this post was submitted on 04 Sep 2024
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inb4 "if it's legal it's not a crime"

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[–] demesisx@infosec.pub 31 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I’d go rob the people that made my entire 20’s and 30’s into indentured student loan servitude for exactly the dollar figure they stole from me plus the insane interest that they tacked onto it because they owned politicians who eliminated all avenues that I could’ve used to get out of that contract.

The figure they stole from me: $197,355.49

[–] 0_0j@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Quick question: How does it reach this figure?

[–] demesisx@infosec.pub 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

It was the CitiAssist.

It had to be a private student loan because my parents made slightly over the max to qualify to public loans even though they refused to pay for school. That left me with loans with insane interest rates. Most of what I had to borrow was to cover $150k to pay rent in the college town I lived in while attending school.

Then, Joe Biden wrote the bankruptcy protection bill, making it impossible for students to disburse their student loans in bankruptcy two years after I graduated. They also refused to allow me to consolidate 8 loans which all had monthly payments that were each intentionally calculated as if it was the only loan I had to pay. Then my loans got bought and moved around and are now owned by Trellis. There’s a lot more to it as well. Housing and healthcare plays a HUGE part.

TLDR; hyper-commodification of basic human needs like education, housing, healthcare, and food coupled with legislation that sentences those that can’t pay their feudal lord up front to a lifetime of serfdom. (Not to mention my union wages barely keeping pace with inflation).

[–] fishpen0@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

I had a loan like this one. Probably a plus loan. For a while the rates for plus loans eclipsed 8% and plus loans accrue interest while you are in school. So if you don’t know what you’re doing, you can take on 4 years of interest before you even start paying. Turns a $20k loan into a $30k loan before you even graduate. Plus loans recapitalize interest whenever they come out of deferral so you actually pay interest on the interest as well. So by the time you pay the loan off that is then $41k in total payments for what was originally a 20k loan

Do this 4 times for each year of undergrad and you’ll have 164000 in total loan payments over your lifetime.

Plus loans are a government backed scam to fuck over poor kids who can’t front the cash for what the federal aid program covers. My base grants were only ~40k over 4 years and my federal unsubsidized and subsidized loans only were ~24k over 4 years.

Meanwhile the prestigious university I was accepted to charged 24k per semester. So I had 64k of aid and low interest loans to pay a tuition of 192k. After my work study added an additional 20k/yr I was still short 48k and poof there the plus loans were to “help” me.

[–] PrettyFlyForAFatGuy@feddit.uk 29 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I know of an exploit on a horribly designed website for a national car park company that would allow me to write a script that would effectively give me and anyone else i know free parking for ever for all car parks administered by this company in the country (which is a lot of car parks).

So i'd do that

[–] Corngood@lemmy.ml 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I love that you have a very specific and arguably moral crime in mind, and it inspired this post.

[–] PrettyFlyForAFatGuy@feddit.uk 9 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

tbh, i was inspired by a post with the same title while lurking on reddit. i have a rule about not posting there though so i bought the conversation here

[–] MisterNeon@lemmy.world 27 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I'd go to the art museum and consume copious amounts of hallucinogens.

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I did that at the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam

[–] PrettyFlyForAFatGuy@feddit.uk 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

i got baked in vondelpark before going there

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[–] MisterNeon@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Great museum, I saw the "Potato Eaters" there.

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[–] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 24 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

~~Illegal~~ Legal immigration.

[–] PrettyFlyForAFatGuy@feddit.uk 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I didn't even think of that. i could apply for US and EU passports

[–] hagelslager@feddit.nl 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Why'd you go for a US passport considering their globally reaching tax laws?

[–] andrewta@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Why do so many every single year go for us passports and us citizenship?

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[–] Nemo@midwest.social 24 points 2 weeks ago

The law does not currently prevent me from doing anything I want to do.

[–] lattrommi@lemmy.ml 23 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Crime means breaking the law, correct?

