859
those damn vegans! (kbin.melroy.org)
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[-] henfredemars@infosec.pub 92 points 3 months ago

I'm not vegan because I give a fuck about animals. I'm vegan because I hate plants.

Green dudes have had it too good for too long.

[-] YtA4QCam2A9j7EfTgHrH@infosec.pub 19 points 3 months ago

They are out there lording their massive advantage in cumulative biomass over us. Fucking plants. I can’t wait to eat some tomorrow.

[-] joostjakob@lemmy.world 14 points 3 months ago

As pointed out above, if you hate plants, you should eat as much meat as possible. Every kilo of meat represents at least ten kilos of plants eaten by the animal.

[-] chumbalumber@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I don't want another animal taking my Freudian pleasure. The erotic joy of voring a verdant, fleshy succulent. Feeling the crunching snap of brutality as an innocent plant is ground between my glistering molars. The swallow; the mulched, peppery bolus peristalted down a wet, hungry, pulsing oesophegus. The conversion of what was once a marvel of evolution, a being that could harness the power of a living star, into fodder for my next bowel movement. From stoma to stoma.

This is not some cool, by-the-numbers optimisation. This is raw, visceral, hungry cruelty.

The old adage can be given greater, poetic specificity. Revenge is a dish best served cold. And it is a salad.

[-] joostjakob@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

I tip my hat to you

[-] Vegoon@feddit.de 4 points 3 months ago

Fuck plants, all my homies hate plants!

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[-] TheVeganWerewolf@lemmy.world 73 points 3 months ago

Cool Fact: Vegans consume a total of less plants than omnivores. Animals eat plants, so if you eat them, you're eating an animal plus everything it ate to grow up.

[-] jettrscga@lemmy.world 36 points 3 months ago

I absolutely agree, eating meat should count as eating at least one salad too.

[-] Annoyed_Crabby@monyet.cc 14 points 3 months ago

Take that, doctor.

[-] cymbal_king@lemmy.world 20 points 3 months ago

Animals on average convert about 10% of the mass they eat into their own body mass.

[-] bstix@feddit.dk 13 points 3 months ago

So when a lion dies and turns to grass, the antilopes only get back 10% of the grass they ate to make meat for the lion.

Circle of life, my ass. More like a trickle down pyramid scheme.

[-] groet@feddit.de 10 points 3 months ago

It's even less. The Antilope converts 10% of grass to meat, the lion converts 10% of Antilope meat to lion meat. So it's 10% of 10% bringing us back to the root problem of everything... The 1%!!!!

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[-] verysoft@kbin.social 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Only a matter of time before plant-based alternatives fully take over from meat. Meat farming is not sustainable, as you mention all the land used to farm food for animals could be used to just farm more food for us directly.

We just have to get rid of the stigma around plant-based "meat".

[-] Riven@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 3 months ago

At this point it isn't so much the stigma as it is the price for a lot of us. If it was the same or cheaper than regular meat prices in my area I would buy it instead.

[-] verysoft@kbin.social 3 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Prices are coming down, but they won't come down a lot until more people buy it, but more people wont buy it unless it's cheaper...

Here's hoping there's some more restrictions imposed on meat.

[-] Riven@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 3 months ago

Yea it's a catch 22 unfortunately.

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[-] Everythingispenguins@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

It is worth mentioning that the types of plants that people and animals eat are different. Humans can't digest cellulose and hemicellulose where herbivores can.

[-] Dasus@lemmy.world 16 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Yeah, we can't really eat grass, but thinking that most cattle nowadays actually graze is... inaccurate, to put it mildly.

Factory-farmed cattle are almost always fed grain made of corn and soy, both of which are completely fine for humans to eat, in case someone was unaware.

Producing 1kg of beef takes several kilos of feed.

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[-] Leviathan@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

Yeah, instead of using that land to grow monocultured grass, we could use it to grow plants we do eat. It's not like we would keep growing grass there and say "Darn! We can't eat this grass!", we wouldn't need to plant plants we don't eat in the first place.

[-] Everythingispenguins@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

Yeah I agree and we need to start with lawns.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/lawn-largest-crop-america_n_55d0dc06e4b07addcb43435d

Also many animals are grassed on areas which are unsuitable for farming. And if done in a responsible manner allows for the natural diversity of an area to be maintained.

Monocroping corn or potatoes is just as bad.

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[-] philm@slrpnk.net 4 points 3 months ago

I'd agree if there would ba a "could" in there or something. The reality is that a lot of soy (that humans can digest) is fed to animals...

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[-] ignotum@lemmy.world 55 points 3 months ago

Plants make oxygen, animals make poop
If the vegans win then we'll no oxygen to breathe, only poop

This is the future vegans want

[-] thefartographer@lemm.ee 27 points 3 months ago

I'd agree with you, that also means more farts. And farts are funny. Do you hate comedy?

[-] EmoDuck@sh.itjust.works 18 points 3 months ago

I've been acclimatizing to a fart-only lifestyle by micro dosing on e-girl farts I buy online.

80% of my oxygen and 30% of my calories I get from farts now.

[-] robotica@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago

Imagine this, but with no context

[-] rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 6 points 3 months ago

I'm going to crawl into a burlap sack and throw myself off a bridge like an unwanted litter of kittens.

[-] Random_internet_user 5 points 3 months ago

Comedy means laugh and laugh means consuming more air . Do you wanna help vegans win ?

[-] tekila@lemmy.world 32 points 3 months ago

That's it, now I'm gonna go eat twice as many legumes as I usually eat just because of this post!

[-] toomanypancakes@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago

You'll never stop us, mwahahahaha!

[-] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 18 points 3 months ago

Dammit, who ate the fucking forest again?!

[-] v4ld1z@lemmy.zip 16 points 3 months ago
[-] chetradley@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago
[-] jol@discuss.tchncs.de 7 points 3 months ago

You don't need B12 pills, you just need to touch grass (with your tongue)

[-] naevaTheRat@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 3 months ago

No!

Surrender the plants

[-] omnomed@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago

W̷E̵ ̵A̷R̴E̶ ̴V̸E̶G̷A̴N̴.̴ ̷B̴A̵N̴E̷ ̶O̸F̵ ̸N̷A̵T̵U̵R̵E̸.̴ ̸D̶E̷V̸O̷U̵R̸E̸R̵ ̷O̷F̷ ̸W̶O̵R̷L̷D̷S̶.̷

[-] FiniteBanjo 6 points 3 months ago

It's funny, but obligatory cattle rearing requires more crop fields to sustain than simply eating the crops ourselves.

[-] PhlubbaDubba@lemm.ee 5 points 3 months ago

NEMATODES!!!!!!

[-] Random_internet_user 5 points 3 months ago

Goddamit vegans

[-] STRIKINGdebate2@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

Honestly we can't stop vegans. What we need to do is imprison in a giant chamber that artificially grows grass

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[-] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Reminder to keep eating lamb and cows because they want to eat all the grass on the planet leaving only desert behind.

[-] Alsjemenou@lemy.nl 3 points 3 months ago

My uncle has a forest that he really loves.

[-] fidodo@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

Sigh, I find this too sad to be funny

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 3 points 3 months ago

"I don't eat anything that casts a shadow."

"Don't plants cast shadows?"

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this post was submitted on 07 Mar 2024
859 points (94.4% liked)

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