not almost 40. That's when they called us in the living room to share "exciting news". Ella showed us a ring and revealed that they were engaged.

I just said "what the fuck" and everyone turned around and looked at me like I was crazy. I told them that they were out of their minds if they thought this was normal, that there was no world in which a 30 something should date an 18yo, and that she shouldn't be getting married. All of them accused me of ruining Ella's happiness. Some even said that I was jealous of Mark, which is so fucking disgusting I can't even explain it. I mean, I'm younger than Mark, but never in a million years would I ever consider dating someone younger than 25. They told me that it was perfectly legal as they were both adults, which isn't true because they've been dating for a year and Ella turned 18 7 months ago, and that if they were happy that's all that matters.

I told them that they were sick for allowing this and that he was a predator but they wouldn't listen. I know this isn't my business, but I can't help but fear for Ella. She is young and doesn't really know what she's getting into. I'm really scared of her getting married and being unable to leave him when she realizes how sick it was. I then left and slammed the door, and have been receiving pretty wild messages and calls since then. I don't know if I was wrong for this and am just overreacting, and if I wasn't wrong I don't know what I can do to make them realize how wrong it is. AITAH?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP got the majority of NTAs and few YTAs

Relevant Comments

Does OOP and his family know anything about the BF’s background?

OOP: I quickly went over his facebook account so it’s not really verified info, but I saw pictures of him with his ex (I think?) and she looked 20-24 maybe? It’s still better but if the guy has a thing for younger girls that’s even more wrong. And it seems like he was still with his ex when he started dating my niece, so even weirder…

How did OOP’s niece meet the BF?

OOP: Through sports apparently. My niece does tennis and so does he, in the same club and they met during a tournament (at least that’s what she told me the first time she told me she had a boyfriend)

Was the BF Ella’s coach when they met?

OOP: No I don’t think so. From what I understood, Ella was in a tournament in her club and she played against adults, she played against Mark and after he came to talk to her so they talked and that was basically it

 

Update #1: November 9, 2024 (next day)

If you didn't see my previous post, here's a tl;dr: my niece is 18 and getting married with a man who's 36. They started dating when she was 17. When she announced she was engaged I said that it was wrong that he was so much older than her, but everyone else found it okay.

So I've taken the past 24h to really reflect on all of this, I tried to take in most of the advice in the comments, and here's what I have decided. I don't think that me telling her and everyone that the relationship is weird was wrong, I do however think that I did it wrong and it was pretty harsh because it was in the heat of the moment. But I still find this very creepy and don't think she should get married.

What I've decided to do is:

1. Apologize to her. I sent her a text saying I was sorry for my outburst and that I should've thought it through beforehand. I told her that I never wanted to make her feel like I didn't want her to be happy, and that I loved her very much and had her best interests in mind.
2. Ask her if we could talk about this. I asked if she would be okay and free to hang out and maybe get coffee this week to talk about all of this with a clear head. I really want to try and get her to see why it's weird and that maybe marrying him is not a great choice.
3. Explain myself to my brother. I sent him a text saying that I was sorry for the way I said it, but that I still thought that it needed to be said. I explained to him why I think Mark is a predator and this relationship could have a very negative and damaging impact on Ella.

I'm still waiting on their replies. I'll update when they reply, or when I see Ella (if she accepts), depending on how long it would take.

In the meantime, I really want to thank everyone who gave me advice and was constructive, and really tried to help my niece out of this situation. I also send my best to all of the people in the comments sharing similar stories when they were the teenager getting groomed. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I really hope you're doing better now.

Relevant Comments

OOP should be there for his niece should she have any further concerns or worries about her relationship with her BF

OOP: If she doesn’t want to talk about it then fine, it’s her choice. But the least I can do is ask her if she’d want to. You don’t just “let it go” when it’s predators we’re talking about. Do you know how trapped she can be for years if she goes through with it? The least I can do is try my best to let her know that it’s weird before she makes such a commitment. And if she doesn’t want to hear it then fine, but no one should just “let it go” when it comes to these things

Yeah I’ll definitely let her know that I’m always there, and be ready to help her get out of the relationship when it all goes wrong. But I think it’s also important to try and talk her out of it. It might not succeed, but if there’s even the slightest chance that it might then it’s worth trying. I’d rather she gets out of the relationship now than in 3 years when she’s traumatized by this guy

 

Update #2: November 12, 2024 (four days later)

Tl;dr of first posts: My 18yo niece is engaged to a 36yo she started dating when she was 17. No one in the family sees a problem. I asked to meet her to talk about it.

