okay remember how I said I wanted more Murati flashbacks, my heart might not be able to take it. In 8.11 you get to see ten year old Sonya and I'm like BAWWWWWWWW LOOK HOW CUTE SHE IS, LOOK HOW EXCITED SHE IS AT GETTIN GENDER AFFIRMED Zasha is such a cool older sister, she lectures about the meaning of combat and supports her kid sister transitioning... but like look at this adorable lil autist, "It's like crazy how good I am" yes it is you little fucking lovable dork, you ARE the hero!!! and she has a stuffed cuttlefish lol. I wonder what thats about =)

Also the mech fights in this chapter? 11/10 no notes, Sieglinde getting battered by Khajida with two chainswords while receiving a vicious roasting had me like FUCKING GET ER KHAJIDA, SHOW THAT BITCH WHAT A UNION PILOT WITH SOMETHING TO FIGHT FOR CAN DO!!! Similarly, Sonya diving out of the way of the Option drone, baiting it to shoot the Jagdkaiser because Selene is a fucking idiot? When Sonya says I'm not a lab rat! I'm Sonya Shalikova! You think this is fun? Are you enjoying yourself?, uncritical support to Sonya in her pitched battle to murder Selene. There is an interesting footnote tho:

"She generated no ambient emotions for Selene to pick up. She was invisible to psionic senses."

I thought Sonya just had really strong latent powers that stopped Maryan from reading her, but... is the implication here that Sonya is invisible to psionic vision cause shes just that fuckin autistic that her emotions are unreadable?

Shalikova felt like crying - she was crying - there was so much pouring out of her. She knew it was irrational, but she was so affected by the emotions she felt from Selene.

It definitely feels subtextually like psionic autism. Lol.

In other news, and since it so rudely interrupted the climax of battle, (a classic shonen battle trope) oh god for fuck's sake, I didn't realise we'd be getting flashback scenes of sad egg vibes in this, oh it puts me in mind of James H in Nevada holy shit. Going home to his shitty apartment in Star City to try on a dress and smoke weed and be depressed, as Marina does. I am so fucking dismayed that the word transvestism survived from the surface world, oh fuckin man Republic delenda est...

I do find it kind of funny that Marina has to shoulder all the internalised transphobia in this plot, because everyone else is too cool and rad.

Hate seeing "AFAB vs AMAB" essentialism and "transfems are like this" bullshit even on lefty places like here. I'm probably just being oversensitive and should delete all social media but youtube animal facts. I feel like I can't trust anywhere on the internet to accept trans people.

"In this single moment, Gertrude's dreams could crumble right in front of her. All of her work, suffering, all the begging and cheating and the corpses she climbed - for nothing."

Self Awareness Gertrude does not reflect on her actions. She truly does think in waves. The battle against the Antenora is just starting up for the Brigand crew, and I'm pretty hyped.

Meanwhile,

Right? She wished the little nagging voice in her head was more supportive.

MOOD, SONYA

I like seeing Shalikova being CO as well, her internal bitching about how much better Murati is at this has me like OMG GO SIT WITH HER ✨ I believe in her ability to do this sometime since Murati is a perfect bean and could not be more approachable if she tried. I find the icy dynamics between them fascinating though, it really seemed back at the 3rd Battle of Thassalid that Sonya outright hated Murati or smth

So here is your incredibly blursed thought for the day: They should kiss. Murati and Sonya would make kind of a fun pair... Not as much obvious chemistry as Ulyana/Aaliyah or indeed Sonya and Maryan, but the way so much of Sonya's mindshare is spent thinking jealously/in admiration about how much better of a CO and tactician Murati is... combined with that initial awkwardness, I'm seeing it already. Sonya, nervous and gay, using her reverence for Murati's battlefield acumen as a shield to hide her hopelessly gay crush. Murati is very hardheaded, but I can see her wanting to be soft on a squadmate, being taken a little with Sonya's obviously flustered demanour, and things blossoming a bit from there.

That could be a cute AU fic, I think. Writing a blursed T4T pairing for Unjust Depths cause there's not any so far? Even though it feels a bit dirty, I may or may not be willing to brutalise A) Karuniya and B) the fan-favourite cuttlefish narratively to make this happen.