this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2024
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chapotraphouse
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Secret Service is definitely made up of a bunch of largely incompetent buffoons.
After the Trump near success and stuff like this and Jan 6 I’m definitely a proponent of the theory that JFK was just accidentally domed by a secret service agent.
JFKs head actually just did that. It was a result of the brain experiencing rapid changes in air pressure between being on an airplane and in a convertible in a motorcade. The whole thing goes to your head and if you've just been flying... Pop!
It was covered up by Boeing who was afraid Americans wouldn't want to fly if they knew their heads would do that if they went to sit in an open convertible with Jackie Kennedy right after.
Luckily she never rode a motorcade again because of her trauma, preventing such incidents from ever recurring.
Very considerate of Jackie, really
no no, the theory is it was the agent in the front seat reaching for his shoulder holster and fumbling, firing through the seat and through jfk's head, explaining the whole "magic bullet" thing and the zapruder film "back and to the left"
That’s the one!
I like the "everybody did it" theory.
His head just did that.
His head just did that, but milliseconds later his head, which was in the process of exploding, got hit by like eight different bullets and the psychic brain exploder ray!
I think the JFK assassination was a completely normal assassination and they caught the killer immediately, but then a time traveler went back and fucked with it and made it ambiguous, and then another time traveler went back and messed with it even more, and now it's just a time traveler meme to go back and make that specific event even more weird and fucked up
are we sure it wasn't related to a boeing mishap?
Three different 727s just did that and Oswald's bullet richotted off the plane debris, hence the magic bullet.
So many people were observing the position of JFK’s head that, due the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, the momentum of its contents went to infinity
I 100% don't buy the "SS agent who was hung over and didn't know how to use his newfangled AR-15 so he accidentally shot JFK line." It's obv nonsense if you look further into it. Simple ballistics evidence alone shows that's not how it went down. I can elaborate if you really want (I'm crazy JFK Pilled) but evidence shows multiple shooters, and the most likely hits came from behind. So that means, not Oswald, not some guy in the grassy knoll, but two dudes in one of the buildings that was behind the motorcade did the shooting. Plus the damage doesn't line up with what a .223 round would do. That level of head explosion is achieved with a full power rifle round.
Mind sharing more, or your sources? Not challenging you; just bored.
Edit: SHIT! I was replying to the wrong comment. Give me a bit.
The Death is Just Around The Corner series called Lose Extra Pounds of Brain and Bone the JFK Way does the best job of dissecting the bourgeoise power struggle that led to the Kennedy assassination. I'm not 100% on board with the analysis of the actual shooting in this series but as far as the wider political implications go it's pretty damn close.
Lol
Truanon has a really fun JFK series where they just go through the vast list of wacky shit that was happening in Dallas that day. They don't offer any conclusions, it's just like a twilight zone episode of all the spies and mobsters and intelligence freaks with Rod being like "what is the truth? We may never know what really happened in... the twilight zone."
It's the kinda story you make up to kill a conspiracy. it's mundane, silly and lets you feel smart for having "figured it out".
Literally all JFK theories are “I am the one who figured it out”
Mine is that Lee Harvey Oswald really was a lone actor, but one of the various groups that wanted JFK dead assumed he was one of their assets gone rogue, and put Jack Ruby up to killing him before he could talk.
I mention this because, just like you say, my entire evidence is that it feels clever.
Oswald was trying to shoot the grassy knoll guy but a fly bit his beanis right as he was pulling the trigger and he accidentally jfk's entire head.
Alternately, the grassy knoll guy was trying to shoot oswald but the round richotted off of oswald's giant titanium marxist gonads and beanis'd jfk right in the head.
Lmao that is a good one
I mean there's a lot that are just variations of "the official story is a lie, here is a lot of suspicious stuff and it's suspicious it was covered up. I don't know who did it, but I know it wasn't Oswald and I know it was covered up for some reason"
JFK simply ate a whole can of Texan beanis an hour prior, didn't want to embarrass himself infront of Jackie so he held in his fart so long his head exploded.
If you eat the beanis, please make sure to fart, kids.
I am the one who figured it out.