traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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Please follow the Hexbear Code of Conduct
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Selfies are not permitted for the personal safety of users.
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No personal identifying information may be posted or commented.
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Stay on topic (trans/gender stuff).
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Bring a trans friend!
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Any image post that gets 200 upvotes with "banner" or "rule 6" in the title becomes the new banner.
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Posts about dysphoria/trauma/transphobia should be NSFW tagged for community health purposes.
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When made outside of NSFW tagged posts, comments about dysphoria/traumatic/transphobic material should be spoiler tagged.
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Arguing in favor of transmedicalism is unacceptable. This is an inclusive and intersectional community.
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While this is mostly a meme community, we allow most trans related posts as we grow the trans community on the fediverse.
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The idea of coming out is terrifying. My stomach is in knots every time I think about telling anyone outside of hexbear. I told one friend I was questioning a while back and it went well, so I'm not sure what my issue is. I'll try to break down my reasons.
spoiler
I worry they'll have bad ideas about trans people. There are lots of bad ideas out there, and it seems like a lot of people don't really care about having good opinions on things. So what might they think about trans people, and what will they think of me?I worry they won't see me as who I am/want to be seen as. They (family and friends) have only known me as a guy. Will they even believe me? And if I'm just going to be seen as [dead name] pretending to be a girl or whatever... that's way worse.
Some of this might be autism, but I worry I don't know how to act right. I don't know how to be a woman, I don't know how to be trans, I don't understandddddd
Status quo changes in general are really hard for me. Slightly off topic, but the church has traumatized me massively. I was taught horrible things and I have struggled ever since. Its still, years after leaving, hard for me to not want to continue traditions from the church. I hate it so much, but its still hard to let go of. And I guess its kinda the same thing here. I know it is bad for me, I know its wrong, I can look around and see the problems. The rot. spoiler dysphoria Every time I hear myself talk, who do I hear? [deadname]. Every time I look at myself, who do I see? [deadname]. How can I expect better from anyone else? :::
This is what made me stay in the closet, until I was on hormones and stuff for awhile.
spoiler
Coming out is scary. I was still scared of coming out to my extended family years and years after after I had started HRT and social transitioned. Even when I knew they'd be accepting, it's still scary.You don't have to come out. But I will say, but what if they're supportive? But what if they always kind of figured you were? But what if they help you transition? But what if they defend your pronouns and gender to people? But what if hearing your chosen name from your mom, let's say, makes it feel so much more real for you?
You're the only one who can judge if you'll be safe to come out. I hope you get to be in a situation where you feel safe coming out no matter how theyll take it!
There are a lot of potential upsides. A lot to think about. The idea of being supported like that makes me cry. Thank you.
Even with people who I know with absolute certainty would be supportive, its not easy. And even telling people I was out to and whom have already been supportive that I was starting HRT was hard. I've yet to come out to someone whom I wasn't already certain they'd be accepting. I've been intending to come out to my parents since March next time I visit and I've visited them at least once a month on average and I'm quite certain my stepmom has suspected I was trans for the last 2 years. I think I've finally settled for coming out via text message while hanging out in person because words are impossible.
So... I think its normal be scared. Some of us spent a long time learning being fem was something to be mocked and learned instinctually to mask and hide and deny. Undoing decades of mental habits is hard.
::: spoiler spoiler
Coming out can be a good filter for gauging who's worth keeping around tbh. Those who matter wont mind etc
There's no "acting right" either, you're allowed to just be, hey. You are you, and you are a woman. Be you, that's it. You're already doing it. If you want changes, make them. If you don't, don't. The being is the doing, and you're already you, so just let yourself be.
It does get better. Sure everyone's only known deadname til now, but they'll get to know you as you are now as well. Those who love you don't love deadname, they love you. If they can't/won't accept it, well they've just dropped the mask and now you know.
Some folks flat out aren't worth keeping around, absolutely. But they show their face pretty quick and while it might hurt it's ultimately a blessing in disguise.
Some may take a little longer to come around than others, even with the best of intentions. They'll generally acknowledge or at least correct their fuck ups as they go, in any case.
And then anyone you meet moving forward will only know you from now anyway, which in some ways is easier still.
It's big and it's scary and full of consequence, but it is so so worth it.