this post was submitted on 31 Jan 2024
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139
Dude almost lost his life (files.catbox.moe)
submitted 9 months ago by 0x4E4F@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world
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[–] activ8r@sh.itjust.works 39 points 9 months ago (2 children)

That guy isn't a Dom. He is just a sexually aggressive partner.
Real Doms require consent and that guy did not consent to being spoken to like that. Once boundaries have been established then that kinda talk can be hot as fuck, but based purely on this video alone the interviewer could have been anyone.

Overtly aggressive talk like that right out of the gate is not sexy, it's just aggressive and can go very wrong if the person you are talking to is a sexual abuse victim (which, in my experience, does appear to be more common in members of the BDSM community, make of that what you will).

So anyone who looks at this video and sees no issue with his behaviour, take a step back and look at yourself. You don't know what other people have been through and it's incredibly important to make sure that people have a foundation of safety in any D/S communication, no matter how brief.

I can only hope that this wasn't their first interaction and it was played up a bit for the camera. Otherwise this is simply unacceptable.

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 9 months ago (3 children)

I think it’s incredibly telling that very few people are considering it sexual harassment at all for a stranger to come up to someone on the street, shove a camera and microphone in their face, and start questioning them about their sexuality and sex life.

I’m sure it has nothing to do with the guy who started and continued talking about sex being a baby faced white guy and the other dude being a fit black guy.

[–] activ8r@sh.itjust.works 9 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I’m sure it has nothing to do with the guy who started and continued talking about sex being a baby faced white guy and the other dude being a fit black guy.

It's not.

I think it’s incredibly telling that very few people are considering it sexual harassment at all for a stranger to come up to someone on the street, shove a camera and microphone in their face, and start questioning them about their sexuality and sex life.

Asking a question about someone's sexuality isn't sexual harassment. That's a really weird thing to think.

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Since you apparently stopped watching as soon as he asked “are you gay,” the question he asked after that was “are you a top or a bottom?”

If for some reason you think that’s a more appropriate question to ask a stranger with a camera in their face than “do you use condoms?” or “have you ever tried BDSM?” then that is also a self report.

[–] activ8r@sh.itjust.works 3 points 9 months ago

I started writing an annoyed reply then realised that maybe you just have a radically different level of comfort than I do.
I'll ask some of my friends who are not in the BDSM community for their opinion and I promise to have an honest re-evaluation of my thoughts on this, while taking your perspective to heart.
Please consider that the video does appear to be in a setting where people would be more likely to answer these questions happily. However I am basing that on a few assumptions, so maybe I am mistaken.

I would ask you to consider how your comments come across to others. I'm sure you are simply trying to establish reasonable boundaries for people of your comfort level, and I absolutely respect that, but your comments in response to me were very aggressive from the beginning.
And yes, I do see how my exact complaint with your comments may be related to your point about the video. I will take some time to give that consideration as well.

[–] Neon@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago

Asking a question about someone’s sexuality isn’t sexual harassment. That’s a really weird thing to think.

if i'm asking a friend in a quiet place it's not. If i go up to a Stranger with a Camera, it is.

[–] MaoZedongers 6 points 9 months ago

Yes we should make being an on the ground reporter illegal they shouldn't be allowed to ask people questions in public that's crazy and he was forced to answer, he totally couldn't just like ignore him and keep walking, what an invasion of privacy in public.

[–] Neon@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago

I’m sure it has nothing to do with the guy who started and continued talking about sex being a baby faced white guy and the other dude being a fit black guy.

Your Comment was absolutely great until you had to make it about skin color.

[–] 0x4E4F@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

(which, in my experience, does appear to be more common in members of the BDSM community, make of that what you will)

It's what they know. If they were children when it happened, it shaped their view on sex for their entire life. There is no going back from that. You can surprese the feelings, but you really can't experience sex in any other way... or, you can, but this happens very rarely (very few individuals). They even sometimes see love through that perspective.

Can't blame them... it's fucked up, but the best they can do is just move on and do whatever makes them happy, even if it is BDSM.

[–] activ8r@sh.itjust.works 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I agree there is definitely some element of that for many people. I am a Domme myself and a lot of that is liking the control in the bedroom. I would never dream of talking to someone like that as a first interaction, but I have said much worse without blinking an eye under the right circumstances.
The opposite is true as well. I have found many Subs that like to be submissive within strict boundaries. At the end of the day it's all about having control and that is defined on both sides, just in different ways.
I'm sure there are infinite more circumstances and thought processes as well.

Though I would like to highlight it's not everyone. People are all different and there are many members of the BDSM community that haven't experienced sexual abuse or any other kind of abuse. Just normal people that like to get freaky.

[–] 0x4E4F@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I am a Domme myself and a lot of that is liking the control in the bedroom.

Yes, I do like control in the bedroom as well. I think I would be a domm if I was in D/S relationship, but it's too late for that now. I got a family, a kid, my wife is (mostly) mainstream regarding sex (toys, spanking, anal - very rarely though, but that's about it).

But I do wonder from time to time what my life would have been like if I accepted a few indecent proposals I've had over the years... broke up with my wife (we were still dating back then) and just went allong with that. I like having a family, no question there, but I would most definitely change my sex partner. One, not enough of it (sex), two, doesn't really fulfill my desires, three, I have to masturbate a lot because I don't get what I want in the bedroom.

But, things are what they are. I can only fanstaize now and speak about it with complete strangers, since this is not something that society thinks it's normal (at least not where I live).

I would never dream of talking to someone like that as a first interaction, but I have said much worse without blinking an eye under the right circumstances.

