this post was submitted on 11 Oct 2024
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There is an officially licensed, life-sized FF7R Tifa "Collectible Figure" (hexbear.net)
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by doublepepperoni@hexbear.net to c/games@hexbear.net
NSFW 43 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Are the otakus okay???

This showed up in my YT feed and it was too cursed not to share. What gets me is that this is an officially licensed, SquareEnix-approved product what-the-hell

It's seemingly made by one of those Chinese companies that make incredibly realistic and expensive action figures for rich nerds so it's technically not a RealDoll but there's probably a reason why its life-sized and why they chose the HoneyBee Inn outfit

Imagine visiting someone's house and seeing this thing on their couch

spoilerAlso imagine what it'll look like in 20 years once the silicone starts to degrade

all 44 comments
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[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 29 points 1 month ago (1 children)

God that's creepy

[–] Ram_The_Manparts@hexbear.net 13 points 1 month ago

Folks, we do not love to see it

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

the only reason to have a sex doll is to leave them in funny places like sitting at a library reading a book

[–] Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

Bit idea: we put Lyudmila Pavlichenko dolls on rooftops above Trump rallies.

[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 24 points 1 month ago

friend-visitor-3

[–] Ram_The_Manparts@hexbear.net 22 points 1 month ago

limmy-what

[–] lemmyseizethemeans@lemmygrad.ml 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sucks to be lonely

[–] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 25 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Being lonely doesn't mean someone is a bad person.

Spending that much money on a life-sized hornified uncanny-valley-delving Tifa waifu doll in the horniest possible outfit that Squenix dares to license might extend and worsen a person's loneliness, however.

[–] lemmyseizethemeans@lemmygrad.ml 17 points 1 month ago

This is a product created for the loneliest of the lonely. I had a pal in Tokyo who I met playing left for dead off himself because he was so lonely. It really fucks people up

[–] doublepepperoni@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

What I've never managed to stop thinking about with these life-sized doll things is how much they must just seem like dead bodies, in form and function

If you had to move house with this thing you would need to make the exact same considerations as a killer moving a corpse

[–] DamarcusArt@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 1 month ago

Nah, a killer can chop up a corpse for easier transport. That voids the warranty on these things.

[–] Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

They'll make a life-size waifu doll but won't give me a life-size metal king slime made from platinum smh

[–] DamarcusArt@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 1 month ago

You'd get way too much experience that way and be way too dangerous.

[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

The spread leg logo disgost

[–] vegeta1@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Comment on video "real women might be in trouble" Sir...... I assure you they'll be just fine

[–] CheesyFox@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 1 month ago

i mean... Not just not in trouble, they'll be less likely to find a prick that objectifies them... So... Seems like a win-win i guess?

[–] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 13 points 1 month ago

Glad to see they finally hired fans on this one

[–] hypercracker@hexbear.net 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Het cis male sex toy shaming discourse go

[–] doublepepperoni@hexbear.net 20 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

This isn't a sex toy though, which somehow makes it even weirder

Even if it was, I'd argue life-sized silicone dolls that cost thousands of dollars aren't the direct equivalent of a dildo or whatever. There's much more discreet and infinitely less creepy options for dudes looking to get their rocks off that you don't need to hide like a corpse when your mom comes over

[–] hypercracker@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

It is a sex toy. It contains sex toy anatomy.

I personally think it's creepy since I have the same reaction to it that I would to a corpse but if you know anybody in the BDSM community they have waaaaay more elaborate sex-related things in their house than this.

[–] doublepepperoni@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

It is a sex toy. It contains sex toy anatomy.

It does?! It absolutely blows my mind a company like SquareEnix would approve a fucking RealDoll with the likeness of one of their most recognisable female characters

[–] tombruzzo@hexbear.net 13 points 1 month ago

This came up in my YouTube feed too. What does that say about us?

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I've actually thought about this and I wouldn't mind a job making sex dolls for nerds. idk I just view them as any other sex toy shrug-outta-hecks

[–] Hestia@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sex toys should be discrete IMO...

And less... human

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I've gone back and forth on this in my head, on the one hand yeah it's weird and creepy and objectifying but on the other if we're not going to stick sexless men in camps or kill them a good option is to allow them a release, there's been dudes through the years that have actually straight up marry these things and have romantic relationships in the case of Davecat (google him). idk it feels harmless compared to say like sex work which is actually pretty dangerous.

[–] bane_killgrind@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 month ago

google him

Too ominous try again

[–] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

What if recognizable and even iconic character from a very well known video game, now as a conspicuously life-size and officially licensed uncanny-valley-provoking mannequin with most of the character's actual features as an adventurer that punches monsters until they fwoosh away removed in favor of otaku pandering sex doll characteristics?

awooga an-tifa over-your-head brrrrrrrrrrrr

Squenix is only barely kept afloat because of FFXIV in most recent years, and between NFT grifts and "live service" gambits, this kind of pandering trash is par for the course.

