this post was submitted on 01 Oct 2024
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Mr. Evrart is helping me find my gun.
Wait, are the docks in Seattle going on strike? 
Wrong half of the country
Meanwhile in various Seattle public restrooms:
(photo is from a washington dc news story)
Well I certainly don't have them 
Where did they go?
23andme
Imagining one Chief Wiggum-esque cop losing all 23
Cue montage:
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Chasing a suspect over a chain link fence, drops gun as he climbs over the top, while hesitating on whether or not to continue the pursuit, a stray dog picks it up in it's mouth and runs away
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Peeing in the bushes during a stakeout, pants around ankles. Suddenly called to action, he tries to spring into a sprint, falls on his face because pants are around ankles. He tries again this time with both hands pullin up his pants as he does an awkward high knee jog, camera pans back to gun just on the ground, forgotten
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On top of a washing machine at a laundromat. Oblivious cop wearing nothing but white boxers with red love hearts, as if he literally had no other clean clothes in his possession fails to notice the gun inching away from him due to the vibration of the machine, it falls into the gap between machine and the wall
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Pickpocketed by a monkey at the zoo
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Duct taped to a white singlet, Die Hard style, but the singlet is in a dead mall's lost and found
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At a wishing well, cop with a coin in one hand and the gun in the other throws the gun into the well
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Pickpocketed by a second, different monkey at the same zoo later that day while hiding behind cover as gunshots, people screaming and monkey cries are heard in the background
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Left on top of the squad car, slides off as he turns a corner
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Under the seat of a shitty old car, camera cuts to the exterior as it's crushed into a cube
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Inexplicably inside a vending machine in between snacks and candy bars
The article is acting like they were stolen by crime gangs but i guarantee you they all got taken by pigs
You think if I asked nicely they'd give me a gun?
Talking about that stray dog strut