this post was submitted on 02 Jun 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Happy Pride Month! πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ

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[–] Dasnap@lemmy.world 68 points 5 months ago (5 children)

Can anyone recommend a good cock for beginners?

[–] Red0ctober@lemmy.world 39 points 5 months ago

How about mine?

For packing or inserting?

[–] fiercekitten@lemm.ee 10 points 5 months ago

Get the "Cocks for Dummies" book. It's fantastic and includes a starter cock.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 7 points 5 months ago

I find it's best to start with a small starter cock, such as the Little Richard.

[–] Hexarei@programming.dev 4 points 5 months ago

Your mom's lol

[–] Ranvier@sopuli.xyz 54 points 5 months ago (3 children)

I know it's a shit post, but for anyone not aware the FBI used to assist in the persecution of lgbt people and engage in all sorts of surveillance including infiltrating lgbt rights organizations.

https://www.vice.com/en/article/xg8dzn/-the-fbi-secretly-tracked-gay-activists-in-the-60s

https://outhistory.org/exhibits/show/fbi-history/2010-2019

So it's not only a shit post, but a shit post pointing out some very important recent history.

[–] return2ozma@lemmy.world 10 points 5 months ago

Thank you for sharing.

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

A reminder that we need to take privacy seriously.

[–] beefbot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 5 months ago

James Webb was on the same side as the persecutors. How many NASA careers got cut short because of him?

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 44 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Its true, I spent many nights undercover in gay bars, trying to identify homosexual men by whether or not they moaned when I sucked their dicks in the bathroom stall.

[–] Sculptor9157@sh.itjust.works 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 1 points 5 months ago

Ah geez, better get back to it.

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 37 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Jokes on you, I'm a sovereign citizen

[–] zero_spelled_with_an_ecks@programming.dev 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Send the FBI a straight coupon that says you can pay in no-homo blowjobs and see how that goes.

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

I don't recognise the fbi as an entity something, something maritime law

[–] wavebeam@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago

β€œYou’re a crook Captain Hook Judge won’t you throw the book At the PIRAAAATE…”

[–] KISSmyOSFeddit@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

But maritime law is where the mandatory gayness comes from. Haven't you ever seen the Navy?

[–] snake_case_lover@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Mr. electric send him to the principals office and have him expelled!

[–] EffortlessEffluvium@lemm.ee 23 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Flirty Bisexual Interrogations

[–] jol@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 5 months ago

Fisting-Brunch Intersectionalities

[–] Veedem@lemmy.world 20 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Heard it on News Max. Must be true.

[–] name_NULL111653@pawb.social 9 points 5 months ago

"Real news for real people!" Yeah totally...

ΠŸΡ€Π°Π²Π΄Π°...

[–] Marketsupreme@lemm.ee 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] jobby 3 points 5 months ago

Maximum Nudes (men)

[–] AFC1886VCC@reddthat.com 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The sad thing is, some people really believe this.

Oh wait, no they don't. They're just waging a culture war on the LGBTQ+ community by making things up like the "gay agenda".

[–] return2ozma@lemmy.world 15 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The gay agenda is playing the latest video games, surviving work, and eating Taco Bell.

[–] Croquette@sh.itjust.works 8 points 5 months ago

A bunch of freaks.

[–] kayos@lemmy.world 17 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

Do I go straight to gay jail or straight to straight jail?

[–] tjsauce@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago (1 children)

You go gay to straight jail, obviously!

[–] lugal@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

If they are gay, they go to no jail at all

[–] boatsnhos931@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

All jails are gay, nothing to worry about

[–] TxzK@lemmy.zip 9 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Jokes on you. I'm bisexual

[–] ssm@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 5 months ago

does that mean you're going to half-jail? maybe community service?

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Don't take this lightly, friends. I was already rounded up by the LGBTQ-agenda and dragged to Quantico for questioning by drag queens and people who identified as cats. There was literally a litter box in the corner of the interrogation room. A bit awkward, really.

Then they beat me up and made me kiss men while they oiled me up for a sensual massage. The horrors!

I finally ratted on a few friends who are straight and they let me go so long as I promised to suck dick from now on. It's gonna be tough telling my partner she has to move out eleven months of the year, but I can't go back. My apt is now painted in rainbows for safety. Surely, they won't black-bag me and disappear me when they see that, right? Can night vision goggles make out the colors of the rainbow? They can't? Oh, shit…

^^ This was all /s, of course.

Happy pride month, everybody! Let's throw it in their bigoted faces.

[–] jol@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 5 months ago

Listen, the cat people, they are not with us. I mean, it's not as bad and when they try to push pedophiles into our group, sure. The cat people are mostly harmless. But still, I must stress, the cat-identifying people are not allowed in the alphabet.

[–] Rustmilian@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Do asexuals go to jail? Or do we get an honorary a gay card?

[–] photonic_sorcerer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It's only illegal to be straight, so the aces should be fine.

[–] Resol@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

I guess I'm fine then (an aroace)

[–] MewtwoLikesMemes@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Well I'm not gay, but I am pan, though. Do I count or should I go turn myself in?

[–] return2ozma@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

You're one of us. You're safe

[–] MewtwoLikesMemes@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yay! I'm a part of something! :D

[–] Holzkohlen@feddit.de 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Gooble Gobble We accept them!

[–] MewtwoLikesMemes@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

Gooble Gobble

?

[–] boatsnhos931@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Well I mean..a mouth is a mouth, right?!

[–] SPRUNT@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

Everyone is beautiful in the dark.

[–] downhomechunk@midwest.social 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I dreamt about blowing a guy once when I was a teenager. Does that qualify me as a gay?

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[–] EatATaco@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I used to be straight but now im gay I think that law made me this way.

https://g.co/kgs/dJqwkta

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