this post was submitted on 10 May 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

I'd like to upgrade my penis into super penis, two barrels, break action instead of the pump action, then I'll create a new sex act called "Quakeing", where you strafe around your sexual partner while constantly ejaculating on them with your super penis.

[–] JayJay@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I would upgrade my brain to be able to consciously control all the little automatic stuff. Tell my brain to up the metabolic rate when I want to burn more fat, increase heart rate when exercising, basically to be able to consciously control all functions of my body at will.

[–] DoubleSpace@lemm.ee 4 points 1 day ago

I can't be trusted with direct control of the of my pleasure center of my brain.

[–] BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works 22 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Infinite wishes situation : upgrade your brain such that you are sufficiently smart to bio-engineer all the other organs.

[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 13 points 2 days ago

Or! OR! Downgrade your brain so you're just dumb enough to feel constant happiness.

[–] moseschrute@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Does happiness increase or decrease with intelligence? What if your brain upgrade becomes an emotional downgrade?

[–] Huschke@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

You could always downgrade your brain again after you're done.

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Does happiness increase or decrease with intelligence?

Is there even a correlation?

[–] moseschrute@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Looked it up. Seems there happiness does not decrease with intelligence. I would have assumed the more intelligence you have the more capacity to understand and worry about problems you would have.

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[–] Quique@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Since when is a dick an organ?

[–] Shape4985@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 day ago

Reproductive organ

[–] callyral@pawb.social 6 points 2 days ago

Upgrade my eyes so I can sense different wavelengths of light at will. I would also make them very resistant to blindness.

[–] felixwhynot@lemmy.world 111 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Banger post. Deaf community goes hard

[–] VitoRobles 80 points 3 days ago

Sorry, can't hear you over my massive dong.

[–] Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com 35 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Definitely my spine. There's a reason basically anyone who has worked in the trades for a while has a fucked up back. It would be nice to avoid my impending back problems.

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[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 54 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I already have a big cock. So I would choose a bigger cock.

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[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago (3 children)

As an audiophile, probably my ears. I wanna be able to hear over 19khz.

[–] BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 days ago

Ok but it needs to be an 'activable' skill, if it's always on it could be a nightmare with all kinds of background noises continuously ringing in your ear.

[–] Uebercomplicated@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 days ago

Yep, super hearing for me too please. Imagine actually being able to appreciate 192khz recordings... damn. Actually, I don't even think my HD600s go that high

[–] bampop@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I can hear slightly higher frequencies than most, or at least I used to be able to. Back when TVs used cathode ray tubes I'd have problems with the small portable TVs because they would emit an annoying high pitched tone. Even high pitched tones unintentionally mixed into records. The world is designed for people with typical senses.

[–] hex@programming.dev 3 points 2 days ago

My buddy has a CRT. It makes a very high pitched noise, close to 18900hz. But it's not above what most people can hear, most humans can hear up to 20,000hz. Over time this decreases of course. But every time I go to this guy's house I can hear the CRT going, so loud, so annoying.

[–] untakenusername@sh.itjust.works 33 points 3 days ago (1 children)

better brain

with that I can make more money and with that I can just buy new organs

[–] Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 3 days ago (10 children)

Congrats. You now feel anxiety twice as intensely.

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[–] starbrite@lemmy.zip 55 points 3 days ago (9 children)

My brain, i hate being neurodivergent it'd be so great to just fOCUSSS

[–] Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 32 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

It's funny, there's a local TV program where people can anonymously ask adults and kids with various handicaps questions they wouldn't dare ask them directly and "would you rather not have it" is always one of them. The adults always dodge the question by saying that it's not as bad as it seems and so on and then the kids always reply like you did "I would much rather not have any issues!"

[–] kopasz7@sh.itjust.works 51 points 3 days ago (2 children)

The adults: I learned to live with it and now it became part of my identity

The kids: this sucks! everyone's mean to me and the world makes no sense!

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[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 24 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Can we pick the nature of the upgrade? I want to pee champagne

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 31 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 17 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Fillicia@sh.itjust.works 17 points 3 days ago (1 children)

And you can only pee in the champagne region of France.

[–] memberberries@sopuli.xyz 19 points 3 days ago

Otherwise it’s only called sparkling piss.

[–] guy@piefed.social 13 points 3 days ago (5 children)

Brain is a no-brainer. It's okay as it is, but having an optimal one sounds terrific

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[–] Tattorack@lemmy.world 45 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Having a bigger dick is overrated. Great for fantasy, but very impractical.

I'd upgrade my lungs to be better filters and oxygenate my blood. My immune system to fight diseases my efficiently (turn it into a scalpel rather than a cluster-nuke). My brain to retain it's learning capabilities well into my later years. Completely overhaul my metabolism so that I won't have to do heavy exercise to get good muscles (really, all that exercise just exists to make one chemical reaction happen).

After that, then, only then, might I consider doing something with my dick. Though perhaps more with my balls, so I can just switch off the reproductive capabilities to ensure safe sex.

[–] Obi@sopuli.xyz 59 points 3 days ago (1 children)

It said one organ, you went on a shopping spree haha.

[–] Tattorack@lemmy.world 31 points 3 days ago (1 children)
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Transgender Men have joined the chat

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 58 points 3 days ago (13 children)

Gosh, only thing I can think of is self-repairing telomeres.

Everything else is perfect, might as well live for hundreds of years.

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[–] Evotech@lemmy.world 21 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Probably brain, responsetime

Who am I kidding, it’s gonna be vibrating dick

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[–] Hyphlosion@lemm.ee 28 points 3 days ago

Sometimes I wonder if my brain was already donated.

[–] altphoto 25 points 3 days ago

I asked the lady with no legs. She said bigger dick.

[–] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 16 points 3 days ago

I'd upgrade my balls so that they aren't vulnerable when being attacked. That way I can steal Bobby Hill's purse and get away with it.

[–] umbraroze@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

He he he

[Cyberpunk 2077 music]

/meme

[–] RangerJosey@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 days ago

I was born flatfooted. I'd make my feet and legs normal.

[–] Aeri@lemmy.world 24 points 3 days ago (5 children)

Heart failure is one of the biggest killers out there. I think you'd have a better odds of living a long life with some kind of super heart. Your heart is basically just a water pump that has to remain online for 100 years or you die fast.

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[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I want my tits to be able to shoot lasers at will, it'd be cool.

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

You mean something like this?

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 19 hours ago

More like holding it up like a gun.

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