Ask Lemmy

Do you do your own laundry?

I'd put it this way: how much pressure do you personally feel to strike out on your own? I don't mean how much pressure people might be putting on you - I mean how much of you wants to GTFO?

I left home at 19, against my parent's wishes - but that's because I was going stark crazy at home, and needed to get out into the world and knocked around a bit. If you don't feel that kind of pressure, and your family is amenable to the situation, then I wouldn't worry about it. Make sure you're not a burden by contributing and helping out where you can, but there's no shame in living with your parents as an adult, particularly these days.

Correction: There is no shame in living with your parents as an adult - emphasis on the adult part. You contribute what's necessary, you take care of what you need to take care of, etc. There is shame in being an overgrown manchild, where mommy and daddy are the ones taking care of you (when that reasonably shouldn't be the case - folks with disabilities, etc. don't fall into this group). It sounds like you fall in the former category, so you're good IMO.

With all the things I hear about housing being unavailable and unaffordable I wouldn't blame someone in their 30s even for still living at home, provided you actually contribute to bills etc. A friend of my wife's has a multigenerational household and I don't think of any of them as taking advantage of the other or being lazy.

This is situational, and also cultural. The cost of living everywhere right now is unprecedented due to greed. I wouldn't feel too bad or look down on anyone for being in the situation. I've been in it off and on the last 10 years and I'm in my early 30s.

There's a difference between being unable to move out and simply liking to live with your family. If you like living with them, I don't see why you should move out until you find your own long-term romantic partner and need more privacy. I know there's an expectation in the USA that adults won't have a lot of contact with their parents, but I think that's sad. I don't currently live with my family for practical reasons but I live near them and visit them every weekend. My life is richer because of this.

I think just do what feels good to you. As long as you're contributing to bills, cooking some meals and doing your own laundry etc you're not stunting yourself by being there.

I recently moved out after 1 year as NEET. I worked and payed rent to my father (nothing much).

I know lots of people who live in multi generational house - usually divided in few units.

My parents took it little bit like a shock - I told them that about week before I moved out and my brother moved at the same time and told them at the same time.

My parents set up our house to be multi generational and knew well that only hope for us to get home is to wait for our grandparents to die (I know but it is what it is).

If I and my brother didn't get work that far away we would live with them now. So I think it isn't bad thing to live with your parents.

NEET? Are you talking about the Indian testing thing? I only found out about that as I Googled neet...

Anyway, here in Sweden we are famous for moving out early and living alone, it usually happens around the time you go to university as you tend to move into a dorm and move straight into your own apartment after completing your studies.

I moved out in my mid 20s, amid depression and a terrible work schedule.

I'd say that if you are still living with your parents in your 30s here it is considered a bit strange...

my high school friend and her well-paid techie brother still live with their parents and love it since their social circle is now their parents friends. as someone who doesnt really get along with my family too well, im honestly kinda jealous, even though stereotypically Id be the one to be envied with my own place and partner.

There’s a point for some people where you live with your parents because they can’t really take care of themselves, you don’t have kids and are free to move… uh, speaking from personal experience. My dad is losing it and my mom is close to that, and I just ended a relationship recently so it makes sense I’d live with them and help them in the interim. It’s not exactly a new relationship magnet though.

As far as your situation, you’ll know when the time is right to move out imo. The standards of “move out and have your own house at 18” is outdated due to realistic modern economics. It would be when you meet someone and want to move in with them and taking them to your parents would seems absurd. You’re educated, you have a job, you’re expressive, you’re doing fine.

American values clashing with common sense.

Is that how some people are still voting for Trump?

At whatever age you can finally afford it. Which is never. Get that home inherented. It's your only hope.

You know you have overstayed your welcome when your 70 year old mom gets the police to throw you and your lazy ass brother out, while complaining that she had to do all the chores, cooking and pay all the bills (This happened to some Italian men not long ago).

Just make sure you move out many years before that, and help your dear old mother.

I would say there's no age where it's shameful exactly, but around age 30 I would start to feel bad for someone in that situation since it probably means they are putting a lot of their life on hold and their economic opportunities are very slim.

On the other hand, if someone has the means to live on their own (whatever that may mean for their location), I would consider it shameful beyond the age of like 24. Because in that case you are making a choice to not strike out on your own and develop valuable life skills when you could be supporting yourself.

It depends a lot on the situation. My exparents lived with my paternal exgrandparents until I was 8. Completely seperate households tho. Just in the same house.

If theres a partner and kids it's important that everyone negotiates boundaries and communicates well. If it's one household the chores and finances need to be shared in a way that works and so on.

Personally I moved out as early as I could because these people are abusive. I find it awe inspiring that you manage to coexist peacefully when everyone is an adult. If it works for you it works for you. In many cultures living with your parents is normal. I think worrying about what other people think, those that won't pay your rent and don't interact with your family isn't productive. You're the one who has to live with the decisions you make.

We haven't seen this 'them and us' financial divide for a century or more.

In those times generations of families lived together. Until there's another reset to allow the middle classes to thrive again, this is the new normal.

That said, the middle classes have been being silly and trying to keep up with each other and bankrupting themselves. Houses are at very high prices because people will pay higher prices: both parties in a relationship working and paying someone else, school or nanny, or child care to parent their kids. A divorced couple or a high proportion of singles needs double the number of houses as a couple. Leasing brand new cars. Eating out or takeaway every night .. bigger and bigger government. It all costs.

