i like estrogen because every time i look in the mirror i look slightly more pretty than i did a few weeks ago
this post was submitted on 13 Jan 2025
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
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Omg I can't wait
yknow changing my outfit every time i lost in mahjong soul was getting me a great winning record but it is just super not working this morning ._.
Well, I placed high enough on my language placement test that I can take the class I need without having to do an extra semester. It was a close one, what I remembered about grammar had to have carried the score because I am absolute garbage at anything that isn't basic vocab. Feels really good to have that done 
.
Ash was such a fake friend trading Butterfree for a rat, don't care for the 10 year old excuse I was a perfect 10 yo myself who never traded one of my friends
There's a reason a bunch of Ash's pokemon kept leaving him lol. Pikachu is his only real ride or die, charizard does his own thing, butterfree left him so he could get freaky with the pink butterfree, he said he'd be back for pidgeot and uh he never did until his last episode in the anime like over 20 years later, primeape left him to train with some other guy
James never came back for his Chimecho 
Just remembered primate guess that's more than ash did at least
CERO MIEDO
just watched penta's debut. high hopes for him
did he debut in WWE? cuz uh, he's real fucking good
ye, raw last night
xhs keeps recommending me lesbian videos 
fr
#le for more!
My wife had the nerve to leave for work without giving me a forehead kiss 
fucked up 
you should consider divorce
just ask for an extra kiss next time, with interest
One kiss before leaving for work as per usual
An additional kiss for missing the last one
Two kisses in addition as interest and for emotional damage
4 total. And a head pat just for good measure
This is an outrage 
how dare she
I just introduced myself with she/her pronouns to an entire 75 student class for the first time and it STRESSED me out but it was ultimately painless
good job
omg Obama just told me good job
Page loaded then i got jumpscared by a gateway timeout error 
Do you think Amy Rose could get over her obsession with sonic and consider dating women if she met a cute trans girl? (Not me) (Asking for a friend)
The Sonamy shipper in me says no, but the Blazamy shipper in me says yes
blazamy is endgame.
Also lots of very feelings today 
depression
It's been so bad recently. I've barely gotten out of bed. I got some legos I wanted to put together. They sit, partially built on my table. Haven't touched it in like a week. My head hurts from the depression.
People keep telling me it will get better and it just gets worse. I can't do anything. I can't take care of myself. How will it get better. Most of what I'm depressed about won't change.
I'm still suffering. Why can't it stop. Why can't I just be happy. Why is this how I work.
I feel completely consumed by it. I can't stop, I can't escape. Why am I trapped like this. Why do I have to be this way.
Why is everyone else so different from me.
spoiler
It will get better. I've seen people where you are who got better, I've had my own very dark times and I have as well. It will get better.
When it comes to depression, there are some things you can do on your own without meds or therapy (I would still recommend both). Part of dealing with depression is dealing with the way it tells you nothing will work and to give up and to not keep trying, it can be a very insidious enemy. Anyway, do what you can to keep eating regular meals at regular times, stay hydrated, keep a regular sleep schedule with enough hours of sleep and do what you can to go to sleep on time and wake up at the same time every day, keep doing those things you love like Lego, go outside and walk in green spaces for like 30 minutes every day, keep reaching out to trusted friends do what you can to keep yourself continuing to reaching out. Some or most of these may sound impossible, some or most may sound like they won't help - they might not take you all the way but they can help and part of why it seems like it might not or isn't working fast enough to keep it up is depression telling you it won't. You should still seek a psychiatrist and/or a therapist to really help out but these are some things you can start right now. There's a lot on that list, if it seems overwhelming start with one (I recommend keeping a regular sleep schedule or keeping fed at regular times or if you're particularly ambitious getting 30 minutes a day in a green park or out doors). Then keep adding when you can.
For you, you have made some very good active steps in your life. You're looking into diy or actually ordered some. I think you mentioned being out to a friend or friend(s). You're planning for the future when you can be away from your parents. These are all good things. You can make progress. Just stay alive, things will get better.
spoiler
I'll try to do those things. Sleep has been really hard for me lately. I do try to push myself to do things I enjoy. Thank you. I'll keep reaching out too... i don't want to bother anyone though.
That's all I've done. I messaged someone about diy and I came out to one friend. I am staying alive. Thanks again Terminal.
