If marriage isn't annoying your spouse with your nonsense on a daily basis then I dont know what marriage is.
this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2024
1227 points (98.9% liked)
Funny: Home of the Haha
5623 readers
739 users here now
Welcome to /c/funny, a place for all your humorous and amusing content.
Looking for mods! Send an application to Stamets!
Our Rules:
-
Keep it civil. We're all people here. Be respectful to one another.
-
No sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia or any other flavor of bigotry. I should not need to explain this one.
-
Try not to repost anything posted within the past month. Beyond that, go for it. Not everyone is on every site all the time.
Other Communities:
-
/c/TenForward@lemmy.world - Star Trek chat, memes and shitposts
-
/c/Memes@lemmy.world - General memes
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
My wife is nearly annoy proof. If I texted that, she would get all warm and fuzzy.
Sounds like your wife is keeping the Live, Laugh, Love pillow manufacturers in business.
“Why fit in when you’re born to stand out?”
Baaaaaaby ruuuuuuuth~~~
It doesn't matter what comes, fresh goes better in life!
I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight!
Hot dogs. Armor hot dogs!
Have you tried removing the toilet seat 1 hour after your wife goes to bed, so that when she gets up to pee at 2am and doesn't turn on the light, she falls in?
Then you burst in, snap a pic, and upload it to your instagram with the caption "I keep the bitches pussy wet!"
Maybe THAT will annoy her?
load more comments
(1 replies)
I literally promised an eye-roll per day in my vows. Can't stop, won't stop.
(Holiday inn)
Texting my spouse in another country with random nonsense, even though with our data plan, it's $0.10 a text.
Can't you use something like Telegram/Signal/WhatsApp and avoid the charges?
Signal. Whatsapp maybe. But Telegram isn't even encrypted e2e. Never Telegram.
Wait.. whaat ?? There are actual people who knowingly prefer WhatsApp to telegram ? I truly prefer telegram to WhatsApp, and am very surprised about this. To me WhatsApp = Facebook and I cannot fathom to use it if I can avoid it.
load more comments
(2 replies)
load more comments
(3 replies)
I should have married you instead of my wife. She’s just not that into it…
load more comments
(1 replies)
"Go with the flow."
Divorce noises.
Menstruation jokes aren't funny. Period.
Imagine saying to your period:
"Be unstoppable!"
I was thinking the same thing. “Unstoppable” is not a trait you’d want to impart to your period.
For maximum effect, save "walk like a champion!" until she's rushing to the bathroom.
Is "be unstoppable" really a quote you want on something that stops something?
Some periods ARE unstoppable. "Anemia" achievement unlocked!
Omg the days I've had super plus tampons, PLUS pads, and they'd be soaked within hours 😭 thank god for birth control
I hope doctors don’t say this anymore, but it used to be common for them to suggest having a kid if you had heavy periods and no kids. On top of that being an insane reason to have a child, wtf are you gonna do if it doesn’t work?? Now you have heavy periods and a small child.
"How's mommy's little prescription today?"
I mean, it's free labor for small tasks. You ask a 2 year old to bring you a beer from the fridge, it's like a game to them! Just stock the beer on the bottom shelf so it's easily accessable to children. I mean, what were you going to use your crisper for anyways? Vegitables??? Pssshhhh!!!!!
load more comments
(1 replies)
This is a very brave person
This is great. She’s got a keeper there.
Do you just siphon through old , like decades old, posts from reddit or whatever? I mean I want to participate I just don’t know how far back into pre-history
Now you’re getting into old man shouts at clouds territory
My litmus test is essentially whether I've seen it before or not, even if it looks like it could be old. If it made me laugh, I'll give it a shot and see if Lemmy enjoys it too.
load more comments
(1 replies)
his dick needs a tampon costume
Thank you kind stranger, now where the fuck can I buy one?
I'll save anyone else a click, even Etsy doesn't have anything even close to a tampon costume for a penis. That link does, however, somehow have a The "Rings of Saturn" Butthole in the search results, so... yeah.
I will be laughing at this one all day🤣
view more: next ›