this post was submitted on 22 Jun 2024
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chapotraphouse

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I've noticed that whenever we get trolls, they uh, well... they're not great folks. They're not sending their best.

In order to help our struggling trolls, I have complied a list of things that make us angry, to give them a head start.

  1. Claim to be a leftist and then insist Joe Biden is the lesser of two evils that we all need to vote for. Debate this topic calmly and confidently no matter how much you are proven wrong.

  2. "Although it's a good thing that Thatcher/Kissanger/Regan is dead, I think it is poor taste to celebrate anyone dying. We are better than this and should respect the dead no matter who they are."

  3. On a similar note, civility policing in general is a good way to piss off Hexbear. "Nobody is going to accept the left if we antagonise everyone. Let's at least try to get along with liberals and change their minds with kindness!"

  4. Defend the Cybertruck. Defend Elon Musk in general.

  5. Anything pro-capitalist tbh

  6. I can't think of anything else, what do you guys think? Help our poor struggling trolls! (Or maybe that's just troll singular, we don't have many. Poor things are starving.)

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[–] Zuzak@hexbear.net 56 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Read Lenin looking for specifically the names of people he's dunking on, then look those people up and take their exact stances.

While you're doing it, also look for stuff Lenin said that you can take out of context, like, "Lenin said you should participate in bourgeois democracy so that means you have to vote blue no matter who."

No I'm not trying to trick trolls into reading Lenin, what would make you think that

[–] Collatz_problem@hexbear.net 14 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Lenin said you should participate in bourgeois democracy so that means you have to vote blue no matter who.

They always omit "with your own organisation and political program" part.

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[–] FishLake@lemmygrad.ml 44 points 4 months ago

Use phrases like “during the pandemic” because we all know COVID ended when Biden was elected.

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 44 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Accuse POC users of being white based on their user names

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 31 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Ooooo that one's pissing me off already

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 35 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Basically how at least one indigenous user got chased off the site during a struggle session

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 34 points 4 months ago

That fucking sucks

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 28 points 4 months ago (1 children)

accuse trans women of being cis women based on their usernames

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 24 points 4 months ago

/c/ewphoria

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 43 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Say "cracker" is offensive somehow. Bonus points if you totally twist the definition till it's something else. anti-cracker-aktion

[–] StalinIsMaiWaifu@lemmygrad.ml 20 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Scuse you, the term we prefer is porcelain American to reflect our fragile nature

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 17 points 4 months ago

Sorry this is too real for any cracker madeline-smug

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[–] Aradina@lemmy.ml 39 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The best way to annoy hexbears is to go vegan and give me all your money. It works every time, they hate it.

[–] Mickmacduffin@hexbear.net 38 points 4 months ago

If I wanted to troll hexbear, I'd reply to post about China with "I totally agree, but they need to legalize gay marriage, like, yesterday"

[–] Elon_Musk@hexbear.net 36 points 4 months ago (4 children)

Tienanmen square, outdoor cats, vegan, cat salami, dirt owl, John Kerry, Virgil, Bri

[–] robot_dog_with_gun@hexbear.net 31 points 4 months ago (2 children)
[–] robinnn@hexbear.net 32 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Pictured above: Hexbearist party cadres conducting noble proletarian struggle against feudo-fascist rock stacks

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 23 points 4 months ago

Concentration camp guards just doing it for free college

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 26 points 4 months ago (7 children)
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[–] Nakoichi@hexbear.net 21 points 4 months ago

Fucking olive oil....

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 19 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Pronoun tags are bad opsec

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[–] adultswim_antifa@hexbear.net 34 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I really hate when people say they're socialist because they accept that we need police and an army and roads.

[–] SkingradGuard@hexbear.net 13 points 4 months ago

I hate it when someone calls themselves a socialist then insists that you can change bourgeois liberal "democracy" by voting hard enough and changing it incrementally through reform.

Clown behaviour.

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 33 points 4 months ago (3 children)

The whole vote for Biden or how bad things are right now will get worse makes my blood boil.

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 20 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That's why it's number one lol. I can't think of anything more infuriating.

[–] ShimmeringKoi@hexbear.net 13 points 4 months ago

ah but what if (n+1) genocides?

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[–] buh@hexbear.net 30 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

try to blend in with exaggerated strawman opinions nobody here would sincerely support like "kill all white babies"

I may have skimmed the original post and misunderstood the point of the thread lol... but if you see someone doing some shit like that, it should set off your troll alarm

[–] robot_dog_with_gun@hexbear.net 22 points 4 months ago (1 children)

presumably crackers will microplastic themselves to infertility and we won't even need to

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[–] pinguinu@lemmygrad.ml 30 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] impartial_fanboy@hexbear.net 29 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I'll give it a shot.

  1. China can discipline individual capitalists but it cannot discipline Capital (in more vulgar terms, international capital).

  2. Since it lacks this capacity China is therefore dependent on Capital cooperating with it to achieve its vision of Socialism.

  3. Thus it will not achieve Socialism with its current trajectory.

[–] Collatz_problem@hexbear.net 13 points 4 months ago

TBH, I think this is a valid critique. We should not underestimate the insidiousness of Capital.

[–] ProletarianDictator@hexbear.net 27 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Best troll would be to post a picture of your wiener to assert dominance

[–] PointAndClique@hexbear.net 15 points 4 months ago (1 children)

We don't have much weiner posting but we do have corgi does that count

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[–] ShimmeringKoi@hexbear.net 24 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Make a lame 2000s-type edgy joke and double, triple, quadruple down on it until it balloons from one embarrassing moment that would have passed into a genuine slur slingin', pants-shittin', internet forum blowup hoedown! howdy-skull

[–] MaoTheLawn@hexbear.net 23 points 4 months ago (1 children)
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[–] JustSo@hexbear.net 23 points 4 months ago
  • withhold hog
  • gender essentialism
[–] LowEffortWrecker@hexbear.net 22 points 4 months ago (1 children)
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[–] take_five_seconds@hexbear.net 22 points 4 months ago

Not posting beanis

Coincidentally, posting beanis

[–] oscardejarjayes@hexbear.net 20 points 4 months ago

self-doxxing would make us so angry.

(well, pretending to would be more effective, but actually doing it would be terrible and very angering as well)

[–] Llituro@hexbear.net 18 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] Ram_The_Manparts@hexbear.net 13 points 4 months ago (2 children)
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[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 18 points 4 months ago

Closing the site as a joke

[–] Flyberius@hexbear.net 18 points 4 months ago

Goodpost in badposting

[–] 2Password2Remember@hexbear.net 17 points 4 months ago

thinking socialism is when the government does stuff

Death to America

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 14 points 4 months ago

Haha little cry pissbaby! farquaad-point

[–] Xx_Aru_xX@hexbear.net 13 points 4 months ago

something to do with veganism

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