So, following my text (see last post), Ella replied and told me she agreed to meet with me and talk. I just came back from seeing her.

Here's how it went. She asked me what I wanted to tell her and I started explaining that I didn't think her relationship was very healthy, and that no older guy should want to date a teenager. I told her that she was an incredible woman so I wasn't saying it was weird that someone would want to marry her, but that guys my age normally shouldn't even look at a teenager. She wasn't convinced and said that sometimes it's true but sometimes it's okay. I asked her how she would feel if I told her that someone born today could be her future partner, and she said it felt really weird. I also asked her if she would consider dating someone younger than 15, and she said no.

I could see her starting to realize that Mark maybe didnt have the best intentions. I also asked her if she knew about his previous relationship, and she said "vaguely" and just told me the girl's name. I asked her if she knew how old the girl was and she said she was 21. I also asked her if she knew that their relationships overlapped and she said that Mark always told her he was single since they met, but she kind of felt like that wasn't true. I told her that since his previous girlfriend was also significantly younger it seemed like he had a thing for younger girls, which is kind of weird.

After discussing that, she told me a bit more about her relationship. She told me she w...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1los6ar/final_update_aitah_for_how_i_reacted_when_my/

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-07-01 04:02:07+00:00.

---

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Public_Control3563

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I’ll break up with him if he doesn’t start wiping his butt?

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: Homophobia and disgusting personal hygiene, fecal matter

MOOD SPOILER: >! disgust. All of the jibblies. What a terrible day to have eyes!<

Original Post June 13, 2025

I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (27M) for almost a year. We moved in together three months ago, and for the most part, things have been fine, he’s funny, smart, we have good chemistry, and we share similar goals for the future.

That said, there’s been a problem. A really gross, ridiculous problem.

When we first moved in, I noticed that he never had toilet paper rolls in “his” bathroom (we have a two-bathroom setup and tend to use separate ones most of the time). I figured maybe he used wipes or something else. But then I started noticing smells. Like, awful smells. Sometimes his laundry would stink in a very specific way. I thought maybe it was just bad hygiene in general, so I brought it up.

He got really defensive and basically told me to “drop it.”

Eventually, after too many suspiciously stained boxers and just a level of funk no grown man should be walking around with, I asked him point blank: “Do you wipe after you poop?”

He shrugged and said, “Nah, wiping is kinda gay. Why would I touch my own ass?”

I thought he was joking. I laughed. He didn’t.

Turns out, he legitimately believes that wiping “makes you gay” and that “real men just let it fall out and go about their day.” I told him that’s not only stupid but also incredibly unhygienic and honestly, it’s making me feel physically sick to be near him sometimes.

He said I was being judgmental and that I should “accept him for who he is.” I told him I draw the line at poop. I said if he didn’t start wiping and taking basic hygiene seriously, I’d have to reconsider the relationship.

He’s now sulking and accusing me of being shallow, saying I’m “prioritizing societal expectations over true love.” He even texted me a link to a “men’s rights” subreddit post about “how wiping is emasculating.”

Now I’m wondering, AITA for threatening to break up with my boyfriend over something as “small” as wiping?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Odd_Obligation4747

NTA you should absolutely break up with him. Not only does he sounds homophobic and like those “macho” man but he’s a grown ass man with no hygiene and no proper excuse (like mental health) for it. Think about what would happen if you two were to have kids or something. You’d have a whole family not wiping their asses it’s disgusting

OOP

Exactly! That’s what really hit me, like, if this is how he is now, what happens down the line? I’m not trying to raise kids in a house where basic hygiene is optional because “it’s not manly.” It’s not just gross, it’s irresponsible. And yeah, the homophobia baked into it is a huge red flag too. I can’t build a future with someone who equates cleanliness with weakness.

~

Unlucky_Pass_5819

WTF that's gross as fuck.... Dump his ass girl!

