this post was submitted on 02 Nov 2023
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Asklemmy

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[–] simple@lemm.ee 64 points 11 months ago (5 children)

Nothing. I've read enough Monkey's Paw stories to know this is a bad idea.

[–] GammaGames@beehaw.org 37 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Poof, you now have nothing

[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 8 points 11 months ago

That's still a step up for some people

[–] otter@lemmy.ca 16 points 11 months ago

We've also got a growing community for these: !monkeyspaw@sopuli.xyz

[–] Seasoned_Greetings@lemm.ee 7 points 11 months ago

You end up with a genie begging you to make a wish every waking moment of your life, ala "three thousand years of longing"

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[–] Seasoned_Greetings@lemm.ee 38 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (4 children)

I'd get a team of the best lawyers I could find to sit down with the genie and me to hash out a lengthy contract devoiding any intentional curse and put in a hefty monetary incentive for the lawyers to get it right, as well as punishment clauses for breaking it, then wish that the genie had to unwaveringly abide by that contract. That way, if he makes me suffer he has to suffer too or redo my request to my satisfaction.

Then I'd probably write in a steady, better than average and reasonably liveable income without having to work for it for the rest of my natural life.

Pretty sure I saw this concept in an early episode of fairly odd parents.

[–] ramble81@lemm.ee 17 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Genies are not considered humans and thus cannot enter into a legal agreement. Courts find your contract null and void and the Genie still gets always with screwing up your wish.

[–] Seasoned_Greetings@lemm.ee 20 points 11 months ago (4 children)

If my wish is for the genie to abide by the contract, then the thing holding him accountable is his own magic, not a human or court. The lawyers aren't there to follow the law, they're there to see that the contract is logistically sound.

If a genie cannot be beholden to his own magic, then there's really no point in expecting any kind of wish to be free of a curse anyway because he's just going to do whatever he wants regardless of what you wish for.

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[–] hansl@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago (3 children)

I don’t know why people wish for money rather than immortality. Compounding interests baby!

[–] Jamie@jamie.moe 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

There are far too many ways for an immortality wish to make your life hell in ways that a money wish uh, wishes it could.

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[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago

Enjoy living to see the heat death of the universe in 10^100 years or so.

[–] Seasoned_Greetings@lemm.ee 7 points 11 months ago

Immortality has its own set of complications. Like seeing everyone you love die. Out living the earth, solar system. Being stuck for eternity in the heat death of the universe. I mean, I guess a longer life but not immortal might be desirable. Personally, my only wish would be to live comfortably.

[–] kate@lemmy.uhhoh.com 7 points 11 months ago

β€œIn the way that I hope for, and in the way that I expect” should cover it, I think

[–] MJBrune@beehaw.org 5 points 11 months ago

there is no intentional curse but making you immortal is what the average human wishes for. Genie argues that it's truly a bonus. You live a normal natural life, but instead of dying, you keep living. The money stops, and you live forever. Having to return to work after not working your entire life.

[–] Susaga@ttrpg.network 34 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I wish the genie is so bad at curses that everyone always enjoys being cursed by them.

[–] CarbonatedPastaSauce@lemmy.world 28 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Granted. You’re now a masochist.

[–] Susaga@ttrpg.network 18 points 11 months ago

Sure, that works. Curse me harder, daddy. Because of you, I like it.

[–] davidgro@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

Granted. But you didn't wish anything for yourself so nothing happens to you or for you. The next person to meet the genie enjoys the outcome of their wish.

[–] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 33 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I would wish for a better genie.

[–] maeries@feddit.de 32 points 11 months ago (1 children)

A genie emerges that's even better at cursing your whish

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 23 points 11 months ago (1 children)

A genie emerges from the lamp, and promises to try to curse you less

[–] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 7 points 11 months ago

Darn, I thought I nailed that one.

