this post was submitted on 01 Jan 2025
81 points (100.0% liked)

askchapo

22935 readers
240 users here now

Ask Hexbear is the place to ask and answer ~~thought-provoking~~ questions.

Rules:

  1. Posts must ask a question.

  2. If the question asked is serious, answer seriously.

  3. Questions where you want to learn more about socialism are allowed, but questions in bad faith are not.

  4. Try !feedback@hexbear.net if you're having questions about regarding moderation, site policy, the site itself, development, volunteering or the mod team.

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
all 47 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] buh@hexbear.net 57 points 3 months ago (3 children)

EPA is investigating us for air pollution (excessive farting)

[–] Parsani@hexbear.net 24 points 3 months ago

C/badposting is a EPA honey pot

[–] William_Nilliam@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago

brak left-arrow unrepentant

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 46 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

It's the student loan department because this site is full of millennials

[–] Posadas@hexbear.net 34 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] Frank@hexbear.net 33 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I fear only two is government institutions. Treasury, and the Postal Inspectors.

[–] miz@hexbear.net 15 points 3 months ago
[–] Ram_The_Manparts@hexbear.net 5 points 3 months ago

the Postal Inspectors

It's this, because someone posted a link to Stealing People's Mail by the Dead Kennedys

[–] Erika3sis@hexbear.net 32 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] tocopherol@hexbear.net 20 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

They are trying to recruit us as consultants because we have the best plans to make the government more efficient, by abolishing it cool-zone

[–] Mindfury@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

This one, because it means that the confirmed paedophiles are trying to find our children

[–] AutoVomBizMarkee@hexbear.net 29 points 3 months ago (1 children)

FDA preparing their crackdown on beanis posting.

[–] AnarchoSnowPlow@midwest.social 9 points 3 months ago

It's only the FDA if they're already canned, dried but not processed beanis fall under the USDA's purview.

[–] Alaskaball@hexbear.net 27 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Department of Energy because our servers are based out of the Chernoblyat exclusion zone

[–] TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net 20 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Unironically the DoE has some of the craziest, most violent armed guards of all gvmnt agencies, I wouldn't want to be in their sights at all.

[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 20 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

they're the nuke department and stuff that gives you supercancer just by existing near it, it's a rare case where I'm like "ok yeah I kinda get it"

[–] TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net 14 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

I'm not saying it's unjustified, but their guards are some of the most operator-ass motherfuckers whose rules of engagement boil down to "get near the nuke, I'll shoot you dead 5 different ways".

[–] jack@hexbear.net 4 points 3 months ago

Probably keep those same dudes on after the revolution tbh

[–] BelieveRevolt@hexbear.net 27 points 3 months ago

The USDA because of our excessively dirty owls.

[–] take_five_seconds@hexbear.net 18 points 3 months ago

space force

spoilerhexbear started by aliums

[–] FuckyWucky@hexbear.net 17 points 3 months ago
[–] HelluvaBottomCarter@hexbear.net 16 points 3 months ago

So the FCC won't let me be. Or let me be me, so let me see · They tried to shut me down on MTV But it feels so empty without me

[–] tocopherol@hexbear.net 16 points 3 months ago

OSHA because I work in sandals sometimes and they are building a case against me, I'm probably screwed.

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The ESRB because we have underage gamers playing teen-rated games.

[–] StalinIsMaiWaifu@lemmygrad.ml 7 points 3 months ago

Better than overage gamers playing with teens

[–] TankieTanuki@hexbear.net 12 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

The BEA fedposting

Bean Enforcement Administration

[–] Lemmygradwontallowme@hexbear.net 11 points 3 months ago

The IRS. Idk what financial trouble they'll get us into, but if they do, they'll prolly get us, like with Capone.

[–] AernaLingus@hexbear.net 11 points 3 months ago

NCIS, since we don't stand a ghost of a chance against their hacking prowess

[–] HakFoo@lemmy.sdf.org 11 points 3 months ago

Department of Education. Someone forgot the "re".

[–] radio_free_asgarthr@hexbear.net 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

DOE

that's not my unlicensed nuclear reactor. I'm holding it for a friend.

[–] TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net 11 points 3 months ago

Found Justin Roczniak's HB account.

[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 9 points 3 months ago

NOAA. the friction created by so much posting is confounding model development of the global climate system.

[–] StalinIsMaiWaifu@lemmygrad.ml 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] Kuori@hexbear.net 6 points 3 months ago

i knew all those jokes about throwing batteries into the ocean were gonna fuck us

[–] HiImThomasPynchon@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago

CSIS!

(You said federal, you didn't say which country)

[–] plinky@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago

Coastal guard

[–] miz@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

USDA OIG investigates leaks of beanis high technology

[–] SkingradGuard@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago

If the FBI2 had a file on us it would be Joever

[–] Florn@hexbear.net 6 points 3 months ago

The Department of Agriculture is upset about our treatment of hogs

[–] Mindfury@hexbear.net 5 points 3 months ago

USAMRIID, and therefore the DoD, doesn't appreciate our Imgur link

[–] JustSo@hexbear.net 5 points 3 months ago

On this site it's definitely animal control related.

volcel-judge

CITIZENS STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND DONT MOVE THERE ARE REPORTS OF UNLICENSED KEEPING OF UNREGISTERED OWLS IN THIS VICINITY. COMPLY WITH ALL COMMANDS WHILE WE ELIMINATE THIS AVIAN THREAT AND BRING THE PERPETRATORS TO JUSTICE.

[–] sempersigh@hexbear.net 2 points 3 months ago

I have word that the Office of the Federal Coordinator for Meteorology is beefing with us