this post was submitted on 22 Apr 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 39 comments
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[–] grasshopper_mouse@lemmy.world 7 points 57 minutes ago

Back when my brother still lived with my mom, he, a full-grown adult, had a set of four square whiskey stones made of metal that he kept in the back of the freezer that he would add to a glass of whiskey every now and then. One night my mom texts me a picture of the whiskey stones while he's not in the house with "I FOUND THESE IN THE FREEZER!" "ARE THESE DRUGS???" "WHAT IS THIS??" Like holy fuck, are you serious? Yeah, sure, they're drugs, Mom. Cubed metal is all the rage on the streets these days. You just swallow them whole and get high as fuck.

[–] adj16@lemmy.world 7 points 3 hours ago

This conversation is so clumsy and awkward. Why take a good joke post and make it so much worse?

[–] JusticeForPorygon@lemmy.blahaj.zone 242 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 144 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Better execution of the joke

[–] M137@lemmy.world 0 points 1 hour ago

Agreed, but still needs the "why do you have these?" "Idk, I was high when I bought them".

[–] unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de 24 points 21 hours ago

Its also the original afaik

[–] Sidyctism2@discuss.tchncs.de 44 points 1 day ago

definitely like the shortness of this one more, but i am undecided on the pointe

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 32 points 1 day ago

So much better. The writing in OP’s post seems so unnatural and… bad.

[–] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 43 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I have to assume it was this pill:

[–] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 4 points 21 hours ago

It's no stree overlord

[–] AcesFullOfKings@feddit.uk 48 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

ah yes, when someone tells me to "go get some water" I usually put it on a plate. Very natural.

[–] stebo02@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 19 hours ago

yeah it's clearly fake, a goodfaketext

not 100% sure but I'd say those are male hands too

[–] LodeMike 11 points 20 hours ago

"I don't want to disolve drugs in the bowls I eat out of so I got a disposable container"

[–] Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de 53 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I had so many of those as a child. In hindsight, having a drawer full of (sometimes damp) animal shaped sponges was weird.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 26 points 23 hours ago

mom found the animal sponge drawer

[–] BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee 22 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

My brothers and I filled a huge pickle jar with these and some water with the intent to let them sit for a few weeks to see how big they would get. We put them in my brother's closet and promptly forgot about them for ~5 or so years. One day my brother heard a popping sound in his closet and when he opened it, putrid water was trickling down the closet shelf and soaking the carpet below. Something was growing in the jar and the built up pressure popped the lid, spilling a bunch of shit all over. The smell never quite left his room

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 19 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago)

Those animals under the extreme pressure of their surroundings, mutated into a chimera and pooped everywhere

[–] Sabata11792@ani.social 40 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

My mom did this to me when she found the thermal compound in a syringe. Didn't bother to read the label.

[–] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 5 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

"These kids getting all whacked out on street drugs like ..... Arctic Silver"

[–] Sabata11792@ani.social 1 points 43 minutes ago

Mom can't seriously expect me to rawdog copper.

[–] Steamymoomilk@sh.itjust.works 16 points 21 hours ago

"IS THIS A WEED? "

[–] buddascrayon@lemmy.world 42 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I don't even care if this is fake or not, this gave me a good laugh.

[–] stebo02@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 19 hours ago

there used to be a subreddit r/goodfaketexts (as an alternative to r/badfaketexts), not sure if lemmy has something similar

[–] Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca 24 points 23 hours ago (3 children)

It is very important to reaffirm that you are talking to mom in a private chat with mom by referring to her as "mom" as often as possible.

[–] InFerNo@lemmy.ml 14 points 19 hours ago

One of my kids does this so I don't think it's that weird

[–] LifeOfChance@lemmy.world 12 points 18 hours ago

That's extremely common to do.

[–] Uli@sopuli.xyz 19 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Well, it gets confusing when your mom is a famous stock photo hand model.

[–] stardustpathsofglory@lemmy.world 2 points 19 hours ago

Which has a very masculine looking hand.

[–] Armand1@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

The best way to get macro plastics into your blood stream

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 day ago (2 children)

What would happen if you swallowed one of these pills?

[–] EtherWhack@lemmy.world 25 points 1 day ago

There's a small-ish risk of intestinal blockage AFAIK

[–] essell@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm not Sure but I know an old lady who swallowed a fly...

[–] YaDownWitCPP@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] EtherWhack@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

From the fly, no. From the possible parasites in the fly's gut, maybe.

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 5 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

Not unless she swallows a spider to catch the fly

[–] omega_x3@lemmy.world 6 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

Well she can just swallow a bird to catch the spider.

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 5 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

Great ... now she needs to swallow a cat to catch the bird to catch the spider to catch the fly

[–] Uli@sopuli.xyz 7 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago)

She should swallow a hydrogen cyanide capsule that only dissolves if triggered by the detection of radioactive decay.

Who knows what will happen to the cat?

[–] swab148@lemm.ee 4 points 19 hours ago

Then a dog, then the dog catcher, then the police officer who shows up wondering about the dog catcher... Before you know it, we're ~~making memes~~ reading the news about a geriatric Hannibal Lecter