chat

I feel vindicated. What I have now in my possession took me 8 fucking years to get. It's not the typical shit that you hear from people who claim to be Gangstalked (EG: People are making hand signals at me, there's a lot of red cars around me, etc.) 2.5 hours of pure unadulterated abuse. The kind of shit you'd hear said in a blacksite. Going through it again to verify that I'm not just hearing things was especially hard, but I finally have it. It's absolutely pure arrogance on their part as well because they dug around in my backpack for my voice recorder and acknowledged that there's "a lot of evidence on there", and then kept abusing me.

8 years of my life people called me crazy because I gave up on trying to gather evidence for the longest time. Now I have it. I don't really want to say too much more because I am going to have to start legal proceedings soon, but I just wanted to let you know about one of the small victories that fell into my lap.

Much like a lot of Gen X, some of the older Millennials in my life (particularly the white working professionals) are parroting the age old mantra of "I don't care about passing my skills on to the younger generations or helping those in need, no one ever helped me in my life.". My response is always "That's not a good thing!" because I never know what to say. Debate is not my strength.

My working class grandparents were never like this. They lived through the great depression and two wars and never wanted anyone to suffer as much as they did. I miss them and their kindness dearly. It's only from boomers and younger that I've seen this attitude. Capitalism is crushing our instincts as a social species. If we can't stand on the shoulders of giants... well then we will stop advancing as a species. We will stagnate and go extinct because the challenges we face now need all of us. It goes against everything that is human to be this alienated and antagonistic to one another. Particularly frightening is the hatred and contempt modern society has towards children.

This is not going to end well.

I appreciate all the people here, whether you're 20 or 60, for not becoming the thing that hurt you. We need people with a soul more than ever.

Saw this today at my local library, they were having a fun little propaganda session. Wish there was a way to stop this shit.

I was able to pickup the sixth Wheel of Time book, which I guess was nice.

Have the house to myself for a while and no reason to leave.

I will not be constrained bourgeois expectations, I will live a pants free life! (at least until i have to go buy groceries) Rise up and throw off the oppression of cloth!

Because I think that it has been appropriated. Bandhani is a traditional tie-dye technique, with deep cultural and historial significance for the Rajasthani, even extending to Sindhi and Marwari sub-groups in the west of India and east of Pakistan - who comprise of nomadic and semi-nomadic artisans.

The word 'bandhan/bandhana' can have several meanings depending on the context - knot, relation(ship), or kerchief - they're all related to each other, in the sense that this piece of clothing signifies relationship, and can be tied to the end of one's cloth - just in the same way you can "build" a "building" in English, if that makes sense. One of the most identifiable parts of the bandhani is the parsely and floral pattern, as well as the use of non-pastel, dark dyes.

Now, I am neither a Rajasthani, nor from the north-western parts of India or eastern part of Pakistan, so it should be obvious that I don't know much about them. Maybe some information over here is not true - and I'd appreciate correction. Personally, I feel like it is an extreme case of cultural appropriation in the sense that:

• the culture behind it has been erased, or people don't bother doing enough basic research behind them

• it has been commodified and mass-produced as a fashion trend, which is disrespectful to the people, and has harmed their livelihood severely

• the patterns have a deep cultural, religious and social significance, so do the colors, and using them trivially again erases the original meaning behind them

The bandana culture (at least from my stereotype of American media) has been stolen collectively on different occasions by multiple subcultures - the hippies, the bikers, white supremacists, cowboys, gang members, black rights activists and even antifa/anarchists members, shifting the original symbolism from that of familial collectivism to something that is representative of rejection of government authority.

Unfortunately, as a very vulnerable group, they don't have the voice to raise against this injustice, because obviously when basic needs are not met, people tend to ignore the erasure of their own identity and culture, and try to survive with what they can. The place that they live in is the antipode to the American continent, and obviously, that region does not receive a lot of attention, as opposed to western cities.

Couple months ago I met a woman who works at a dispensary I visit about once a week. We hit it off really well. Despite trying to just keep it casual sex, and that only, I ended up developing some feelings for her. She confessed the same to me. I even introduced her to my teenaged daughter, for fucks sake.

I ran into her this evening at a gas station, with another guy, who turns out to be her husband. They’ve been married five years, and have two children together, ages 4 and 2. Finding out they have kids just made me feel disgusting.

So, I told him. He didnt believe me until I described a tattoo in a somewhat intimate place on her body. I had no fucking clue she was married. I think I ruined someone’s marriage. Or at least took part in ruining one.