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my meds are here! now i can go back to being anxious about... everything else 
CW SA:SV So uh I read the vulture article about Neil Gaiman
I've got 4.5 Neil Gaiman books/comics I've taken off from my shelf.
Sometimes I separate the art from the artist like I have a cheap copy of the road and Cormac Mccarthy is dead, so him being a nonce as we found out last year feels different.
But Neil Gaiman is alive and his crimes are pretty bad. I don't really feel I could ever read these again and enjoy them. Or recommend them.
Also the specific details of his abuse are very similar to a case I dealt with years ago in my old work and it's brought up some bad memories there.
I probably should donate them but I'm tempted to toss them. The 0.5 is good omens but I'm sure Terry Pratchett would be fine with my fisbee-ing it into a skip if he was alive.
The leftist cooks recently made a video about Neil Gaiman and how to deal with the realization that one of your favorite artists is an abusive piece of shit. In typical leftist cooks fashion, the vid is long and very meandering and goes off on costume change heavy tangents about celebrity worship and parasociality, the cultural industry under capitalism, DIY communities and what death of the author originally meant before it became an excuse for "i'm still throwing money at my problematic fave", but it has some honest takes about the anguish you feel as a morally repulsed fan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T31HKuabyMA
I never got into Gaiman's orginal works, but i saw and kinda enjoyed some of the adaptations and like you or the cooks, i don't think i can ever come back to this stuff. Death of the author was originally designed as an approach to literary theory that compensated for the fact philologists couldn't access university libraries full of letters and diaries from the author, historic works on their era and other material to read a text within a framework that centered authorial intent. It was never meant as a way to easily disavow creators while still consuming media that's full of stuff that suddenly appears in a new, dreadful light after the allegations have been made public, it was driven by a material necessity to get away from always hovering around the question "what did the author mean by this?" and center the recipient instead. Now it has become a way of indulging in cynical indifference and intellectual lazyness.
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Had to get some government stuff updated.
Thank god this trans guy is here to get my stuff squared away, every time I gotta do something government for my gender or name it's always like pulling teeth and "eh I dunno if we can do that..." until eventually I get someone who half asses it and I have to get whatever else fixed. Also, used my pronouns right keep on rocking ๐
1 hr down of a 9 hour sonic underground retrospective vid I'm watching and I'm learning that this is definitely a show. I really don't know if I'm gonna watch it after this vid like I've seen sonic x growing up and tuned into sonic boom but this is a different beast.
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Having watched the first 5 minutes of Love Is Blind: Germany my impression is that everyone in Germany is into astrology for some reason.
Yeah wtf is going on with that. I can't tell if that's a German thing or just this one crop of Germans??
Hey can I share a v embarrassing personal emotional song connection+lyrical explanation thing here?
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Fact: the freckles on my arm are infinitely cuter when they're not under arm hair
Back on the dating market now that my ex left me, she gave me an ultimatum that either the hawk tuah merch goes or she does.
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::: spoiler im overwhelmed
My friend has been so fucking weird with me and needing constant unending intense emotional support around her life and specifically around her jealousy of myself and one of our friends fucking. I keep trying to tell her that i cant be a suppirt person in this for her, but nothing changes, and i keep having the same conversation over and over and its fucking exhausting and i just want it to end. The convo isnt productive, and its sole purpose is for her to get reassurance that we wont fuck when im clear and adamant that that us stopping wont happen, because us fucking is none of her business. We all live together and she wants me to text her any time we are gonna fuck but also doesnt ever want to know about it and i keep telling her that its not appropriate or healthy for us to have that depth and style of communication and she agrees with me and then a couple days later asks for it again and we have the exact same convo all over again
Anyway i keep asking for space and she doesnt give it to me and she gets upset and feels like im "leaving her" when i go to my room for distance and space. Im so done with this.
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Every once in a while, we get an adult patient off serviced to my unit (there are some caveats, nobody with complex hip repairs, nobody with stroke, nobody with complicated mental health needs, etc).
I have to give them an IV or a shot of some kind every once in a while, like SQ morphine or heparin or sometimes some grody IM shot. And, without fail, I will say "good job" or "good girl" or "good boy" ๐คฆโโ๏ธ after the shot/IV start is over. I try not to, I really do, some of em get a kick out of it, some are stoically silent and I apologize - I swear its just because I work mostly with kids and that's what I do after they're done the tough painful brave thing. I'm not trying to infantalize, I've taken to warning them now because even when I was trying my hardest not to I'd still slip up lol
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