this post was submitted on 15 Dec 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 36 comments
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[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 16 points 1 week ago (2 children)

im a fish

That's a lot of self awareness for a fish

[–] 0ops@lemm.ee 1 points 1 week ago

Hey fish are people too you know

[–] RecallMadness@lemmy.nz 1 points 1 week ago

A fish knows it is a fish, because that is basic self awareness to facilitate reproduction.

A fish does not know it is wet, because it does know there are alternatives.

[–] Veedem@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I hate how much I laughed at this. I’m never growing up.

[–] MacNCheezus 4 points 1 week ago

You better not. Growing up sucks — believe me, I’ve tried. Never again.

[–] MacNCheezus 8 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Curious fact I just learned from the Wikipedia page about sturgeons — apparently there is a Catholic Saint, Amalberga of Temse (also known as Amalia or Amelia), who is said to have escaped to safety by crossing a river on the back of a giant sturgeon after King Charlemagne made her an offer of marriage she couldn’t (as in, wasn’t supposed to) refuse.

She is commonly depicted riding a sturgeon, which might provide some explanation as to how he obtained the rank of general…

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 8 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Watery tarts riding fish are no grounds for canonization!

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Decoy321@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

African or European?

[–] MacNCheezus 1 points 1 week ago

Take it up with the Catholic Church I guess

[–] xx3rawr@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

patron saint of upper limb injuries

[–] MacNCheezus 2 points 1 week ago

Well, someone’s gotta do the job

[–] brygphilomena@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

I dunno. That sounds like a Sturgeon's General Warning.

[–] rainerloeten@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago
[–] thenextguy@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

What about the sturgeon specific?

[–] chillinit@lemmynsfw.com 5 points 1 week ago

The species is a very old design relative other species. It's had much more time to rise through the ranks.

Sturgeon '28.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

On the Internet, no one knows you're a fish.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] TheOakTree@lemm.ee 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Care to explain why this fish is shitting out a brazil nut?

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

You're not?

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] bruhduh@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It's not real fish, i was shocked as you say first tho

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

I think I lost track of this comment after the word "shocked," but it is reassuring to know it's not real. Thank you.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Anything is if you're brave enough.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world -1 points 1 week ago

Pillow:

  • A cloth case stuffed with something soft, such as down, feathers, or foam rubber, used to cushion the head, especially during sleep.
  • A decorative cushion.
[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

Oh lol common misconception, the Surgeon General and by extension the Sturgeon General are not real General Positions because they are Navy Ranks, therefor they are Admirals. Hope that clears everything up.

[–] stupidcasey@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Meh, knowing Trump he probably nominated a sturgeon not understanding the Job requirements.

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 week ago

Scotland actually had a Sturgeon as prime minister

[–] disguy_ovahea@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Still better than Nesheiwat.

[–] General_Effort@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

“Good-morning, good-morning!” the General said

When we met him last week on our way to the line.

Now the soldiers he smiled at are most of 'em dead,

And we're cursing his staff for incompetent swine.

“He's a cheery old card,” grunted Harry to Jack

As they slogged up to Arras with rifle and pack.


But he did for them both by his plan of attack.

[–] Revan343@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 week ago

Right? Obviously a sturgeon would be an Admiral

[–] supersquirrel@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

you became general because there was a bright light above the generals cabin next to your hole you normally lurk under beneath the stone at the bend in the river, the general leaned too far over peering down at you while out on a smoke break and fell in and tragically drowned, the peculiar thing was as he was sinking and thrashing about his uniform came off and landed on top of you, the alien enveloping of the sinking garments spooked you and you shot clear out of the water and through the still open door of the cabin right into an austere but plush leather chair behind a monsterously large desk. The next moment the guards rushed in having heard a commotion and were relieved to find the general had clearly only went for an imprompto nightime dip in the river after foolishly slipping and falling... and to hide an embarassment had quickly leaped out and returned inside putting on a blank neutral expression to try to hide it as if they weren't clearly slimey and dripping wet.

Since then you have been doing a great job honestly shrugs

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

Caviar ain't cheap

[–] h3mlocke@lemm.ee 1 points 1 week ago

Ha! I get it!