this post was submitted on 27 Jun 2024
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I don’t want to be the weirdo asking where so I couldn’t possibly begin to answer that. You seem to know though based off the knowledge of a local district that’s at least somewhat woke.
I was just trying to be positive and provide supportive affirmation in finding irl people you seem to know where to find.
Sorry if that was unwelcome. My bad.
My town is a fucking hole lmao I live in a retirement town
I absolutely would not know where to find people but even if I did, I am so woefully socially inept that it would be pointless anyway
No apology needed you didnt do anything wrong
Go find a local dive bar that looks queer friendly. I have met so many cool people either playing pool or singing Karaoke. Met some Moroccan dudes at a bar the other day that saw my palestine pins and we all joined arms over shoulders dancing around chanting "free free Palestine" and it was the funnest night in a very long time. I'll probably never meet them again but it was a beautiful moment. I also met a comrade from Colombia at the same Karaoke night and we hung out every night for like a whole week and I promised to help him practice more informal english.
And I don't know if you're interested in bar scenes but there are some very wholesome ones depending where you are.
I unironically and sincerely envy your life. Seems incredible.
Idk what a queer friendly bar is here, I have never been in a bar. There is a queer bar here but it is run by a xenophobe.
To be real talking to people irl will fast result in dropped spaghetti from me
Yeah just gotta learn some good spots and then excuse yourself from any conversation that gives you bad vibes, I also have suffered from severely crippling social anxiety for most of my life due to being bullied a lot as a kid/teen but with some long time spent learning to just dive in and keep my guard up I have learned a lot about how to sus out good people to hang out with. I even crashed some random college party on my way home one night cuz I heard their music blasting and was like hey what's going on over here? over the fence. After I explained that I was just a neighbor and wasn't being crochety about their loud music, I just wasn't ready to call it a night yet, they invited me in and fed me fried rice and grilled chicken.
Now granted I still suffer from severe depression, but going out and taking risks like that has helped me a lot, not just in distracting me from hellworld but reminding myself that they may not be the norm but you'd be surprised how many cool folks are out there. I've even met a lot of boomer comrades just by striking up conversations and listening to older folks.
Also gives me lots of opportunities to evangelize about the immortal science of Marxist Leninism.
It seems to hurt anywhere from a little bit to extremely severely every time I try to do anything though. If I can't even pretend to be a real person online, what's gonna happen irl? Also parties, ech.
Your life sounds awesome though, god I wish that were me
That's rough and I can relate, and obviously if you're more comfortable just hanging out and shitposting with the little gay people in your phone that's totally valid, but it might be worth a shot. Of course if you have a car or anything resembling decent public transit it certainly widens your options.
There is a paradox. If you can't socialize well you can learn to enjoy doing it poorly. I was briefly part of a bdsm wearwolf club. No one there was capable of regular human interaction and we all gave eachother the space to enjoy that. It was nice until us all being antisocial nerds caused drama. So maybe that was too off the grid but there is probably a weird place where we could all fit in the world. You know, exaggerations of capitalism permitting.
I would like a place like that but Idk where you would get one, or how to enjoy sucking at talking.
It is weird but I feel like I had had the most luck of late finding weird nerds to do nerd stuff with on fetlife. Not for everyone, and actually not as great for dating. Howver they are people that are 1. Used to going to events 2. Nerdy and weird. So in terms of finding a social group it is hard to get both in other places. Like 90% of everyone there woudl be down to play board games if you asked. Failing that the furry community probably has a something close enough you can check out. They are usually good nerds to visit. Then larp groups. Then finally board game shops / hobby shops. Doping on how populous your area is you can have more or less luck. In some places there are juggalos which we have come to learn are officially comrades in good standing.
I am married =) I can confirm that I have met very cool kink people fwiw so you're probably right
Also yeah Idk if furries are around here tbh. What if I just hang out in c/furry a lot, huh??
That is chill. Doesn't work towards the goal getting out and doing the real work of building connections though.
Maybe kinky people are easier to organize because a secton of them are very good at following orders
lmao
“I go to parties”
“Parties, ech… (…) your life sounds awesome!”
