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Tinder is a hellhole intentionally designed to keep people lonely and depressed so they'll pay up for the "gold" features. The gender split is well past 80/20 male/female so good luck with straight matches, and the number of bots they leave up to waste your swipes is incredibly high, so even that ratio is probably worse.
Few years back I was on 5 dating sites, knocked it out the park on three of them. Got maybe 2 dates from Tinder and 1 from eHarmony (who I married!) Tinder was the first one I dropped, but they somehow fucked me out of an extra month or two.
I wouldn't make that conclusion, but it does seem clear that Tinder is a waste of your time.
I was on all the gay apps plus Tinder, looking for even one decent conversation let alone a date. Bummed out hearing my housemates have loud sex all the time.
Eventually I decided to loosen my standards a little and changed the Tinder age range from 25-30 to 18-45. The next day I went on a date with the younger gentleman of 23 (I was 29 btw) and now we're happily settled down with two dogs and a cat.
So moral of the story is - if you can't get a date, review your preferences. You never know what you might be missing for no good reason.
scratches chin
So, I need to be gay? That does turn over quite a few new leaves.
I mean, if only gay guys are offering... why be picky? ;p
Girls have done things to me when I was in the mood and didn't say no...
I'm 100% gay and find the V gross, but sometimes you have a spare $20 and just want that massage to end happily before going back to the office...
Gay and willing to date young dudes.
Fuck the Capitalist commodification of love.
Drop the dating apps & muster up the patience go do things & meet people irl instead.
I don't think I've ever met someone organically and then dated them
They say workplace relationships don't work and they're probably right, but the problem is that's the only place you ever meet anyone these days.
When you befriend the people at your workplace, you will also meet their friends.
That's wishful thinking. I might be befriendable, but I'm not fit to introduce to people.
Yeah I think that's common, but it's literally how we've been doing it since, well, forever.
Big Tech wants you to think it's scAAaRRrry BooOoOOo!
(I mean, tbf, sometimes it is. Also humiliating lol).
This is how you find out your profile’s bad.
I don’t know how applicable this is to this persons specifically, but here’s some general advice from someone who’s been on both sides (I’m trans), and got a high amount of matches either way.
Every woman I’ve spoken to about Tinder agrees :
Men overwhelmingly have profiles with little to no info in their bio (most often copy-pasted jokes, extremely generic facts like “I like food and music”…)
And poorly taken and/or cringe photos (posing with their car, half drunk with half a dozen other people, making a weird face, showing off nonexistent gains…)
If you want more matches, you need good pictures (not blurry, not from far away, not backlit) that stand out from the rest (especially, no one cares about your car. An expensive car is a huge douchebag redflag), and a bio that actually says something about your hobbies, world view, etc.
So, in summary, two steps :
It's been a minute, but it was an automatic "no" when someone would answer "what are 5 things you can't live without" were stuff like food, water, and air. Yes, I know that. Tell me about yourself!
It was almost always men that answered that way.
I know I'm incredibly dull. I'm average looking. I was a single parent. A decent picture and a little about myself and I did alright though, even with the ladies.
I have bad news: lots of non-men also post useless stuff like "I can't live without water lol" or "what are you looking for: my keys lmfao"
Having a good profile is a skill, probably related to marketing, and some people have neither natural aptitude nor training in it.
You assume people are actually getting to see your profile. There are no stats of that available though.
I don't know how good their algorithm is nowadays, but generally Tinder will show you profiles they think you'd want to match with, but ideally not get in a lasting relationship with. They want you to keep using the platform, not find true love.
If you get swiped left enough, Tinder won't really show you to most people. That part of their algorithm definitely works, it's easy. I'm not sure if they've yet found a way to quantify risk of lasting relationship.
Back when we were a real civilization, we didn't try to find matches by looking at someone's photograph, we would have considered that creepy and stupid.
Why are so many people doing an act that is objectively creepy, stupid and most users hate the entire experience? I haven't met a single fucking person who enjoys tinder or online matchmaking in general. None. Not men, not women.
GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE. (edit: and talk to people. I can't believe I have to add this detail, you cannot just literally walk around outdoors and expect something to happen, I'm just saying get off the internet, stop fucking scrolling and reading other people's thoughts, it's not helping you, strike up conversations and learn to get over yourself. You're alone because your head is rammed so far up your own ass you can't breath. DO NOT GO HIT ON RANDOM PEOPLE YOU DUMB FUCKS, SERIOUSLY "GO OUTSIDE" IS A METAPHOR FOR GETTING A REAL LIFE OFF THE INTERNET.)
This is distorting all your perceptions of what "attractive" even means. Last schlub I saw whining about this was just a normal-ass dude like my neighbor who has a wife and kids. All this talk about "attractiveness" makes no consideration for how humans actually feel about each other when they get to know each other.
"But it's not that simple! The rest of the world is changed! You can't just go talk to people! This is a oversimplification of a complex problem! REEEE!"
Bull. Shit. You tried like once or twice and people didn't warm up to you and you felt ashamed. Or some dumb teenager broke your heart. That experience was supposed to teach you to try a different way, not teach you to give up. Shame is useless, it's often a sign of having your head too far up your own ass. There are billions of people on Earth living the way we've lived for literal centuries. If you met some people you don't match with, try several more. Even if you meet a million people, you're still meeting 0.0125% percent of the population. Seriously, make EFFORT.
You are not a victim in this. Shed that automatic reflex to lash out at anyone who makes you feel accountability and you just might make it.
Why are so many people doing an act that is objectively creepy, stupid and most users hate the entire experience?
The death of third places.
Ahh I see you'd like to exist, that'll be 10 dollars please.
When exactly was that "real civilization"? When people were being arranged into marriages? Or when people would put ads into newspapers to find love? Or when dating shows started on TV? The next step after TV was pretty much Tinder. We have never been above using "creepy and stupid" options.
I don't get the hate dating apps get. It's a tool like every other, it helps you meet people outside of your regular circle. It's not ideal because it's next to impossible to everything you are into a short profile but it's better than the solutions we came up before. The issue is that people don't know how to use Tinder. Most people have no idea what their profile should look like, they put too much importance on any kind of a match and then they try too hard to get anywhere. Tinder match is the real world equivalent of locking your eyes someone on the street or a bar or a cafe or whatever. Just because that happened doesn't mean anything more will happen. You don't run after everyone who looks at you begging them to date you. So why do that on Tinder?
Millenial here. Never used online dating. Never used arranged marriages. Never used newspapers.
Dated a bunch. Just met and befriended a lot of people through shared areas of interest. Indoor soccer mixed league / gardening group / dog park / dog events at a local shop.
I also wasn’t creepy and bothered people with trying to get a relationship from these events. Just a chatty comical person. And with regular attendance - bumped into similar people over time and eventually did more personal shit with them and felt out why.
Online dating sort of (to me) turns the act of dating into a hobby or even a profession? and then people land these relationships where they expect something out of the other person. “You need a perfect resume with good line spacing and indentation, if you want connection!”
When I just pursued my hobbies and enjoyment areas and bumped into people who mutually enjoyed those things and would just talk about those things. Like at most seek connection to the things you love and do them with people you like. And then build on those connections. That’s what people really want when they log into profiles.
Note I don’t have any social media other than Lemmy. Haha.
Back when we were a real civilization, we didn’t try to find matches by looking at someone’s photograph, we would have considered that creepy and stupid.
My parents met by getting introduced to each other in what's effectively an arranged marriage. Well, technically, it was not forced per se, but the village elders and/or their parents pressured it, they show photos, then they were pressured to agree to an arranged meeting, y'all talk to each other. The elders verify your 时辰八字 (some astrology stuff) to verify "compatibility". Then if y'all like each other, the marriage happens. From what my mother told me, they could refuse, but then their parents / village elders just keep trying to find a new partner for you. Marriage is an expectation. 🤷♂️
This was like 1990's, Guangdong Province, People's Republic of China.
My parents are still trying to do arranged arranged marriage for my older brother (we live in the USA now) because my mother is afraid he wouldn't find a spouse. He doesn't seem to care about marriage either.
As for how my parents relationships are, I don't think they really "love" each other, they kinda just put up with each other "for the kids". When they do get in arguments, it can be quite terrifying, especially when I was still in K-12 school.
There's like this expectation for you to get married early and have kids. (My older brother is many years older then me, and he's is approaching 30 years old)
My reaction to this shit, is: I don't wanna get married lol. I hate the idea of living with another human being. I never have any desires for romantic relationships. I wanna live and die alone. (And especially, fuck arranged marriages, ain't doing that shit, rather be single than miserable. Not having one of the most important choices be dictated by parents.)
(Btw, I'm not even supposed to be born. My mother disobeyed the One Child Policy and gave birth to me)
As someone who is living in a non-arranged marriage, if it turns out well, a relationship can be quite magical.
It just sucks how dating looks like today, but if it works out, it is worth all of the shit.
Back when we were a real civilization, we didn’t try to find matches by looking at someone’s photograph, we would have considered that creepy and stupid.
That's not true at all. Video, photography, and even paintings, have been used as early stages of courtship going back centuries. Matchmaking professionals have historically made heavy use of visual mediums to entice prospective partners into meeting. I remember dating services in the 1980s that would use video introductions and Polaroid photos to get people to meet one another. Photograph catalogues of singles ready to mingle in Matrimonial Ads of the 19th century. Oil paintings and ink sketches were commonly traded people prospective partners before that. Whatever you might say of the method, it isn't new.
GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE.
I'll never understand the folks who think going to a service specifically dedicated to meeting other single people and courting them is weirder than approaching random people and hitting on them in public.
He must be doing something drastically wrong for not even the ThotBots to be matching with him.
the ThotBots
Are those the matches that only want to talk about World of Warcraft?
You say that like it’s a bad thing
I recommend homosexual dating.
I’m not sure how accurate that’s going to be compared to carbon dating but I’ll give it a go I guess.
In 2014 I tried an experiment. I let my profile run for two months. First couple of weeks I used a standard headshot type picture. Nothing. Then I switched to a picture of me playing the guitar. A couple of hits. Finally I switched to a picture of me wearing headphones and fiddling with my old sequencer. Tons of hits.
If you can't hit them with good looks (I'm not handsome) then at least use an interesting photo that tells a story and showcases an unusual or unique thing about you in a positive light.
Bingo! Can't remember the pics I used, but I went for several different looks so women would know what they were getting into, not just my very best. That comes across honest, because it is.
Aimed for pics of me doing interesting and active things like kayaking and cooking and such. No dead animals, hot rods, motorcycles, bros, etc. No stereotypical manly bullshit.
Also, inject some humor. Like an old friend told me about sales, "If they're laughing, they're buying." On one post I ended with, "And as god as my witness, I hate NASCAR." Ended up married to a huge NASCAR fan.
Pro tip for the guys: Setup an account as a woman looking for a man. Take an afternoon and dig around. See what the other guys are doing? Do not do that shit.
In montreal? Is your profile in English? Might be the problem
There is "ELO" in these dating apps,
Swiping a lot at a low success rate makes your elo drop and you appear less in general, and if you do appear it'll probably be to another low elo person.
I don't like dating apps but if I had to advise, delete and remake the account to be "fresh" elo with no history and say no atleast 90% of the time. With the 10% being what you think is a decent shot.
I just look in the mirror, saves a lot of time
Look in the mirror, swipe left.
If you swipe left, your mirror image swipes right. But if you swipe right, mirror-you swipes left. Sad how you'll never be together.
Sankey diagrams are cool
Huh, i just realized orienting it vertically like this fixes one of the biggest issues with Sankey plots, which is fitting in the text annotations.
I've gotten plenty of matches; but that's as far as I've ever gotten with Tinder. Nobody has ever messaged me or replied to my messages once we match. :/
I'm not on tinder, so I can't match you. But I replied to your message! #solidarity
It's almost as though this labyrinth has been designed to extract subscriptions from desparate men and women, and actually has no intention of delivering the promised service.
Same, but for jobs.