Secret Service is definitely made up of a bunch of largely incompetent buffoons.
After the Trump near success and stuff like this and Jan 6 I’m definitely a proponent of the theory that JFK was just accidentally domed by a secret service agent.
this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2024
182 points (98.9% liked)
chapotraphouse
13459 readers
934 users here now
Banned? DM Wmill to appeal.
No anti-nautilism posts. See: Eco-fascism Primer
Vaush posts go in the_dunk_tank
Dunk posts in general go in the_dunk_tank, not here
Don't post low-hanging fruit here after it gets removed from the_dunk_tank
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
JFKs head actually just did that. It was a result of the brain experiencing rapid changes in air pressure between being on an airplane and in a convertible in a motorcade. The whole thing goes to your head and if you've just been flying... Pop!
It was covered up by Boeing who was afraid Americans wouldn't want to fly if they knew their heads would do that if they went to sit in an open convertible with Jackie Kennedy right after.
Luckily she never rode a motorcade again because of her trauma, preventing such incidents from ever recurring.
Very considerate of Jackie, really
no no, the theory is it was the agent in the front seat reaching for his shoulder holster and fumbling, firing through the seat and through jfk's head, explaining the whole "magic bullet" thing and the zapruder film "back and to the left"
That’s the one!
I like the "everybody did it" theory.
His head just did that.
His head just did that, but milliseconds later his head, which was in the process of exploding, got hit by like eight different bullets and the psychic brain exploder ray!
I think the JFK assassination was a completely normal assassination and they caught the killer immediately, but then a time traveler went back and fucked with it and made it ambiguous, and then another time traveler went back and messed with it even more, and now it's just a time traveler meme to go back and make that specific event even more weird and fucked up
are we sure it wasn't related to a boeing mishap?
Three different 727s just did that and Oswald's bullet richotted off the plane debris, hence the magic bullet.
So many people were observing the position of JFK’s head that, due the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, the momentum of its contents went to infinity
I 100% don't buy the "SS agent who was hung over and didn't know how to use his newfangled AR-15 so he accidentally shot JFK line." It's obv nonsense if you look further into it. Simple ballistics evidence alone shows that's not how it went down. I can elaborate if you really want (I'm crazy JFK Pilled) but evidence shows multiple shooters, and the most likely hits came from behind. So that means, not Oswald, not some guy in the grassy knoll, but two dudes in one of the buildings that was behind the motorcade did the shooting. Plus the damage doesn't line up with what a .223 round would do. That level of head explosion is achieved with a full power rifle round.
Mind sharing more, or your sources? Not challenging you; just bored.
Edit: SHIT! I was replying to the wrong comment. Give me a bit.
The Death is Just Around The Corner series called Lose Extra Pounds of Brain and Bone the JFK Way does the best job of dissecting the bourgeoise power struggle that led to the Kennedy assassination. I'm not 100% on board with the analysis of the actual shooting in this series but as far as the wider political implications go it's pretty damn close.
My main source is a podcast
Lol
Truanon has a really fun JFK series where they just go through the vast list of wacky shit that was happening in Dallas that day. They don't offer any conclusions, it's just like a twilight zone episode of all the spies and mobsters and intelligence freaks with Rod being like "what is the truth? We may never know what really happened in... the twilight zone."
It's the kinda story you make up to kill a conspiracy. it's mundane, silly and lets you feel smart for having "figured it out".
Literally all JFK theories are “I am the one who figured it out”
Mine is that Lee Harvey Oswald really was a lone actor, but one of the various groups that wanted JFK dead assumed he was one of their assets gone rogue, and put Jack Ruby up to killing him before he could talk.
I mention this because, just like you say, my entire evidence is that it feels clever.
Oswald was trying to shoot the grassy knoll guy but a fly bit his beanis right as he was pulling the trigger and he accidentally jfk's entire head.
Alternately, the grassy knoll guy was trying to shoot oswald but the round richotted off of oswald's giant titanium marxist gonads and beanis'd jfk right in the head.
Lmao that is a good one
I mean there's a lot that are just variations of "the official story is a lie, here is a lot of suspicious stuff and it's suspicious it was covered up. I don't know who did it, but I know it wasn't Oswald and I know it was covered up for some reason"
JFK simply ate a whole can of Texan beanis an hour prior, didn't want to embarrass himself infront of Jackie so he held in his fart so long his head exploded.
If you eat the beanis, please make sure to fart, kids.
I am the one who figured it out.
Apart from the bizarre incompetence of the SS, this story is a great reminder of how politicians are huge selfish assholes. When they want to use a town as a backdrop for their own selfish purposes they shut down everything, disrupting people's life and livelihoods.
Let these bastards do their circus in some remote fields far away from people instead.
Yeah like I'm sure nobody is being compensated for the lost wages and shit from these places closing down
And for a FUNDRAISER? Literally stealing from the community at that point
I remember being unable to leave my house for a while back in the day because obummer was doing some speaking thing. : p
At least Trump had the decency to be shot somewhere where his blood being spilled on the soil probably raised the property value by 30%.
Trump blood dirt sold in jars to chuds
Saw this at George Floyd Square during the uprising. All kinds of polticians and celebrities showed up, took their pictures, fucked off, and were never heard from again. I think 
was there at one point
Lmao I saw 2chainz show up for 10 min and leave it was incredibly funny how dumb it was and people were like woaaaaaa
Yeah surely the Washin-SS has a bunch of undercover cars to bring politicoans in securely without shutting down entire highways and neighborhoods
Jill Biden spoke at a place I had to repair a machine at and I had to go all the way around and use a back entrance, and they only let me do that because the machine being down was stopping the whole factory process
This is what happens when you get rid of all the public washrooms.
Proles arent allowed to break into a salon and use the loo, imagine the headlines!
Imagining a dude in a black suit with an earpiece and sunglasses being like "uh TacHQ, this sectors clear, all vectors green in the AO. Requesting permission to commandeer this nail salon bathroom, I gotta go take a shit, copy?" "Acknowledged Bravo Six, you have execute authority to use civilian infrastructure for doodoo operations, over"
Please stop listening in to my discord when I play CoD.
25 KILLSTREAK
"Tactical dookie ready for deployment. Turn the key."
I'm peeing.
Topdecked by the Vice President; Coming soon on Lifetime Network.
Me covering over the security camera when I had a lunch with onions in it and I don't want people to find out who destroyed the bathroom.
Breaking the 3rd to Drop a 2
Omg my favorite amendment
Lmao
I bet the legal eagle guy on YouTube would cum his lawyer pants if there is was a legitimate challenge to the 3rd amendment
not troops, though they are called SS
Should have killed him legally in gta v role play