TW for suicide, and drugs.
Spare me the usual replies, please. I’ve heard them all.
I’m going to drop Creamsicle off at a friend’s house today.
“Yay!”
Then I’m probably going to acquire fentanyl somehow, and forget that I ever existed.
I’ve considered writing a letter to my friend, the one I’m always talking about. Creamsicle was originally supposed to be a birthday present for them, but they didn’t want him. I’d love for him to go live with them, but I don’t want them to be sad. I think I just want them to forget I ever existed. I know they probably won’t be too sad but I don’t know. I wish I could say goodbye.
Every single fucking day sucks. I am in the same exact hole today, on March 22nd, 2024, as I was on March 22nd, 2023, and on March 22nd, 2022. The only difference is I just keep getting slightly worse every year. Each winter hurts more than the last. More people stop talking to me and I smile less and life becomes increasingly more stupid and meaningless.
Hopefully this isn't the usual response. Did you call back the detox place you were talking to in January? If you've gotten stuff tidied up for suicide you are certainly prepared for inpatient. Take that plan/surrender energy and give them a call before business hours end today. The option to kill yourself will always be there, so don't be in a rush.
If you were in the Midwest I'd offer my couch + kitchen for a few weeks. Props to you for getting through the winters.
I used to cut myself, before I started doing meth. It won’t make the world any less cruel.
I used to cut myself when I was a teenager, didn't see a way out. All my mental health problems went away once I cut off family, even though I was struggling to make rent and stay fed. I had no idea that's what I needed until I did it. It's end of capitalism shit, right? It was easier for me to imagine suicide than a better life. Maybe you need rehab "vacation" and hormones, maybe you need a $70 plane ticket to anywhere. It can only be confirmed by trying shit out. If you're thinking about suicide, turn your life upside down first and see if it sticks. Everything is on the table! The worst that can happen is you kill yourself on some beach in the Bahamas instead of here. Really fuck up some tourists' day. But I hope you're able to find a safe harbor from the world so we can fight for a better one.