I feel guilty. I am sorry for what I participated in. Am I a bad person?

u galz R great

are the pizza muffins ready?

if you didn't have one, please feel free to invent what you think would have happened/what you would like to have happened

Love to see a bunch of shit I'm not qualified for and then a bunch of things that don't begin to cover my expenses and feel bad about myself and my circumstances and cry and eventually put one application for a custodian position with the county because what the fuck else will I do

I know if I went back to school and finished a degree it would give me a leg up but I just can't fucking handle the workload of work and school anymore, I feel like such a lazy piece of shit but I just don't have it in me anymore to keep this shit up

Dealing with a lot of dark thoughts today. Very dark.

Long story short he's back at me again because I asked him for $5 so I could grab smokes, even though I lied and said it was to buy a coffee (fuck him). Laid into me about how I suck and I'm a parasite.

Like I said in the title it puts my self-esteem in the dumps because I can't just move away and tell him to eat shit and die and never speak to him again. I'm beholden to this fucking monster that hates me.

And the funny part is I had a plan to quit smoking this weekend now I'm saying fuck it to that because what's the point?

Sunny day, sweeping the clouds away, on my way to where the air is sweet!

Wooooooo

Fucking aye.

Sometimes I feel like an alien on the wrong damn planet.

I don't get you humans at all.

It feels lonely sometimes.

i posted about passing on a job offer a few weeks ago. I didn't really pass on it, I accepted but told them that the work wasn't what i really wanted to do, and they decided to rescind the offer. same thing

jobs are so scarce, I definitely should have just said nothing and sign the contract. They would drop me any time they wanted, so I can leave any time I want too. i just couldn't commit to something i thought would make me miserable.

At the time I didn't think I could even tolerate the job. Got some space to think properly and I just don't think that's true any more. I can tolerate it fine. Work environment is fine, pay is fine, just the work wasnt what i wanted to focus on. These are all just tech white collar jobs anyways, what was i hesitating for. motherfucker

I've got some clarity now, i'll move on. sometimes i just hate myself

Maybe not really a question, more of a vent. But 5 years ago I was doing lib issue activism (let me keep it vague to not get myself doxxed). I was close to this person in the org. We even got so close that we went on holidays together. When they were in this hospital for a week, I was there every fecking day.

Over the course of our short but intense friendship, I started to notice that literally every time we met, they were shit talking other activists. I did say that they needed to discuss it with the person in question, I did let them know it wasn't cool. I also noticed that there was a lot of drama between them and other members. When shit happened, it was always "let me send out a ten paragraph email on why that activist is shit, but never CC the person in". And always, this former friend was never wrong about anything, could never apologise, which frankly is one of my big pet peeves. Heck, I apologise and self-crit constantly.

Back in 2019, I said that I don't like having people raise their voice to me and order me around, as this former friend liked to do. Over a course of a month, lots of former friends become really cold to me without reason. People stopped replying to texts. I asked for an explanation but got none. After 3 months, I was officially removed from the group's Whatsapp group by this former friend. When I asked for an explanation, they blocked me. I swear to god, I was never given an explanation. For the benefit of the movement, I didn't make a big deal out of it. Although it hurt like shit.

It led to 2 years of feeling suicidal, depression, medication, and therapy. After which I became a much harder leftist. Fuck rich people like them.

I'm not saying I was perfect. Lib ButtBidet was pretty dramatic, and lacked people and coping skills back then. Nowadays, when friendships need to die, I like them die gracefully, and just more slowly reply to texts and shit. There's no point and feeling sad that a friend won't admit to making a mistake and keeps making it, it's best to move on.

AFAIK, the movement that we were in together is now dead locally. I strongly suspect it has a lot to do with this person's toxicity, as they tend to have their "activist enemy of the day" but honestly it could be anything.

Anyhow, since then I've joined a local left org, and we've been doing very well. I've been doing it for 4 years and it's great. I'm one of the key organisers. Now this old activist friend has started showing up to our events. I can't explicitly kick them out, because they're not racist or anything. But honestly gossiping and not apologising are pretty toxic traits for an org. I tried to explain it to the other key people but it's just empathy and shrugs. I get it, the person hasn't doing violence or anything.

Thanks for letting me vent

really normal dream where nothing out of the ordinary happened tbh, not sure why I felt the need to post about it

Seriously I just had a dream where I was taken into an office by one of my professors and she was like "so can you get this done on time" and I was like "yeah, sure, totally!" And she replies "Oh, thank god you're a capitalist!" And I was like "NONONO I'm definitely not a capitalist!" And she goes "Uh huh, sure. Me too. "

does this count as bullying myself if my brain creates my dreams?"

I want to immigrate to someplace that's not a shit hole teetering on the brink. The culture is so fucking violent and geared towards crushing the human spirit, it really is a blight. Is there any place in the world that's halfway decent and isn't infected with burger brain disease? Especially if it's easy for an angloid simpleton such as myself to assimilate.

Edit: also trans friendly! Or at least not a danger zone like half the US.

So. My terf sister fucking stabbed me when I was visiting my mom. Now I'm recovering. This sucks fr fr