It’s official. I’m currently in the waiting room of the hospital waiting to be taken back for my bottom surgery. I am out of my mind happy and nervous at the same time. Nice things like this aren’t supposed to happen to me. And yet here we are. It feels like a dream ;w;
this post was submitted on 01 Apr 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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I'm starting to see misogyny around the site and it's starting to concern me. Just seems casual and here and there, but it's getting upvoted, which concerns the hell out of me.
Ayo @SnowySkyes@hexbear.net real? I'd only seen a couple scuffed comments on some of the "woke booba" posts, dang. We hate to see it.
There’s been a few that I’ve been able to sus out and had to report most of them. Fortunately they’ve all been removed. Some are “ironic” misogyny which isn’t funny, others are just misogyny, which is less funny. Specifically that one dating post was a minefield. The first thing I saw was the op pissing on polyam folks. That pissed me off. But there were a few in there that had me wanting to retch.
That dating post killed me, soon as I saw "cishet man zone" I was like oh boy... Glad now that I skipped it after reading the OP. Did you know that polyam people ackshually have it easy & are eating the dating market alive?????
That shit pissed me off so much. It was just a toxic, thoughtless thread of poison that I’m surprised didn’t get wholly removed. The one post that really bothered me was some dude saying that western women were broken. That really just screams to me sexpat and misogynist. Piece of garbage.
dang i saw it and went "not for me" but if it was that bad you should probably start reporting that stuff. really gross!
Experiencing high anxiety that coincides with estrogen peaks :/ maybe I just need to adjust my dose. Ofc there's a small part of me that is quite scared that I wasn't "meant" for estrogen and I was all wrong about being trans. (Sorry i have been anxious about this for the last while on here :/)Then I have moments where I see old pictures of me as a guy and I'm like who tf is that that looks TERRIBLE and I absolutely never want to be him again. It's so confusign
Is the anxiety the only thing that makes you think you weren't "meant" for estrogen? Cause if so, nah :)
Yeah other than the general intrusive thoughts of like... what If I just tricked myself lmao but then why would I love how pretty I look
You're doin' good I'm pretty sure :) also tons of people who are "for" estrogen have issues around it, like cis women lol
oh my god
i was on a discord call with like 2 queer friends last night. Girl name, she/her pronouns. I had earlier used that one nicer shampoo/conditioner that I've been leaving around my shower for god knows how long so this time my hair looked really good? Mid length, "masculine" cut but something about the way my headphones acted as a headband almost made my hair look really nice? My friend even noticed and commented on how she loved my hair
I spent like half an hour just kind of zoning out of the call looking at myself on the screen and for the first time I actually... felt nice. Like, I actually liked what I saw, I was visibly happy with myself. I ended up taking 5 selfies on that call and for the first time in my life I did that because I actually wanted to
still cis tho
I got a call back this morning from the Patient Advocate revolving around that mess from last week.
CW: Transphobia/Talk about bottom surgery
They called me this morning and told me that they themselves had no real power. They then told me that they would refer the case to the doctor’s supervisor at the clinic I went to for further review. Just a few minutes ago, I received a call from his supervisor. Surprisingly, it was also my general practitioner. He told me that it was unacceptable and told me that it was likely that he was using dictation software. However, considering the frequency and certain ordering of things in the document that it was unlikely it was on accident. He asked if I wanted a call back after he spoke to him tomorrow and I agreed. I’m hoping action is taken, but it’s unlikely.
I honestly wish this whole thing would just go away now. I hate thinking about it. I hate everything about it and it’s poisoning the happiness I should be feeling right now for my bottom surgery next week. This document was going to be kept for a keepsake because it was the final hurdle to get to the surgery aside from just walking into the hospital.
I feel like shit and just want to cry over it. I just wish there were more I could do. But I don’t think I have any protections in this state. I just wish it never happened already. Why do people have to be like this?
My mom gave me kohl, which is like an eyeliner over here, because it's Sunnah, anyhow 👁🗨👄👁🗨
Wanted to see if I could find some kind of support group for transfems in my city so I could maybe build some kind of social network for myself.
Despite my city frequently being in the top 10 most queer cities of my state, there were only 2 possible monthly meet-ups I could attend as a transfem. One was for only for trans people in their 20s which means I'd be out of the range within the next year, and the other was for all gender diverse individuals 18 or older.
Both of these left me with that dreaded feeling that comes with starting my transition later in life. Ngl I feel kinda alienated by how young these skew and I'm a bit wary. I might go anyway to the 20s group while I still can and I'll see about the other one. Hopefully at least one of these leads to something positive.
so today at work was fun. i was nauseously dysphoric all day and felt like i wanted to throw up for a whole 8 hours 
. i have absolutely no words for this. even now i still feel off and gross. getting called "sir" or the name that's on my name tag has never hurt like this. for the first two hours today i wanted to cry. I haven't changed any (visible) physical thing about my presentation but it just hurts more now? what the fuck???
at the very least, i have many years experience of sucking down a ton of difficult emotions and powering through a day of school/work anyway, so at least i was prepared
at the very least, i have many years experience of sucking down a ton of difficult emotions and powering through a day of school/work anyway, so at least i was prepared
in retrospect this is an extraordinarily trans statement lol
they say going on e is going to make you cry a bunch and honestly that sounds really nice i need some hormone assisted crying rn
It’s so wonderful ngl. The change in feeling emotion is like night and day. I still refer to my old self as being an emotional brick. Nowadays, I feel a full gamut of emotions. It’s commonly said, but it rings true. It’s like when someone puts glasses on for the first time. The world is a much more beautiful place than it was before.
I remember back in high school i was pretty easily able to be crying but I guess even testosterone puberty can do that shit to you. It still feels weird to admit to yourself "Damn I wish I could cry more" though
Got an massive wave of dysphoria at work today because of the boymoding. Started to question why I fucking do this to myself. I'm lucky enough to be in a place where it wouldn't cause problems for me if people knew that I'm trans, the only reason I boymode is because it would be a little bit scary not to. It's really not worth feeling like shit just to avoid that. I'm done with this and I'm just gonna show up fem next week.
You can do it, it's gonna be rad 
Thanks! It's gonna be great to present a way I feel comfortable 
It's not that big leap of a leap at this point. I've been dressing androgynous, often gender-neutral, but occasionally leaning pretty fem, for the last couple months there, and usually get gendered correctly by visitors, so I don't think anyone is gonna react in any major way to me taking the extra step.
Part of why I felt dysphoric today was probably because my outfit was way too masc-leaning rather than gender neutral, but that still seems like a good sign that ending the half-measures and just being myself is gonna be good for me at this point.
No more half-measures 
me 2 months ago: 
<--- full of sad
me now: 
<--- full of fun t girl music
like lmao it really took 20+ fuckin years to figure this puzzle out
Share ur fun t girl music pls? I only have Black Dresses and G.L.O.S.S.!
my friend made me a spotify playlist for me. haven't listened through all of it yet but instead i've been listening to the wallsockets album by underscores
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