this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2024
769 points (98.5% liked)

The Onion

4698 readers
870 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] cybervseas@lemmy.world 62 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (3 children)

Don't give them ideas, HT…

His brother already shared that his "big story" was no one wanted to sit next to Tim on road trips as a child because he used to get car sick.

[–] mipadaitu@lemmy.world 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] cybervseas@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

Edited. Thanks!

[–] doctortran@lemm.ee 9 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Is that real? That legitimately sounds like an Onion article itself.

[–] cybervseas@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/jeff-walz-tim-walz-brother-carsickness_n_66d8ae04e4b09a3ee66d3568

Walz had implied in his Facebook posts that he had stories suggesting that his younger brother isn’t “the type of character you want making decisions about your future.” But in the segment Wednesday, he admitted to NewsNation that he didn’t have any political bombshells ― just some stomach-turning anecdotes.

“Nobody wanted to sit with him, because he had car sickness and would always throw up on us, that sort of thing,” Walz said. “There’s really nothing else hidden behind there. People are assuming something else. There’s other stories like that, but I think that probably gives you the gist of it.”

[–] doctortran@lemm.ee 3 points 3 months ago

What a weird thing to talk about out loud. That feels like a joke you'd make at Thanksgiving, not publicly in the middle of a vice presidential campaign.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago

It’s real. Surprised that didn’t make it to nottheonion right away. Maybe I missed it.

I knew it! Tim Waltz, you're going down.

[–] ech@lemm.ee 47 points 3 months ago (10 children)

"Bag toss" lol

Satire site doesn't wanna say cornhole?

[–] SomeoneSomewhere@lemmy.nz 65 points 3 months ago (1 children)

However, the governor will not be apologizing for calling it ‘bags’ instead of ‘cornhole.’”

[–] ech@lemm.ee 15 points 3 months ago

Lol, fair. Didn't click through to read it.

[–] Poot@discuss.tchncs.de 48 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I'm a gay northerner who moved to Georgia many years ago. When one of my co-workers said he was going to go play cornhole with his buddies, I asked if I could come too.

Needless to say, I was terribly disappointed.

[–] bitchkat@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I've always thought corn hole was receiving unlubricated anal sex. Is that correct?

[–] Poot@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 3 months ago

My neck of the woods it was used to refer to m2m anal, don't know about the "unlubed" bit.

[–] doctortran@lemm.ee 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Disappointed because lack of butt stuff, or because cornhole is a really boring game?

I'd believe either.

[–] Poot@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 3 months ago

Lol... Or both :)

[–] ganksy@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

My wife calls it 'bags'. Hung my head low the day I found out.

[–] SolarMonkey@slrpnk.net 2 points 3 months ago

I was 35 before I heard it called anything but bags. I only found out it’s called cornhole (because I guess the bags used to be filled with corn?) because I was at a bar, and it was on. On ESPN. That’s also the day I learned ESPN will show just about anything that can be classified as a sport or game when there aren’t major sports events going on.

I laughed for a solid several minutes about it. (Thankfully I was not by myself or I’d have looked like a nutter)

[–] ZeroCool@slrpnk.net 8 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

It’s addressed in the article but the game has several regional names. Cornhole is one of them.

[–] Drusas@fedia.io 5 points 3 months ago

We all just called it "beanbag toss" when I was a kid, but now people from the area have switched to calling it cornhole.

[–] Bakkoda@sh.itjust.works 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Saying pop vs soda can get you killed in some places. This ain't shit.

[–] bitchkat@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Soda weirdos are the ones calling it bags.

[–] ensoniqthehedgehog@lemm.ee 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The word "soda" comes from the sodium salts in carbonated water, which reduce the liquid's acidity. The word may also come from the Italian word suwwād, which refers to a saltwort that can be used to obtain sodium carbonate. The first known use of the word "soda" was in 1558.

