this post was submitted on 20 Nov 2024
134 points (100.0% liked)

menby

8010 readers
1 users here now

A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.

Detoxing masculinity since 1990!

You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.

Guidelines:

  1. Questions over blame
  2. Humility over pride
  3. Wisdom over dogma
  4. Actions over image

Rules (expansions on the guidelines):

  1. Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
    • Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
    • If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
    • If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
    • This includes past mistakes. If you've overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we'd love to know how.
    • A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
    • Examples:
      • "This is reactionary. Here's why."
      • "I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}"
      • "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
  2. You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
    • Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
    • If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
    • If you can't engage self-critically, delete your post.
    • If you don't know how to phrase why it's unfair, say so.
  3. No singular masculine ideal.
    • This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like "courage" or "integrity" as "manly".
    • Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
    • Don't reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
    • This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
  4. No lifestyle content.
    • Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
    • Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
    • At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
    • If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.

Resources:

*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Hello comrades, as part of our sitewide effort to combat misogynistic and patriarchal attitudes, encourage people to become more familiar with theory, and kick off the reopening of /c/menby, we are launching a book club for The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks, a classic of feminist theory. From the Goodreads page:

Everyone needs to love and be loved—even men. But to know love, men must be able to look at the ways that patriarchal culture keeps them from knowing themselves, from being in touch with their feelings, from loving.

In The Will to Change, bell hooks gets to the heart of the matter and shows men how to express the emotions that are a fundamental part of who they are—whatever their age, marital status, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. But toxic masculinity punishes those fundamental emotions, and it’s so deeply ingrained in our society that it’s hard for men to not comply—but hooks wants to help change that.

With trademark candor and fierce intelligence, hooks addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society, in new and challenging ways. She believes men can find the way to spiritual unity by getting back in touch with the emotionally open part of themselves—and lay claim to the rich and rewarding inner lives that have historically been the exclusive province of women. A brave and astonishing work, The Will to Change is designed to help men reclaim the best part of themselves.

The book is available free on the Internet Archive in text form, as well as an audiobook on Youtube with content warnings at the start of each chapter, courtesy of the Anarchist Audio Library, and as an audiobook on our very own TankieTube! (note: the YT version is missing the Preface but the Tankietube version has it)

It’s a fairly short read (the text is ~120 pages, the audiobook’s chapters are ~30min each) so we’re going to be discussing 2 chapters each week, starting with the preface and Chapter 1 on Weds, November 27th.

Please comment below if you wish to be pinged when the discussion threads go live.

I need to stress that we expect masc Hexbear users to participate in this book club and engage with the material. Hexbear, like most western leftist spaces, has well-established problems with patriarchal attitudes, misogyny, white supremacy, and western chauvinism. Any comments attempting to minimize or deny these problems will be removed and the poster will cop a ban. Kill the liberal in your mind, listen to what your marginalized comrades have been saying over and over again, and READ THEORY WITH US leslie-shining

Please comment with any other resources or suggestions you think would be helpful as we read through this. Shoutout to @wtypstanaccount04@hexbear.net for running the original reading group last year. There was good engagement back then but we’re gonna pump those numbers up, right libs? read-theory

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] sewer_rat_420@hexbear.net 33 points 2 months ago

Time for your hexbear mandated de-penising honey yes-honey-left

Sarcasm aside im excited for this though, especially to be betyer at clapping back to some lib friends that are slipping into the incel blueanon pipeline and spout misogyny into the group chat with increasing frequency

[–] MiraculousMM@hexbear.net 24 points 2 months ago
[–] peppersky@hexbear.net 21 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I was kinda feeling like re-reading this one for a while now, it definitely is very entry-level as far as any kind of antri-patriarchal theory goes, but I also remember it being a very touching and very revealing book to me. I'm definitely in, looking forward to this. Please send me a ping when those threads go live.

[–] sweet_pecan@hexbear.net 7 points 2 months ago

feel free to start thinking of recommendations for the next menby book

[–] woodenghost@hexbear.net 18 points 2 months ago

I'd like to be pinged too. 120 pages seems manageable. Thanks for the effort.

[–] Frank@hexbear.net 14 points 2 months ago

Please ping me I've been meaning to finish this and I'd love to do it along with y'all.

[–] Sulvor@hexbear.net 13 points 2 months ago

Ping please.

Thank you to whoever added the audio book, easy to knock out folks!

[–] glans@hexbear.net 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

we expect masc Hexbear users to participate

what's "masc"?

[–] MiraculousMM@hexbear.net 22 points 2 months ago

Short for masculine, what we mean by that is users who identify as men or identify with masculinity in general. Everyone is welcome to participate of course but there's a specific expectation that masc users will be reading

[–] LGOrcStreetSamurai@hexbear.net 12 points 2 months ago

I read this I think at the start of COVID. Tag me in coach. Let's all elevate ourselves together!

[–] MaoTheLawn@hexbear.net 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

go on then, ping me please

I think there should be a reminder before the day though. Maybe half way there and then the day before.