No location is named, so I will assume this refers the laws of physics and reality.

I would:

  • expand time so that it lasts a near infinite duration, contained entirely within this day of no crime
  • transmute a bunch of the rocks in my apartment into gold
  • alter my DNA to include working wings like a bat, a prehensile tail like a monkey, gills like a salamander, enviromental adaptability like a chameleon that's selective so I can hide these enhancements from others
  • one more enhancement related to a very specific part of the anatomy of a horse or blue whale, or whatever it is people want these days
  • remove all genetic defects of my body, like susceptability to cancer and addictions, grant it full immunity to diseases, put it into a perfect equilibrium with near instantaneous regeneration and longevity and thus allowing my life to last as long as I desire
  • create a star from nothing and collapse it in a way that stores all of its energy into a pocket sized battery with perfect functionality and adaptability that is nearly indestructable
  • hold hands with two chicks at the same time

It's fun to dream of the impossible.

[–] SteposVenzny@beehaw.org 18 points 2 weeks ago

I keep my head down. No legal consequences isn’t the same thing as no consequences.

[–] HubertManne@moist.catsweat.com 16 points 2 weeks ago

if I still had my last dog then walk her without a leash.

[–] Hegar@fedia.io 15 points 2 weeks ago

I'm a renter, so I'd throw a brick through each window of my property manager's tesla.

[–] Chainweasel@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Jaywalk then torrent a movie.

[–] PrettyFlyForAFatGuy@feddit.uk 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It's crazy that you guys in the US can get a ticket for crossing the road

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 week ago

Freedommm!!

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[–] Zerlyna@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

Rob Fort Knox.

Rip the toupee off trumps head and get a good picture.

[–] PrettyFlyForAFatGuy@feddit.uk 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

you still gotta deal with security though remember

[–] 667@lemmy.radio 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

But security be off committing their own crimes…

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[–] saigot@lemmy.ca 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Assuming we got some time beforehand to prep, blow up a pipeline or 7

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[–] Jourei@lemm.ee 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Man, I gotta brew something up in case a Crime Day comes up.

I'd like to do some proper money laundering but I'd need dirty money first. Idk, if skill wasn't an issue, I'd hack the bank and erase my debt? No, make the bank owe ME.

[–] oxjox@lemmy.ml 6 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

You're thinking small fries...

Rob Elon Musk.

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[–] PrettyFlyForAFatGuy@feddit.uk 3 points 2 weeks ago

it might be legal but you still have to deal with security

[–] HelixDab2@lemm.ee 6 points 1 week ago

Nuke the world.

That's not murder; it's a war crime.

[–] BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz 5 points 2 weeks ago

> Tries to rob a bank

> gets shot

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Go shoplift anything I want. Snack/trinket party!

[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Banksssss! Rob banks! Then use that money to buy snacks forever!

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[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I’d torture the shit it out of the parasite sack of shit that is my landlord

[–] _lilith@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago
[–] Cysioland@lemmygrad.ml 4 points 1 week ago

Transmitting radio without a license

[–] Xiisadaddy@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I would steal a single nuclear icbm and take it to a pizza hut and just leave it there. Just seems like it would cause some interesting conversations.

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[–] SexMachineStalin@hexbear.net 3 points 2 weeks ago

Help myself to around €200,000 worth of now-free iPhones from the warehouse

[–] anonochronomus@hexbear.net 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This is 100% fed posting. I'm not telling you what I got up my sleeve!

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[–] Kwakigra@beehaw.org 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It the best day of the year to get rich from the imaginary economy of assets. Set a bot to match the trades of some people who will be insider trading and cash in every year.

[–] B0rax@feddit.org 4 points 1 week ago (4 children)

I don’t think that is illegal now. As you are technically not an insider

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[–] Im_old@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

Nice try mr. Copper! 😝

[–] MissJinx@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I would rob some things I want. Not the money, only the the stuff hahahahaha

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