The term "pop" was first used in the early 19th century as a colloquial term for fizzy drinks. The earliest known use of the word was in 1812, when poet Robert Southey wrote in a letter that a new drink was "called pop, because 'pop goes the cork' when it is drawn". The term "soda pop" was later combined from the words "pop" and "soda" in 1863.

I mean soda was around to refer to a carbonated beverage hundreds of years before pop came into use. Plus pop is one of those confusing English language words that can mean a few different things (dad, loud-noise, carbonated-beverage, punch, arrive, etc.). You do you though. And keep thinking anybody who does things differently than you is weird. That's healthy.

[–] Disgracefulone@discuss.online 2 points 3 months ago

You may have taken this too seriously. Friendly got-your-back-reminder.

[–] Default_Defect@midwest.social 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

My mom's 100% rural redneck boyfriend is an avid "bags" player and calls soda "pop" as well as calling dinner "supper" and any dish he isn't familiar with is a "casserole"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] doctortran@lemm.ee 2 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I called it pop when I was a kid, then I grew up. I don't call it soda though. Now I just call it whatever is actually in the can.

[–] Grimy@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I always play it safe and call it gassy sugar juice

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] cybervseas@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

"bag toss" also sounds kind of dirty to me

[–] ech@lemm.ee 4 points 3 months ago

Hah, kinda.

[–] blusterydayve26@midwest.social 4 points 3 months ago

Fake midwesterners!

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

to be fair, unless you're using corn cobs it ain't really cornhole

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago

Growing up in the midwest, we always called it “bean bag toss.” I remember someone calling it “bean bag golf.” shrug

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] DirkMcCallahan@lemmy.world 40 points 3 months ago

I saw the headline, and I automatically assumed that this was an actual "scandal" that Fox News was cooking up.

[–] Burn_The_Right@lemmy.world 35 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

It took me way too many bites of this onion to realize what I was eating. Well done.

Conservatism has become identical to parodies of conservatism.

[–] DancingBear@midwest.social 4 points 3 months ago

I got to family bbq and I was like what, why does this even matter…. Yes. Nice job onion

[–] jeff@programming.dev 33 points 3 months ago

Now I finally understand the "both sides are the same" folks

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 25 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Such a scandal! He must step down now! There can be no compromise on ethics for Democratic candidates!

[–] drolex@sopuli.xyz 14 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

He inflated the score by 2 points only. What a loser. Well he won, but you know what I mean. Don would have inflated the score by 145 points. He's the best inflater, nobody inflates like he does. He has inflated so much that he had the biggest inflation ever. Ah fuck, you know what I mean.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 23 points 3 months ago

And Harris still chose him! They are trying to cover up #cornholegate

/S

[–] DarkDarkHouse@lemmy.sdf.org 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Tim Walz inflated the score of the other team because they weren’t doing so well.

[–] chetradley@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] Nfamwap@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

ParTiCIpaTIOn mEdALS!

[–] circuitfarmer@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 3 months ago

I can see it now. Years into the future, a weird Republican coalition in Congress: "But his bag toss!" "Where's Tim's real score?"

As the country burns.

[–] BigMacHole@lemm.ee 8 points 3 months ago

I'm a Republican that does their Own Research and this article PROVES Tim Walz is a HORRIBLE Person and only TRUMP who had an affair while his Wife was Pregnant is Fit to Lead the Country!

Mother fucker won't get away with this!

[–] dQw4w9WgXcQ@lemm.ee 6 points 3 months ago

Next you're gonna tell me the fish he caught on a fishing trip in '99 was slightly smaller than he described. Outrageous.

[–] nexguy@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

The Onion is fake news! It wasn't Walter Mondale who did the photo op in the tank. It was Michael Dukakis. FAKE NEWS

[–] abbadon420@lemm.ee 5 points 3 months ago

That's it! I'm voting Trump. Where do I register as a Dutch citizen?

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

In other words doing dad stuff. Sounds like the "opposition" is against fatherhood now

[–] Rakonat@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago

Well that settles it, I'm voting for the Buff.

load more comments
view more: next ›