[–] MiraculousMM@hexbear.net 11 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Great idea, I just don't want to inundate people with pings stalin-stressed I'll at least do a "halfway there" ping ig

[–] sewer_rat_420@hexbear.net 11 points 2 months ago

Or maybe like, 3 days as a medium?

[–] ReadFanon@hexbear.net 7 points 2 months ago

"I know you are here to @ me. Ping, mod, you are only going to fill my inbox."

— Che Guevara's last words, probably

[–] MaoTheLawn@hexbear.net 6 points 2 months ago

the pingletariat must learn

[–] Real_User@hexbear.net 11 points 2 months ago

Ping me, please. I read the first chapter of this about a yearish ago, but I have a lot of trouble finishing books

[–] ObamaSama@hexbear.net 11 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Hell yeah, please ping me!

Edit: Ok I planned to just briefly skim the preface and ended up blazing through the first two chapters, this book fuckin HITS. Will absolutely rec this to some of my friends, thanks for creating this discussion group! I would absolutely love a regular book club, this website already introduced Feinberg and Sakai to me and I’d love to read more!

I'd like to be pinged. I was waiting a bit for this to go up since they announced it. This would be my first real reading group tbh.

[–] Lalutacontinua@hexbear.net 11 points 2 months ago

I’m interested, please ping ya boi. Also would be interested in discussion of masculinity with regards to black male identity (as a black man).

[–] PaX@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago

Ping me too, would like to understand and combat these masc brainworms in my friends and inside my head-wolves

Has been on my reading list for a while

[–] bdazman@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago

I'm in. Ping me please my friend.

[–] wtypstanaccount04@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago

I actually tried to do a book club on this last year but I kinda burned out. I should really finish it.

[–] Cowbee@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago

Ping me, please! Had this on my list but I'd love to be in the discussions too!

[–] PurrLure@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago

Everyone needs to love and be loved—even men.

i-cant

But sure, go ahead and ping me as I've barely read any theory all the way through.

[–] PM_ME_YOUR_FOUCAULTS@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago

I read this maybe ten years ago and remember liking it, but it has been a while

[–] comrade_pibb@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago

yooo lemme get in on the ping. Would love to read this one again

[–] real@hexbear.net 9 points 2 months ago

This is hexbear communist indoctrination funded by leftist billionaires and the government!!!1!!

Jokes aside, please ping me :)

[–] hotcouchguy@hexbear.net 9 points 2 months ago

Me too thanks

[–] PKMKII@hexbear.net 9 points 2 months ago

Ping me baby

[–] OgdenTO@hexbear.net 9 points 2 months ago

Ping me please!

[–] Melonius@hexbear.net 9 points 2 months ago

I read this with the last reading group but didn't really have much to say or participate in the discussion. I'll give it another go this time please ping me!

[–] ped_xing@hexbear.net 8 points 2 months ago
[–] hungrybread@hexbear.net 8 points 2 months ago

I'll take a ping too please

[–] Lemmygradwontallowme@hexbear.net 8 points 2 months ago
[–] Farvana@lemmygrad.ml 8 points 2 months ago

Ping pls n thx

[–] CaliforniaSpectre@hexbear.net 8 points 2 months ago
[–] whatnots@hexbear.net 8 points 2 months ago

i'd like to be added to the ping list, thank you!

[–] Rojo27@hexbear.net 8 points 2 months ago

Ping me as well.

[–] FactuallyUnscrupulou@hexbear.net 8 points 2 months ago

I would like to be pinged

[–] carpoftruth@hexbear.net 7 points 2 months ago

Ping me please

One thing I'd like to discuss through these threads is how to cover the topics in this book with kids of different age ranges. I recall gender norms really stacking up social pressure when I was in elementary and highschool. I want my child to be better equipped to deal with that than I was.

[–] Volcatile@hexbear.net 7 points 2 months ago

I'd like to be pinged, please!

[–] NewOldGuard@hexbear.net 7 points 2 months ago

I would love to read this w yall

[–] DerRedMax@hexbear.net 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

This is awesome! I just happened to pick up the audiobook and was planning to listen to it when I visit family next week.

Ping me.

[–] BobDole@hexbear.net 6 points 2 months ago

I picked up a physical copy a few days before all of this went down, so I’m excited to be part of a book club thing. Please ping me!

[–] Esoteir@hexbear.net 6 points 2 months ago

gloria-rap ping me, don't sting me, i wanna read, you believe me

[–] TheLepidopterists@hexbear.net 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

I've started to listen to the YouTube audiobook but I'm a bit confused- the audiobook starts with chapter 1, there is no preface as far as I can tell? The tankietube version looks identical.

I ordered a paperback because I prefer to read long text (not that it's a long book, but it's a book, not an essay, you know) on paper vs on a screen so I can read it there if it's not replicated in audio format anywhere.

EDIT: I would also like to be notified about the discussion thread.

[–] MiraculousMM@hexbear.net 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The tankietube version does have the Preface here: https://tankie.tube/w/p/rcTMX9j8doHvrqofZjnbBg?playlistPosition=3 but you're right about the youtube version, unfortunately I don't think we can change that. I'll add a note to the OP

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Cloudx189@hexbear.net 5 points 2 months ago
load more comments
view more: next ›