[–] Saigonauticon@voltage.vn 23 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Hm, sound like abuse of power to me. I'd wish for the genie to lose the ability to grant wishes. It needs to be cursed though, so I'd have to help with that.

Since it can still offer wishes, just not grant them... I'd help it learn to code. It could have a bright future as the CTO of a tech startup in the next hype cycle. I would not invest.

I wonder how many times this has already happened.

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[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 16 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Whatever bad thing happens to me, the same will happen to the genie twice.

I just hope he's not a masochist.

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 9 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Considering the high probability the djinn has spent centuries locked inside a small vessel, completely alone, the chances roll towards harboring sadistic wishes of revenge.

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[–] bestusername@aussie.zone 14 points 11 months ago (4 children)
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[–] MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works 13 points 11 months ago (3 children)

I wish for the genie to have never existed in the first place.

[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago

Thanks for the paradox bub.

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[–] DrSleepless@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Police to always be lawful good

[–] roo@lemmy.one 8 points 11 months ago

Teen suicide rate multiplies after the police destroy youth culture with constant surveillance.

[–] DrQuint@lemm.ee 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I see at least three catches here, and all of them taken from the basic guide

  • Good doesn't mean "humane".

  • Lawful doesn't mean "thoughtful".

A demon that follows an moral code of conduct that is immoral by our standards is still canonically lawlful good by theirs. The nature of a fervorous Paladin is a matter of perspective.

  • Lawful nor Good mean "non-violent".

I don't need to explain this part. A Paladin is... Sometimes less a matter of perspective.

As an example, in the Movie Rabbit Proof Fence, the villain is a British Guy who falls, by his perspective, Lawfully Good. For reference, the movie starts with him doing a presentation on Eugenics and how he can save the "aboriginal people" through race mixing. Him mandating the two girls kidnapped from their village was entirely lawful. He really thinks he's doing good and he does not at any point play dirty with those close to him to get what he wants. His biggest issue was being born in the wrong place, at the wrong time with the wrong people, with the wrong amount of scrupulosity.

I don't know how, but you probably did more damage here than even some other more aggressive responses. I think you just indirectly turned every government inherently authoritarian, albeit with society still functional. Because the lawmakers everywhere will catch on to how the cops function, and any semblance of progressive thought would soon stop developing.

[–] thebardingreen@lemmy.starlightkel.xyz 9 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

"I wish for whatever I would get if an alternate version of me who were much smarter, kinder, more compassionate, more loving, less selfish, much less short sighted, much more creative and much more prepared to word the perfect wish, WHILE STILL BEING ME with my values, goals, principles and desires were making a wish from an alternate version of YOU who tries to bless wishes, instead of cursing them."

(also, I know how to fuck this one up)

[–] Susaga@ttrpg.network 10 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Granted. You get nothing. The alternate version of you was kind enough to wish for someone else's health and happiness, and wanted nothing for themself. Also, your curse is to know with certainty that not only are you not this superior version of yourself, but you've proven by your inherently selfish wish that you will never be that person.

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[–] Chapo_is_Red@hexbear.net 8 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I wouldn't wish. Shit always goes bad. Best cass scenario I learn a "valuable lesson" through some kinda hackneyed adventure. In the worst case scenario I'm cursed for eternity or some shit

[–] SethranKada@lemmy.ca 6 points 11 months ago

Good luck. Even twisted, Good fortune is always a boon worth having.

[–] LittleTransPunk@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Destroy capitalism

I'll be able to handle the curse if capitalism is also destroyed

[–] maeries@feddit.de 12 points 11 months ago (1 children)

The whole economy is now controled by a single monopolist

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[–] inspxtr@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I wish for a new genie that grants wishes successfully but never tries or succeeds in cursing my wishes.

[–] CaptainBasculin@lemmy.ml 15 points 11 months ago

Granted. You didn't specify where, so it exists somewhere within the universe.

[–] Fleur__@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] moody@lemmings.world 10 points 11 months ago

You get a different genie who doesn't grant any wishes.

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