OOP

Right?! I’ve been trying to wrap my head around how this is even real life. Like how are you almost 30 and still walking around with a dirty butt on purpose?? I’m definitely leaning toward dumping him, there’s no way I can keep pretending this is normal.

Update June 24, 2025

Hey again. I wanted to give an update because, well, it happened. I broke up with him. And it was somehow even messier than I expected, no pun intended.

I sat him down and told him I couldn’t do this anymore. I explained everything calmly: that it wasn’t just about wiping, but about respect, for me, for himself, and for any space we shared. That I was exhausted from living in constant secondhand filth. That I genuinely couldn’t picture a future with someone who refused to do the most basic thing to stay clean.

He stared at me in silence for a few seconds, then laughed. Like, this weird fake laugh. Then he got super defensive and said, “Wow, so I guess you never actually cared about me. This is what ends us? Over wiping?”

I told him it wasn’t just that, it was the fact that I asked him, repeatedly, to do something extremely reasonable, and he chose not to. Over and over. He folded his arms and said, “I’m not changing who I am just to make you comfortable.”

I said, “I’m not asking you to change your personality. I’m asking you to not smell like shit.”

That’s when it got dramatic.

He stood up, threw his keys on the couch, and said, “You’re just like everyone else. Judgmental and shallow.” Then he packed a duffel bag like he was storming out of a movie, grabbing random stuff like a pair of mismatched socks, two deodorants (the irony), and a frozen burrito from the freezer.

Before he left, he looked at me and said, “You’ll regret this. You’ll never find another guy like me.”

And I just said, “That’s kind of the point.”

He slammed the door so hard a picture fell off the wall. He’s texted me a few times since, mostly passive-aggressive stuff like “Hope your next guy wipes and lies to you about it” and “Real men don’t fold for toilet paper.” I haven’t responded.

Since he left, I’ve deep cleaned the apartment, burned a candle, and done five loads of laundry. I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to sit on a couch and not wonder if it’s been in contact with poop.

Anyway. Thank you all for the push I needed. You were right. I don’t need to fix someone who thinks basic hygiene is optional. I need someone who’s already a damn adult.

FINAL COMMENTS

Cute_Green2023

Girl, you dodged a bullet, not gonna lie. Nothing says “I love you” like basic hygiene. If he thinks finding a clean partner is impossible, he should probably check his own reflection first. Enjoy your sanitized couch!

OOP

Omg yes, thank you!! That part about the reflection? DEAD ON. He kept acting like I was the problem for not accepting him “as he is,” but like “as he is” smells like a locker room floor. I’m genuinely so happy to sit on my couch without wondering if there’s a ghost of poop past haunting the cushions. Sanitized and single has never felt so good!

cicada_noises

Why is he insisting “being a man covered in poop” is considered a personality trait that people need to accept? “I have poo on myself on purpose and it’s unfair people don’t accept me as I am!”

OP why did you date him? He must have reeked from the beginning?

OOP

Lmao right?! At some point he really started acting like wiping was a core identity issue, like I was asking him to change something deep and sacred about himself. No dude, you’re not oppressed, you’re just dirty.

And yeah, I honestly don’t know what I was thinking in the beginning. I guess the smell was kinda masked by cologne and short visits, and I wasn’t paying close enough attention. Once we moved in together, though? Ohhh it hit me like a truck full of spoiled meat. I just didn’t expect the problem to be this.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/czechtheboxes on 2025-07-01 15:26:02+00:00.

---

Need help looking for an update? Comment below!

• View last month's Looking for a Post - June 2025 thread. If you posted in previous threads and didn't get an answer, you can repost your question here.
• We launched a discord. Please feel free to join. Discord link
• Do NOT harass OOPs. Do NOT comment on original posts. You will be banned if you do so.
• Always read the rules of subs you are participating in. Do NOT harass OOPs.
• If an update found here has not be posted to BoRU yet and you feel it belongs as its own post, please feel free to submit it.
• If you found an update that is not eligible for posting yet, leave it on the pinned comment in this thread.
• If you found an update that is eligible but you don't want to post it yourself, leave it on the pinned comment on this thread.