I… if you think their “life” sounds awesome, what part? If parties are “ech”?
No diss or anything, I think staying in and shitposting on the internet is super cool, I do it myself 90% of my free time.
Just… confused about what you like/find awesome in the commenters “life”.
Look right, listen here:
Inside me there are two wolves
Any more goofy questions?
I mean if you want to give parties a try, don’t go to shitty house parties… go to a good electronic music party with good DJs where the people go for the music.
Always the nicest people, most respectful crowds, real “tribal ceremony” vibes. Wear earplugs, comfy sneakers and clothes etc.
I hate feeling overstimulated as well, and I’m practically anti-social, but going to a good party feels like a spiritual experience tbh. Might be the drugs tho. They do help.
This assumes you'd be treated with basic respect, which over time I have not. I have had people actively ignore me in person to the point of me sitting on my own in a crowd being actively ignored by several people etc.
Literally the meme where the person at the party is on their own in the corner is what I've been personally treated like when I have been in that kind of situation.. Along with using various means of softening the experience (drugs/alcohol) and it's never a good idea.. I've also been around some of the most toxic people and a far more hostile environment that many here would be accustomed to. But I've had that experience of putting myself out there but a lot of the time it's never worth it and I've regretted a lot personally..
That’s very true… and I can see how if you don’t have people to introduce you to the right parties and clubs it can be hard to find them. But there are so many people who just love the music, and want to share that with others, and just groove and feel good together.
You just gotta find the right crowd, the people who are there for the love of music. Not the ones who are there (just) to be cool, to gain status points etc.
But there are many many places and parties that are good and people really do it for the love of the music and the culture. It might depend a lot on the city, thinking better, but yeah…
I grew up in Ireland and I've always looked queer, so it made me a target.. a lot of places you'd have to constantly be on your guard for instance and I've seen people get glassed because someone turned nasty on drink/drugs.. so it's hard to feel comfortable even now years later.
I get that… I think I was lucky that my hometown had a bunch of alternative parties and clubs, that had drag parties, hyperpop parties etc. besides also being one of the hotspots of electronic music in my country. It was easy to find a party where people were respectful and welcoming.
I AM realizing more and more that many cities are just shit when it comes to nightlife…
See the vibe I'm getting from a bunch of different places is that I should take loads of fucking drugs. Laura Kate Dale even said MDMA makes you more sociable and open! (At the potential cost of addiction lmao)
I'm not even sure I could internally manage a crowd that big though. It sounds like a fun experience, but Idk if it would actually be.
It can be a smaller more lowkey vibe, doesn’t need to be a crowd. And no reason to do loads of drugs hahahaha moderation is always good. I don’t like getting fucked up, and I hate crowds. My favorite parties have been the ones with less people and everyone is just really loving the music. And a lil bit of md in some water goes a long way. Also, md is one of if not the least addictive stimulant. It’s complicated why but it’s like scientific. but ofc, never do anything without doing research/testing etc.
I’d advise to check on resident advisor, listen to the sets of the djs in the smaller parties, and just try one out that sounds good if you’re willing to. The easiest icebreaker then is just asking people if they like x dj, and talk about how awesome the music is lol
Also, I was very much a hermit growing up, with like one or two friends and all we did was stay inside playing d&d or smth. I hated and judged the idea of parties so hard.
But the first time I went to one, it was an electronic music party and I did x for the first time (long story that involves a breakup). I had this realisation that what people get out of parties and experiences like that is the same thing people used to get out of late night cerimonies around the fire, or the incense filled gothic cathedrals of the Middle Ages, the weed-sauna huts of the PIE. It’s a very hypnotic experience, that really shifts your perspective from “in” to “all”. It’s very communal, and people are united in purpose, in an immaterial purpose. Idk, I think it’s at least worth it giving it a shot. It’s a very powerful energy to hear a sick ass transition and everybody around it vibrates hard at the same time, getting hyped and just sweating it out, getting all in the same rhythm. “
guess it's time to go tiger drop old people