Children of Time is a 2015 science fiction novel by Adrian Tchaikovsky.
In the distant future, humanity seeks to create new habitats for itself on distant planets, terraforming them and seeding them with life. Dr. Avrana Kern is heading one such project, orbiting the tentatively named "Kern's World", where the plan is to release monkeys 
infected with a nanovirus that will accelerate their evolution. Through an act of sabotage from an anti-technology group that has also destroyed much of Earth, the monkeys are never released, and the virus instead infects a species of spider, Portia labiata. The book follows the evolution of the spiders and their eventual civilisation, as well as a remnant of humanity that fled to Kern's World hoping to find paradise.
also children of ruin and children of memory, the sequels, are really good
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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
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I actually really like that no one has to reply to my postings here. Then anyone who does is doing it purely because they want to. Sometimes it takes time for people to respond, actually just today someone responded to a two day old comment of mine. This has happened a few times recently. Not that that's typical but you definitely have to wait a little bit...What are you dysphoric about, and have you thought about hrt?
No, I don't have a single person irl I look to for support/as a community. Personally, I don't think that has kept me from figuring things out, although my brain might just be different from yours. I completely understand your desire for it though.
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You do not. You're just hurting right now.
This is a totally normal human need, trans or not
I'm sorry to say there are no magic words. People try to help here and give support, but it's always just solidarity and advice. This kind of pain is part of the trans experience but it is far from the entirety. Figuring this shit out really hurts, but there's beauty in it as well.
I don't have one. I wish I did. Closest I have is online friends I met here. It's really normal to want to be around other queer people, to talk with them, to touch them. It's hard when you don't have it. I really can't imagine that anyone here is befuddled by that.
Yeah, I mean, I've felt this exact same way. Of course, who wouldn't want to feel that way?
To be honest, you're really beating yourself over these things, and it seems like the self judgements are hurting you a lot. You paint yourself as some kind of outsider, but I don't think anything you've ever posted has been very problematic or even strange. I see you, and I see a very typical trans person who is in pain and is saying normal trans things.
If you're yearning for community, I suggest finding local queer gatherings. It will ease the pain.