Of course, goes without saying. I am a very gentle lover of I'm with someone I don't know, but once you figure out what that person likes or dislikes, yeah, things can get very heated with me as well.

But, yeah, to be honest, if the other person wants to just "make love" (like spread your legs, hump for 10 minutes and get it over with, or if she wants it gentle all the time) yeah, that is a downer for me).

Just normal people that like to get freaky.

Maybe I'm one of those, lol 😂. Haven't really thought about classifying what kind of a kinky person I am 😂. I have a few, some are related to BDSM, some no.

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 38 points 9 months ago (1 children)

lol, don’t ask questions you don’t want answered.

[–] victorz@lemmy.world 21 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Should be able to ask a question without being sexually assaulted though, right? Bro tried to kiss that little boy.

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 28 points 9 months ago (2 children)

“Little boy” (dude looks early 20s) started asking for information about his sexuality and sex life on the street while filming him. He’s lucky he didn’t get his ass kicked, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was fishing for content like that (or at least someone getting offended by it).

Not aware of any jurisdiction where attempting to kiss someone and stopping immediately when they say no is sexual assault, but maybe you can enlighten me.

[–] victorz@lemmy.world 0 points 9 months ago (1 children)

It's at least sexual harassment. And yes, the age difference here looks like the interviewee trying to kiss a little boy.

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

Why are you so intent on insisting that what seems to be an adult man is actually a little boy? Kinda weird.

Also weird to say that’s sexual harassment but not going up to strangers and filming them while questioning them about the details of how they have sex.

[–] victorz@lemmy.world -1 points 9 months ago

Why are you so intent on focusing on the age rather than the sexual harassment?

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world -5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

So, no, then. got it.

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I think there’s probably a reason you believe a queer black man is guilty of sexual assault for doing something that isn’t sexual assault in any jurisdiction, but maybe you can show me evidence of somewhere the law considers that sexual assault?

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world -2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I think you're reaching since I didn't even say that specifically. I said it was aggressive because it was. Period. You don't think it is, fine; your opinion

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

Should be able to ask a question without being sexually assaulted though, right?

[answer]

So no, then

If you didn’t want people to read that as you saying he sexually assaulted someone then you wrote your reply in the most confusing way possible 🤷‍♂️

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world -1 points 9 months ago

You dodged the question, you're the one being weird here.

[–] ook_the_librarian@lemmy.world 10 points 9 months ago (1 children)

That wasn't sexual assault. If you want a lesson to take away for what he actually did wrong here: he attacked the reason for rejection. It's a natural thing to do. But that's really the only thing wrong here.

Going in for a peck is fine. Planting one before they react wouldn't be. But taking rejection gracefully is nearly impossible. Let's try to be better.

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world 8 points 9 months ago (1 children)

That was aggressive and scary to watch. Not sure why you're downplaying it.

[–] ook_the_librarian@lemmy.world -1 points 9 months ago (4 children)

It was just a dude answering questions he was asked. I don't want to hang out with the guy.

I get a little worried about calling something like that "sexual assault". It plays into the "can't say anything anymore" crowd's hands.

[–] MaoZedongers 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

It was just a guy answering questions until he grabbed him and went for a kiss, don't pretend that didn't happen.

[–] erev@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago

Yeah I agree he came on strong but it seems that's his vibe in the scene and he was mostly respectful when rejected. i think some people's biases are showing

[–] victorz@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago

It was at least sexual harassment.

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago

If the victim was a woman I think any decent person would see it. Instead since he's a man, somehow he's expected not to be intimidated. I absolutely would've been

[–] teamevil@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Pretty sure the proper term is twink.

[–] victorz@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago

Term for what?

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 15 points 9 months ago

Yeah..methinks someone's compensating for some major insecurities 😄

[–] escew@lemmy.world 14 points 9 months ago

I can see the appeal of responding absurdly when asked an absurd question in public, on camera.

[–] indomara@lemmy.world 13 points 9 months ago

Wow that made me recoil in horror and awkwardness.

[–] jpreston2005@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I mean. dude is obvi standing with a bunch of other queens outside a gay bar. Nobody was in danger, and everyone acting like this was so crazy, is probably just reacting to the fact that he was asking a big black dude. What, y'all saying black guys are inherently more violent or something? get tf outta here with that racist BS

[–] MaoZedongers 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

going for a kiss was the crazy part, that ain't ok.

[–] jpreston2005@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago

From my perspective, looked like he was goin for a kiss on the cheek. I dunno. the whole thing seems a lot more innocuous than is being portrayed here in the comments and most definitely in the title. "Dude almost lost his life?" Dude talked to a gay guy and almost got kissed on the cheek

[–] erev@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago

that's what im questioning. if he was a more flamboyant queer person would people have laughed it off? based on the comments i suspect they would have. it's the fact he was "aggressive"; which i agree he may have been a bit forward and i wouldn't recommend opening like that but he was also mostly respectful when rejected. I don't think he's trying to hurt anyone nor was anyone in any danger, he just probably knows the type of people he likes and they probably know him.

[–] MaoZedongers 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

~~life~~ ass

[–] 0x4E4F@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 9 months ago

Yeah, I don't think that little dude is gonna survive a night with Demarco 😂.

[–] tygerprints@kbin.social -2 points 9 months ago

He sounds more like DomSadoMasochist - not there's anything wrong with it! I know some guys are into the domination scene, but when it gets this angry and scary I'm not sure where the line exists between funtime fantasy and rape anymore.