this post was submitted on 14 Mar 2024
322 points (98.5% liked)

The Onion

4761 readers
1685 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
seahorse@midwest.social
pbrisgreat@midwest.social
322
Boeing Promotes Mysterious Employee Known Only As ‘The Panther’ (www.theonion.com)
submitted 10 months ago by The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social
15 comments fedilink hide all child comments
all 16 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] orvorn@slrpnk.net 117 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Agent 747

[–] WarmSoda@lemm.ee 8 points 9 months ago

You're hired. Report to Chicago on Monday.

[–] DigitalTraveler42@lemmy.world 52 points 10 months ago

Only the Onion would write an article about the promotion of a corporate hitman/fixer after a Boeing whistleblower was just "suicided" IRL, and make it hilarious.

[–] WarmSoda@lemm.ee 31 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I freaking thought " of course". Reality has gotten so stupid I didn't even think for a second this was fake.

[–] bobs_monkey@lemm.ee 9 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Soon enough, Onion stories will start predicting the future

[–] WarmSoda@lemm.ee 5 points 9 months ago

I think they actually did a few years ago. I don't remember the article, but it might have been one about Bush Jr

[–] Retreaux@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago

I read the article they wrote like 15 years (or more) ago about the US sneaking out of Afghanistan in the middle of the night like a one-night stand. And then I read an article describing the actual occurrence when it happened and so many details were spot-on it was scary.

[–] Coasting0942@reddthat.com 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

So dumb. The shareholders end up paying the costs for this.

[–] tsonfeir@lemm.ee 15 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The shareholders helped fund the murder of John Barnett.

[–] agent_flounder@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago

I'm sure the ROI estimate checked out.

[–] tsonfeir@lemm.ee 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Is he the one who killed John Barnett?

[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago

Well, he could tell you . . . but then

[–] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Could it be an alter ego of Agent 47?

[–] WarmSoda@lemm.ee 2 points 9 months ago

Come on man. That's obviously the joke.