DO NOT HARASS OOPs. Do not comment on posts linked in this thread or on posts linked in BoRUs. Doing so will result in a permanent ban from this sub and possibly the other sub. Leave your comments here in BoRU and again, do not harass OOPs. Please see the brigading policy

Tools to search for a post

View our How to search for a post wiki

Popular Posts

A list of the most frequently requested posts such as the PS5 saga, Peegate, and the Thanksgiving Turkey. The one about the woman whose FIL and husband thought she would die in childbirth finally has an update. If you're looking for the one where OOP's husband gets violently sick when OOP's sister announces her pregnancy, you can read it here.

Want to know the origin of a flair? See this list of flair origins

Looking for something to read?

• r/BestofBoru - a companion sub of curated, concluded updates
• r/bestofpositiveupdates
• r/OhNoConsequences by BoRU mod u/mermaidpaint
• r/BestofRedditorSagas for posts with a large number of parts
• List of lists of posts compiled by Czech and Part 2 ← Many of my post lists are here

Don't harass OOPs. Don't comment on original posts. Thank you.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-07-01 04:00:06+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ProfessOverthinker

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

AITAH for wanting a divorce after my husband gaslit me into believing him flirting with a coworker was okay because I was “just hormonal”

Trigger Warnings: emotional affair, emotional manipulation, gaslighting

---

Original Post: February 21, 2025

Hi Reddit,

I’m a 30y f married to my 34y m for over six years. We have two beautiful children, a three-year-old and an eight-month-old. We’ve been together for over 10 years, and our relationship has been amazing from the beginning.

About a year ago (I was approximately 6 months pregnant), I noticed my husband paying more attention to his phone whenever he came home from work. So, one night during dinner when his phone kept dinging, I asked him about it.

I asked, “Who has your attention lately?”

It was a female coworker who had just transferred to his department, along with a good colleague of his in this group chat. I had never heard of this female coworker, so I tried to play it off as my husband being nice to a new colleague.

Days went by, and that phone became the bane of my existence. It constantly dinged and I was fighting for his attention whenever he got home from work. I had enough. So, one night while he was showering, I went through his phone.

And there it was, the group chat, along with instagram messages of just my husband and his female coworker teasing each other about work.

I confronted my husband immediately and confessed that I had indeed gone through his phone. I was certainly embarrassed, as this was a first for me, but I explained that I had a hunch something wasn’t right and needed to see it for myself. I pointed out that the group chat was quite unusual, but the private chats on Instagram were highly inappropriate for a married man. I simply requested that he refrain from having private chats with her, but I was comfortable with the group chat. He agreed and apologized for making me feel that way.

A few months later (I am approximately 8 months pregnant), as we were returning home from a summer vacation, my son’s iPad began dinging repeatedly in the backseat of my car. Unbeknownst to me, my husband had inadvertently connected his iCloud to our son’s iPad. Suddenly, there she was, repeatedly appearing on the iPad, sending texts after texts. And this time, there were even pictures…

I was at my wit’s end. I confronted my husband with such rage, anger and distrust.

His reasoning was, “You’re just feeling hormonal right now. This isn’t you. You’re not the jealous, insecure type. Once you’re no longer pregnant, you should get to know her, have a drink with her, and you’ll like her.”

Using my own hormones and emotions against me, at 8 months pregnant, I unfortunately caved and believed him and left it at that.

Shortly after welcoming our newborn baby and adjusting to our new family of four, we experienced pure bliss. However, our blissful state was short-lived as paternity leave ended, and my husband returned to work, along with my husband’s female coworker.

One evening, after we had tucked the children into bed, I found myself browsing through my husband’s phone, admiring pictures of our children.

DING it’s her…

I instantly and without hesitation opened the conversation, and my mouth dropped. It was a conversation where my husband was begging her to work a specialized assignment with just him. The two of them, alone in a car, five days a week. I felt an instant wave of regret. Regret for not listening to my gut months ago and letting him gaslight me into thinking this situation was all in my head because of my “hormones.” Now, I want a divorce but my husband is now begging me to “not ruin our family”.

So Reddit, am I the asshole for breaking apart this family?

UPDATE 2/22/25 (Editor's note: next day)

After reading all these comments and absorbing the advice, I finally realize that I’m not “hormonal” and not the sole reason behind this marriage’s failure. So, thank you for validating my feelings all along.

