this post was submitted on 22 Apr 2024
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god i have to get off reddit. i keep looking at trans femme fashion and transition timelines and it's all these stunningly well passing women who claim shit like "oh yeah this was like 1.5 years hrt" or something, this is only filling my head with bad ideas.
fuck, i got to meet real trans people outside and i don't even really know where to start, honestly
girl you already passed as a cis woman after 1.5 years HRT and then you got FFS??? you literally just look like a different cis woman now? i am become dysphoria, the layer in bed
I think for a lot of people, even if they already "pass" to most strangers, getting ffs is not necessarily just about looking more feminine, but moreso about just looking different than the face they've felt so much dysphoria about for so long.
I know personally, when I look in the mirror I have a list of features I can systematically stare at until I start to feel like shit, and I can't really stop myself from doing it.
Thereβs a lot to be said about how comfortable one is looking at themselves in the mirror. It might work for the general public, but if it doesnβt work for you, then what does it matter? Itβs part of the reason I am still harsh on myself with my voice even though it passes very well. I want it to sound good to me as well, not just Random Stranger A
That's very valid and something I never really considered but yeah, that's fair and kind of describes me come to think of it. Like, transphobia is bad and I don't want to experience that in public but I want to pass for myself. I don't want to see a man in the mirror anymore. It's funny, actually when i think about it enough; I like the idea of FFS but I don't even think I'll need it. With longer hair, no 5 o clock shadow, and smoother, drier skin, i could probably pass with relatively little HRT changes to my face. I remember I took the first selfies of myself that I actually liked like 3 weeks ago and it was when I was on a discord call with some friends and the low quality camera I bought for myself acted as basically softening filter and I thought I looked so fucking cute in those
If you liked the camera's effects you would probably benefit from learning makeup as well, since it can make your skin look smoother. There's other nice things it can do too of course but that's one that can often help with looking more feminine. I believe there's also makeup techniques to hide beard shadows? Idk for sure though I have no experience.
Also yeah definitely grow out your hair first if you want long hair, it can do incredible work for how well you pass. It won't get you all of the way but it will get you more than you'd expect, especially when you style it femininely.
i follow a bunch of communist transfems on tumblr and it's so much better for my mental health than any trans subreddit is, you could give that a try
One of my two trans woman friends convinced me to make a tumblr but honestly the website is kind of incoherent to me. What the fuck is a reblog? How am I supposed to interact with this website? I don't know, but it makes me want to go back to hexbear real fast. I got to learn how to meet real people though
I like tumblr in spirit, like it's got great stuff to look at sometimes, but it's also redditesque in that everyone is out for blood, you know the way. One large continuous struggle session.
tumblr is a website where you just follow a bunch of people who seem neat and then reblog posts that you like and think are worth sharing. reblog is just retweet except you can tag it with things to find later or add a comment
if you have any questions feel free to dm me and ill do my best to answer
ive been meaning to give that a try, especially if its finally time to get off twitter, but don't know how to begin searching so which ones do you recommend? (or can dm)
i sent you a DM, if anyone else wants a list just dm me
During my FFS post op she was looking over my record and said, "you really got everything on the menu, huh?" Literally every single part of my face went under the knife. Jaw, chin, brow, hairline, lip lift, fat grafting everywhere. I had the most masculine face humanly possible. I didn't pass a single time until after FFS. In high school people told me I looked like Ivan Doroschuk, the safety dance guy.
Also, their photos might not be showing their profile. Out of the trans women who do pass without FFS at least half of them only pass from the front. Its rare for anyone to pass from the side. Passing in general is more common if you're latina or east asian.
I just looked at r/transtimelines and it made me insecure, I'm 4.5 years hrt, 2 years post ffs. Don't hurt yourself sis <3
You might be surprised what 1,5 years of HRT can do, but yes, absolutely get off reddit, the trans community there is awful and the subs for transition timelines in particular are really bad for dysphoria. I had a legitimate crisis because researching too much on r/trangender_surgeries and seeing all these before-after pics of FFS amplified my face dysphoria to unbearable levels. That gets better when you stop going there, it's honestly shocking how much harm that place can cause.
Media hygiene is a core trans survival strategy in this day and age. If you find that content has a bad influence on you, drop that shit.
As far as finding a trans community irl goes, that can be tricky, but it's absolutely worth it. Nothing helps more than being in a room full of nice trans people, i actually feel normal in such a context. Not hidden in plain sight like when i'm stealth, not in disguise like when i was boymoding, but completely normal just by being my authentic self. That's priceless. But it can take a while to find an org where you fit in. Many of the cool ones do not advertise that much and kinda piggyback on established queer orgs in the area. Check if they're using nonbinary-inclusive language or if they stick to outdated terms like "transsexual" instead, the latter is a pretty reliable giveaway they're truscum. With pride season coming up, you may have more opportunities to find orgs that recruit mostly through word of mouth or by other offline means.
Yea holy shit I'm so jealous now. :sicko-wistful:
Oh. So if you live in a city, do a search for "Trans discord [city name]. Otherwise check with the lgbt center in the city to see if they have support groups. My support group got me through, idk a year of transition and I'm still going every week. I've met a few friends through it too. Once of them is one of my closest friends who I hang out with every Saturday. So yeah
Yeah ffs feels more and more necessary for me day by day honestly. Damn