Oh, of fucking course Squenix also licensed the sale of less-directly-horny-but-arguably-even-creepier dolls of the two youngest members of FFXIV's band of main characters... minus any signs of maturity they may have picked up in the course of the game after like a decade, which is even more glaringly anachronistic because of the presented costume choices that line up with what the characters wear in recent expansions. libertarian-alert

https://na.finalfantasyxiv.com/lodestone/topics/detail/17e21f995da5e42a4440804e75ccd8cbe23135c0

We are pleased to announce our second collaboration with high-end doll makers Volks, which marks Alphinaud and Alisaie's debut in the Dollfie Dream series!

Under the supervision of FFXIV Lead Character Concept Artist Ayumi Namae, the materials of the twins' outfits were handpicked to enhance their elegant silhouettes, along with their intricate weaponry and accessories replicated in exceptional finesse. Wouldn't the prudent Alphinaud and vigorous Alisaie make a lovely addition to your home?

libertarian-alert libertarian-alert

[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

enhance their elegant silhouettes volcel-judge

[–] Hestia@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago

I Googled their age (16) which is considered of age in Sharlayan society

what-the-hell

[–] vegeta1@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

Whatthehellisthatandwhydoesthatexistwhydoweexistnoooooooooooooo

[–] Dolores@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

something very uncanny about it in that lighting, if the person taping wasn't physically fiddling with it i'd have thought it was a render

but looking it up it seems to actually be a sex doll, there's "Voice Dialogue: 18 Voice Control/Dialogue Touch Sensing: Touch Sensitive Area Can Sound Intelligent Voice: Three Character Modes [Girl (Chinese), Mature Woman (Chinese), European and American Women (English)]" and it has a metal frame like one.

i'm kind of fascinated, i wonder if these sorts of things can balance on their own

[–] doublepepperoni@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I just checked the link and saw more normal expensive collectibles like an 1/6 scale Anakin Skywalker figure with an incredible likeness of Hayden Christensen and assumed they didn't sell sex toys

I'm just flabbergasted a company as conscious of their brand and image as SquareEnix would approve a cursed product like this. The same company that currently has gamers in an uproar over slightly covering up female characters in the upcoming Dragon Quest remasters is also okay with turning one of their most iconic female characters into a sex doll homunculus

[–] Dolores@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

i can't find any information about 'juicy made studio' besides literally this product, i'm not sure this is a real partnership with the studio, seems kind of grey market. there's apparently a bit of a market in sexed IP-figurines & dolls that directly reference the content while clearly being unauthorized. but it's presumably niche & hard to crack down on

[–] doublepepperoni@hexbear.net 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I guess I was tripped up by the "Collectible Figure" branding and the assumption that something on this scale would require official backing of some sort. Like when I think of unlicensed merch I think of cheap stuff you can find on AliExpress but I suppose they don't give a flying fuck about IP in China either way deng-salute

[–] Dolores@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago

something on this scale would require official backing of some sort

modern specialist handicraft markets are definitely something i don't understand very well, but low-numbers high-cost operations like this probably aren't 'real' factories with high capital investment, my theory is that these businesses would take normally manufactured sex dolls and bespoke customize them to look like characters, then they're marketing them in slightly more 'reputable' places as an extension of the 'figurine' stuff. it's a bit bizarre that they're coy about it, wouldn't a buyer want all the specifics/operation manuals on a really expensive sextoy? but i guess the barest pretense that the sexdoll is a collectible would be important to some prudish markets.

[–] secret300@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 1 month ago

It wouldn't be on the couch. Probably in the closet or bedroom

[–] Alisu@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago

God the comments

[–] AernaLingus@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

officially-licensed

Where are you seeing that? I'd assume this is unlicensed until proven otherwise like those resin statues of Gojo from Jujutsu Kaisen with his cock out

[–] doublepepperoni@hexbear.net 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It seems I just naively assumed you wouldn't be able to produce something like this without SE having a say about it

It was also sold alongside more legitimate looking merch

[–] myrrh@ttrpg.network 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

...it's generally prudent to assume that any foreign-branded merchandise produced in china for the chinese market is more likely than not unlicensed...

[–] doublepepperoni@hexbear.net 1 points 1 month ago

For some reason I assumed unlicensed merchandise would always be cheap

[–] PolandIsAStateOfMind@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 1 month ago

Collectible as in there are more than one? "Collection" imply having multiple similar but not identical items of the same cathegory.

[–] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I found a YouTube link in your post. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy: