this post was submitted on 10 May 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

I'd like to upgrade my penis into super penis, two barrels, break action instead of the pump action, then I'll create a new sex act called "Quakeing", where you strafe around your sexual partner while constantly ejaculating on them with your super penis.

[–] JayJay@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I would upgrade my brain to be able to consciously control all the little automatic stuff. Tell my brain to up the metabolic rate when I want to burn more fat, increase heart rate when exercising, basically to be able to consciously control all functions of my body at will.

[–] DoubleSpace@lemm.ee 4 points 1 day ago

I can't be trusted with direct control of the of my pleasure center of my brain.

[–] Quique@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Since when is a dick an organ?

[–] Shape4985@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 day ago

Reproductive organ

[–] BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works 21 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Infinite wishes situation : upgrade your brain such that you are sufficiently smart to bio-engineer all the other organs.

[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 13 points 2 days ago

Or! OR! Downgrade your brain so you're just dumb enough to feel constant happiness.

[–] moseschrute@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Does happiness increase or decrease with intelligence? What if your brain upgrade becomes an emotional downgrade?

[–] Huschke@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

You could always downgrade your brain again after you're done.

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Does happiness increase or decrease with intelligence?

Is there even a correlation?

[–] moseschrute@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Looked it up. Seems there happiness does not decrease with intelligence. I would have assumed the more intelligence you have the more capacity to understand and worry about problems you would have.

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Yea, but happiness is a weird thing. After live changing events, both positive and negative happiness is impacted for a while, but after a couple of months most people gravitate back to their default happiness level.

[–] callyral@pawb.social 6 points 1 day ago

Upgrade my eyes so I can sense different wavelengths of light at will. I would also make them very resistant to blindness.

[–] Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com 35 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Definitely my spine. There's a reason basically anyone who has worked in the trades for a while has a fucked up back. It would be nice to avoid my impending back problems.

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[–] felixwhynot@lemmy.world 111 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Banger post. Deaf community goes hard

[–] VitoRobles 80 points 3 days ago

Sorry, can't hear you over my massive dong.

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago (3 children)

As an audiophile, probably my ears. I wanna be able to hear over 19khz.

[–] BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 days ago

Ok but it needs to be an 'activable' skill, if it's always on it could be a nightmare with all kinds of background noises continuously ringing in your ear.

[–] Uebercomplicated@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 days ago

Yep, super hearing for me too please. Imagine actually being able to appreciate 192khz recordings... damn. Actually, I don't even think my HD600s go that high

[–] bampop@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I can hear slightly higher frequencies than most, or at least I used to be able to. Back when TVs used cathode ray tubes I'd have problems with the small portable TVs because they would emit an annoying high pitched tone. Even high pitched tones unintentionally mixed into records. The world is designed for people with typical senses.

[–] hex@programming.dev 3 points 1 day ago

My buddy has a CRT. It makes a very high pitched noise, close to 18900hz. But it's not above what most people can hear, most humans can hear up to 20,000hz. Over time this decreases of course. But every time I go to this guy's house I can hear the CRT going, so loud, so annoying.

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I want my tits to be able to shoot lasers at will, it'd be cool.

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

You mean something like this?

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 9 hours ago

More like holding it up like a gun.

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago
[–] guy@piefed.social 13 points 2 days ago (5 children)

Brain is a no-brainer. It's okay as it is, but having an optimal one sounds terrific

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[–] umbraroze@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

He he he

[Cyberpunk 2077 music]

/meme

Transgender Men have joined the chat

[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 24 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Can we pick the nature of the upgrade? I want to pee champagne

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 31 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] Fillicia@sh.itjust.works 17 points 2 days ago (1 children)

And you can only pee in the champagne region of France.

[–] memberberries@sopuli.xyz 19 points 2 days ago

Otherwise it’s only called sparkling piss.

[–] untakenusername@sh.itjust.works 33 points 3 days ago (1 children)

better brain

with that I can make more money and with that I can just buy new organs

[–] Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 3 days ago (10 children)

Congrats. You now feel anxiety twice as intensely.

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[–] RangerJosey@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 day ago

I was born flatfooted. I'd make my feet and legs normal.

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 53 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I already have a big cock. So I would choose a bigger cock.

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[–] starbrite@lemmy.zip 55 points 3 days ago (12 children)

My brain, i hate being neurodivergent it'd be so great to just fOCUSSS

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[–] Tattorack@lemmy.world 45 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Having a bigger dick is overrated. Great for fantasy, but very impractical.

I'd upgrade my lungs to be better filters and oxygenate my blood. My immune system to fight diseases my efficiently (turn it into a scalpel rather than a cluster-nuke). My brain to retain it's learning capabilities well into my later years. Completely overhaul my metabolism so that I won't have to do heavy exercise to get good muscles (really, all that exercise just exists to make one chemical reaction happen).

After that, then, only then, might I consider doing something with my dick. Though perhaps more with my balls, so I can just switch off the reproductive capabilities to ensure safe sex.

[–] Obi@sopuli.xyz 59 points 3 days ago (2 children)

It said one organ, you went on a shopping spree haha.

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[–] Evotech@lemmy.world 21 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Probably brain, responsetime

Who am I kidding, it’s gonna be vibrating dick

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[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 58 points 3 days ago (13 children)

Gosh, only thing I can think of is self-repairing telomeres.

Everything else is perfect, might as well live for hundreds of years.

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[–] Hyphlosion@lemm.ee 28 points 3 days ago

Sometimes I wonder if my brain was already donated.

[–] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago

I'd upgrade my balls so that they aren't vulnerable when being attacked. That way I can steal Bobby Hill's purse and get away with it.

[–] altphoto 25 points 3 days ago

I asked the lady with no legs. She said bigger dick.

[–] gimsy@feddit.it 7 points 2 days ago (2 children)

One of:

  • eyes to see a wider spectrum of light (infrared to gamma-ray)
  • ears to increase sensitivity or reduce it close to 0 a will
  • nose to smell all dangerous stuff that is odourless (carbon monoxide f.e.)
  • muscles not to lose training after a few days (I am not sure that wouldn't fuck up methabolism)
  • have an organ to catch radiowaves (while being capable to switch it off)
  • brown fat cells to never feel cold (with added super bonus that they also kill cancer by starving it)
  • liver to remove toxins without being easily damaged

The choice is difficult :)

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