708

submitted 2 months ago by Maven@lemmy.world to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

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[-] yiliu@informis.land 77 points 2 months ago

Hi Tom,

I was just taking a look at your resume, and your experience at Deceased really caught my eye! I'm especially interested in your knowledge of being missed by friends and family. Did you know that complications from heart surgery is in high demand right now?

I'm a head hunter looking for dynamic individuals who are interested in positions at an exciting new startup, and I think you'd be a perfect fit!

I hope we get a chance to chat soon!

[-] AlecSadler@sh.itjust.works 11 points 2 months ago

Turns out to be an insurance phone salesperson job 9/10.

[-] FozzyOsbourne@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago

A head hunter is how he got this job in the first place!

[-] Rascabin@lemmy.ml 56 points 2 months ago

Dang. Even he got a new job. My "not selected for the position" emails are at 376 currently.

[-] Anamana@feddit.de 26 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

The new normal. You're lucky if an actual person reads your application nowadays.

[-] Sharkwellington@lemmy.one 11 points 2 months ago

I'm so exhausted. Just shoveling resumes into the void.

[-] jaybone@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

2019 - Present

Professional Resume Void Shoveler

[-] TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee 3 points 2 months ago

Think of resumes like SEO. You just gotta have the right key words- best way is to pull the text from the job desc of what you’re applying to

[-] notoftenthat@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 months ago

I liked feeding the details to https://www.jobscan.co/ when I was displaced ~`2016.

The unfortunate truth is that you need an inside contact for many of the roles.

[-] frickineh@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago

I'm starting a job search today and dreading it. There are only like 5 positions open right now that fit with my skills and also pay even close to a livable amount of money, so that's not great. Deceased sounds like a great opportunity at this point - no commute and you don't need a living wage if you're not living.

[-] slingstone@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

Nah, dude. Just wait until the deceased field gets oversaturated. All the hordes of people wandering pointlessly, everybody trampling over everyone else trying to eat the organs of the living...it's a dead end job that'll get worse with time.

[-] Sotuanduso@lemm.ee 7 points 2 months ago

You get those emails? Nice.

[-] misterundercoat@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

(Gets a job by knowing someone) I can explain!

You didn't have to interview? I had to go to through three interviews!

I'd love to get an interview. All I get are rejection emails.

You guys are getting responses?

[-] foofiepie@lemmy.world 53 points 2 months ago

Oh wow this is real.

Nice, someone congratulated him in the comments. 😂

[-] driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 24 points 2 months ago

My retirement plans be like:

[-] ODuffer@lemmy.world 40 points 2 months ago

Dead end job

[-] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 33 points 2 months ago

This man has won capitalism

[-] Blackout@kbin.run 31 points 2 months ago

I'm gonna lie and put deceased on my resume too. They never check.

[-] errer@lemmy.world 28 points 2 months ago

Great profession, perfect 0/0 work/life balance.

[-] therealjcdenton@lemmy.zip 21 points 2 months ago

Moving up in the world

[-] SlopppyEngineer@lemmy.world 26 points 2 months ago

Working in the cloud

[-] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Literally the opposite. Unless he goes with cremation rather than burial, of course.

[-] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago

The sky's the limit!

[-] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

If you have a trebuchet or cannon or something to launch the urn or casket with, sure 🤷

[-] slingstone@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

I mean, a rocket will get you past the sky, so...

[-] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Depends whether or not you define outer space as part of "the sky". As a Browncoat, I say it is, adding that you can't take it from me 😉

[-] slingstone@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

Shiny

[-] BestBouclettes@jlai.lu 16 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Talk about job security

[-] simplejack@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago

[-] EdibleFriend@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

It's always hard to see others living your dreams.

[-] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 6 points 2 months ago

Guaranteed this guy talked about how no one wants to work anymore, or provided 'insights' on leadership/project management

[-] brbposting@sh.itjust.works 34 points 2 months ago

IDK why I’m sticking up for a dead stranger this early but… is this kinda unfair cuz it’s just ageism? Dude might’ve been a saint or Hitler. (No, nothing in between!)

If you’re good at reading faces I have to take back the ageism accusation :)

[-] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

Order job

[-] Fleur__@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

I'm currently looking for work at the cemetery as a deceased person hmu if you know anyone hiring

[-] jaybone@lemmy.world 0 points 2 months ago

Whotf is Tom Luce.

[-] nexguy@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

New CEO and intern and janitor at None

[-] user1234@lemmynsfw.com 4 points 2 months ago

Nobody anymore

this post was submitted on 27 Apr 2024

708 points (98.8% liked)

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