this post was submitted on 06 Jun 2025
1226 points (99.0% liked)

Programmer Humor

23995 readers
1213 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 46 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (4 children)

https://xkcd.com/1425

Alt text: In the 60s, Marvin Minsky assigned a couple of undergrads to spend the summer programming a computer to use a camera to identify objects in a scene. He figured they'd have the problem solved by the end of the summer. Half a century later, we're still working on it.


Edit: seems I'm the third person to comment this! :')

[–] boonhet@lemm.ee 10 points 3 days ago

I love how this is actually an example of progress. These days, ML can be used for this kinda thing and it's not too bad at it even.

[–] MonkeMischief 2 points 2 days ago

"Cat? Dog? Pig? LOAF OF BREAD. SYSTEM ERROR!"

https://youtu.be/LaK_8-3pWKk

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] PieMePlenty@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

No problem, just mention it in the requirements - early on. Not when everything is built to work this one specific way.

[–] Susaga@sh.itjust.works 193 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] tja@sh.itjust.works 105 points 4 days ago (10 children)

This comic is so old, that both should be rather easy now

[–] kerf@lemmy.world 171 points 4 days ago (10 children)

She did get her research team after all :)

load more comments (10 replies)
[–] Susaga@sh.itjust.works 56 points 4 days ago

Oh, yeah, the specific example listed was solved within roughly a month of the comic being posted. But the idea still applies, as seen with the twitter post above.

[–] umbraroze@lemmy.world 30 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Well, sure, with an image classifier, the bird identification is doable. I'm sure I could implement that if I went looking for some open source thingamabob that does that. But it's still not something I could actually understand. That part definitely hasn't changed over the years.

[–] PlexSheep@infosec.pub 2 points 2 days ago

Ebird/ Merlin bird id does this wonderfully.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] thedirtyknapkin@lemmy.world 28 points 4 days ago

only because people never stopped asking it to be able to id birds.

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] AdrianTheFrog@lemmy.world 10 points 3 days ago (2 children)

The giant is easy. The ground is easy. The lava though... Do you want the particles to stick together? To visually connect? To collide with each other? To interact with dynamic objects?

[–] filcuk@lemmy.zip 6 points 2 days ago

Design lead wants parting earth and flowing lava. Budget dictates static assets and baked in animations.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

The player will jump on it, what happens then?

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 97 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (17 children)

Well yeah, we have a character model for the giant demon and the giant demon has a huge use case.

A scarf? That's a model extension. Either you're asking me to create a whole new character with a scarf baked into the mesh that will deform weirdly as the character moves, or you're asking me to implement an accessory-anchor system all for the sake of a scarf (albeit other accessories might use this new framework) which will then need a physics/cloth sim to even look half good.

[–] Natanael@infosec.pub 28 points 4 days ago (1 children)

You could import fabric physics and just have it lie there, but that's going to be a bigger hit on performance than you possibly can imagine and it will move weirdly (in large part becomes we're not modeling wind, just fabric in a vacuum) and the model features it will lie on top of won't deform accurately from the simulated weight, etc...

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (16 replies)
[–] 8000gnat@reddthat.com 4 points 2 days ago

mf said choas

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 60 points 4 days ago (9 children)

Game director : we’re gonna add interact-able doors with proper door opening animations for the characters

The game designers:

The programmers and artists:

The producers:

[–] MonkeMischief 31 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (4 children)

Now we need to decide in the case of collisions if:

  • Doors violently push anyone out of the way, possibly "crushing" them into walls or
  • Force themselves back closed, turning any random NPC / obstacle on the other side into an unbeatable lock or
  • Just trap an unfortunate NPC in a corner on the other side, or
  • If they use the physics system to swing open, in which case they'll look smooth but possibly bonk the player/actor going through them a few times and could potentially (and comically) insta-kill them if physics is feeling grumpy.

The frustratingly comedic unintended results of any choice makes for great organic marketing though.

Gamedev is magical.

Aside: Know what did this really well though? Resident Evil games after RE:4.