As for my husband, I’ve asked him to leave the house until I’ve made a decision. Initially, he didn’t believe me, but when I took the kids and told him he better not be here when I return with them, he was beside himself. He completely lost it. He’s begged me to reconsider, offering to block her, leaving his job, and doing anything else to keep us together.

But a few months ago, I politely asked you to stop texting her privately. His response was, “I thought I was just being her friend. I didn’t see it the way you did.” What upsets me is that he didn’t take me seriously back then, but now that I’m packing up our kids and leaving, he suddenly takes me seriously?…

We will see what happens when I get home… To be continued…

UPDATE #2 2/22/25 PM (Editor's note: same day, hours later)

I returned home from an evening out with my kids, grateful that my husband respected my wishes and wasn’t home when we arrived.

After putting the kids to bed, I received a text from my husband asking if he could come over and talk so we could resolve our issues without involving the kids.

I agreed.

As soon as I opened the door, he handed me his phone. On the other line, I heard her, the female coworker. She was saying, “Hello? Hello?”

I immediately hung up his phone and demanded to know why he wanted me to talk to her.

He claimed they had been discussing all night about how they could convince me that they were nothing more than “just good coworkers.” I reminded him that this marriage is between the two of us, not three, and that the only person who needed to address this mess was himself.

He insisted that I speak with her and even had the audacity to suggest “getting that drink I told you to get with her a few months back when you were no longer pregnant and crazy.”

I told him, “Get out and have that drink for me because we are done.”

It took considerable effort to get him to leave, as he sobbed about leaving his children, but I didn’t care. He clearly still wants to gaslight me into believing that this is my issue with her, not his issue with disrespecting our marriage and his “crazy hormonal wife”

Relevant Comments

Has OOP met her husband's coworker?

OOP: I’ve actually “met” her before at a work gathering for my husband. He introduced me to everyone at this party, expect her. When I finally saw a picture of this female coworker, I knew I had seen her before and asked him where I had seen her before. He did say, at the work party and when I asked how come you didn’t introduce me to her, he replied, you were busy getting to know everyone else….

Commenter 1: It’s so disingenuous of your husband to beg you not to divorce him when he was actively pursuing this other woman until you confronted him about his behavior. Had you not gone thru his phone, he’d still be sniffing around that woman & lying to your face every day about it. You should most definitely divorce your husband. He’s not worthy enough to be your partner.

OOP: I did ask him this too. I asked him, what would happen if I never saw this conversation? He told me, he’d most likely continue to lie to me about it…

Commenter 2: Your husband is TA, not you. He has gaslit you for months, and it is possible that the coworker is unaware that he is married with kids as well. Try to get this across to her about all this and go from there. All the best OP!

OOP: I’ve actually reached out to her. She told me she is “like this with all her male coworkers” and then proceeded to try and add me on social media after she was made aware that she was causing rifts in our marriage and was “shocked” and “felt horrible”. However, continues to engage in these conversations with my husband. I am absolutely not blaming her, my husband was engaging her, however she is aware what she is doing…

Commenter 3: Leave him. There is NOTHING to save here. He’s a master manipulator and you’re easily manipulated.

Please go into the next one with your guard up and everyone who cares about you guards up.

OOP: I never thought I was easily manipulated… until now. Our entire relationship has been absolutely wonderful so I was easy to make believe this was all in my head and heightened by my “hormones” while pregnant. It hasn’t been until recently where I see my babes and think, you will not have a mother who is emotionally controlled by a man who wants to be a half ass husband and father while he steps out on us while he’s at work.

Commenter 4: He’ll return to the pursuit after OP calms down. He’ll just cover his tracks (delete messages, get another phone or only communicate in person with the other woman).

OOP: This is what I am afraid off… we are young, in our prime! I can’t imagine 20 yrs from now this happens again with someone else because I’ll be kicking myself thinking I should have left 20 yrs ago when I felt fabulous about myself and knew I had a ton to offer to someone else who actually appreciated me

OOP should send screenshots of text messages to her husband's HR department

OOP: I’m actually friends with his bosses wife and may have already drop...

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1los3by/aitah_for_wanting_a_divorce_after_my_husband/