this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2024
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Gamedev is Easy (programming.dev)
submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by JPDev@programming.dev to c/programmer_humor@programming.dev
 

Transcript

var game = new Game()
  .EnableMultiplayer()
  .EnableSpatialAudio()
  .SetPerformance(Game.Performance.HIGH)
  .ForEachBug(Bug::AutoFix)
  .GetWishlists(7000);

game.Release();
all 37 comments
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[–] Malix@sopuli.xyz 86 points 7 months ago (5 children)

c'mon man, you forgot to call .EnableUltraWideSupport()

[–] mcforest@feddit.de 33 points 7 months ago

Naah, gamedevs hate us more than they love money :(

[–] Daxtron2@startrek.website 10 points 7 months ago

The tech just isn't there yet to support an extra line 😔

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 4 points 7 months ago

I'm pretty sure the Aspect Ratio of the Year is 4:3

[–] Scoopta@programming.dev 1 points 7 months ago

Where's the .EnableUltraUltraWideSupport(). Gotta have my 48:9 aspect ratio

[–] Scoopta@programming.dev 1 points 7 months ago

Where's the .EnableUltraUltraWideSupport(). Gotta have my 48:9 aspect ratio

[–] savvywolf@pawb.social 75 points 7 months ago

Whoa, you can't trust people with that code. You gotta put in a few rootkits and drm to stop filthy pirates and cheats.

[–] underisk@lemmy.ml 72 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Another dev who forgot to .AddGameplay()

[–] Zagorath@aussie.zone 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I assume that's part of the constructor?

[–] HereIAm@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago

Should really start practicing dependency injection, so you can create any kind of gameplay you want easily!

[–] BurningTurtle@programming.dev 55 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Weirdly they often forget to use .EnableCrossplay() and then complain about it being "hard to implement".

[–] Zagorath@aussie.zone 17 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

and then complain about it being "hard to implement".

Ok but seriously, if a completely new dev team picking up a game 20 years after it was originally written for one platform can port it to a new platform with an entire new custom user experience and support optional cross-play, I have no sympathy for developers of modern games designed from the start to run on multiple platforms not supporting cross-play in their game.

[–] msage@programming.dev 10 points 7 months ago

You have to take into account that a big company game is going to by much harder to implement than just a small hobby team game simply because of all the people involved.

What can 5 people do in a year may take more for 500 people, just because of the management overhead. And if that management sucks, it will end up doing way more things it was required to do, yet the original request will not be done well.

[–] vox@sopuli.xyz 6 points 7 months ago (1 children)

well if a game heavily relie s on steam networking stack crossplay may be close to impressiblr to implement without ripping the whole stack out

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 5 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Just port Steam to the Nintendo PlayStation.

[–] MostlyBlindGamer@rblind.com 35 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

I smell a NotImplementedException somewhere.

[–] KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 56 points 7 months ago (1 children)
catch (Exception e) {
    Exception.autofix(e);
}

Done!

[–] MostlyBlindGamer@rblind.com 1 points 7 months ago

Perfect! Don’t forget to assert the same exception in all the tests.

[–] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] MostlyBlindGamer@rblind.com 2 points 7 months ago

I don’t know, at least ‘SetPerformance()’ could throw an argument out of bounds exception.

[–] kamen@lemmy.world 22 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Yep, easy as that, just that each method takes months.

[–] ryehypernova@lemmy.ml 12 points 7 months ago

or years in some cases

[–] RandomVideos@programming.dev 1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

How are you implementing bug catching and autofixing in a couple of months

[–] kamen@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago

Yeah, that part is a bit iffy, but managers and product owners will believe it.

[–] shiveyarbles@beehaw.org 21 points 7 months ago

No no release should be executed first

[–] umbrella@lemmy.ml 12 points 7 months ago

if only those dumb game devs knew

ill send them this code just to be sure

[–] LordOfTheChia@lemmy.world 11 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Reminds me of Coffee Stain Studio's trailer for the release of Goat MMO Simulator:

https://youtu.be/WAm5yxQA_HY

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

EnableSpatialAudio()

I thought most games nowadays don't do any of that, because you can save that CPU time for a little big more frames.

[–] snugglebutt@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 7 months ago

Save that CPU time for Denuvo

[–] leaky_shower_thought@feddit.nl 8 points 7 months ago
@platform('engagement')
game.Release().then(ninjaNFTandMTXDLC);

are you feeling it Mr. Crabs?

[–] seang96@spgrn.com 5 points 7 months ago

I love me some builder design patterns!

[–] scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech 3 points 7 months ago

Psht No wonder AI is taking all of our jobs

[–] asterfield@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago

This code is going to make me have a stroke. What language is this? Why does the game object have an internal bug tracker implementation? Does the game force itself into wishlists? If yes, why stop at 7000?

I know I shouldn’t get so mad at a random internet joke but this one makes me twitchy.

[–] Fades@lemmy.world -2 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)
[–] SmilingSolaris@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago

Lower effort reply