The ability to "slowly quietly open", and then at any time decide to violently action-hero kick it open to send a zombie on the other side flying, was genius.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 15 points 4 days ago

FROM Software: Fuck that, we're doing fog-walls.

load more comments (7 replies)
[–] Ephera@lemmy.ml 18 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Only in 3D. In 2D, you slap some pixels on top and there's your scarf:

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 2 days ago (4 children)
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] Charzard4261@programming.dev 12 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I tend to find it's the other way around. Once you've got a scarf modelled and rigged, it'll work* for all animations, but for animated 2D sprites you have a lot more things to do.

* May have visual artifacts like clipping

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 47 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (4 children)

Way back in the 90s I did a contract job at MS Research on a project called "V-Worlds" - a world simulator similar to the Doom or Quake engine, but it was browser-based and everything was a script, so changing how the world worked didn't mean you had to restart a server, just change the scripts and new stuff would appear right in front of you.

Anyway the concept of adding accessories to the player's avatar and even having a pet follow you around came up, and I remember there was an involved discussion of how difficult/impossible that would be. The player's avatar was a special object class that represented a user, and didn't have the same capabilities as ordinary objects in the world. I remember asking, "Why isn't the avatar just a world object the player happens to control? Then you could do all kinds of cool stuff like let the player transform into something else just by switching objects, or let another player run your character." Dead silence. I was just a contractor, what did I know?

[–] MonkeMischief 2 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

A browser based Doom or Quake engine world sim to run around playing with others sounds like such an awesome concept. I'd love that!! And in the 90"s no less. That would've been crazy impressive.

Microsoft and MMOs, man. I remember they were gonna make a really neat online fantasy one for the Xbox and canned it, too.

That's such a wild story. Thanks for sharing that with us! I wish they wouldn't have cold shouldered you like that...

Here's how I was imagining that went down the whole time I was reading it lmao. Just for you.

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Wow, nobody's ever put me in a cartoon before. I'm honored!

It does kind of fit the situation lol.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 27 points 3 days ago (1 children)

There’s already a codebase for bursting from the ground in an explosion of lava. Everyone wants that.

You’re the first person asking for a scarf, and our system doesn’t even know what a neck is.

[–] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 15 points 3 days ago

Time for the old NPC-with-a-train-for-a-hat trick.

[–] pewpew@feddit.it 64 points 4 days ago (2 children)
  • "Can you make the player be able to summon a monster from the fifth dimension?" "Yes ok ez lol"
  • "Can you make the player able to exist in the world without having it fall though the ground?" "You are asking too much mate"
[–] Beldarofremulak@discuss.online 31 points 4 days ago (7 children)

Player: Can you make it so that a 3 inch drop won't kill me?

DayZ Standalone dev: .........

load more comments (7 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] frezik@midwest.social 45 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (3 children)

Always have to remind myself of this when managers ask me if something could be done. If it's easy, I naturally get a little annoyed that they're even asking. But knowing that is my job, not theirs, and it's good that they ask. There's lots of places where they assume and things go badly.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] tiredofsametab@fedia.io 16 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Player? Easy. Scarf? Easy. Wearing a scarf? That depends on a lot of factors such as which part of the body, how the models were made and rigged, etc.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] nokturne213@sopuli.xyz 28 points 4 days ago (14 children)

I just want a game that lets my avatar be left handed.

[–] Sylvartas@lemmy.dbzer0.com 38 points 4 days ago (6 children)

As a gameplay programmer, I got anxiety from reading this (and I think the animators are already in a fetal position on the floor)

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 26 points 4 days ago (12 children)

Can't you just swap x for -x. Run some unit tests just in case. We'll push to prod next Wednesday. Sound good? Got to dash, strategy meeting started 5 minutes ago. Seeyoubye.

load more comments (12 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (13 replies)
[–] resipsaloquitur@lemmy.world 22 points 4 days ago (3 children)

I worked at a company that made IoT stuff (which is an increasingly archaic term). The web team was pitching using a third party tool called ThingSpace to view and manage the things. The web dev said ThingSpace could do all these amazing things automatically. The manager said “can we change the color of the background?” The web dev said “…. no.”

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 15 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I want dresses, and I don't care if they clip through literally everything!

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›