this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2024
207 points (94.4% liked)

Greentext

3987 readers
1724 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 11 months ago
MODERATORS
 
top 32 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] CeruleanRuin@lemmings.world 83 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

If you use language like "beta" unironically, you may already be a beta.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 8 points 2 weeks ago

Beta status exists in a quantum superposition until someone watches Joe Rogan unironically and it collapses into their nuts.

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 68 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

The full Tate Maneuver requires blackmail. Your first mistake was not getting the dirt on her, beta cuck OOP.

[–] anothercatgirl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 28 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

What kind of insult is Object Oriented Programmer??

[–] LostXOR@fedia.io 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Everyone knows functional programming is the only real programming.

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 8 points 2 weeks ago

OOP is for betas

But also alphas, and full releases

[–] TheKMAP@lemmynsfw.com 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Original Poster: person who submitted this to Lemmy

Original Original Poster: person who submitted the story to 4chan

[–] CeruleanRuin@lemmings.world 12 points 2 weeks ago

Because of the implication.

[–] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 42 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

The only solution to get out of this is to pretend to be flamboyant and treat it like you use that phase everywhere.

"This chocolate is so good let's have sex" and "thank you for these extra napkins we should have sex". Say it everywhere. To mailmen. To your boss. To dogs.

Make everything about sex.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

The boss is surprisingly down to fuck. He even has condoms and lube in his office drawer.

[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 31 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

she says: what

Chicken butt.

[–] WordBox@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Master@lemm.ee 9 points 2 weeks ago

Chicken thigh!

[–] superduperpirate@lemmy.world 25 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Any idea what show or movie this screenshot is from? Pretty sure that’s Carrie Coon but I don’t recognize the context.

[–] Davel23@fedia.io 24 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Possibly Fargo, there's a scene where she's clumsily hit on by a colleague.

Edit: Just checked, Fargo season 3 episode 3.

[–] booly@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah she travels to LA to figure out some stuff that happened in the past, and another cop (played by Rob McElhenny, most famous for playing Mac on It's Always Sunny) is super helpful and showing her around and eventually loses his patience and just asks point blank whether they're going to have sex. Confirming that he was just being nice in the hopes of being able to bang.

[–] saltesc@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

Anon is a professional photographer and this is a sly phone pic.

[–] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 20 points 2 weeks ago

You assert dominance by tearing your shirt off, jumping on a table and hooting while beating your chest.

[–] grue@lemmy.world 17 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

It's too bad these incels can't get Groundhog Day'd until they learn to be decent people.

[–] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 12 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Whoever makes a simulator that converts incels to healthy well-adjusted men successfully is going to be a millionaire.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

DO

NOT

PUT

INCELS

IN

A

TIMELOOP

WITHOUT

CONSEQUENCES

[–] grue@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

On one hand, good point, that's kinda horrifying now that you mention it. 😬

On the other hand, wouldn't "without consequences" mean "without consequences?"

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

That depends on a whole lot more existential philosophy than I care to type about on a phone, but I guess you can just ask yourself if it's a crime against your moral authority of choice if no one remembers it.

[–] sirico@feddit.uk 9 points 2 weeks ago

They choose what, please provide

[–] NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 7 points 2 weeks ago

"What country are you from?"

[–] QuentinCallaghan@sopuli.xyz 6 points 2 weeks ago

"Back to the drawing board."

[–] ChonkyOwlbear@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

"Cool. Got a hit friend you can hook me up with?"

[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 weeks ago

ive heard of hitmen, what are hit friends? what do they do? where do they live? I NEED ANSWERS!!

[–] niktemadur@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I SAID your dishwasher makes a lot of noise!
Want me to take a look at it?

[–] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Fake: anon asks for sex

Gay: anon gets pegged

[–] whoisearth@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 weeks ago

"you heard what I said" lol