this post was submitted on 09 May 2024
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The Onion

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The Onion

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[–] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 60 points 4 months ago

This one is a certified banger. I am really jealous of the baby.

[–] TacticsConsort@yiffit.net 38 points 4 months ago (1 children)

SATIRE! ONION NO IT'S MEANT TO BE SATIRE!

[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago

What is satire, if not the truth turned up to 11?

[–] Fixbeat@lemmy.ml 24 points 4 months ago

How can we shape its young minds without the ads? Maybe a little tv would save this baby.

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 18 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

"This incubator mattress pad is brought to you by Casper mattresses. Casper mattresses was one of the earliest direct-to-consumer mattresses for new borns. They disrupted the traditional mattress purchasing process by offering online selling. They sell just one model, which means there’s no decision paralysis while shopping. With a 100-day return policy, a compact package, and no need to go to a showroom, there is plenty of incentive to try them out."

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

We make picking a mattress so easy it'll make you fall asleep!

[–] mydoomlessaccount@infosec.pub 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Every ad I had to close out of while trying to read this only drove the point home further..

[–] irreticent@lemmy.world 9 points 4 months ago

uBlock Origin. It will change the way you look at the internet.

[–] ChillPenguin@lemmy.world 9 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

At press time, reports confirmed the baby’s 17 days of serenity had been cut short after the walls and roof of her incubator had been sold as ad space.

Honestly, the onion is just too good. Pure gold.

[–] xantoxis@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It's not even true. If there's a medical product in eyeshot, they'll be seeing its logos

[–] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago

Babies can't see for shit when they're just born. Maybe the pampers logo in their diaper, but even that's a stretch.

[–] NounsAndWords@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago

They offer all sorts of formula samples at the hospital, so I think even that is a stretch...