Add in stupid net zero emissions policy for tiny nations like the UK, rather than tackle the real polluting nations and you've got kids living at home looking after elderly parents until they die and they can have a house to themselves.

The number of children per household many nations have is already well below replacement rate. So at least you won't be battling for mum and dad's house with your sibling. Look on the bright side! 😁

No age is too old for that.

I GTFO'd at 17, as soon as I could. I was only able to do this because some friends needed a roommate for a little bit, but I was so happy to be out and on my own.

What if you just don't want to be lonely? For example you have a full time job and are financially independent but you still want to be with your family?

After you're dead maybe it's time for someone to clear your effects.

After the 2008 subprime mortgage crisis which showed that our industrialist masters give no fucks about the well being of the common worker. We will never be able to rely on housing.

That said, I've shared my home and my room for nearly a year during the aftermath of the 2007-2008 crisis. We do what we gotta do.

In the OP case, I'd say talk to the parents openly, the practicality of moving / staying and where they are on it. Sometimes I'm glad for our current solitude, while other times I miss the activity of kids (young adults) and grandkids (actual kids) actively doing stuff. It also meant sometimes they made dinner or baked goods.

When it's not a matter of financial pragmatism, there are always social considerations. Our neighbors and roommates always like having us around while simultaneously being sometimes annoyed by our presence. Sadly, we live in a society where the cost of living supersedes such matters.

Your prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until ~25. I wish someone had told me that one. I moved out too soon and struggled a lot. Use the opportunity to put back as much money as possible beforehand, and start collecting the little things like kitchen utensils and some basic furniture. Having to buy all that stuff or live in an empty place sucks. It is also super lonely by yourself.

If you're living a home and not paying rent you better be saving up for a down payment on a house.

But to answer your question, I moved out when I was 25 and I felt that was a little old to still be at home. But it will depend a lot on individual circumstances.

To me, if anything, it's not based on a time limit, it would based on circumstances if it's based on something, especially considering the environmental sacrifices that go into minute home pleasures. To say it's based on a time limit is dumb and can only be norm-based. I hope to be the kind of person who judges based on character and character alone. Being your best self does not require a home or career, just dedication to humanity whenever someone asks for it.

I moved out of my parents place for good just before I hit 25. I left because I moved to a bigger city with more job opportunities.

I was too horribly depressed at the time for this to be a factor, but it might be easier convincing someone to come back to your place for sex if you’re living on your own compared to being with your parents.

If you move out, how much per month will you spend on rent, renters insurance (which most apartments will require), utilities, internet, etc? What percent of your take home pay would that be? If it’s too high, how does it change if you include a roommate or a less expensive place? If you move, will that make it easier or harder for you to take public transit to work?

As a Gen X , I could not escape my Boomer parents home fast enough. But The younger generations get better and better and if my son needed to move home we would both be very cool with it. Who care what everyone else says and does, you do you and choose happiness bud.

According to Mass Effect Asari are considered adults by around a 100 years. So 100.

Pay them "rent". Ask if they're willing to save that "rent" in an account for you. Try to keep from dipping into the $$. Hopefully you'll have a decent amount for when it's time to leave or the time comes when you might take over their house.

For starters, I’ve always lived in major European cities, with good public transports but not necessarily in the city center. As soon as you can be financially independent ie have a work that allows you to pay rent, utilities, food and a little of saving, even if only 50€ a month. I left for uni, came back shortly after graduating as I interned for 6 months and then moved in with a friend. We could go out in the evening after work with our friend group and no one cared at what time I’d come home nor wait for me to ensure I’m safe because I’m a girl and the city can be dangerous depending who you encounter. I was a lot less awkward if I had one night stand in the morning with no hi mum and when I met my now husband and brought him to our shared flat and my roommate had his girlfriend at the same time, it all went great.

My husband left for his studies cross country at 18 yet his mum made everything for him back home: laundry, cooking, cleaning. After he moved and until we met and we bought our first house, he ate pasta ham and rillettes with cakes every single day. Had his grandma who lived 30km away do his weekly laundry. It’s good he’s excellent at house reno as to this day he’s shit at house upkeep. Can’t put a plate in the dish washer, clean the bathrooms or remember his or his children’ bedsheets need to be washed. Do not be my husband. It’s not when you leave that matters but rather be a competent grown up.

I love my parents but couldn’t imagine living with them full time, not paying rent to them and not try to be independent as much as I could. If I had to live with my mother in law, you could find the bitch’s body buried in the back of the garden next to the Japanese apple tree.

From a Hispanic perspective, it's normal to live with parents until late twenties. However, as an American I can tell you it's weird past 25ish. There is a higher likelihood you won't have normal adult interactions and experiences of you live with your parents.

Children will be living with their parents for longer and longer, remember, with the reduced buying power that young adults have this generation compared to the last (a statement true for a few generations now but entirely noticeable now).

So don't sweat it. The best thing parents can do to prepare kids for success is to keep them at home and not paying (full) rent for as long as possible.

To compound the issue, hormones at this stage will reduce the young adults' coping ability, as we're evolved to go on our own and "grow the species" aggressively at this point. It will make staying at home and getting that financial leg-up that much harder. To succeed, the child needs to be very adult about this and understand it's primarily hormones; and needs to explain this to the parents who may not know. 30 years later and I'm just figuring it out!

Good luck. Get on actually good footing before you launch.

In Germany it's expected to move out after high school, I was 19 myself and so where all of my peers save for two who went to university in our home town. They both moved out about a year later as well though.